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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B (7914 Views)
Is Marriage a Life time Commitment? Live Debate - Semi Finals / What Does Nigerian Law Says About "Cohabitation"? / Do You Approve Of Cohabitation? (2) (3) (4)
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Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Tgirl4real(f): 12:21pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
Well done Efemena and Lerrie John. Congrats Efemena! You won this round. Can we have judges feedback, comments and criticism for the different debates please. Thanks. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by debosky(m): 12:49pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
Feedback for Lerrie I liked your style of appealing to the reader's basic understanding of what marriage was about and contrasting it with the 'reality' of co-habitation. You also went into detail on each of the demerits of co-habitation which helped with following your line of thought. Your style of providing insight into the motives of those choosing cohabitation is also very convincing and seeks to go beyond just mere quoting statistics. One area where you could have done better was explaining some apparent contradictions in your position - e.g. you can walk out at any moment vs you go with the flow and don't leave because of all you've invested. For the latter you could've said e.g. the illusion is that you can walk out at any moment while reality is that you are somewhat stuck because of your investment in the relationship. The way you attributed your evidence to the references you provided were not as clear as those of your opponent, and some claims could not be readily verified. For example you stated that cohabitation lacks commitment, interdependence and fidelity - without clear evidence supporting this or indicating this was your personal view/opinion. Finally, your argument didn't distinguish between those cohabiting as a marriage substitute versus those cohabiting in order to confirm suitability for marriage. Overall I think you delivered a compelling argument, and it would have been even more compelling if some of the elements above were incorporated. Well done and congratulations on getting this far in the debates. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Nobody: 1:09pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
Congrats Efe! Gal, u were on fire! Lerrie, pls who u be? R u using another moniker? I'm very curious to know. U were very hot. Shege! Assuming I was the one paired with u, I would hv ran away since! U too much,gal Congrats! So its Efe and obinoscopy. Hmnn............, O dikwa serious! 1 Like |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by debosky(m): 1:22pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
Feedback for Efemena Your position was well presented and formatted - it made it easy to read and follow your argument point by point. You made good use of references, enabling one to easily connect your statements to the references provided (where applicable). This also helped distinguish evidence from e.g. references from logical deductions you made. You also acknowledged the resistance many would naturally hold for your position at the onset which could convince even your staunch opponent to consider your arguments. Most importantly, you focused on the subset that cohabits with the stated intent to test compatibility for marriage - this provides context and allows readers to consider your arguments with this premise in mind. One area for improvement is to consider the limits of your position, e.g. how long is long enough to establish suitability for marriage? What is the end point? Is there a time limit or are you advocating endless cohabitation? How many cohabitations do you go through before marriage and what are the drawbacks? Is the pain involved in breaking up a cohabitation really any different from divorce? Why not just marry and take the risks and rewards that come with it? A well marshalled and well delivered argument overall - the improvements suggested above would've made it even better. Good job and all the best in the next round. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by SisiKill1: 6:24pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
Bravo to all Contestants! Honestly, you guys did a wonderful job. I hope it is okay if I tagged my name with Debosky's Feedback because it captures almost exactly what I thought. I'll also add that I like the fact you all built your arguments from the very basic up and did not just assume the audience is privy to the same knowledge you have. I also appreciate that you debated for the large, diverse audience not at them but what stood out most and Debosky has mentioned it, is the fact that you backed your points with material...(which made for even more fascinating read). One thing I'd really like to see a discussion (not necessarily a debate) about is the something that was briefly touched on is the idea that women and children are safer in marriage than co-habitation. Tee what do you think about having an open forum...A Sticky perhaps on this topic? @ Bellong I really really wish you could have participated!!!!! Best of Luck to the Finalists!!! |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Tgirl4real(f): 7:39pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
Thanks Debosky and Sisikill for the feedback. For the thread, would you so us the honours? That should be after the debate though. Thanks and well done guys. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Nobody: 7:58pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
Lerrie John, you provided some good insights into the mindset of people who cohabit. You also had a wide range of points you provided to the audience to chew on. However, some of your points seemed contradictory. You did a great job incorporating your references nicely into your argument and you made some very striking statements during the rebuttal stages. Congratulations on a strong debate showing. I would love to hear more from you. Efe, your arguments were compact and easy to follow. I would have liked to have seen this translate better in the rebuttal phase by appropriate use of the quote button. I noted that several of your points appeared redundant and overall, I would have loved to see more depth in your delivery. You left me needing more from your submission. All in all, you did a great job. Congratulations on reaching the finals. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by LerrieJohn(f): 9:30pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
Thank you everyone for your support, critics and compliments. Guess myself and Efe were really prepared yesterday. Reading the whole thing now makes me laugh, but it is nice to hear we made sense with our arguements. I will try to respond to as many questions as I can. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by LerrieJohn(f): 9:48pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
[quote author=Sagamite]
By irreligious I meant people who are unconventional and atheist. I believe there are different levels of religious people, ranging from those who do not apply what they preach in their daily lives, to those who apply every word of what they preach in their daily lives. The first set has no problem spending the night with their partner to get to know them better, while the latter put all their faith in God choosing the right person for them and therefore limit themselves to prayers as the key for compatibility. ] My grandma used to say. It's all about quality not quantity. One of the excuses for cohabiting is " I want to know the other person better". When I say months, years is never enough to know someone completely, it simply means, that is not enough reason to cohabit because we never seize to discover new aspects of our partners and ourselves. Even after years together your partner would always surprise you and vice versa, negatively or positively. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by LerrieJohn(f): 9:55pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw: Lol, thank you yellow pawpaw. I'm just Lerrie. I'm not using another moniker...don't know what dat means sha Kinda new on NL... I'm enjoying it so far. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by LerrieJohn(f): 10:03pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
[quote author=ileobatojo]Lerrie John, you provided some good insights into the mindset of people who cohabit. You also had a wide range of points you provided to the audience to chew on. However, some of your points seemed contradictory. You did a great job incorporating your references nicely into your argument and you made some very striking statements during the rebuttal stages. Congratulations on a strong debate showing. I would love to hear more from you. ] Thank you ileobatojo. I do realise most of my points were contradictory and I should have made them clearer, pity I didn't. Most of the contradictions were deliberate cos the intention wasn't that of saying cohabiting is entirely wrong but that even when it is a good option ( based on one's personal values), it doesn't guarantee marital stability. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by LerrieJohn(f): 10:39pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
debosky: Feedback for Lerrie Thank you very much debosky. Really appreciate the feedback. Will take note for future purposes.. Reading back I guess I should have made my points clearer as my contradictions weren't really understood. For example when I say Couples who cohabit do not have any family, social, nor legal obligations to one another and can therefore live their relationship in a relaxed manner, knowing they could walk out at any given moment if they choose to, as opposed to couples who are married. , [/color] , it is to point out that there really is no commitment to one another in cohabiting. You do not have to give explanations to family nor friends if you think you found someone better out there. Then I bring up a different situation[color=#000099] ( Another problem with cohabitation prior to marriage, like it or not, is it's easier to get in than to get out once you start playing house) now let's assume the couple are together for love. Being in love doesn't mean both parties are compatible and so tend to have arguements often. The fact that a couple might love each other deeply and invest financially makes it hard for them to break up even when they are aware they might be heading towards a destructive relationship. If a couple isn't cohabiting it's easier to break up from a bad relationship than when they are living under the same roof..and so we have a case of people getting married for the wrong reasons. I hope with my explanation I have been able to shed more light on what may seem absolutely contradictory opinions. The purpose was to show cohabiting doesn't really guarantee marital longevity. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by LerrieJohn(f): 10:46pm On Nov 25, 2013 |
Congratulations obinoscopy and Efe for making it to the finals. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Nobody: 1:22am On Nov 26, 2013 |
Lerrie John: Thank you ileobatojo. I have to commend you for your great sportsmanship even in the face of a loss. It is a very admirable trait indeed, a trait that really should be emulated by all. Kudos. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Tgirl4real(f): 7:23am On Nov 26, 2013 |
Lerrie John: Hmmm... Which in the actual sense is the focus of the discourse. Well done gal. U really made me proud. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by EfemenaXY: 7:51am On Nov 26, 2013 |
Hello all - thank you very much for your comments, feedback and suggestions. To the judges: thanks once again for taking the time to go through my write up, and for pointing out areas of improvement. Debosky, Sisi, Ile, and Coogar; I've read your comments and have most certainly have taken all of your points onboard and will work on them. To my fellow contestants: especially TV01 and Lerrie John, thanks again for the opportunity to have this debate with you. Believe it or not, you both gave me a couple of restless nights! That notwithstanding, the learning process is continuous one and I've learnt a lot from you both. Irrespective of what the final outcome will be, I believe we're all winners here. To the viewers and commentators: especially from Ifyalways, YPP and Jenny. Reading your posts did make me smile - thanks for your feedback and encouragement. And finally to our mods Tgirl and Roy: Kudos to you both for putting together something this awesome. A lot of planning obviously went into this and is evident for all to see. Cheers, Efe |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Tgirl4real(f): 10:01pm On Nov 26, 2013 |
Thanks Efe. I'm glad u didn't quit when u wanted to. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by ifyalways(f): 9:19am On Nov 28, 2013 |
Congrats Efe . A louder congrats to Lerrie John,the mysterious new lady on NLD. Lerrie,i know you are a member of the cabal,just tell me your old handle. lol Kai,I miss the cabal criers- this debate would have been a scream with them around. RichyVkunt,Johndoe and Harakiri,I dedicate Efe's winning trophy to you guys. When is the finals? |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Tgirl4real(f): 9:30am On Nov 28, 2013 |
lol Final is on Saturday by 8pm. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by EfemenaXY: 12:31pm On Nov 28, 2013 |
ifyalways: Congrats Efe . A louder congrats to Lerrie John,the mysterious new lady on NLD. Lerrie,i know you are a member of the cabal,just tell me your old handle. lol Why do I get the feeling that Lerrie might be our dear Debrief?? |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by TV01(m): 5:23pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
ileobatojo: debosky: Without reviewing the data, I struggle to see why an abuser would be more abusive in a co-habitation than in a marriage. ileobatojo: |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Tgirl4real(f): 8:03am On Nov 30, 2013 |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by LerrieJohn(f): 7:44pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
@ Efe and obinoscopy good luck for the debate tonite... Patiently Waiting for you guys to air your opinions... |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by Tgirl4real(f): 8:01pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
Thanks Lerrie John It's starting now. https://www.nairaland.com/1536958/family-section-debate-final-round#19905063 |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by ifyalways(f): 8:42pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
This one hard ooh. I'm following with an open mind |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by ifyalways(f): 8:53pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
24 years @ Obino? It's too late o. A 26 years old single lady is seen as "old and quarter to expire" in Nigeria today. Waiting till 24 can lead to injury time.lol |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by coogar: 8:57pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
ifyalways: 24 years @ Obino? It's too late o. A 26 years old single lady is seen as "old and quarter to expire" in Nigeria today. Waiting till 24 can lead to injury time.lol ify stop exaggerating....chics of 28 are still rocking the town in naija with high hopes that one lucky dude would still ring it. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by ifyalways(f): 8:58pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
"One of the most powerful teaching tools parents have to convey their values to their children is their own relationship. Children will learn to be tender, compassionate and respectful of their partners when they see their parents model these behaviors". ^ ^ ^ @ Efe,what happens if the parent(s) themselves do not possess those qualities? What if it's a bitter single parent or divorced? Would they still qualify as role models? |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by ifyalways(f): 9:04pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
coogar:That one na one high hope that is charactarized by continuous fasting and prayer, casting and binding,holy water and anointed oil drinking. Ideally,28 is a good age for a woman to marry but it's not so in Naija anymore. Once a woman clocks 26,pressures from family,friends,pastors starts. |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by coogar: 9:06pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
ifyalways: wow - that's serious......why are there so many females willing to marry than the males in nigeria? |
Re: Cohabitation: A Recipe For Successful Marriage - Live Debate - Group B by LerrieJohn(f): 9:13pm On Nov 30, 2013 |
ifyalways: "One of the most powerful teaching tools parents have to convey their values to their children is their own relationship. Children will learn to be tender, compassionate and respectful of their partners when they see their parents model these behaviors". Unfortunately a bitter single parent or divorced is still a role model, thus giving rise to future abusers and abused...it's what they learnt from home na... @ debate topic...hmmn I wouldn't even know which to choose as this topic is quite controversial...let's see how well they defend their notions |
Update on : Has My Wife Finally Moved On / Broken Engagement: Who Should Get The Ring? / When Is A Man Old Enough To Marry?
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