Hello all. Thank you all for your previous contributions on this link

https://www.nairaland.com/4447411/wife-finally-moved

I am writing to give and update on the topic above. Please I will appreciate all your advice and insults.
My birthday was five days ago. as I write, I did not get any single message from wife. Could she really have moved on ?

kapelvej:
Hello all. Thank you all for your previous contributions on this link

https://www.nairaland.com/4447411/wife-finally-moved

I am writing to give and update on the topic above. Please I will appreciate all your advice and insults.
My birthday was five days ago. as I write, I did not get any single message from wife. Could she really have moved on ?

Are you afraid to think that your marriage could really be over?

Are you so desperately in love with her that you're ready to take anything? (Her insults, disrespectful attitude)
You might be so in love with her and think you don't want anyone else but believe me there are better women out there who will love, respect, honour and care for you as a wife should (that is if you're a good man, because only good men deserve good wives)...unless she's willing to change, don't ever settle for less!

Sometimes you have to let go too,

Your wife's character is almost similar to a current big brother naija housemate,,, truth is we should all be extremely very very careful before saying i do...

Now it will be extra difficult for you to find a common ground or let her go, you should be realistic tho. the Love is lost, and the earlier you know your stand in the marriage the better...

Just prepare your mind to move on too... because i think she has... and you obviously havent.

Mariangeles:
Are you afraid to think that your marriage could really be over?

Are you so desperately in love with her that you're ready to take anything? (Her insults, disrespectful attitude)
You might be so in love with her and think you don't want anyone else but believe me there are better women out there who will love, respect, honour and care for you as a wife should (that is if you're a good man, because only good men deserve good wives)...unless she's willing to change, don't ever settle for less!

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I really appreciate your time

Are u really asking that question

My brother move on and get anoda woman to keep you company, u ll forget her in no time. This life is too short

You're thinking of calling the stalemate. You're thinking of calling her.

I sorry for you.

Prognose:
You're thinking of calling the stalemate. You're thinking of calling her.

I sorry for you.

Never, I will never cal, I have done that over a hundred times . Never in this life

neezar:
Are u really asking that question

Yes, I am, but I am never going to call, that is for sure

kapelvej:
Yes, I am, but I am never going to call, that is for sure

She's no longer ur wife sa

move on

kapelvej:
Never, I will never cal, I have done that over a hundred times . Never in this life

Who are the kids with, you or her?

Another way out would be to ignore her Completely. Go home, when she opens the door say hi to the kids, greet and play with them like they're the best things to ever happen to you. Give them a quick look over to make sure they are OK, then arrange your bags and leave back to your zone. You must do this without saying a single word to your wife (unless she starts to apologise). Make sure the kids are OK and jejerly carry yourself back to your base. If she starts to shout or raise a ruckus, IGNORE her completely and leave. Like others have stated, you have to make your position known to her that you've had enough of her sh1t. Let her realise you mean business this time.

I'm against divorce but if temporary separation will do some good then so be it.

People that come to nairaland to seek marital opinions, do you no have close support system?

yettymuse:
People that come to nairaland to seek marital opinions, do you no have close support system?

You get the best unbiased advice from people you don’t know. Trust me.

Prognose:


Who are the kids with, you or her?

Another way out would be to ignore her Completely. Go home, when she opens the door say hi to the kids, greet and play with them like they're the best things to ever happen to you. Give them a quick look over to make sure they are OK, then arrange your bags and leave back to your zone. You must do this without saying a single word to your wife (unless she starts to apologise). Make sure the kids are OK and jejerly carry yourself back to your base. If she starts to shout or raise a ruckus, IGNORE her completely and leave. Like others have stated, you have to make your position known to her that you've had enough of her sh1t. Let her realise you mean business this time.

I'm against divorce but if temporary separation will do some good then so be it.

She has the kids, I am not even home , I work in a different country. She and the kids are in Norway, I work in malta

yettymuse:
People that come to nairaland to seek marital opinions, do you no have close support system?

the reason for coming here is to get unbiased opinion. My people will definitely support me, but outsiders can always say the truth

kapelvej:
She has the kids, I am not even home , I work in a different country. She and the kids are in Norway, I work in malta

Ahhhhhhhhhhh

You work in different countries?!

Is she even nigerian?

How do you know someone hasn't already taken your place?

What led you d heck into doing a long distance relationship? For 6 years?!

It's not looking good at all.

Prognose:


Ahhhhhhhhhhh

You work in different countries?!

Is she even nigerian?

How do you know someone hasn't already taken your place?

What led you d heck into doing a long distance relationship? For 6 years?!

It's not looking good at all.

she is Nigerian. I only left not up to 4 months

na wah, when i say i am scared of marriage people dont understand. sorry op, i feel for u.

I know my advice might not mean anything to you cos you have your mind made up, but need 'unbiase' opinions for a boost.

Grab a phone and Call your wife! If not for anything, for the sake of your kids and good times. See enh a pinch of pride to crash a long built marriage. And for any failed marriage, a man holds 80% reasons why he didn't make it work.

You should have exhausted all possible means OBVIOUSLY and then allow nature take its place. Remember, you are not even in a Nigerian setting where 'everything goes'.


There are plenty fishes in the ocean, my brother na crayfish remain for that ocean o. Make I dey go abeg.. Do whatever brings you sanity!

Bro move on abeg

kapelvej:
She has the kids, I am not even home , I work in a different country. She and the kids are in Norway, I work in malta

This new information brings another twist to your story.

What are your plans for keeping your family together after relocating? How long do you think you can sustain your marriage while shuttling from one country to another even without this issues you're presently having? Was your wife fully in support of this new move?

I won't be surprised if this is the reason for your present issues. It's possible your wife feels that you value your job more than your family.

I suggest taking a leave and going to Norway to see your family and find out the answers you seek face to face. No be fight o... See your wife as your sister and try to understand her angle to whatever issues you're both having. If possible, plan a family outing before going and after the outing everyone would be more relaxed giving room for talking as husband & wife.

Has it occurred to you that she may be having a tough time adjusting to your relocation? Go get the book on the 5 love languages, find out her love language and show her some love in a language she can understand.

She probably needs some reassurance that your family is still your first priority. Also have a plan in place for keeping you guys together and discuss this with her so, this separation can be for a short while. Try and reach a compromise as a family.

Relocation isn't easy on anyone if you're truthful with yourself!!!

I know you said most of the issues didn't start today, but we didn't see you on nairaland opening a thread and asking questions about your marriage before now. That means you were able to handle your issues before relocating.

eniolorunfe:


This new information brings another twist to your story.

What are your plans for keeping your family together after relocating? How long do you think you can sustain your marriage while shuttling from one country to another even without this issues you're presently having? Was your wife fully in support of this new move?

I won't be surprised if this is the reason for your present issues. It's possible your wife feels that you value your job more than your family.

I suggest taking a leave and going to Norway to see your family and find out the answers you seek face to face. No be fight o... See your wife as your sister and try to understand her angle to whatever issues you're both having. If possible, plan a family outing before going and after the outing everyone would be more relaxed giving room for talking as husband & wife.

Has it occurred to you that she may be having a tough time adjusting to your relocation? Go get the book on the 5 love languages, find out her love language and show her some love in a language she can understand.

She probably needs some reassurance that your family is still your first priority. Also have a plan in place for keeping you guys together and discuss this with her so, this separation can be for a short while. Try and reach a compromise as a family.

Relocation isn't easy on anyone if you're truthful with yourself!!!

I know you said most of the issues didn't start today, but we didn't see you on nairaland opening a thread and asking questions about your marriage before now. That means you were able to handle your issues before relocating.

something different from the regular. Thank you

eniolorunfe:


This new information brings another twist to your story.

What are your plans for keeping your family together after relocating? How long do you think you can sustain your marriage while shuttling from one country to another even without this issues you're presently having? Was your wife fully in support of this new move?

I won't be surprised if this is the reason for your present issues. It's possible your wife feels that you value your job more than your family.

I suggest taking a leave and going to Norway to see your family and find out the answers you seek face to face. No be fight o... See your wife as your sister and try to understand her angle to whatever issues you're both having. If possible, plan a family outing before going and after the outing everyone would be more relaxed giving room for talking as husband & wife.

Has it occurred to you that she may be having a tough time adjusting to your relocation? Go get the book on the 5 love languages, find out her love language and show her some love in a language she can understand.

She probably needs some reassurance that your family is still your first priority. Also have a plan in place for keeping you guys together and discuss this with her so, this separation can be for a short while. Try and reach a compromise as a family.

Relocation isn't easy on anyone if you're truthful with yourself!!!

I know you said most of the issues didn't start today, but we didn't see you on nairaland opening a thread and asking questions about your marriage before now. That means you were able to handle your issues before relocating.

Hello, thanks for your time. I know I am the one in search of solution but I think what you are suggesting as the cause of this problem has no bearing to what I have said earlier. I only left just months ago, I said in my post that this challenges pre date our marriage( I explained what made the marriage to go on in spite of this behavior).

My leaving was even as a result of counselling by the Norwegian authorities. They advised that the best thing for me was to get another job in a different country. I had a far better job in Norway than what I am doing here now.

The Norwegian family unit organized series of counselling section for us, but she refused to attend any. She gets angry at me at the slightest opportunity that was the government agency advised me to give her space. Even her mother, brother and uncle supported this move

I brought this issue to seek an African alternative. Otherwise I have tried different counselling group, she will not attend any, she has refused to tell any one what is really wrong.

Lastly I clearly made it obvious in my original post that this character is not just only to me but to everyone even her family members. So I am really surprised that you are zeroing in on my recent job in a different country.
Please kindly re read my post and think again.

iamloyalty:
na wah, when i say i am scared of marriage people dont understand. sorry op, i feel for u.

Thanks. Brother, there is a good man and a good woman for everybody, but we all stupidly choose the wrong person, Do not be afriad

yettymuse:
I know my advice might not mean anything to you cos you have your mind made up, but need 'unbiase' opinions for a boost.

Grab a phone and Call your wife! If not for anything, for the sake of your kids and good times. See enh a pinch of pride to crash a long built marriage. And for any failed marriage, a man holds 80% reasons why he didn't make it work.

You should have exhausted all possible means OBVIOUSLY and then allow nature take its place. Remember, you are not even in a Nigerian setting where 'everything goes'.


There are plenty fishes in the ocean, my brother na crayfish remain for that ocean o. Make I dey go abeg.. Do whatever brings you sanity!

Thank you my brother, but I have made these calls a thousand times

kapelvej:
Hello, thanks for your time. I know I am the one in search of solution but I think what you are suggesting as the cause of this problem has no bearing to what I have said earlier. I only left just months ago, I said in my post that this challenges pre date our marriage( I explained what made the marriage to go on in spite of this behavior).

My leaving was even as a result of counselling by the Norwegian authorities. They advised that the best thing for me was to get another job in a different country. I had a far better job in Norway than what I am doing here now.

The Norwegian family unit organized series of counselling section for us, but she refused to attend any. She gets angry at me at the slightest opportunity that was the government agency advised me to give her space. Even her mother, brother and uncle supported this move

I brought this issue to seek an African alternative. Otherwise I have tried different counselling group, she will not attend any, she has refused to tell any one what is really wrong.

Lastly I clearly made it obvious in my original post that this character is not just only to me but to everyone even her family members. So I am really surprised that you are zeroing in on my recent job in a different country.
Please kindly re read my post and think again.

Your marriage is over. Painful but true.
My advice is that you go back to Norway where your children are and get another job there so you can be close to them. Move back into another apartment where your children can stay when its time to see you.
You may or not decide to start divorce procedings or file for a seperation. Do that before starting another relationship.
Be ready to support your children though, especially financially.

Safiaa:
You get the best unbiased advice from people you don’t know. Trust me.

True dat

Unfortunately as painful as it is

YES ?SHE HAS MOVED ONE ... please start mending your heart and do the same

Also being single after a break up is good way to heal instead of jumping into another hands

yettymuse:
I know my advice might not mean anything to you cos you have your mind made up, but need 'unbiase' opinions for a boost.

Grab a phone and Call your wife! If not for anything, for the sake of your kids and good times. See enh a pinch of pride to crash a long built marriage. And for any failed marriage, a man holds 80% reasons why he didn't make it work.

You should have exhausted all possible means OBVIOUSLY and then allow nature take its place. Remember, you are not even in a Nigerian setting where 'everything goes'.


There are plenty fishes in the ocean, my brother na crayfish remain for that ocean o. Make I dey go abeg.. Do whatever brings you sanity!

Modified