My apologies, this topic may have already been addressed. However, I searched through most of the posts but I really could not relate to any of the topics. Before I go on, I feel the need to remind everyone that I came on here because I am hurt and I am, desperately seeking advice from a third party and PLEASE, don't comment if you have nothing good to say.
Okay, so my husband enjoys keeping to himself when we have arguments..and he could go days without speaking to me. Initially, I made it my duty to keep the communication line open and after enduring the silence for about 24 hours, I ALWAYS broke the silence. Well, fast forward ... I eventually realized that this was becoming a pattern so I quit being the silence- breaker. I just let him continue displaying his malice keeping skills until he is tired to break the silence himself. Sometimes this, takes days, the most recent being over a week and here's what happened:
Last month, my husband was sent on a 6-month official trip overseas and we have tried to maintain a positive long-distance relationship via phone, skype etc.. Recently, my friend and her fiance made a trip to my city (they had some events to attend that week) but they stayed in a hotel for privacy. I thought it would be a great gesture to cook for them, at least one time, during the duration of their trip. I made the meal and took it to them at the hotel (We just moved to a new house and we do not have furniture yet- to host anyone). Anyway, when I got there, My friend and her fiance met me at the lobby where we chatted and relaxed a little bit before I went back home. My husband called my phone while I was there, he wanted me to come on skype. I told him I was not home and that I took food to my friend and her fiance at the hotel. Mind you, he knew before hand that my friend and her hubby would be in town and would be lodging at the hotel. He just did not know that I would be cooking and taking the meal to them (I guess I should have told him that too, considering I tell him everything- but honestly it skipped my mind because I didnt think it was a big deal), Anyway, when he called, I told him where I was and what I was was doing there and ... the rest is history.. He sent me a very very very long text message, chastising me for taking food to a hotel, he warned me to "NEVER IN MY LIFE TELL HIM SUCH AGAIN", Yes! he reaally snapped and hasn't talked to me in over a week and honestly I am fed up with his constant attitude of keeping malice. I wish I had just kept my mouth shut. I know they say it's good to share everything with your spouse but can anyone blame me for not wanting to share now? I really dont know what to do. I agree we will disagree on things because we are two different people but why must he get extremely mad every time he disagrees with me? Please your kind comments are welcome. I also need to know if I did wrong by taking food to my friend and her hubby. I feel so horrible. Long distance is bad enough but then he wont speak to me at all?

By the way, we live in a country where there are very few Nigerian restaurants, and my friend and her hubby planned on eating burgers and pizzas throughout their trip. This is why I felt the need to cook naija meal for them as a kind gesture.

How long have you been married for?

Did you notice his tendency to keep stuff to himself whilst dating? Or is this some new habit he's suddenly developed?

Have you both got any kids between you and if so, how many and how old are they?

Are you in employment at the moment?

And finally, where are you based?

The reason I ask these questions is to get a clearer picture before offering my words of advice and what I think of the current situation.

We live in Minnesota. No kids. We got married January last year (almost 2 years now). He has always had this tendency (before we got married) and I brought it to his attention so many times... each time, he said "I'm working on it, you know I'm not perfect". I work part time and I am in school part time so I stay busy. Let me also add that he is a great guy. I mean, besides these anger bouts, he is an excellent man.

Okay. At two years, your marriage is still relatively very young. I should say that you both should still be in your honeymoon stage as you haven't got any kids yet.

However, I am very much aware that distance does put a strain on any relationship, moreso marriage. The key to resolving any differences is effective communication. That cannot be over emphasised. You've got to talk, talk, and talk some more with your husband. He is now no longer just your hubby, but your best friend and confidant.

It is normal to have disagreements in any relationship. Infact, disagreements are necessary so you get to understand the other person better. The important thing here is how those disagreements are resolved. Keeping malice won't solve the problem or even make the problem go away. It'll only serve to compound issues - more like sweeping them under the carpet. Keeping malice with someone only works if the other person responds likewise. I know it's hard work but you must never give in to it - I'll explain why a bit later.

In the meantime, it's important that when your hubby airs is views (no matter how much you disagree with him), give him that respect and listen quietly to what he has to say. Don't interrupt and don't ever raise your voice and yell or shout in response. If need be, bite your tongue and let him let it all out. When he's done, then you address what he's said point by point in a calm tone. By doing this, you're letting him know that:

~ You're listening to him
~ You're according him the respect he deserves as a man
~ You're mature.

I'm suspecting that his keeping malice with you is a reflex action on his part in response to how you communicate / respond to him. Yes, I know there are some people out there who can win an Olympic award for their country when it comes to keeping malice - old (and bad) habits die hard...but you are his wife and you must continue to rise above it. When he sees that you don't play his game, he'll gradually open up and be a bit more responsive to you. I know it's going to be tough but don't take it to heart. Apart from this flaw of his, you must have seen other qualities within him that endeared him to you.

There are so many ways you can communicate with your spouse in this day and age even though he isn't there with you in person. Surprise him with calls to let him know you care and are thinking of him. The odd text message here or there letting him know that he's the apple of your eye and you can't wait for him to come back home...an email message to him, or better still - the old fashioned pen and paper letter via post. Whether he responds or not is not the issue but the fact that you're still communicating with him and letting him know what's happening at your end is bound to melt his heart when the time comes. I really want you to focus on doing this because if you continue on the current war path you are with him, the emotional gap between you both is bound to widen and when this happens, you'll find yourself looking on the outside of your matrimonial home to someone else, be it an ex, just to listen to you. This as you know is dangerous because once it starts, it'll be harder for you to bond with your man and you'll very quickly find yourself walking down a path you never anticipated.

Men by nature are very jealous and you telling him you were with friends in a hotel must have made him conjure up all sorts of images in his head. Unfair I know, but this just goes to show that he doesn't trust you. A man who trusts his wife will (in my opinion) act differently. Is your hubby on good terms with your friend and her fiancée? If not, then it might even be a case of him not wanting you to associate with them.

Nonetheless, 2 years is still very early and you have to find the strength within you to want to work things out between you both. In the meantime, I'll advice you to hold off on having kids yet. Kids do not bridge the gap in a troubled relationship but only serve to compound it. Sort out your differences with your hubby first.

I hope this helps and goodluck!

First of all..Never Allow while dating wat u cannot tolerate wen married.
Also, I personally donot see anything wrong wit cooking n taking t dem a home cooked meal. I mean wat is d big deal ? Except there's something am missing

Now, d brutal truth is , Cold Shoulder,《which is wat ur husband does is a form of manipulation I.e he is Manipulative..n I guess I can safely assume that wenthat happens most times, he ends up getting his way.
U need t see it f wat it is.
Communication is not communication if its only on 'sunny days'. True communication involves both the good n d bad..n wat ur husbands doing isn't healthy@all.
I think its high time u read him d riot act.
U need t b Assertive n let him understand tins Have Got t change.
U r not happy n allowing d situation remain so will only lead t more unhappiness n heartbreak.
Let him Know u r not going t stand f it anymore..u can't b sowing oranges n expect apple juice..,
and f Pete's sake, Stop allowing him 've his way whenever that happens.

Not telling u t be confrontational but ASSERTIVE.

If u make urself a doormat, don't complain wen ppl wipe their feet on u.

Sorry if I am being blunt..
Peace

My Dear there is one great trick that has been working for me,knowing who my wife is...My wife will never say "i am sorry" no matter what,we quarreled over it for many years and at a point i realized that the fact that she does not say "i am sorry" when she offends me does not mean that she is not sorry in her heart..Knowing your partner is the first key to a successful relationship,the next is figuring out how to live with those little boring attitudes that we all possess..You already know who your husband is; send him an apology text message about the food aspect,it may not be a big deal to you but to him it is a big deal;understanding and respecting the feelings of our partner is a key to a successful relationship. Apologize to him and move on,let him be on his silent mode while you activate your airplane mode and keep the relationship going.

Call ur hubby!

Thank you all for your words or encouragement and advice. God bless you.

Madam,
Pick up the phone right now and call your husband and explain yourself to him!
Why spend time explaining your marital problems to strangers like me when you could explain to the main person concerned why you were in the hotel.
Madam, you needto learn thet two wrongs do not make a right and since you KNOW that your husband keeps malice'the onus is on you to be the bigger person in the marriage and diffuse the tension.
I believe it is better to remain single than to be divorced and in retrospect, you should have kept the lines of communication open by informing him that you were taking food to your friend and her husband in an hotel.
Your husband probably feels disrespected by your action so once again I admonish you to pick up the phone and explain yourself.
If you are a sensible wife, it is a infinite price to pay for the peace of your marriage.

marriage isnt marrying a perfect person,but accepting the imperfection of the other person. Dont relent or stop the silence breaker,we men are full of egos,and always need women to massage,and pamper it. Pls,call your hubby,and explain things to him,he would come around. Anytime he is in his mood swing,rather than avoid him,try to break the silence,since you have known that is his imperfection. Dont give room for communication breakdown in your marriage

Jenny, you are needed here.

Another wan don come!
Suffering and smiling womens' club!

I don't have any advice for you o.
You will learn to LET MEN BE MEN. . . while you learn to be a woman.

In any marriage, there is no 'US' or 'WE' only YOU AND I!!!


Happy holidays darling. . . ENJOY THIS SONG!!!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2zKKKpP_wSE