martha: Hmmm

Lol..my sister ,na real hmmm

@OP, sounds like your main concern is how to convince your wife that you really didn't know of the pregnancy nor existence of your daughter.

If you really knew nothing, then you have nothing to fear. It's that simple. Wishing your daughter away won't make a difference. She's here now and the best you can do is to forge some sort of relationship with her.

Be an adult and do the right thing.

[size=24pt]SAY NO TO S.EX BEFORE MARRIAGE![/size]

Na stories like dis Naija movie makers for dey copy dey make movies,

Congratulations sir. Cönsult the elders in family.

Do right by your child. Your wife, well you know her best, do whatever you can to soften the blow.

No be serious matter, U dated her far back in university and it wont be seen as cheating on your wife. However i don't understand her motive in keeping the secret away from you and cutting off all contacts for years

thorpido: You have to confirm she is indeed your child.You said she looks like you but you will have to get the word from the mum and if need be,do a DNA test.
If it's confirmed,you will have to let your wife and family know about it.It was not like you cheated on your wife.It already happened before you met her.The child is here and you will have to take responsibility.

Cheating is cheating, friend. It doesn't matter if it happened before or after marriage.

This one na serious matter. One need the wisdom of the ancestors

smilelane: I once had a relationship with a lady while in university. Before I could come back from one sessional holiday, She has welshed on me. Unfortunately, communication gadgets weren't a commonplace at the time. However, I got in touch with her close friend who said she has decided to drop-out of school and move to settle with family in another region of Nigeria away from mine.

I couldn't get any immediate information from her said friend on why my girlfriend will take such decision without letting me in. I had no choice than to move on.

****************************************************************************************

fast-forward to 8+ later: I happened upon her friend and we shared warm pleasantry and memories. Before she bade me well, she left a sour pill in my mouth. She innocently/cunningly threw in that I have a daughter from her friend(my ex). I asked to stop it once if that was meant to be a joke. She said she was saying the truth but won't discuss it any further if I wasn't keen about it. By this time, I was both furious and disinterested and eventually called her bluff.

A year later after that meeting, her word kept ringing on my heart and I somewhat was able to get her number to call her about what she told me. To my greatest surprise, she confirmed it and has connected me with her friend who is now married. I have seen the baby girl on facebook. She looks exactly like me! But I am also married now.

So, how do I start telling my family and my wife especially? My wife doesn't look like anyone that will take the news calmly.

Do a DNA(?), Paternity(?) test to confirm.

If the daughter is truly yours, accept her

What do you mean that your wife wouldn't accept such news?

Has she told you how many abortions she must have had before she met you?

A lot of peeps would have shone her congo before she met you so tell her to quit that sanctimonious attitude.

It happened in the past. We have all been there

We have all made mistakes.

We all have skeletons

The world is like "Wisteria lane" of Desperate Housewives

So let no seed of Eve fool you

Go for your child..

smilelane: I once had a relationship with a lady while in university. Before I could come back from one sessional holiday, She has welshed on me. Unfortunately, communication gadgets weren't a commonplace at the time.

This your story get k-leg o! 9 years ago was 2003 and i remember there were phones then. Anyway, just tell your wife.

thorpido: You have to confirm she is indeed your child.You said she looks like you but you will have to get the word from the mum and if need be,do a DNA test.
If it's confirmed,you will have to let your wife and family know about it.It was not like you cheated on your wife.It already happened before you met her.The child is here and you will have to take responsibility.

Good suggestion

Congratulations.
Great Christmas present.
Pop champagne.
(In fact, I have a free bottle for you here).

The lady codedly use style wicked o. Kept such grave news from u for 9yrs? What was her plan sef? Just barge into ur home unannounced with a child probably in front of ur wife and kids and be like, "this is the product of the relationship we had some years back".

Fear that woman o and do some DNA test, phenotypic features and visage aren't enough to conclude that the said daughter is yours.

All the best man

Oga abeg go claim your pikin. Don't allow your daughter to come looking for you. Go look for her. Yes,your wife will feel bad but she would get over it. Also tell your parents and siblings about your lost but found child and they can also talk to your wife. If I were to be in your wife's shoes,I would accept the child with open arms. No big deal in it!

Khalessi: Let them be...she didn't need you when she was nine months pregnant what makes you think she needs you now that the child is nine?

bcus in nine days tym na wahala Noooo

bigfree: @op. You do nothing!!!
take care of your family and let her take care of hers.
Even if the child is yours; after nine years you wanna play father or what? The child has a father and he is not you.

Exactly what you should do!...from a woman's point of view...MOVE ON, the child has a father and u clearly aint the one!...You have just donated ur sperm to a very lovely woman!...

DICKtator:
Has she told you how many abortions she must have had before she met you?

A lot of peeps would have shone her congo before she met you

My niqqa take it easy na...do you know his wife or have you entered her Congo Brazaville before?

Congrat!

Ur a man nw so tnk lyk one.

OP, I suggest you move on. That she hasn't told you about it shows it doesn't look like your business. It's a tough choice, but life isn't a tea party.

Berem is right Man up, do the right thing but DNA TEST FIRST

KELVIN-XY:


Hmmm
Trickster indeed.!

U seem lyk d type dat doesn't let go easily widout a gud fight,dis cud hav been gud if u're still single but lukin @ ur statues,
I think u don't have much choice..

But It seems lyk u hav made up ur mind to go for her anyway.?

You make it seem like he is an evil person.
He has made up his mind to walk the hard road, while he could just keep quiet and die with the truth.

OP you are man I can respect, taking charge of a previously unknown responsibility is difficult.
I'd advice you press on your ex to reveal why she eloped with "your" child.
As someone put it earlier you might have been an unassuming sperm donor.
Let your wife know, I'd recommend to let things be as they are, no need to let your daughter know yet, just be knowledgeable of her safety and her upkeep no matter how little it is, for the sake if the future permits you to be more active in her life.

Also it is best you reveal to your wife and her only. Avoid even telling your parents for now.

Brose before you tell you wife the news, i hope she takes it calmly, you wiill figure a way you are a man, i dont know if i am on the right thread to post this, I am looking for a fast moving thread.....

Hello Nairalanders, I am so happy today, two weeks after i started a contract job with a bank, i got another job with a top coy,a telecom job, my dream job to be precise, Thank you Lord for making this happen.....I am so Happy

Thank you Mr Seun, Thank you all Nairalnders both the one that post COMMENTS here and the ones that only come to view, thank you guys for your comment on each thread, I learnt alot.... I AM SO SO HAPPY

Testimomonies will not cease from our doorsteps In Jesus Name
Something greater than a good job will locate you all, Amen

your wife wont take it lightly? whats up with this men, who is the head of the house? if she loves you she'll accept your daughter and treat her like her daughter, now if she is gonna be angry with the daughter,it goes to show she doesn't know what love is, now let me set the record straight for people who be talking about that is my step-son or step-daughter, one thing some of you guys don't realize is "we" all come from the same bloodline.....Have we not all One father( natural/spiritual) hath not one Elohim created us? why do we deal treacherously every man against his brother, by profaning the covenant of our fathers? Malachi 2:10 Now what is that covenant? Love you one another

ummitoagirl:


Exactly what you should do!...from a woman's point of view...MOVE ON, the child has a father and u clearly aint the one!...You have just donated ur sperm to a very lovely woman!...

Do u honestly think its so easyto forget u have a child somewhere who probably need ur attention while u curse parents of abandoned children on the street?

Its a different ball game when u aren't aware.

smurfy:

Cheating is cheating, friend. It doesn't matter if it happened before or after marriage.

You are obviously a creche drop out., forget primary school.
The man had a previous relationship which just disappeared mysteriously. And you castigate him for cheating!

First of all, congrats on your discovery if it applies here.

Isn't there a reason why she didn't bother to reach you at all in 9 years to tell you? You could reach her somehow so surely she too could also have found a way to reach you but she didn't.

I understand its hard knowing that she exists and you would indeed be doing what looks like the right and selfless thing to get in touch but then again, there are many others now involved that it may complicate things for. Are your motives of trying to get in touch as selfless as you suppose they are?

I suggest you think carefully about this and speak to others to find out the real reason why you were kept out of the dark this long and then suddenly got word of her existence. Why do you think you were "cunningly" informed by this friend? What are the circumstances involved? Would the husband (I assume she is married too because you said "I am also married) of your baby mama really want to know? What happens after he knows and he does not remain in his marriage? What has the mother told the daughter about you (or nothing about you) all this time? All in all, your wife, how would this play out for both of you? Nigerian women are not as understanding when it comes to issues like this.

Find out everything before you make any hasty decisions especially how this news got to you after so long. Why now? Weigh the pros and cons and whatever conclusion you get to, be thoroughly decisive and see it through 100%. No one can really know your heart and tell you what to do but if it is in the right place, it will always turn out best in the end. After all, the girl (who is the most important to consider here) is only 9 years and may find it hard to understand. It may be much better to wait a few more years till she is at an appropriate age to understand these things.

[quote author=bigfree]@op. You do nothing!!!
take care of your family and let her take care of hers.
Even if the child is yours; after nine years you wanna play father or what? The child has a father and he is not you. If u dnt hv any gud tin 2 said, is nt better u keep ur advice 2 urself! Rada dan advicing some 1 2 4get abt his own daughter, i tink datz a bad advice. My boda if u luv ur daughter fight 2 get her now b4 is too late.

Sorry but you cant learn about this and just walk away. You know yourself that you can't.
I advise that you contact the mum and ask her to be candid about the paternity of the child but let her know that in no way are you asking this to stir trouble in her marriage.
Depends on how your Ex wants to go about it, (e.g. if she is willing that you make some contribution to the welfare of the child or not), then you should calmly let your wife know. She is supposed to be your best friend no matter how negatively you feel that she would react. She needs to understand that you didnt hide this from her but you just recently found out as well (well, kind of ...) but most importantly, you are/ were not cheating on her. This happened years ago.
Don't forget that there is absolutely NOTHING hidden under the sun if you chose to hide this. It will eventually come out even if its at your funeral. That's just the way the world works.
I wish you goodluck!

Na wa for some people here ooo

So you will sleep soundly at night knowing fully well that you have a child somewhere? LaiLai! :0

Op you better go and claim your child. Sperm donor ko! Egg donor ni!