Few months to my wedding, my fiance and I are at it again. Argument led to him calling parents, parents now talk to my parents that they would get back end of the week if the date be postponed or same date without giving any reason except maybe the time is too short.

I am so worried, so are my parents thinking were they went wrong and my fiance isn't helping matters telling me what exactly the problem is.
We have been through a lot and to finally be getting married soon, these problems again and we really do love each other, just his parents are really giving this a tough time.

I have been told to fast and pray. I am really worried as to what they want to tell my parents, that we argued, date postponed or even cancelled. I don't know what to do.

So to those that are married and living happily, what were the hurdles you faced that you never believed you would still married to especially the same person, before getting married?
Would appreciate.

Drink and forget ur problems

Your fiance should be able to tell you why. According to your post, you said you had an argument and he called his parents before they ask for postponement. Why are you blaming the parents for what their son did?

Can you give a little more details so ill understand what the arguement is all about meanwhile in my humble opinion o,i suggest you postpone the wedding so that you have time to iron out everything and all parties directly or indirectly involved are happy.remember wedding is just for a couple of hours and marriage is forever.your marriage begins when the guests and well wishers leave your reception so i think you should put in more efforts in pleasing your parents,inlaws and most especially your husband.it doesnt make sense not resolving cogent issues before marriage.

You want to have a good marriage,start now.i am sure you dont want to lay the foundation of your marriage or start your marriage with arguements and tensions.you started out well in your relationship,right?see from your husbands point of view,try and understand him now and note the things he is arguing over because if you leave it half resolved or unresolved,the issue will still rear its head again and this time in a more disastrous way.


You guys should both sit down and draw the line,let him tell you what he doesnt like and respect his decisions for it,you too do the same and let him respect yours.after all said and done you people cannot come to terms,you better break up to avoid unnecessary high blood pressure,slaps and everyday insult.




Marriage is not a joke o.your courtship should give you an idea of what marriage is.good luck,wish you all the best and happy married life in advance

kulyie: Can you give a little more details so ill understand what the arguement is all about meanwhile in my humble opinion o,i suggest you postpone the wedding so that you have time to iron out everything and all parties directly or indirectly involved are happy.remember wedding is just for a couple of hours and marriage is forever.your marriage begins when the guests and well wishers leave your reception so i think you should put in more efforts in pleasing your parents,inlaws and most especially your husband.it doesnt make sense not resolving cogent issues before marriage.

You want to have a good marriage,start now.i am sure you dont want to lay the foundation of your marriage or start your marriage with arguements and tensions.you started out well in your relationship,right?see from your husbands point of view,try and understand him now and note the things he is arguing over because if you leave it half resolved or unresolved,the issue will still rear its head again and this time in a more disastrous way.


You guys should both sit down and draw the line,let him tell you what he doesnt like and respect his decisions for it,you too do the same and let him respect yours.after all said and done you people cannot come to terms,you better break up to avoid unnecessary high blood pressure,slaps and everyday insult.




Marriage is not a joke o.your courtship should give you an idea of what marriage is.good luck,wish you all the best and happy married life in advance

The argument was not called for at all. Due to his work pressures and all, he hardly put in any time for the wedding prep. His plan was even on the traditional wedding day, he will come in the afternoon and then go back to work the next day etc. That faithful day, we went to the movies and on our way out, I wanted to pick a dress for my friend's birthday, he started doing somehow, only for me to come to where he was, the security men told me he's in the car waiting for me. I was upset but went asked him for the keys he helped to hold for me, he threw it at me.

I just wanted to go home to avoid further issues like this, he didnt tell me he was going to his house and just drove there and came down and told his brother and uncle he wanted to pick something from the house. After the uncle and younger bro left, I waited in the car for approximately 1hr before he told the guard to tell me to come upstairs. Of course I didn't go, that courtesy, he should have to me to explain why he stopped at his place and what he wanted to do. Then when no feedback, I went upstairs and to my greatest surprise, saw him working. So I flipped and started snatching the laptop away, and struggling in which he now called his mum, who arrived shortly.

We explained everything to her, she now said we needed counseling and better communication etc.. I now apologizes to her, she left. He started holding me, that we both now look bad etc, Have I learnt anything. To cut the whole story short, the next day for the meeting with the inlaws to discuss further marriage plans, the dad said it's on hold, he wants to discuss with his son, if he would have enough time that wedding week etc.

My own fear is I don't really know the cause of the hold, could it have been my action the previous day, which he even told me his parents said I owe them a detailed apology in person for things to continue, later told me not to worry, or they just want to change the date or I don't even know. They are supposed to get back to us end of the week which is tomorrow latest. I am worried sick, so are my folks asking me if any other thing happened,of course I said no, didn't tell them the laptop incident.

I really don't know what to do or think.

OP, let them hold the meeting. Get your hands occupied with something else.

Sit down and talk to him like a partner, you are an adult so is he.

Btw, why is your in law planning your marriage for you. I thought it should come from the two of you .
Forgive my ignorance, but you better handle this issue now, pretending to let go while you are in doubt is no solution.

Chillisauce: OP, let them hold the meeting. Get your hands occupied with something else.

Sit down and talk to him like a partner, you are an adult so is he.

Btw, why is your in law planning your marriage for you. I thought it should come from the two of you .
Forgive my ignorance, but you better handle this issue now, pretending to let go while you are in doubt is no solution.

That's the issue I've always had with him. His parents are always in our business and my fiance doesn't help matters. They are soooooooooooooo close. I've begged him to talk to me, all he keeps saying is his parents will get back to my own parents soon.

Also my only fear now is because of the my action with the laptop incident so I'm also thinking could it be my fault. If he had not called, this wouldn't be happening. I'm sick worried, thinking what will be the outcome of the meeting?

Are you sure your guy is ready for it? Are you being too desperate for it? You guys don't seem to have such a steady relationship or is this a new thing?

Remember, people do not change after marriage. They simply fine tune their behavior.

If all that above is not the case with you then...
There are jobs in our blessed country that stress the living daylights out of people. Add the stresses of getting married and some people can snap. It's up to you to soothe his stress and teach him to rely on you and not his parents. Seizing his laptop while he's working is not the way. Help him learn to lean on you.

Stop worrying about the wedding and concentrate on your man. Be the best woman you can be to him. If that doesn't bring him over, I don't see what you're rushing to get married for.

with your tale i can see he is not a man.......he is still tied to his mama.....i am sure soon when you finally marry this boy of a man he will be asking his mum how to be a husband and maybe how to make love to you well you gals neva learn......he has all you want and u believe u both love each other.......i can see

LewsTherin: Are you sure your guy is ready for it? Are you being too desperate for it? You guys don't seem to have such a steady relationship or is this a new thing?

Remember, people do not change after marriage. They simply fine tune their behavior.

If all that above is not the case with you then...
There are jobs in our blessed country that stress the living daylights out of people. Add the stresses of getting married and some people can snap. It's up to you to soothe his stress and teach him to rely on you and not his parents. Seizing his laptop while he's working is not the way. Help him learn to lean on you.

Stop worrying about the wedding and concentrate on your man. Be the best woman you can be to him. If that doesn't bring him over, I don't see what you're rushing to get married for.

It's not as if I'm worrying about the wedding but the date has been set, people have also been told about the date. t is supposed to be exactly 3 months from now, now all these. I even suggested the pre marital counseling, he didn't answer me.

No relationship is perfect. There is no cheating or breaking of glasses or such in our relationship, over 2 years, this was new occurrence. We are all humans. Only if he had just communicated and said he has to do something, even though I will be mad, I could still understand not disrespect me, leave me hanging and then go to work.

LewsTherin: Are you sure your guy is ready for it? Are you being too desperate for it? You guys don't seem to have such a steady relationship or is this a new thing?

Remember, people do not change after marriage. They simply fine tune their behavior.

If all that above is not the case with you then...
There are jobs in our blessed country that stress the living daylights out of people. Add the stresses of getting married and some people can snap. It's up to you to soothe his stress and teach him to rely on you and not his parents. Seizing his laptop while he's working is not the way. Help him learn to lean on you.

Stop worrying about the wedding and concentrate on your man. Be the best woman you can be to him. If that doesn't bring him over, I don't see what you're rushing to get married for.

gbam.you have said it all



@ op i think you need to get busy so you will take your mind off the wedding issh,then this your back and forth relationship does not seem to me as the best note or way to start a marriage.let them do the meeting and stop being too desperate. Stop appearing like if you dont get married you will die or go crazy.calm down and get a grip. Men smell desperation like the way i smell weed 10 miles away,same with their family

Hello miss cos,

Some words r harsh but we hv to say them anyway. U don't need ur inlaws to postpone ur wedding for u.
Do it urself. Forget telling pple bla bla bla.
Marriage is not friendship neither courtship. Put a halt to d wedding.
Then call ur guy for a serious heart to heart talk.
Eg, u don't want his parents running things for u, let him know. Every single things that r eating u up, lay it on the table. His answer will determine if u guys will go ahead or not.
If r still hv doubt, my dear, goodbye is hard to say but at times its for the best.
Better a broken engagement my dear.

But if u 2 can meet each other at the middle, that's wonderful.

Marriage and preparing for marriage no matter how stressful it is must be a memorable thing btw couples and its a way to bring couples closer and closer to each other.

I will also suggest u guys plan to live far away from the parents too.

But on a serious note, there is desperation in ur voice.
All d best

yellowpawpaw: Hello miss cos,

Some words r harsh but we hv to say them anyway. U don't need ur inlaws to postpone ur wedding for u.
Do it urself. Forget telling pple bla bla bla.
Marriage is not friendship neither courtship. Put a halt to d wedding.
Then call ur guy for a serious heart to heart talk.
Eg, u don't want his parents running things for u, let him know. Every single things that r eating u up, lay it on the table. His answer will determine if u guys will go ahead or not.
If r still hv doubt, my dear, goodbye is hard to say but at times its for the best.
Better a broken engagement my dear.

But if u 2 can meet each other at the middle, that's wonderful.

Marriage and preparing for marriage no matter how stressful it is must be a memorable thing btw couples and its a way to bring couples closer and closer to each other.

I will also suggest u guys plan to live far away from the parents too.

But on a serious note, there is desperation in ur voice.
All d best

My dear, if you are in my shoes, you will understand. t is not really desperation, more like every single person around me knows the date and keep asking me preparation and also he is a very good man you wouldn't want to let go of. He is just too close to his folks that they seem to make most of the decisions.

Cooly cooly igbo detector

Babe,

Take a break!!! You need it fast.
You both have communications issues and the guy sef no try.

He isn't a man yet oh; he's just a man by age but not by maturity. You are dealing with a boy in a man's stature.

Also, he doesn't respect your opinion and inputs too. Why can't he say his mind rather than sulking and over-reacting? You too, take things easy.

Forget what people will say; they will talk and forget but na you go bear everything.

Please don't let his family think their son is doing you a favour by marrying you because that's all I can deduce from your story.

There's still time; you either let him know you won't be a yes sir, yes ma person(a nodding nodding wife who doesn't have a mind of her own) or you just be a siddon look wife.

Else, when you marry him and his family are up in your business. The day you voice your mind out is the day you will be termed a PRETENDER!!!

pickabeau1: Cooly cooly igbo detector

lmao i am not an igbo detector,its just some stupid boys that made me start recognizing the smell of weed way back in secondary school.they smoke it close to our house almost every fridays before practicing their guitar and the wind blows it towards our side and so i got used to recognizing the smell which is quite strong anyway.so back to the matter




@ op i think yellow pawpaw has said it all.just have a heart to heart talk with your husband to be and by the way,hope he is not a mummys boy.as in mummy said i should.....,my mummy doesnt like me.....,mummy will be happy if you.........,mummy said i should... Hope he isnt omo mummy and he has gumshion.as in a man with his own mind not a man still tied to his mum's apron

Am not an expert or anything but i will tell you what i hv deduced.I saw some red flags ur relationship.. A man is not perfect,does not excuse some behaviours your fiance exhibited..Firstly your dating for two yrs doesnt guarantee that you know what u r supposed to know about him.His attitude of calling his mum in the middle of an argument is way too immature for a man you will be spending your life wif,and doesn't show relationship experience..its an issue u guys could have settled easily without involving a third party.Ask yourself, do want to marry a man who will involve his parents and maybe friends to be all up in ur marital issues?
If u can then,I wish you luck..Personally I don't believe in love as being the basis for a successful marriage.. There has to be communication, mutual respect,trust,and understanding which I feel you guys lack.. He left you in the car waiting for an hour ,and you are getting married in three months time??what happened to calling u as soon as he felt he had work to do, so u come join him inside..that does not show respect to me..You definitely have your reasons for marrying him but please shine your eyes..Don't be awed by the wedding date being known to people etc etc..From now till the wedding,you should get to know him,assess his traits and talk to him on issues bothering you calmly..I can't tell you to leave ur fiance but look before you leap.and please correct DAT impression of a man being to good to leave.if that is the truth u wont be here on this forum...Forget abt the plans being made by his family to stall things.focus on analyzing your relationship and the guy in question,to know the kind of marriage you would be going into.remember no miracle happens at the altar..its what you see in courtship u see in marriage..d marriage is just ceremonial!

Before, during or after. . . . . .
Absolutely NONE!
Marriage is NEVER a do or die affair for STRRRRRONG BABES LIKE MOI!!!!

I call the SHOTS always!!! And still in HOT DEMAND by the most ELIGIBLE, LOADED AND HAPPILY MARRIED MEN!

TUFIAAAAAKWA TO SINGLE MEN O!

It looks like this 'almighty MARRIAGE' is the only accomplishment you aspire to have in your life! Or you must have a very WEAK MOM or come from the most emotionally-needy genetically/spiritually-engineered women folk in your heritage!

Fancy getting into marriage with all this DRAMA!!!
LOVE, SEXXX AND MARRIAGE NA BY FORCE?
All this because of one 'crawfish dude' and him '5 French-2-inch-catheter BLOKOS'. . . . . WITH EMPTY POCKET TOO?
Very unfortunate!

You sound desperate

Kanwulia: Before, during or after. . . . . .
Absolutely NONE!
Marriage is NEVER a do or die affair for STRRRRRONG BABES LIKE MOI!!!!

I call the SHOTS always!!! And still in HOT DEMAND by the most ELIGIBLE, LOADED AND HAPPILY MARRIED MEN!

TUFIAAAAAKWA TO SINGLE MEN O!

It looks like this 'almighty MARRIAGE' is the only accomplishment you aspire to have in your life! Or you must have a very WEAK MOM or come from the most emotionally-needy genetically/spiritually-engineered women folk in your heritage!

Fancy getting into marriage with all this DRAMA!!!
LOVE, SEXXX AND MARRIAGE NA BY FORCE?
All this because of one 'crawfish dude' and him '5 French-2-inch-catheter BLOKOS'. . . . . WITH EMPTY POCKET TOO?
Very unfortunate!

mgbeketoto o.you are too funny but you are very right

she is not to blame if she sounds desperate..the society makes single ladies believe that marriage is the ultimate.. my.mum wanted to bring that leg but I nipped it in the bud..personally I don't subscribe to divorce or broken homes cos am formone and i know how it feels..that's enough motivation to shine ur eyes so u don't marry into a festival of tears and regrets.

Cosmass:
My dear, if you are in my shoes, you will understand. t is not really desperation, more like every single person around me knows the date and keep asking me preparation and also he is a very good man you wouldn't want to let go of. He is just too close to his folks that they seem to make most of the decisions.

Easy gal, I can never be in ur shoe. It seems u r very comfy with the attitude so why crying awolf?
He and his family treats u d way u want them to treat u and like a wise old woman once said to me, what u can't endure, don't allow.u allow it, cos u can endure it. Full stop.
Its ur life, ur choice and I sincerely wish u d best.

@OP, Yellowpawpaw said my mind on this issue, you come across as desprate and needy. Why don't you sit back and just go through the issue in your head step by step, I'm sure you will see what we all are talking about.

There is more to life than marriage, hope you know that if you allow your hubby (to be) and in-laws to treat you liike rubbish now, it would get worse once you are married.

I think you guys need counselling and you really need to postpone the marriage. I know you would tell me I'm not in your shoes that is why I'm talking like this, for your information I once called off my wedding 4 months to it. And now I'm happily married to the same man. I'm more respected and even appreciated.

I wish you all the best.

yellowpawpaw:

Easy gal, I can never be in ur shoe. It seems u r very comfy with the attitude so why crying awolf?
He and his family treats u d way u want them to treat u and like a wise old woman once said to me, what u can't endure, don't allow.u allow it, cos u can endure it. Full stop.
Its ur life, ur choice and I sincerely wish u d best.

I agree with you. I have backed off and leaving it all to God.

Kanwulia: Before, during or after. . . . . .
Absolutely NONE!
Marriage is NEVER a do or die affair for STRRRRRONG BABES LIKE MOI!!!!

I call the SHOTS always!!! And still in HOT DEMAND by the most ELIGIBLE, LOADED AND HAPPILY MARRIED MEN!

TUFIAAAAAKWA TO SINGLE MEN O!

It looks like this 'almighty MARRIAGE' is the only accomplishment you aspire to have in your life! Or you must have a very WEAK MOM or come from the most emotionally-needy genetically/spiritually-engineered women folk in your heritage!

Fancy getting into marriage with all this DRAMA!!!
LOVE, SEXXX AND MARRIAGE NA BY FORCE?
All this because of one 'crawfish dude' and him '5 French-2-inch-catheter BLOKOS'. . . . . WITH EMPTY POCKET TOO?
Very unfortunate!

Too funny but also right in a way.

Blackbeauty: Am not an expert or anything but i will tell you what i hv deduced.I saw some red flags ur relationship.. A man is not perfect,does not excuse some behaviours your fiance exhibited..Firstly your dating for two yrs doesnt guarantee that you know what u r supposed to know about him.His attitude of calling his mum in the middle of an argument is way too immature for a man you will be spending your life wif,and doesn't show relationship experience..its an issue u guys could have settled easily without involving a third party.Ask yourself, do want to marry a man who will involve his parents and maybe friends to be all up in ur marital issues?
If u can then,I wish you luck..Personally I don't believe in love as being the basis for a successful marriage.. There has to be communication, mutual respect,trust,and understanding which I feel you guys lack.. He left you in the car waiting for an hour ,and you are getting married in three months time??what happened to calling u as soon as he felt he had work to do, so u come join him inside..that does not show respect to me..You definitely have your reasons for marrying him but please shine your eyes..Don't be awed by the wedding date being known to people etc etc..From now till the wedding,you should get to know him,assess his traits and talk to him on issues bothering you calmly..I can't tell you to leave ur fiance but look before you leap.and please correct DAT impression of a man being to good to leave.if that is the truth u wont be here on this forum...Forget abt the plans being made by his family to stall things.focus on analyzing your relationship and the guy in question,to know the kind of marriage you would be going into.remember no miracle happens at the altar..its what you see in courtship u see in marriage..d marriage is just ceremonial!

Spot on! You've said it all. Would follow this.

kulyie:

@ op i think yellow pawpaw has said it all.just have a heart to heart talk with your husband to be and by the way,hope he is not a mummys boy.as in mummy said i should.....,my mummy doesnt like me.....,mummy will be happy if you.........,mummy said i should... Hope he isnt omo mummy and he has gumshion.as in a man with his own mind not a man still tied to his mum's apron

He is actually a mummy's boy. They are soooo close.

ferhyntorlah: Babe,

Take a break!!! You need it fast.
You both have communications issues and the guy sef no try.

He isn't a man yet oh; he's just a man by age but not by maturity. You are dealing with a boy in a man's stature.

Also, he doesn't respect your opinion and inputs too. Why can't he say his mind rather than sulking and over-reacting? You too, take things easy.

Forget what people will say; they will talk and forget but na you go bear everything.

Please don't let his family think their son is doing you a favour by marrying you because that's all I can deduce from your story.

There's still time; you either let him know you won't be a yes sir, yes ma person(a nodding nodding wife who doesn't have a mind of her own) or you just be a siddon look wife.

Else, when you marry him and his family are up in your business. The day you voice your mind out is the day you will be termed a PRETENDER!!!

Thank you for this. Infact THANKS TO everyone that shared their opinions. I truly and really, really appreciate it. God bless you all. Mwah

He's probably loaded with a rich influential family that's why they are calling the shots and putting YOUR own wedding on hold

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me......so much disrespect and maltreatment. You should be free to disagree with your fiancé without feeling like you have a gag order. So what now, you can't express how you feel in a relationship.......so why are you in it?

Are you equally yoked? Can two walk together unless they agree?

Please calm down and like somebody said if they want to postpone let them postpone, you won't die!

Chinwem: He's probably loaded with a rich influential family that's why they are calling the shots and putting YOUR own wedding on hold

It doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me......so much disrespect and maltreatment. You should be free to disagree with your fiancé without feeling like you have a gag order. So what now, you can't express how you feel in a relationship.......so why are you in it?

Are you equally yoked? Can two walk together unless they agree?

Please calm down and like somebody said if they want to postpone let them postpone, you won't die!

My dear, you got it! They are very wealthy. And they are doing all these because my so called fiance, is also letting them get away with it. If not for the incident, the part I played with the laptop issue, snatching it from him and all, I don't think I would even be bothered.

My dear cos,the ball is now in your ILE EJO. But the shocking part of your tale is that You actually know he is an omo mummy still you wan chook head.i bow for you o.infact my mouth to heavy to say talk to your legs but if you think you can cope with rich inlaws that will be treating you like sh1t and making you feel its an honour for you to marry their son,you can go on,but remember yorubas say what you will not eat,dont smell.however if you are sure that that is the type of marriage and baby in a mans body you want for yourself.abeg,dont come here and open a thread few months later with change of id and say,my mother inlaw said this and my husband didnt say anything.at least here in this nairaland,i read of a brother inlaw slapping his brother wife.i dont wish you that but a wealthy inlaw is very likely to be domineering and your omo mummy husband will not defend you AGAINST ANY MEMBER OF HIS FAMILY IF ANY GBEGE STARTS be it his mom,sister etc.



If he is doing all this during courtship,you know he is a mumys boy,you know they dont respect you and you still chook head,all i can say is





GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

kulyie: My dear cos,the ball is now in your ILE EJO. But the shocking part of your tale is that You actually know he is an omo mummy still you wan chook head.i bow for you o.infact my mouth to heavy to say talk to your legs but if you think you can cope with rich inlaws that will be treating you like sh1t and making you feel its an honour for you to marry their son,you can go on,but remember yorubas say what you will not eat,dont smell.however if you are sure that that is the type of marriage and baby in a mans body you want for yourself.abeg,dont come here and open a thread few months later with change of id and say,my mother inlaw said this and my husband didnt say anything.at least here in this nairaland,i read of a brother inlaw slapping his brother wife.i dont wish you that but a wealthy inlaw is very likely to be domineering and your omo mummy husband will not defend you AGAINST ANY MEMBER OF HIS FAMILY IF ANY GBEGE STARTS be it his mom,sister etc.



If he is doing all this during courtship,you know he is a mumys boy,you know they dont respect you and you still chook head,all i can say is





GOOD LUCK TO YOU.

It's not the way you are saying it. Aside being a mummy's boy which is a no no, he is a very wonderful person. He spoils me, close to God and can do almost anything for me. He truly and really loves me.

then as one poster said, the guy is just stressed with work and marriage planning. I'm just concerned about the fact that he needed to involve his momma in something so trivial. u guys need a heart to heart convo before the wedding. maybe this is a blessing in disguise. use the opportunity wisely.

Cosmass:


It's not the way you are saying it. Aside being a mummy's boy which is a no no, he is a very wonderful person. He spoils me, close to God and can do almost anything for me. He truly and really loves me.

babe,happy married life,sha invite us.aso ebi nko? How we go take am :p me wanna rejoice with you and shake my buddy,where's it happening

Meddler: then as one poster said, the guy is just stressed with work and marriage planning. I'm just concerned about the fact that he needed to involve his momma in something so trivial. u guys need a heart to heart convo before the wedding. maybe this is a blessing in disguise. use the opportunity wisely.

indeed.anyway me i wanna eat jollof rice and dance kukere :p8-)

op please you don't need fasting ,just follow or choose some advice you need.