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Credits: all jokes are culled from Naija Comedy Club's blog >>> www.naijacomedyclub.net

Akpos traveled to Lagos after his WAEC result was out so that his Uncle will help him get admission into the University of Lagos to study medicine and become a medical doctor….

The following conversation happened between them:

Akpos: Uncle, I learnt its difficult to get admission into the university these days except you are well connected…

Uncle: That’s true…

Akpors: Since you are connected, I came to ask you if you can help me get admission into the university after my JAMB….

Uncle: That’s true… am connected and I will help u….

Akpors: Thank you Uncle….

Uncle: You welcome…so how is your result, is it WAEC or NECO and how many credits did you get?

Akpors: Uncle, it’s WAEC, I had only two credits in agric and Yoruba language but I failed the rest…

Uncle: Well, that’s not bad… you can still be a doctor, not a medical doctor really but native doctor (babalawo)…
You will use your credit in agric in collecting herbs from the forest, and Yoruba language for incantations…

A female teacher was having a problem with Akpos in her class of 3rd grade.

Akpos said ‘M’am, I should be in 4th grade, i’m smarter than my sister & she’s in the 4th grade’.

The M’am {Teacher} had heard enough of his complaints & took Akpos to the Principal’s office.

She explained everything to the Principal who decided 2 test Akpos with some questions that a 4th grade pupil should know.

Principal: What’s 3 + 3?

Akpos: 6

Principal: 6 + 6?

Akpos: 12

& so on..

The Principal asked the boy many questions & Akpos got them right.

The Principal then asked M’am 2 send Akpos to 4th grade.

M’am decided to ask some more questions & the Principal agreed.

M’am: What does a cow have 4 of, that I’ve only 2 of?

Akpos: Legs

M’am: What’s in your pants that you have but I don’t have?

Akpos: Pockets

M’am: What starts with a C & ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious & contains thin whitish liquid?

Akpos: Coconut

M’am: What goes in hard & pink then comes out soft & sticky?

The principal’s eyes open really wide, but b4 he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge.

Akpos: Bubble Gum

M’am: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do. What am

I?

Akpos: Tent

The principal was looking restless

M’am: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when u’re bored.

The best man always has me 1st n what am I?

Akpos: Wedding Ring

M’am: I come in many sizes. When I’m not well, I drip. When u blow me, you feel good?

Akpos: Nose

M’am: I’ve a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver

Akpos: Arrow

M’am: What starts with ‘F’ & ends with a ‘K’ & if you don’t get it, you have to use your hand?

Akpos:Fork

M’am: What’s it that all men have, it’s longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn’t use his & a man gives it to his wife after marriage?

Akpos: Surname

M’am: What part of the man has no bone, but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpin & is responsible for making love?

Akpos: Heart

The principal heaved a sigh of relief & told the teacher, ‘Send Akpos 2 University, I got the last 10 questions wrong myself!
http://www.naijacomedyclub.net

CHINKO MEDICINE

PG 18+ (Reader's discretion advised)

Mr Akpors - a Nigerian tourist goes on a trip to China.

While in China, he was very sexually promiscuous and didn't use condom all the time.

A week after arriving back home, he awakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a consultant at the National Hospital Abuja.

The doctor, never having seen anything like that before, orders some tests and tells Mr Akpors to return in two days for the results.

Akpors returns a couple of days later and the doctor says:

"I've got bad news for you. You've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it".

Akpors looks a little perplexed and says:

"Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, doc".

The doctor answers:

"I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to have to amputate your penis".

Akpors screams in horror, "EWOOO!!! AMPU.... WETIN?! I want a second opinion please doc".

The doctor replies:

"Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want, but surgery is your only choice".

The next day, Akpors seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more about the disease.

The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims:

"Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Very lare disease".

Akpors says to the doctor:

"Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what can we do? My doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis?"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs:

"Stupid docta, always want to opelate. Make more money, that way. No need to opelate!"

"Oh, Thank God!", Akpors replies in relief.

"Yes", says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait another couple of weeks. Penis fall off by itself!"

Akpors fainted!

LWKMD @ Akpors Vs Teacher & Chinese Medicine. . .

Two guys raped a princess. When they were caught and taken to the king for punishment. The king ordered them to go and get as many fruits as they can to bail themselves.
The first one went and returned with 15 Mangoes, the king ordered the guards to insert the Mango into his ass so that he will feel the same pain as the raped Princess. The guy screamed and shouted throughout the insertion.

Suddenly, he began to laugh out loud, the guard asked him why he was laughing in pain.
He pointed ahead and said
.
.
.
"Look at my friend (Akpos), he is bringing WATER MELONs." lolzzz

more jokes on bbm: 74ab3195

A woman got on a bus with her baby.
The bus driver said; That’s the ugliest baby that
I’ve ever seen. Ugh!
The woman went inside the bus and sat down,
angry.
She turned to a man Akpos sitting next to her,
and said; The driver just insulted me.
Akpos replied; You go right up there and tell him
off, go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.

Akpos has been admiring his
neighbor's
wife. The neighbor's wife always gives
him this seductive smile whenever they
greet each other. Akpos didn't know
how to approach the lady to tell her of his
desires because she's married. So,one
day the lady herself approached
Akpors alone in his apartment. AKPOS:
Hi.
LADY: Hi. AKPOS: Is everything alright?
LADY: Yes. Just need little help from you
(Smiling seductively).
AKPOS: Wow! Anything for the angel.
LADY: I...I...I...just don't know how to
say this. I'll be so ashamed of myself if I ask
and you say no.
AKPOS: Oh my lady. you don't have to.
I
am ready to do anything for you.
LADY: You know, it's been over 3 weeks since
my husband travelled...
AKPOS: Yes! Yes! Yes!
LADY: And even when he's around,he
has
some... (pause for a while) he has some
disabilities... AKPOS: Oh poor you... You must
have
been going through hell!
LADY: I know you'll be stronger than
him...
AKPOS: Sure.
LADY: Can you help me? AKPOS: Wow! Now?
Sure, I'm ready if
you are ready. LADY: Oh thanks
goodness! that's why I
came to you. Can you help me carry our
deep freezer from our kitchen to the
next street for repairs?
Akpos nearly Cried!!!

Girl: Dad,I'm in love with a boy who is
far away from me. I am in Ghana and he
lives in UK. We met on a dating website,
became friends on facebook, had long
chats on whatsapp, proposed to each
other on skype, and now we've had two months
of relationship
through
viber. I need your blessings and good
wishes Daddy. Dad said: Wow! Really!! then get
married on twitter, have fun on tango.
Buy your kids on e-bay, send them
through to us via gmail. And if you are
fed up with your husband.... sell him on
OLX.

Waddup Naija...