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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? (5289 Views)
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Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by pickabeau1: 7:29pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
hope u get what u want Fulaman198: 1 Like |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by Fulaman198(m): 7:37pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
pickabeau1: hope u get what u want Same to you kind sir 1 Like |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by prissyluv(f): 8:12pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
I think d first thing we should ask ourselves here is why do people get married? |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by Nobody: 8:13pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
byvan: The typical Naija marriage is exhausting.i have a friend whose husband ll not touch food that is not fresh from fire.He comes home as late as 1.am,thats when she starts preparing his food,he doesn't eat anything preserved like dry pepper or dry fish, he eats everything fresh.He kept up his part of whatever deal they made by making sure she doesn't lack cash. Hmmmm, God sure has a way of giving us what we can handle. No matter the cash, doing fresh food everytime even as late as 1am. Na death be dat oh. Me dat hates going to the market. With all the mud, crayfish driven engine grinding market. Reminds me of the movie mr and mrs. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by Fulaman198(m): 8:13pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
prissyluv: I think d first thing we should ask ourselves here is why do people get married? To be with the love of their life for the rest of their lives, as simple as that |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by Nobody: 8:46pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
Chillisauce: It's always easier being married to your friend,i wonder how she survives that. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by TV01(m): 10:32pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
pickabeau1: Yes, I do, Who is marriage not for? And why not? Apart for some extreme cases/instances (outliers), what would/should prevent a normal person from getting married? TV 1 Like |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by TV01(m): 10:35pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
Fulaman198: It can be, however that's a romantic notion and it's not always that simple. TV |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by pickabeau1: 10:40pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
Just as you have mentioned in your post ... Extreme cases That means not everyone can marry My post was marriage is not for everyone Some die before their time Some have a calling that marriage will hinder - Paul Some never just get married TV01: |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by TV01(m): 10:55pm On Nov 29, 2013 |
pickabeau1: Just as you have mentioned in your post ... If it's extreme case we agree. If one dies pre-puberty, of course they won't. If one is not mentally competent, no they shouldn't, But typically, when people say that marriage is not for everyone, they do not mean outliers, that is taken as read., But for the the vast majority of people who attain adulthood and are not in any way defective, there is no reason that marriage is not for them. I'm talking in principle, not exceptions. They may not understand it,embrace it, be responsible enough for it or simply choose not to do it, but it is for everyone. That cliché alone makes some miss it. TV 1 Like |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by pickabeau1: 12:07am On Nov 30, 2013 |
TV01: Hmmm.... I get you but what you call outliers may not be a minority But I get what you mean by clichés |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by Fulaman198(m): 1:18am On Nov 30, 2013 |
TV01: It should be that simple, it's just that human beings are very imperfect with their thought process |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by Toyinletstalk(f): 5:53am On Nov 30, 2013 |
When you marry for the things you hope to get from the other person, the marriage becomes a hole that your expectations when received fills the hole, when you don't receive what you want, the hole is there and every other way to fill it up with other things, won't just work. Marriage always come first irrespective of what you have suddenly achieved or become. When we put our marriages first and respect it by all means, we learn how to balance everything in such away that nothing suffers. Your career will not suffer, your kids and the time you spend with them will not suffer, your relationship with your spouse will not suffer, and so on. Women, naturally have more responsibilities in a marriage, we always want to share it, trust, but the better you know that majority of it and keeping your home, strictly lies on the woman, the better and fight free most home (in this our generation) will be. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 12:37pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
Wowwwwww!! You all don't know how much I love you right now. You make it seem sooo simple. spontaneity is key. and friendship too. hmmmmn. I have to read those posts, again. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by bukatyne(f): 1:17pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
Toyinletstalk: When you marry for the things you hope to get from the other person, the marriage becomes a hole that your expectations when received fills the hole, when you don't receive what you want, the hole is there and every other way to fill it up with other things, won't just work. This your post nawa o esp. the bolded It is well o! |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 2:09pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
bellong: The first step to a blissful and prosperous union is to understand the purpose and essence of marriage. Marriage is not to turn any member of the union to a slave but for helping each other. To be an help-meet to each other. But if the lady is more skillful in some areas and the husband just expects her to perform her skills, would it be easy to flex when things go a little wrong? |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 2:11pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
Sissie: First example, this happens all the time, wife doesn't have time to cook the 3 course meal, husband is already used to eating sumptuous meal and also thinks it's wife's duty alone to do the cooking, it sounds simple but it leads to so many other problems. Then you agree that the husband could compromise and not demand because they agreed to it b4 marriage. But there are cases where they have not agreed and had led to divorce. which makes the talk about couples being ready to take less than what they expected genuine. If he would not, they'll have problems. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 2:14pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
Sissie: If spouses demand much from each other, it should be realistic and flexible. It should not be one party doing the demanding the other doing the giving. Yes. But I am talking of the mindset of going into the marriage with the thought that you could take much less, if you have to. You know how our lists are so long maybe we wont compromise that b4 marriage. But with marriage, all hands are on deck to make it work..in a synergy. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 2:18pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
byvan: When both spouses are flexible,they ll hardly disagree . If only couples can do what suits them and forget the way others did it in the past, marriage ll definitely be a walk in the park . It's hard when young couples try to live by the book,where wife cooks thrice a day,husband must foot the bill and so on..... This idea suits me, a lot .I like to do what I want to do just because I want to do it. It is much more fun when it is not a responsibility. But how realistic is it in Marriage? There's just a set of traits that go woth being married. Some kind of responsible state.. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by tpia5: 2:20pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
When going into marriage just accept there are two options: either it will work out or it won't. Divorce is always a possibility and increasingly so these days. Therefore, imo the topic has been thoroughly examined and exhausted enough, people should take what they can from it or ignore what has been said, and move on. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by onegig(m): 2:55pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
tpia@: Why should we? I never go into something planning to fail. Having that thought is like conceding to 50% defeat. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by tpia5: 3:14pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
^ that is your expectation. I was referring to reality. As per options. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by Nobody: 3:15pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
deols: Definitely some set of traits goes with being married but it's nothing to fret about,nature takes its course.You just find yourself becoming more of a nurturer and less of a daredevil if you were one . There is always spontaneity when you are married to someone that sees life through similar lens with you,you can't marry a rigid minded traditional man and expect flexibility .Children will curb some adventures too,i know what kids did to our carefree lifestyle .when third parties are completely eliminated in a marriage,there is usually a fertile ground for spontaneity to thrive. It won't be about you anymore,all decisions have to be about "Us ",thats why marriage frustrates selfish people. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 3:26pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
tpia@: madam. I used to always believe that divorce is an option. A big, good option. When I started to think in line of being more ready to deal with certain not so good situations, I thought it was me growing up. Dont draw me back please plus I am an optimist. The man I shall marry shall be the one and only. thats the dream ma'm. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 3:27pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
byvan: You always have a hilarious twist to it. Traditional men are a no NO. I cannot come and go and die. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by bukatyne(f): 3:34pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
deols: I have heard people say that love is selfish. But does it have to be? Our society expect rigid role playing between couples and frowns when they tend to deviate. However, a couple that knows that they have only each other will give all it takes to make it work smoothly Divorce is an option that can be eliminated if each party know what they want and patiently wait/look for it |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by tpia5: 3:49pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
deols: People have already dropped enough suggestions, advice and comments for you to choose from. Besides, you also have other threads you opened to discuss marriage and expectations. Your preparations are intense, yet you are not even ready to marry as you pointed out. I just feel sometimes its about 'gbe enyan lenu jo' so to speak. Ie have people type till their fingers get tired, gba arodan. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 3:56pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
tpia@: They are not complaining. And I am genuine. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 3:57pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw: Good topic for discussion. I must to invite you nahhh |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 3:59pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
ifyalways: There is no way any human relationship CANNOT be symbiotic, not even in marriage. Right from birth,childhood,everything, all we do as humans is for mutual benefits. Now, the "benefit" is relative and not quantified in all situation. I agree totally. But when things are a little not perfect, we could just live with less.. |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 4:02pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
ireneidiva: I used to say that I would never pay. my money is for me myself and I |
Re: What If Spouses Demand Less From Each Other? by deols(f): 4:04pm On Dec 05, 2013 |
MMotimo: Today, I think people overthink this idea of marriage too much, sometimes it sounds like heading to battle. Marriage is a coupling of friends, not enemies and not meant for people that can barely tolerate each other. Maybe I am just an oldfashioned romantic but I believe in love and I believe it covers up a lot of things. Your story is sweet. kai |
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