Dear Nairaland Parents,
Do you agree with this...And how do cope with this?

To show that we love our children and for them to know we love them...we are to put our children first. They should be our first priority when it comes to Parenting/Home. Do you agree with this?

For parents who agree with this,putting your children first as been part of you but in your darkest moments,when you are in stress or grief,when coping with intense worry, how do you tend or cope to give your kids your love and attention?

Its all a matter of balancing out your roles as a parent.

@OP
there are many other ways to show that you love your children
there are many things MORE important in life than children (parents are more important)
you can only give what you HAVE, so unless you love yourself FIRST, there is no way you can show love to anyone.....and to love yourself you have to put YOURSELF above anyone else.

Sometimes you JUST CAN'T!
That is why IT TAKES A VILLAGE.

deasy: Dear Nairaland Parents,
Do you agree with this...And how do cope with this?

To show that we love our children and for them to know we love them...we are to put our children first. They should be our first priority when it comes to Parenting/Home. Do you agree with this?

For parents who agree with this,putting your children first as been part of you but in your darkest moments,when you are in stress or grief,when coping with intense worry, how do you tend or cope to give your kids your love and attention?

Re: the bolded bit - is why the saying no man is an island rings true.

When you are stressed up, you won't be able to give your kids the best of you. For such times, reach out to your spouse to step in so you can take time out for yourself. In the absence of your partner, ask another adult, be it your family member / relative or even a trusted friend to help out, until you're able to sort/resolve your personal issues or whatever it is that might be bothering you. We are all humans and part of being human is that there comes a time when we are down and need a bit of extra help and support.

Parenting isn't easy. Giving birth / bringing forth a child into this world is the start of a very long, hard journey on a bumpy road, but the rewards cannot be measured.

It is well.

MRbrownJAY: @OP
there are many other ways to show that you love your children
there are many things MORE important in life than children (parents are more important)
you can only give what you HAVE, so unless you love yourself FIRST, there is no way you can show love to anyone.....and to love yourself you have to put YOURSELF above anyone else.

Thanks very much!
I love your words...I so much believe you'll or can only give what you have.
Putting kids as number 1 priority shows or sends a message to them that you love them dearly. Parenting itself consist some kinda sacrificial love.
For instance,you are a type of parent that do the bed time story,cuddle,shopping,play or recreation things with you kids and then crises came up that ain't fun at all...what will those kids think/do/say when spot a change/difference in you?

I observe children can spot hypocrisy at 100 paces away, and you know they won't put up with it,they'll judge you by your actions.

Will this not affect their characters,behaviors or attitude with you or people around?
This what am driving at...thanks once again!

Child:::: Daddy/Mummy please let's play ball together just like we do every evening.

Parent:::: Junior, that would be nice. But I really need some time to rest right now. I am not feeling too good to play football with you.
Buy don't worry, as soon as am well and feel good enough we will play all the ball you want together.
How about I play you some cartoon instead?

Child::::: Owkay.

Efemena_xy:

Re: the bolded bit - is why the saying no man is an island rings true.

When you are stressed up, you won't be able to give your kids the best of you. For such times, reach out to your spouse to step in so you can take time out for yourself. In the absence of your partner, ask another adult, be it your family member / relative or even a trusted friend to help out, until you're able to sort/resolve your personal issues or whatever it is that might be bothering you. We are all humans and part of being human is that there comes a time when we are down and need a bit of extra help and support.

Parenting isn't easy. Giving birth / bringing forth a child into this world is the start of a very long, hard journey on a bumpy road, but the rewards cannot be measured.

It is well.

Wow! wow!! wow!!!
I so much appreciate this...truly parenting isn't easy at all and I agree with world no man is an island too.

But please,with this words of yours "When you are stressed up you won't be able to give your kids the best of you", I wanna know or ask you this..."When you are trapped in self pit,wallowing and always thinking about yourself in any situations you find yourself and you are stressed up by this", will handling over the kids or giving chance to another hand who isn't like/act like you,who does have the kinda relationship you had with them gives the kids the best?
Thanks in anticipation!

Royal Roy: Child:::: Daddy/Mummy please let's play ball together just like we do every evening.

Parent:::: Junior, that would be nice. But I really need some time to rest right now. I am not feeling too good to play football with you.
Buy don't worry, as soon as am well and feel good enough we will play all the ball you want together.
How about I play you some cartoon instead?

Child::::: Owkay.

How will such child feel at the moment?
Assuming the kids as watched cartoons and he/she is tried of it...base on age,will there not be tantrums or other negative actions?
I believe this will disturb the parent too...you know children.

deasy:

How will such child feel at the moment?
Assuming the kids as watched cartoons and he/she is tried of it...base on age,will there not be tantrums or other negative actions?
I believe this will disturb the parent too...you know children.

Yea my point in that illustrations above is that communication will go a long way.

Most kids too are sensitive to our moods. So the best is not to pretend or just totally shut them out.

If a child sees you in an unhappy mood and you take some moment to explain even if not in full details that will save you some emotional drain while trying to pretend and catch up

Royal Roy:

Yea my point in that illustrations above is that communication will go a long way.

Most kids too are sensitive to our moods. So the best is not to pretend or just totally shut them out.

If a child sees you in an unhappy mood and you take some moment to explain even if not in full details that will save you some emotional drain while trying to pretend and catch up

Okay!

deasy:

Wow! wow!! wow!!!
I so much appreciate this...truly parenting isn't easy at all and I agree with world no man is an island too.

But please,with this words of yours "When you are stressed up you won't be able to give your kids the best of you", I wanna know or ask you this..."When you are trapped in self pit,wallowing and always thinking about yourself in any situations you find yourself and you are stressed up by this", will handling over the kids or giving chance to another hand who isn't like/act like you,who does have the kinda relationship you had with them gives the kids the best?
Thanks in anticipation!

Now that's quite heavy and I'm no expert on human psychology but I'll give it a go based on the little I know....

It's not uncommon for people to feel 'down' once in a while - moreso adults / parents with children in their care. What really matters here is how one deals with the personal issues they are faced with. People vary and have different thresholds for tolerance - so what might seem 'normal' or 'no big deal' to one person, might look like a mountain of obstacles to the other.

The important thing here to remember is despite whatever upheavals you may be going thorough, no matter how bad it seems, always - always, remember that no condition is permanent. Your situation only becomes permanent / sealed when you're dead. As long as you're alive and still breathing, there WILL be light at the end of the tunnel.

When dealing with emotional issues, also remember that when you hit rock bottom, the only way to move is upwards. Self-pitying is usually followed and sometimes caused by very low confidence and self-esteem. Start by adopting a positive approach and if need be, stand in front of a mirror and say to yourself - I am better than this. I will overcome this AND I will succeed in life. Surround yourself with positive people who ooze self-confidence. Avoid those who bemoan their fate all day, feeling sorry for themselves and who do nothing better than overflow with negativity - because such people will succeed in pulling you down to their level.

Whatever issues bothering you at the moment - be it financial, studies, relationships, etc - try looking at these problems from a different angle. Sometimes, the solution or change you seek might be right in front of you. I can't really go further on this unless I know precisely what it is that's got you feeling the way you do at the moment. That notwithstanding, the important thing to remember is that you must look after number one (you) before anyone else.

Again, where kids are concerned, you can only give them your very best ONLY if you yourself are at the very best frame of mind you can possibly be at. Children are a lot more sensitive than we give them credit for, and they pick up very easily if all isn't well with their parent(s). Even babies and toddlers are sensitive to tone of voice and will cry if they sense something amiss.

Take time out if need be - maybe for the weekend or a few days, so you get the chance to recharge your batteries. Once you're away from the kids, you'll be able to look at things bothering you from a completely different perspective. I'm not sure I get your drift about 'handling your kids to someone else who doesn't act or think like you'. You're not abandoning them or giving them up for adoption. You're simply asking someone you trust to take over for a while, while you get your act together. It's not a crime to take time out when you feel overwhelmed.

If you'd said to me that taking time out is completely out of the question, then I'd suggest other alternatives:

~ Feed, bathe and get you kids to bed early.
~ Then use the rest of the evening to completely destress and relax. Do this by running yourself a warm bath and soak up in it.
~ Listen to your favourite, relaxing music.
~ Speak to someone you trust about how you feel. There is a saying: A problem shared is a problem halved. Confiding in someone who not only provides you with a listening ear, but understands and encourages you too, will definitely go a long way.

All the best

Efemena_xy:

Now that's quite heavy and I'm no expert on human psychology but I'll give it a go based on the little I know....

It's not uncommon for people to feel 'down' once in a while - moreso adults / parents with children in their care. What really matters here is how one deals with the personal issues they are faced with. People vary and have different thresholds for tolerance - so what might seem 'normal' or 'no big deal' to one person, might look like a mountain of obstacles to the other.

The important thing here to remember is despite whatever upheavals you may be going thorough, no matter how bad it seems, always - always, remember that no condition is permanent. Your situation only becomes permanent / sealed when you're dead. As long as you're alive and still breathing, there WILL be light at the end of the tunnel.

When dealing with emotional issues, also remember that when you hit rock bottom, the only way to move is upwards. Self-pitying is usually followed and sometimes caused by very low confidence and self-esteem. Start by adopting a positive approach and if need be, stand in front of a mirror and say to yourself - I am better than this. I will overcome this AND I will succeed in life. Surround yourself with positive people who ooze self-confidence. Avoid those who bemoan their fate all day, feeling sorry for themselves and who do nothing better than overflow with negativity - because such people will succeed in pulling you down to their level.

Whatever issues bothering you at the moment - be it financial, studies, relationships, etc - try looking at these problems from a different angle. Sometimes, the solution or change you seek might be right in front of you. I can't really go further on this unless I know precisely what it is that's got you feeling the way you do at the moment. That notwithstanding, the important thing to remember is that you must look after number one (you) before anyone else.

Again, where kids are concerned, you can only give them your very best ONLY if you yourself are at the very best frame of mind you can possibly be at. Children are a lot more sensitive than we give them credit for, and they pick up very easily if all isn't well with their parent(s). Even babies and toddlers are sensitive to tone of voice and will cry if they sense something amiss.

Take time out if need be - maybe for the weekend or a few days, so you get the chance to recharge your batteries. Once you're away from the kids, you'll be able to look at things bothering you from a completely different perspective. I'm not sure I get your drift about 'handling your kids to someone else who doesn't act or think like you'. You're not abandoning them or giving them up for adoption. You're simply asking someone you trust to take over for a while, while you get your act together. It's not a crime to take time out when you feel overwhelmed.

If you'd said to me that taking time out is completely out of the question, then I'd suggest other alternatives:

~ Feed, bathe and get you kids to bed early.
~ Then use the rest of the evening to completely destress and relax. Do this by running yourself a warm bath and soak up in it.
~ Listen to your favourite, relaxing music.
~ Speak to someone you trust about how you feel. There is a saying: A problem shared is a problem halved. Confiding in someone who not only provides you with a listening ear, but understands and encourages you too, will definitely go a long way.

All the best

Thanks very much for this!

Putting kids first? #Sex? Yuck!#

Well here's another parenting challenge...It's about this tricky subject that both a parent and a teenage child find it uncomfortable to discuss.

I mean our Teenager's sex life...as a parent it's part of our job to make sure that will help our kids to have a happy,safe and fulfilling sex when they are truly ready for it...instead of dirty,furtive and messy one. But have heard and seen where parents proclaim they feel uncomfortable to talk about this with their kids even teenagers report the same thing.

So,as a parent how do we adopt a healthy/good attitude towards sex to help our kids...Please,any strategy,advice and tips?

Thanks in anticipation...