Fulaman198: People should not marry one another based on material things and tangibles. By doing so, you are indirectly setting yourself up for failure. Just because someone is rich one day, doesn't mean they will always be rich. We can't take the things God gives to us for granted.

This is why marrying someone strictly for their heart is important.

chaircover: deols marriage isnt that complicated . . .or it shouldn't be anyway and its def not a one plus one is equal to 2 affair.

If you see the other person as an extension of yourself and you learn to relax and enjoy it, things wont be so hard

I kind of even think that these rules and regulations and tick sheets that people go into before the marriage have the disadvantage of making the holes look bigger when they occur.

The dynamics of marriage are always changing. One cant treat marriage like a fixed deposit account. One day you could be putting in 90% and the next day 40% . . .the people in the marriage must be flexible. That is the only way to enjoy it.

pickabeau1: In addition, marriage no be by force...

It may not even be your destiny

TV01: @OP, I believe a proper understanding off what the dynamic of marriage should be would lead to a better phrasing of your poser thus;

"What if spouses sacrifice more for each other"

TV

onegig:
You couldn't have said it better. I used to wonder where all these people shouting food is the way to a man's heart get their idea from. Maybe in the past but as of now who is cooking should be the least of things causing disagreements.

Most guys are not really fixed on food. Me as an example don't have any fav. food or fixation that you must cook this or that. I just eat anything i feel is right and at anytime it is available. I understand the op's use of the example to pass her message across but food should be the last thing causing marital problems Abeg.

@topic. I guess going into a marriage with the mindset of "what would i offer" not "what i tend to get" or "what i am entitled to" also helps. If everyone has this mindset to compromise would be much easier because you would always be pro -relationship and not the selfish type. I just believe two people who are getting married should have atleast covered most areas and understand the essence of compromise.

deols:

No. People talk too much about sacrifice. The condition you are trying to meet is thus high and it becomes harder for each person cos each is demanding sacrifice from the other.

what if we just demand less? and not expect too much from the other person?

dayokanu: I agree with OP. People expect too much from their partner like they married Superman or superwoman

First remember the person you married is human too just like yourself before giving him/her inhuman request

Its in every aspect. A man expect he marries a woman and now he should be getting fresh soup every meal, hot steaming pounnded yam daily, give birth to kids clean after them diligently, wake up every night to rock baby to sleep everytime, house cleaned every hour, mindblowing sex every 12hours, Wife kneeling to serve food wash cloth daily and never be tired for once

Women marries and expect all her financial needs to be met, She can go blow money anyhow and expect to be replenished daily, She lives in a mansion, drives brand new cars uses latest gadget and dont care to know how they are funded. Comes to sex, the man should light candle, soak in bath tub, do 2hrs 4play twice a day and now have the sex they talk about in Mills and Boons

Thats why I think when roles and responsibilities are shared regardless of gender, then it makes things easier for both but when you want to draw lines between Man and woman duties then it gets tough

I cant be providing for everything my wife needs 100% and not expect 100% from her responsibilities.

since she doesnt care if I am tired from my daily hustle why should I care if she is tired also from the housekeeping and baby care

tpia@:
I dont think its necessarily a bad thing for people to have preferences in food, as long as you're sure of its safety.

For example, you'd be hard pressed to find an italian who doesnt like pasta or pizza, a german who doesnt like beer and sauerkraut, a brit who doesnt prefer curry or fish and chips, or an american who doesnt like ice cream.

byvan:


There must be sacrifice for a marriage to work,there just have to be.

Fulaman198:

For me, I just want a woman who is virgin with a kind pure heart. I would love this woman with all my heart and protect her with my life.

byvan: The typical Naija marriage is exhausting.i have a friend whose husband ll not touch food that is not fresh from fire.He comes home as late as 1.am,thats when she starts preparing his food,he doesn't eat anything preserved like dry pepper or dry fish, he eats everything fresh.He kept up his part of whatever deal they made by making sure she doesn't lack cash.

Living by rules is not living at all.

pickabeau1: hope u get what u want

Toyinletstalk: When you marry for the things you hope to get from the other person, the marriage becomes a hole that your expectations when received fills the hole, when you don't receive what you want, the hole is there and every other way to fill it up with other things, won't just work.

Marriage always come first irrespective of what you have suddenly achieved or become. When we put our marriages first and respect it by all means, we learn how to balance everything in such away that nothing suffers. Your career will not suffer, your kids and the time you spend with them will not suffer, your relationship with your spouse will not suffer, and so on.

Women, naturally have more responsibilities in a marriage, we always want to share it, trust, but the better you know that majority of it and keeping your home, strictly lies on the woman, the better and fight free most home (in this our generation) will be.

prissyluv: I think d first thing we should ask ourselves here is why do people get married?

byvan:


It's always easier being married to your friend,i wonder how she survives that.

byvan: Deols,better marry someone very modern,old school guys are disconnected from 21st century network, they definitely ll need constant wifey pounded fufu to keep their archaic selves moving.

Fulaman198:

For me, I just want a woman who is virgin with a kind pure heart. I would love this woman with all my heart and protect her with my life.

deols:

madam. I used to always believe that divorce is an option. A big, good option.

When I started to think in line of being more ready to deal with certain not so good situations, I thought it was me growing up.

Dont draw me back please
plus I am an optimist. The man I shall marry shall be the one and only. thats the dream ma'm.

deols:

I hope u dont think it is hard to get

pickabeau1: (

I hope not... but a lot of posters here are so idealistic...

deols:
He is a Fulani man. He will more likely get her a virgin. The pure heart part must be the big distinguishing factor.

That is like the ideal if he is still connected to his roots.

dayokanu: Whats wrong with traditional men?

So all babes here prefer modern men who demand for open marriages, Annall sexx, who wears red jeans and metrosexual whose communication is via text messages and facebook etc

Or whats the definition of a modern man

deols:

women have more respon what?? lol

both have the responsibility jorhh.

If u are a man, na ur type i go run away from

Toyinletstalk:

Lol I know. But women truly do have more work. I used to think that way till I got married and even after I did, life became better for me when I just accepted my responsibilities. It is easier. You will be surprised, it is a woman that will do all the praying, because you want your home and kids to be a success, some men are hardcore prayer warriors, while others are cold until they are"called".

Men who help with chores are also few, you will be glad to marry someone who has been really trained by their parents to take up "cleaning the house" responsibility or sharing it. And if you can't stay in a dirty environment, you don't have a choice but to clean it.

Child birth, if you live in a country where they allow the men into the labor room then better to an extent, still they don't have an idea on what the women are going through. What of Nigeria that say "men cannot enter the labor room" for what I don't know. Maybe if they did, there would be more empathy. I think there should be a peaceful demonstration on that.

Toyinletstalk:

Lol I know. But women truly do have more work. I used to think that way till I got married and even after I did, life became better for me when I just accepted my responsibilities. It is easier. You will be surprised, it is a woman that will do all the praying, because you want your home and kids to be a success, some men are hardcore prayer warriors, while others are cold until they are"called".

Men who help with chores are also few, you will be glad to marry someone who has been really trained by their parents to take up "cleaning the house" responsibility or sharing it. And if you can't stay in a dirty environment, you don't have a choice but to clean it.

Child birth, if you live in a country where they allow the men into the labor room then better to an extent, still they don't have an idea on what the women are going through. What of Nigeria that say "men cannot enter the labor room" for what I don't know. Maybe if they did, there would be more empathy. I think there should be a peaceful demonstration on that.

Another example.

One of the things that got her into the union was how much he was able to spend on her. She was used to the big life anyway. He met her as a high maintenance lady.

He did not allow her to work because he could provide for her needs.

But he lost in a big investment. Now, she can't have all she used to and just cannot deal with that.

How practicable is it that she stays on and cuts her spendings and just accepts the inadequacy and lives with him like that.

Looks impracticable to me but looks like breaking the marriage isn't a good option. How does she handle this?