A poem I just wrote, inspired by a group of kids I passed returning from school. Enjoy, and please critique, I'm learning to write!

*A personification of innocence, peace radiating
unconscious to a judgmental world, prone to rating
a walking and breathing artifact, a proof living
that there exist a higher power, capable of doing wonders!

*Torn trousers, dirty shirts, and a bruised knee
unkempt hair, dirty nails, and roadside pee
it looks like food, 7 table spoons of sugar in your tea
eat it, without a care in the world what it entails!

*Pink lipped, yellowish teeth, because you rarely brush
smile wide and proud, wonder why they're so prudish
your bath, your dressing, all done in a rush
ill fitting shirt, wrongly worn pants, who cares?

*When they stare, their hearts melt like heated wax
you are picture perfect, better than the best classics
what is to fault in this perfect masterpiece?
Mellow with reverence, as they converge their stares!

I ws hoping for remarks from the professionals here, pls drop a remark, correction, a referral, anything.

Honey, there ain't no professional here, we are all learning. Ur poem is nice, it depicts innocence of children, though 'dirty' children.

Err, i just think the verses are scattered, i.e. Not in a comprehensible line format.

Its all good...weldone

I gerrit



thanx

You're welcome.




monitoring spirit mynd, say something

princesa: You're welcome.




monitoring spirit mynd, say something

I dont come here remember

Oh puleaseee spare me, just because you happened to pass tru here this night, you wanna beat ur chest?

Not on me honey