When I was a freshman in high school, and
struggling to find my way, someone anonymously
slipped a note into my locker one afternoon. It
said, “Don’t let them get inside your head. You’re
not boring, nerdy or weird. You’re complex,
creative and far too intelligent for their small
words. And for the record, you are also infinitely
more attractive than you give yourself credit for.”
I never discovered who wrote the note, but
whoever they are, they changed my life. From
that day forward, I changed the way I talked to
myself.
Specifically, I STOPPED saying…
1. “I’m not good enough yet.”
You might think you’re not good enough, but
you’ll surprise yourself if you keep trying. Your
past does not determine who you are. Your past
prepares you for who you are capable of
becoming. What ultimately defines you is how
well you rise after falling. Don’t ever be afraid to
give yourself a chance to be everything you are
capable of being. Forget the haters. Never
undervalue who you are and what you’re capable
of. Excellence is the result of loving more than
others think is necessary, dreaming more than
others think is practical, risking more than others
think is safe, and doing more than others think is
possible.
2. “I should be living up to other people’s
expectations.”
Remember, it’s always better to be at the bottom
of the ladder you want to climb than the top of
the one you don’t. Happiness and success is all
about spending your life in your own way. Always
be yourself and walk your own path. No one can
ever tell you you’re doing it wrong. Everyone has
their own dreams, their own struggles, and a
different path that makes sense for them. You are
YOU for a reason.
If you end up living a boring, miserable life
because you ignored yourself and instead listened
to a parent, a teacher, or some gal on TV telling
you how to live your life, then you have no one
but yourself to blame. Just remember, the
smartest and most courageous act is simply to
think for yourself and listen to you own intuition.
In the end, it’s better to die your way, than live
someone else’s idea of your life. (Angel and I
discuss this in more detail in the “Self-Love” and
“Relationships” chapters of 1,000 Little Things
Happy, Successful People Do Differently
.)
3. “What they think and say about me
matters.”
What would you do differently if you knew nobody
would judge you?
Don’t let others crush your dreams. Do just once
what they say you can’t do, and you will never
pay attention to their negativity again. Don’t walk
away from these negative people… RUN! Good
things happen when you distance yourself from
negativity and those who create it.
Truth be told, no one has the right to judge you.
People may have heard your stories, but they
can’t feel what you are going through; they
aren’t living YOUR life. So forget what they say
about you. Focus on how you feel about yourself,
and do what you know in your heart is right.
4. “I need recognition for my actions to be
worthwhile.”
Do what you know is right. Integrity is doing the
right thing, no matter what, even when nobody’s
going to know whether you did it or not. Life
always finds its balance. Don’t expect to get back
everything you give. Don’t expect recognition for
every effort you make. And don’t expect your
kindness to be instantly recognized or your love
to be understood by everyone you encounter.
What seems like the right thing to do could also
be the hardest thing you have ever done. Do it
anyway. There is no greatness or peace of mind
where there is betrayal of your own goodwill.
Always aim at complete sincerity of your
thoughts, words and deeds. If it is wrong, don’t
do it. If it is untrue, don’t repeat it. Do what you
do because you believe it’s the right thing to do.
Do the right thing even when nobody is looking.
Be one of the people who make a true difference
in the world by leaving it a little better and more
wholesome than you found it.
5. “It’s too late for me.”
Don’t let yesterday steal your present. Don’t
judge yourself by your past… you don’t live there
anymore. Let go, grow, and move forward. As we
grow older and wiser, we begin to realize what we
need and what we need to leave behind.
Sometimes walking away is a step forward.
Sometimes a break from your routine is exactly
what you need. Unless you try to master
something beyond what you already know, you
will feel forever stuck.
Don’t waste another minute regretting what you
did yesterday, and start doing what you have to
do now, so tomorrow you won’t regret what you
did today. It’s not too late. If you feel like it is, it’s
just your inner fears lying to you. But remember,
fear doesn’t exist anywhere except in your mind.
It’s difficult to follow your heart, but it’s a tragedy
to let the lies of fear stop you. (Read Awaken the
Giant Within .)
6. “I need to have it all figured out.”
Does the walker choose the path, or the path the
walker? Believe it or not, sometimes it’s the latter.
Sometimes the greatest dreams that come true
are the dreams you never even knew you had.
It’s about open-minded exploration. There are no
wrong turns in life, only paths you didn’t know
you were meant to walk. You never can be certain
what’s around the corner. It could be everything,
or it could be nothing. You keep putting one foot
in front of the other, and then one day you look
back and realize you’ve climbed to the peak of
the most beautiful mountaintop.
7. “I do not have enough to be positive and
grateful.”
Some days you’ll find diamonds and some days all
you’ll see is coal. However, every day is a golden
opportunity to learn, practice gratitude, and
positively impact the world around you. Do not
ask for instant fulfillment in your life, but for
patience to accept your current frustrations. Do
not ask for perfection in all you do, but for the
wisdom to not repeat past mistakes. Do not ask
for more before saying, “THANK YOU” for
everything you have already received.
And remember, everything in life is temporary. So
if things are good, enjoy it. It won’t last forever. If
things are bad, don’t worry because it won’t last
forever either. Just because life isn’t stress-free
right now, doesn’t mean you can’t laugh. Just
because something is bothering you, doesn’t
mean you can’t smile. The trick is to be grateful
when your mood is high and graceful when it is
low.
8. “My life should be easier and free of
discomfort.”
Great challenges make life interesting;
overcoming them makes life meaningful. It’s how
you deal with failure and discomfort that
determines your level of success and happiness.
Laugh at your mistakes and learn from them.
Joke about your troubles and gather strength
from them. Have fun with the challenges you face
and then conquer them.
Emotional discomfort in life, when accepted, rises,
crests and crashes in a series of waves. Each
wave washes an old layer of you away and
deposits treasures you never expected to find.
Out goes inexperience, in comes awareness; out
goes frustration, in comes resilience; out goes
hatred, in comes kindness. No one would say
these waves of emotional experience are easy to
ride, but the rhythm of emotional discomfort that
you learn to tolerate while doing so is natural,
helpful and prevalent. The discomfort eventually
leaves you stronger and healthier than it found
you. (Read Man’s Search for Meaning .)
9. “I can’t forgive them.”
Forgiveness is a promise. When you forgive
someone you are making a promise not to hold
the unchangeable past against your present self.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean what happened was
completely excusable, and it doesn’t necessarily
mean that person should still be welcome in your
life. It simply means you have made peace with
the pain, and are ready to let it go and move on
with your life.
Forgiveness has nothing to do with freeing a
criminal of his or her crime. It has everything to
do with freeing yourself of the burden of being a
victim – letting go of the pain and transforming
yourself from victim to victor.
10. “I am alone.”
You can’t make it through on your own. None of
us can. That’s why, thank goodness, you are
never as alone as you sometimes feel. So many of
us are fighting the same exact battle alongside
you. You may feel alone sometimes, but you are
not alone in being alone.
To lose sleep worrying about a loved one. To have
trouble picking yourself up after someone lets you
down. To feel rejected because someone didn’t
care about you enough to stay. To be afraid to try
something new for fear you may fail. None of this
means you’re weird or dysfunctional. It just
means you’re human, and that you need a little
time to regroup and recalibrate yourself.
No matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel
about your own situation, there are others out
there experiencing the same emotions. When you
hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it’s just your
mind trying to sell you a lie. There’s always
someone who can relate to you. Perhaps you
can’t immediately talk to them, but they are out
there, and that’s all you need to know right now.
Next steps…
If I eavesdropped on your self-talk, would I hear
statements that empower happiness, or
statements that refute it? The next time you
decide to unclutter your life and clean up your
space, start with your intellectual space by
clearing out the old lies and negative self-talk you
often recite to yourself.
The floor is yours…
What would you add to the list? What kind of
negative self-talk do you need to stop? What will
you never say about yourself again? Share your
thoughts with us by leaving a comment below.



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