I am no longer s e x u a l l y attracted to my wife at all. I can't even get it up these days with her. I love her but I am no longer attracted to her s e x u a l l y. She has added a lot of weight and so many things are just wrong. Her body is no longer the same at all. I don't blame her because having kids does take its toll on a woman's body. I can't even mention it to her that she has added so much weight because she will say very hurtful things to me. She does not want to accept reality. I love her, but I also wish that she would care more about her appearance like she used to. We now live as brother and sister and I can't go on like this. I try to stay in shape and I haven't gotten my self fat. I know some people will say that if you really love your spouse, you'll still desire them no matter how fat they get. But I think this is very simplistic, and also very far from the truth. I know some men here will agree with me. The problem I have is that once I bring up the issue she explodes saying she has given me kids so how dare me tell her that she has gained weight, why won't she gain weight. She now has disgusting stretch marks all over her body, she is now very large with love handles all over her body, bloated belly, Double cheeks, Everything is just wrong. It is so bad that I can't even get it up when she touches me. I have spoken to some married friends. They all agree with me, the few that have agreed to talk back just said they all have girls outside and I should do same for my own good. I want to hold on but its no longer possible. What does a man do in this case?

Man i will advice u 2 pray abt it first, then make a time take ur wife alone on a date 2 a very cool place make her happy edible tins she like den u can bring up d talk abt her physical changes in a cool lovely way allow her say her own view and den u both tink of wat bst solution 2 take bt no mata wat dont go against ur vow on the alter

I feel your pains man, and wish ur wife will take it lightly if you rgister her in a gym pls no more kids for now get her shape back

Well, my only contribution is that you are not wrong for feeling this way. I'm not married but I know I really dislike fat men. Would never marry a fat man and if I get married to a man and he ends up blowing up like a balloon, I really can't imagine myself being able to sleep with him.

Register both of you in a gym, wake her up to work out with you every morning, and most importantly cut down carbohydrate intake drastically. Do all these together with her so she doesn't feel she's alone or there's something wrong with her.

I will start with what you should not do and that is looking outside. Don't go with your friend's advice as it will only bring more trouble to you. Seriously you don't to go that route and secondly, it is possible to hold-on. Just continue holding on everyday so it is possible.

Now lets go back to what you should do. Not every woman is the same. Some women get fat by drinking one bottle of coke a week while some will not go fat even if they ate the whole world. Unfortunately you wife has a tendency to be big and you should help her out. Speak to her kindly, let her realize that you are not accusing or criticizing her, in fact when you talk to her, say it lovingly. Suggest to her that you both go to the gym together. You need to understand women, do not make it sound like she has a problem and that she should sort it out. Present it like you both would want her to be slimmer and suggest you both go to the gym together. I hope you have a gym near you. If not, buy a treadmill and just do it together in your house. Do not make it sound like she has the problem because afterall, she was not like that when you married her and the children may have contributed to it.

Also suggest to her to change her diet, and you both try and eat healthy things together. I am saying both of you should do this because when she sees you doing all of this with her, it will encourage her as well to change her eating habits and also exercise more. But please do not make it sound like her problem cos you both want the same result. So, initiate the process and she will gladly join you.

I think the issue is with how you bring up the matter with her. Nobody likes to be criticized even if it's the truth.

I'll suggest u schedule you and her for a routine annual medical checkup. By the time she sees those Cholesterol numbers at 287, blood sugar at the boundary, and a doctor closes door, heaves a big sigh, and slowly explains to her how heart attack may cripple her, if not sending her to meet our Lord Jesus very soon bc of lack of exercise, trust me she will be the one to wake you up every morning for a walk. Nobody likes to be criticized, but Nigerians don't like to die.

I see this approach work at the clinic all the time..it's called 'Fear mongering' in marketing. It also works in the church. If pastors can't get your attention with how sweet haven is, well, they will tell u what a 'black', two red-horned, fork-holding, nose-smoking, tail-wagging Devil will do to you in hell-fire if u don't repent..You will run to alter-call with speed..

Woged killed it

Don't say a word to her,arrange with your family doctor to scare her. Lol

Woged2005: I think the issue is with how you bring up the matter with her. Nobody likes to be criticized even if it's the truth.

I'll suggest u schedule you and her for a routine annual medical checkup. By the time she sees those Cholesterol numbers at 287, blood sugar at the boundary, and a doctor closes door, heaves a big sigh, and slowly explains to her how heart attack may cripple her, if not sending her to meet our Lord Jesus very soon bc of lack of exercise, trust me she will be the one to wake you up every morning for a walk. Nobody likes to be criticized, but Nigerians don't like to die.

I see this approach work at the clinic all the time..it's called 'Fear mongering' in marketing. It also works in the church. If pastors can't get your attention with how sweet haven is, well, they will tell u what a 'black', two red-horned, fork-holding, nose-smoking, tail-wagging Devil will do to you in hell-fire if u don't repent..You will run to alter-call with speed..

WELL SAID

ifyalways: Woged killed it

Don't say a word to her,arrange with your family doctor to scare her. Lol

I will try that and see if it will work. Its not so easy, but lets see. Thanks

OP,

I understand how unattractive fat women are and how frustrating it is when efforts are not being made to work on it. However, you need the right approach to get what you want.

No woman likes it being unattractive, only that very few work on themselves. If you truly desire a change, adopt the fear factor and also play a good role in bringing her back to the sexy baby you married.

You know your wife better, design an effective approach that she can buy accepting your position. Gym may not be realistic for you but you can design simple and affective exercise at home that will even create more bonding between you two. Also, eat healthy and balanced diet. It is well with you.

Meanwhile, there is a way that seems right before a man but the end is destruction. Discard the advice of your friends except you want to tread a regretful and depressing path.

OP,

You sound so sad, I feel for you

The desire to lose weight has to come from within. You have been offered a variety of options to set that desire on fire, hope she gets there.
Once the desire sets in, she can start with her diet. Small changes can show quick results that will motivate her to continue till she starts working out. Eating less carbs and more fruits+vegetables can go a long way for someone as overweight as you make her sound.

Cooking with less oil, drinking just water, etc are all proven techniques.

We Naija women love our carbs and I think it's our biggest undoing, if you are not working out regularly; especially after kids.

Nairalanders don begin dey tok true!

Mu he he he he he he he

Very good!

OP. . .nothing do you o! All wives become SISTERS after a while. . .and all husband become BROTHERS.

It does not mean you love your spouses ANY LESS. . . THEY JUST DON'T LIGHT YOUR FIRE. . . . like they used to. . .especially after children and the aging process. Familiarity also breeds contempt. . . very natural.

Now, people use all kinds of 'BOJU-BOJU' tactics including the 'BIBLE' and the 'HOLY GHOST INCANTATIONS AND VISITATIONS' to deceive themselves that a 40 year old blokos looks as gooooooooooooood as a 20 year old one!

I have never attempted such 'powers'!

You have options. . . but your spouse will always have a problem with ANY of them. You may plan to remain IMPOTENT for the rest of your life or invest in some of those HOLY-GHOST powers aka SPIRITUAL VIAGRA. . . . that can change your wife's poohsie TO LOOK AND FEEL like that of the VIRGIN MARY'S all over again.

Either way. . . you have reached the point of NO RETURN. . . and SATISFACTION CAN NEVER-EVER be guaranteed! ALL YOU CAN DO IS FAKE IT!

I wish you good luck!!!

Volunteer to cook for her and make non-fattening delicacies for her. Take her to a beautiful hotel and after lunch,take a tour of the gym with her. Tell her that you'd like to enroll just to keep fit and kindly ask if she would like to join you.

I put on a little bit of weight after my second baby. I didn't need anyone to tell me that there was wahala. Right now,I'm watching my weight like my life depended on it because oga is still as trim as he was the day we met so why should i blow out of proportion?

Btw,i still want to wear all my sex.y clothes!

dalaman: I am no longer s e x u a l l y attracted to my wife at all. I can't even get it up these days with her. I love her but I am no longer attracted to her s e x u a l l y. She has added a lot of weight and so many things are just wrong. Her body is no longer the same at all. I don't blame her because having kids does take its toll on a woman's body. I can't even mention it to her that she has added so much weight because she will say very hurtful things to me. She does not want to accept reality. I love her, but I also wish that she would care more about her appearance like she used to. We now live as brother and sister and I can't go on like this. I try to stay in shape and I haven't gotten my self fat. I know some people will say that if you really love your spouse, you'll still desire them no matter how fat they get. But I think this is very simplistic, and also very far from the truth. I know some men here will agree with me. The problem I have is that once I bring up the issue she explodes saying she has given me kids so how dare me tell her that she has gained weight, why won't she gain weight. She now has disgusting stretch marks all over her body, she is now very large with love handles all over her body, bloated belly, Double cheeks, Everything is just wrong. It is so bad that I can't even get it up when she touches me. I have spoken to some married friends. They all agree with me, the few that have agreed to talk back just said they all have girls outside and I should do same for my own good. I want to hold on but its no longer possible. What does a man do in this case?

My brother, I can understand your pain and what you are going through and it can only take God's own will for you to come to reality with the problem you have.
Never try to put it straight to her of the way she is looking or that you do not appreciate the way she looks will spring up problem and as such, you have to handle it with care because if you try to make her feel bad about the way she look, she might end up killing you if she is the wicked type as she will claim that you were the one that made her to look the way she is now.
My advise, try as much as you can to appreciate her and also try to see if you can help by getting a mini gim in your house. Or just get a sporting wear one of these days and try to show more luv and care and request for a dinner out and take her to an eatery place where they have work=out area.

Never go out to start cheating on her as this could destroy your home. The devil you know is better than 1 million angels out there. She is your wedded wife and no matter her condition, show her love. What if you are the one in question, will she leave you and start cheating on you as some of your friends suggested?

You should never hate her or refuse to be intimate with her. Never do that. If she is caring, loving nd a wonderful woman, show her love and stay with her.

How is your family brother.

U said she doesn't like to be hurt by the truth. I knw dat kinda nature..some ppl are like dat. Well whether she likes it or not its dat truth u will tell her. She may be hurt at 1st but don't settle ur mind to expect a positive response from her. Give her some more time after that then hurt her again d 2nd time. The 3rd time, tell a friend or relative of hers(one who understands hw keeping fit as a lady makes her likeable to her man) that she respects to talk to her.

The importance of hurting her 2ce b4 telling an outsider is so that u wouldn't be blamed to have acted foolishly. Its a thing many ppl knw happens in marriiage. U're just u4tunate to have married a woman who doesn't have dat nature of spicing up herself.

Ur discussion with her shd start like this.."What do u think of d diffence btwn a man's libido and a woman's..she replies..have I bn having sex with u like when we 1st started?..and u didn't bother to ask wht is wrong with me..swthrt I've bn bothered abt my not making love to u and I want to tell u why..then u tell her why..she may get pissed but just give her a serious calm look. Don't talk back since uve paSsed d msg. D 2nd time try something similar too b4 u pour out ur hrt to someone who can convey d matter to her better

One thing I've noticed abt women is dat nothing abt dem seem to be stable. Conscious effort has to be made to keep dem stable. Its always from one xtreme to anoda. When there's money, they over respect, when dey disrespect dey do it totally, emotions are unstable, even their body after childbirth, only conscious discipline in exercise can bring it back to moderate. Once they're relaxed they become elastic. Dats why its nt gud to give a woman too much breeding space from d beginning. U'll notice only few women at middle age respect dia hubby the way she does when they just married. Give dem an inch, they'll go a mile.

He can't even get it up and he's blaming it on weight gain?
I no talk o

winner01:
How is your family brother.

Family is good bro, we are kicking.

Family seektion is haaarsh! Man opens a thread to show his ungrateful asss. And you're all patting his back. She bore him children, raised them while you sir probably just went to work and then the gym to look so good. Your wife might be using food as comfort for emotional or psychological pain. Yes she will kill you for saying I can't get it up for you because you've aged, changed or your fat. You punks say ho.es ain't loyal, what is this guy then. Wait until nature makes you flaccid and I hope she loses weight and you can't keep up with her sexual needs, we see how you feel then.


Nl hates women. Like Africa it really set's hurdles for women folk. To make matter worse is the response from your friends. I thought Real men get a hard on by pleasing their lover This can't be love. I refuse to believe you love this woman.

theodavid:
Man i will advice u 2 pray abt it first, then make a time take ur wife alone on a date 2 a very cool place make her happy edible tins she like den u can bring up d talk abt her physical changes in a cool lovely way allow her say her own view and den u both tink of wat bst solution 2 take bt no mata wat dont go against ur vow on the alter

Pray ke?Theo stop it na!
will prayers make the stretch marks go away?
Op Find somebody that she listens to who has "common sense".
But how do you know it's her looks that is causing wahala "yonder?"
Maybe there is more to the "get it up".
#nooffence.
Seriously,get somebody who she listens to and admires to talk to her.
You shouldn't be mentioned otherwise she would say you took your "yonder and fat" problems to someone.
I hope this helps.
Sorry oga.
It sure is well.

My greatest problem with women honestly is they quite often refuse to take advice and accept simple reality.
She will not see your point of view as long as it affects her. Just be patient and lirtle by little let her know your concerns...it will take time but with love and patience she will understand.


[Quote]I will start with what you should not do and that is looking outside. Don't go with your friend's advice as it will only bring more trouble to you. Seriously you don't to go that route and secondly, it is possible to hold-on. Just continue holding on everyday so it is possible.

Now lets go back to what you should do. Not every woman is the same. Some women get fat by drinking one bottle of coke a week while some will not go fat even if they ate the whole world. Unfortunately you wife has a tendency to be big and you should help her out. Speak to her kindly, let her realize that you are not accusing or criticizing her, in fact when you talk to her, say it lovingly. Suggest to her that you both go to the gym together. You need to understand women, do not make it sound like she has a problem and that she should sort it out. Present it like you both would want her to be slimmer and suggest you both go to the gym together. I hope you have a gym near you. If not, buy a treadmill and just do it together in your house. Do not make it sound like she has the problem because afterall, she was not like that when you married her and the children may have contributed to it.

Also suggest to her to change her diet, and you both try and eat healthy things together. I am saying both of you should do this because when she sees you doing all of this with her, it will encourage her as well to change her eating habits and also exercise more. But please do not make it sound like her problem cos you both want the same result. So, initiate the process and she will gladly join you.[/quote]

I don't see anything wrong in a lady getting fat after marriage. I'm still attracted to her even if she becomes like an elephant

The choice is yours.
Tell her the truth about her weight. Don't also get angry when she tells you some truths about yourself , as you say she can say hurtful things. The truth usually hurts anyway.

If you're so interested in helping her with her weight, you can always motivate her to lose the weight. Join a gym together, start watching your food portions together, both of you should get to talk to a dietician or nutritionist. Obesity is a risk factor for heart disease, and even some cancers.
She's got a high risk for a heart attack at anytime, high blood pressure and stroke, diabetes with its complications such as blindness, amputations etc. Let her know the risks of obesity.
It now becomes an informed choice. Choose a healthy lifestyle and live or choose obesity and die
So it's not just about appearances, but a healthy lifestyle. Swimming is also another good way of losing weight.
Good luck in your journey, as you let her know the dangers associated with obesity

Op its natural for women to add more weight and have stretch marks after delivery ,due to d stress that comes with pregnancy, the thing wrong is not getting back in shape as soon as she can, as a loving husband you should help her with the weight lose journey, you mentioned u try to keep fit in which ever way u do it let her do with you or probably exercise together, her body went that way for love and carrying your babies , the fine girls outside wont look that way for ever, cheating isnt the solution ..