My husband discuses our plans wit his brother & im not comfortable wit his brother knowin we re buyin a car, we want to buy a land etc. i hav talked to him about it but i dont want 2 luk lyk im sowing enemity btw dem. is it ok or im i being posesive?

In this kind of situation, ur patience nm wisdom is needed. I think discussing his plans with his family is what he's been doing before he married u so getting him to change it might be a lil difficult. It's not bad as long as their intentions towards him n ur family is not bad. The heart of ur husband is in ur hands.

@op a man is first d son of his family before becoming ur hubby.same for you. Now picture d reverse scenario. He thinks u shud stop discussing stuff wt ur mom or siblings...get? it ll sound to u like he wants to isolate you and alienate u from ur family.WISDOM! Study him well.study his family too.accept d things u can't change, n change those that u can. But DONT INSIST!

Renee, im just worried. u wouldnt know which one is envious or bitter about his achievements.

@Zomo, is he not supose 2 leave his family & cleav 2 his wife? i hav left mine. i dont discus private maters with dem like plans not yet materialised.

Brokenbars: Renee, im just worried. u wouldnt know which one is envious or bitter about his achievements.

K, I catch ur drift. U have a right to be worried. Maybe u shud approach him thru a friend dat he listens to.do u have marriage sponsors|pillars?those ppl that promise to guide you in ur marriage n step in when u have issues?talk to dem n express ur sincere concerns, especially if they r ppl u v Bn taking ur marriage issues to.

Envy is dangerous.

@zomo, He dosnt keep close friends & we dont bring in third parties. he wuldnt lyk it if our sponsor gets to know dat and i dont know how 2 make him see dat his brodas are also third parties.

Brokenbars: @Zomo, is he not supose 2 leave his family & cleav 2 his wife? i hav left mine. i dont discus private maters with dem like plans not yet materialised.

Hey no beef intended, but does a person ever LEAVE his family that brought him or her up?with all d emotional bonding families experience while growing up?most likely he feels d need for "validation" of his intentions, in which case it's dangerous. Don't know, jus guessing. However u have a right to be concerned.

Employ subtle measures, n pray to God for wisdom. Lest u r mentioned as d one that brought division to d family.

@Zomo, tanks though. while i was courting him, he wasnt dis family man. der wer tyms i presed him 2 open up to his family wen his biz colapse, wen we wer strugln. at tyms his family got 2 him through me. now God has blessed us & he is teling stories?

Brokenbars: @Zomo, tanks though. while i was courting him, he wasnt dis family man. der wer tyms i presed him 2 open up to his family wen his biz colapse, wen we wer strugln. at tyms his family got 2 him through me. now God has blessed us & he is teling stories?

u av to b patient and cont to pray for him..

Brokenbars: @Zomo, tanks though. while i was courting him, he wasnt dis family man. der wer tyms i presed him 2 open up to his family wen his biz colapse, wen we wer strugln. at tyms his family got 2 him through me. now God has blessed us & he is teling stories?

Confirms what I thought.reserved an withdrawn when he was struggling, n now open to his family after becoming successful? He is lookn for validation.probably felt small before now and feels d need to belong, using his success as yardstick. Dear, am not puttinh him down, am saying this becos I v Bn there n am stil there.i only started watching my tongue by October or so when someone cautioned me.previously I felt discussing my achievements n plans with my family n peers will put me on d map too.now am havin a rethink.

Guess my wife has been praying for me...lol

Brokenbars: @Zomo, is he not supose 2 leave his family & cleav 2 his wife? i hav left mine. i dont discus private maters with dem like plans not yet materialised.

What exactly is your problem, please. So because your husband has married you, he should start treating his brothers like strangers? Leaving your family does not mean your should turn them into strangers or enemies, it only means your number one priority should be your "new family". The fact that you may not be close to your family does not mean your husband should not be close to his. He is only making plans, who knows if one of his brothers know a good architect that can build a house or knows some land somewhere he can buy for cheap. No man is an island, even the bible says the Lord sets the solitary in families.

You are newly married and I can assure you that you will sooner than later need this same family of his you are trying to chase away. The day your darling husband misbehaves, who will you run to? Or if you succeed in chasing his family away, do you think you can ever go back to them for anything? Jealous my foot, why should they be jealous of your husband? Because you now have small money so everybody around you is now jealous of you. When your husband becomes a billionaire, you would even ask him to disown his mother and brothers since they will be greatly jealous. You cannot win the fight you want to fight and even if you win, the cost of victory would not be worth the fight.

You dont tell a man to do away with his family. Its a battle you cannot win. I will advice you not to even bring the issue up at all because it is not an issue. Nothing wrong in a man being close to his siblings and if you are not friends with yours, then you should check yourself out!

Nash ti yari

ask her what her problem is Abeg, once they enter o house dem don make themselves alpha and omega. Jealous of what really?

If you can beat them ( which will never happen anytime soon unless o fe te niyen) join them, My 2 cents.

Set boundaries not chase them away na

I can't stand men that just can't be men.

It's so easy for women to leave and cleave,my dear let me tell you what has worked for me in this matter.

Na prayer o,not prayer that my hubby shld not share stuffs with his family but that God should give him the understanding of what it means to cleave and because God knows that marriage is the union of just two people he answers me speedily

Men are naturally very insensitive,it will amaze you that that same brother he shares things with will never tell him anything abt himself

Don't ever try to come between him and his sibs cos they can't stand that but prayerfully stand your ground as madam of the house,when the chips are down this folks are not there o,be close to your inlaws but plesae set BOUNDARIES no matter how much they love you their son will come first.

Some things should stay between u and hubby,it's only normal,marriage is a deep mystery.

My brother in law used to give me loads of issues when i got married, he lived with us from day 1 of our weddinghe was just a trouble maker and my hubby was helpless he cld not do anything abt it,infact hubby was fighting me that am the trouble maker ,incidentally we had to move apartments so i just went on my knees and told God i do not want him to move in with us and o boy that my prayer was so answered,infact quickly answered,though we had enuf space to accomodate him and hubby kept encouraging him to move in with us,i did not even discuss anything with hubby as my hubby dey beg am to move in i was telling God he must not move in with us o and he did not.Now he's married and he so jealously protects his wife nobody can harrass her.

You are a woman and you have the power right on your knees,it worrks like magic as long as you are not manipulative

Absolutely NOT!!
If you cannot sort out YOUR MARITAL PROBLEMS YOURSELVES, YOU HAVE NO BUSINESS WITH GETTING MARRIED.

There is nothing right about it,he should learn to keep his mouth shout,tell them when the plans have materialised.

byvan: There is nothing right about it,he should learn to keep his mouth shout,tell them when the plans have materialised.

i was reading abt a guy on a thread who just got a job n the relatives were not happy.the same people that seem to encourage him when he was jobless.
@op, pray just like tanidabi said.its best to keep quiet till the project materialise.u only know who love,u dont knw who loves u.
my dad was lik dat till they showed him pepper n he learnt his lesson

There is no doubt that being family, doesn't necessarily mean they care. I remember when I was a teenager seeking admission, one of my aunts suggested that I should learn dress making instead of wasting my time in admission seeking. I ll never forget the response I gave her that day .

Nashvile, have u been maried? if u were, u would know how painful it is 4 u 2 plan with ur spouse today and tomorow d news is all ova d family. im not against him being close 2his family, im even closer 2d family dan he is but i just want som privacy

bluuu:
u only know who you love,u dont knw who loves u.
my dad was lik dat till they showed him pepper n he learnt his lesson

Sometimes people have to learn that way, because no amount of warnings will suffice.

Ewuro, my boundary is dat wat we discus/plan should not get 2 dem b4 d plans materialised. is dat too much to ask?

Op

If your story is true, then while its not advisable for you to come between a man and his family ( let him make that decision by himself), what is necessary is for both of you to monitor the feedback after his relatives are aware of his plan.

Do the plans still materialize or not? Do you see clogs from unknown and various sources being thrown in the works? Do you get bullied or shaken down by strangers or associates on the basis of information you never told them and which they should not have been privy to?

If personal information is reaching outsiders via family members, and these outsiders are using your relatives to try to destroy you, then be alert.

Tpia, dats wat i dont want 2 hapen. somtyms, u dont get a second chance.

Brokenbars: Tpia, dats wat i dont want 2 hapen. somtyms, u dont get a second chance.

True, I was going to mention that also, but decided against it, don't want to scare people unnecessarily.

Just trust in God if you are religious, and commit everything to prayer.

Tpia, 90% of exposed plans dont come 2 be. we saw it, discusd it @ agreed 2 keep most plans sealed only 4 him 2 start again. i guess im just left wit one option: to pray.

That might be the best option, the situation is risky.

Somtymes it hurts dat we agreed on white only 4 him 2 change to blue because his brothers say so. its even more anoying dat he is d eldest & cant be independent of his youger brothers.

@op, there is no much you can do, so that you won't be seen as causing division among siblings. If they are good siblings/people and they always helpful and supportive, morally and in every good way,leave him, it's working to his and your advantage too, but if on the other hand, it seems they are envious or rebellious, leave him as well, by the time they show him once and he has the primary experience, no one will caution him, he will caution himself.

Wisdom is the principal thing, and how do you get the wisdom, by experience.

May God help us all.

Brokenbars: Nashvile, have u been maried? if u were, u would know how painful it is 4 u 2 plan with ur spouse today and tomorow d news is all ova d family. im not against him being close 2his family, im even closer 2d family dan he is but i just want som privacy

thanks for reminding me our anniversary is around the corner. I have been married looong enough to be able to give some advice.

If your husband were talking about you or something you did or your family or even children, I will be worried. The examples you gave are trivial to me. What is the big deal in buying a car or land that one cannot talk about openly with siblings.

If his family haven't given him any reason to make him suspicious of them then there is no need for you to cause any problems. He knows his family better than you and if he comfortable telling them, so be it. I know you may have heard a lot of things about bad or jealous in laws, but if you do not have that problem, please don't create it for yourself. Some families have good people who genuinely love each other.

Brokenbars: Ewuro, my boundary is dat wat we discus/plan should not get 2 dem b4 d plans materialised. is dat too much to ask?

No it's not too much to ask . Boundaries are set for personal space to prevent unsolicited familiarity.But from your description (husband's relationship with his family), I'm afraid you can't win this battle against them, unless you wouldn't mind to be alienated , and that still wouldn't make him listen to you.

I tried putting myself in his shoes , my brothers tell me everything, we talk everyday, so I'll be extremely shocked toward a lady with your mindset / plan to drift us apart. I believe you but find it very hard to believe that you don't share stuff with your own family.

And if you still think & feel they're diabolic or deceitful kinda people then pray for him, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it to you, he's not gonna listen soon with your description. But if you like ,start fighting over it then and see if that'll resolve your concern.

Good luck

@Nashvile, i do ope so. but if u want 2 offer help, can u do so politely? cos 4rm ur post, it dosnt luk lyk u are maried. nevertheless, happy anniversary in advance.

Brokenbars: @Nashvile, i do ope so. but if u want 2 offer help, can u do so politely? cos 4rm ur post, it dosnt luk lyk u are maried. nevertheless, happy anniversary in advance.

thanks and I just read my post again and doesn't sound rude. I just don't want you to create problems for yourself. From what you described, you and hubby are happy and his family are very happy with you. Isn't that what you want?
Once you start pestering you husband and he begins to distance himself from his family. The family too will begin to distance themselves from both of you. Do you think your husband will be happy being the lone ranger in the family. Guess what, he will eventually take it out on you and so might his family.
Your marriage is working, please dont spoil it. You may be the secretive type, but your husband may not. None is better than the other.