Its a really heated issue at the moment... my family friend based in PH called my mum seeking advice as her family is falling apart. Having waited 22yrs with no issue they adopted a son and later went on to adopt a girl. The boy's 14years of age and found out from amebo people that he is adopted. Of course he is badly hurt and has been demanding lots of explanations. According to the parents, they planned telling him on his 15th birthday which's march next year.

My question's at what age should a child know the truth about his birth as the truth must surface later in life.

omoikhefue: Its a really heated issue at the moment... my family friend based in PH called my mum seeking advice as her family is falling apart. Having waited 22yrs with no issue they adopted a son and later went on to adopt a girl. The boy's 14years of age and found out from amebo people that he is adopted. Of course he is badly hurt and has been demanding lots of explanations. According to the parents, they planned telling him on his 15th birthday which's march next year.

My question's at what age should a child know the truth about his birth as the truth must surface later in life.

Tell them once they are at least 18 years old or older. If you tell the child when he/she is younger, when the child does something wrong and you scold him/her, he/she might go ahead and say you are scolding or punishing him/her because he/she is not your biological child. And as for the 14 year old boy who is asking a lot of questions, the adopted parents should tell him that he was dumped by the road side by some teenager who got pregnant for some teenage boy and an orphanage found him and took him in and they decided to adopt him. If he wants to go looking for that once-upon-a-time biological teenage mother of his, he is welcome to do so. This is why some people feel reluctant to adopt because sometimes the adopted children grow up and become ingrates and a pain in the rear.

dasparrow:

Tell them once they are at least 18 years old or older. If you tell the child when he/she is younger, when the child does something wrong and you scold him/her, he/she might go ahead and say you are scolding or punishing him/her because he/she is not your biological child. And as for the 14 year old boy who is asking a lot of questions, the adopted parents should tell him that he was dumped by the road side by some teenager who got pregnant for some teenage boy and an orphanage found him and took him in and they decided to adopt him. If he wants to go looking for that once-upon-a-time biological teenage mother of his, he is welcome to do so. This is why some people feel reluctant to adopt because sometimes the adopted children grow up and become ingrates and a pain in the rear.

Easy guy, your method is harsh na! Telling him he was dumbed at that age will def affect his self esteem.
There should be a milder way of doing it. I agree waiting until he is of age before telling him though .

I think its better to let them know when they start to talk.


But use wisdom in your choice of words.

There are many books and resources on the subject which could assist you also.

dasparrow:

Tell them once they are at least 18 years old or older. If you tell the child when he/she is younger, when the child does something wrong and you scold him/her, he/she might go ahead and say you are scolding or punishing him/her because he/she is not your biological child. And as for the 14 year old boy who is asking a lot of questions, the adopted parents should tell him that he was dumped by the road side by some teenager who got pregnant for some teenage boy and an orphanage found him and took him in and they decided to adopt him. If he wants to go looking for that once-upon-a-time biological teenage mother of his, he is welcome to do so. This is why some people feel reluctant to adopt because sometimes the adopted children grow up and become ingrates and a pain in the rear.

age 18?? personally though id suggest abt age 5-6's appropriate. the reason's the child would not be able to process it properly, also at that age a child is less sensitive too... well as regards the child asking questions i think thats normal too. its different if he heard it from the parents and u know how amebo tell their version with sugar coated tongue of events that didnt happen...

When He/She is deemed psychologically matured to bear the shock !!!

I would suggest After his/her University/Higher Institution which is usually between age 18-22/24 (damn ASUU, as dem fit make the age long) .... !!!


The Most Important is the adopting parents being their for him/her all through the shocking periods and throughout His/her life as far as they exist !!!