Hi! I need some advises please, my brother inlaw came to visit us for almost 3 months now and I sometimes wonder if he moved in with us or really visiting, so my problem is he's making me feel uncomfortable in my own home, I feel like a visitor, my hubby would go to work nytshifts ans live me with my brother inlaw in the same house,it doesn't sit well with me and I tried talking to hubby to fix it, bt it makes me appear like I dnt like his family, so I'm always sad. About this situation of my brother inlaw and my father in-law also visit us everyweek, its like hell, am I being silly?

Wetin sef, I dnt like to read this kind post, If ur brother inlaw choose to be wit his own brother, i dnt see any issue wit that, U can only complain if u feel he has some characters u dnt like. U need to understand dat d man u married is his brother and u dnt knw how they both grow up together. Jst let him be, am sure soon he will move out. Dnt complain except u feel he has a questionable character. He's also ur family pls.

how does he make you feel uncomfortable ? tell us so we'll know if your fears are real or you are just being paranoid ;

Are you falling for your BIL?

Well you really need to sit him down and discuss this if truly you need your personal space.

@Sunnydayasaba I understand your point but I have a feeling there's limited space in that house hence her complain.

Otherwise, I don't see why BIL can't stay as long as he wants Unless he's a schizophrenic BIL that barges in everywhere without knocking.

No I'm not falling for him, he's not my type n that would b nasty wouldn't it?, we dnt hv a big house n it feels so wrong to sit with him in a living room, watch tv n have nothing to say to him coz we r not that close n its simply wronng to be friends with brother in law jst like father in law, dnt get me wrong,I love my inlaws dearly but I think they should have some limits on their visiting, give us some privacy time,and I also have my family but they cnt visit coz our house is always oCcupied by my inlaws,its not fair,I jst dnt understand a husband who lives his wife at night for work and live him with brother in law or father in law,it is very wrong, if it was sister inlaw,I would hv understood!

we dnt hv a big house n it feels so wrong to sit with him in a living room, watch tv n have nothing to say to him coz we r not that close n its simply wronng to be friends with brother in law jst like father in law,

That's what I thot. I feel the awkwardness and I don't blame you. Please talk to him.

It is well. * sigh family in law palava eh

@Ewuro707, who should I talk to,hubby or bro in-law? Coz I'm definitely not supposed to talk to my bil abt this, not allowed n only my husband can, my bil has a mentally illness bt he's been taking hi treatment very well, so it doesn't bother him much but sometimes I just get scared that anytime it might start n harm me n my 1 year old baby,so I hv to make sure I lock the door when I sleep coz the room he sleep in is jst 3 steps away.

Its one challenge u must handle carefully. Talk to ur hubby, using ''we'' approach and not ''I''. Its a phase, u'll jump am pass

OP, seems u don't no wat marriage is.

dahmie2013: OP, seems u don't no wat marriage is.

Mayb ur right, I think u should jst explain to me a little bit, I might learn a thing or 2, right?

dicz: @Ewuro707, who should I talk to,hubby or bro in-law? Coz I'm definitely not supposed to talk to my bil abt this, not allowed n only my husband can, my bil has a mentally illness bt he's been taking hi treatment very well, so it doesn't bother him much but sometimes I just get scared that anytime it might start n harm me n my 1 year old baby,so I hv to make sure I lock the door when I sleep coz the room he sleep in is jst 3 steps away.

This is heavy. But this concern right here is what you must tell your husband, you know your husband and you know how to talk to him so do that express your fears you are not in jail and the world will not end if you tell him the truth about how you feel.

Men could be so annoying atimes;when you expect them to be understanding,they tend to be unnecessarily stubborn.
All the same,you have to keep trying.Your manner of approach is important too.Dont sound like you are demanding but let him see the need for your safety and comfort,considering that you have limited space.
If however he is not ready to move his brother out as yet,learn to make the best of the situation and pray that things will one day work out the way you want.

dicz: @Ewuro707, who should I talk to,hubby or bro in-law? Coz I'm definitely not supposed to talk to my bil abt this, not allowed n only my husband can, my bil has a mentally illness bt he's been taking hi treatment very well, so it doesn't bother him much but sometimes I just get scared that anytime it might start n harm me n my 1 year old baby,so I hv to make sure I lock the door when I sleep coz the room he sleep in is jst 3 steps away.

Talk to your husband and explain your fears.

I'm not buying the mental illness excuse tho because had it been he's your own brother you'd make the best outta your present situation.

A mentally challenged person needs 24hr care & closed monitoring so I see why his stay is indefinite. Again Talk to him (hubby) maybe you & hubby can arrange someplace for him

you know, I really don't know as far as Nigeria setting. I'm sorry.

Good luck.

andromida:

This is heavy. But this concern right here is what you must tell your husband, you know your husband and you know how to talk to him so do that express your fears you are not in jail and the world will not end if you tell him the truth about how you feel.

I tried talking to him n he keeps on saying he'll see what he can do, n I should stop complaining, so I jst shut up coz I dnt want him to think that I hate his family , which I really don't, I'm jst unhappy with the current situation. Sometimes I feel like I should go n sleep at home when he's working nightshift.

Ewuro707:

Talk to your husband and explain your fears.

I'm not buying the mental illness excuse tho because had it been he's your own brother you'd make the best outta your present situation.

A mentally challenged person needs 24hr care & closed monitoring so I see why his stay is indefinite. Again Talk to him (hubby) maybe you & hubby can arrange someplace for him

you know, I really don't know as far as Nigeria setting. I'm sorry.


Good luck.

The thing is, my BIL does not stay with us full time, that I knw of or myb he moved in n I dnt knw, he's visiting us n its been 3 months already, he comes from a wonderful home n he's got a gf and a daughter back at home. Its not abt the sickness or watn it abt me not wanting to stay with my male inlaws while my hubby is not home at night, its totally wrong.

Why don't you find gainful employment and keep occupied?
Not everyone should be seen as 'THE ENEMY'. . .
Other than the fact that they love to visit their own flesh and blood. . .WHAT EXACTLY IS THE PROBLEM?

I don't understand why lots of women want to live the life of "me and my husband alone" after marriage. Your hubby surely didn't drop from the sky so why are u suddenly uncomfortable with his people.
I tell my friends that my bf brothers will be my best friends because when am having trouble with him I can easily relate with them.

And because someone suggested that except he is schizophrenic, you immediately capitalised on that and start to claim he has mental Illness just to gain sympathy right?

We ladies most times are always looking for trouble where there is non.
Imagine you also complaining about the father in law coming around once a while too.
Will the story be different if the visitors were ur family?

If he doesn't encroach into ur bedroom or steal things from you, then let him be.
Your husband must surely have a good reason for letting him stay.

Please be wise and stop looking for trouble where there is non. And am sure your points are baseless hence reason why hubby refuses to act on it and reason why u are here.

Please grow up.

Ronnie65: I don't understand why lots of women want to live the life of "me and my husband alone" after marriage. Your hubby surely didn't drop from the sky so why are u suddenly uncomfortable with his people.
I tell my friends that my bf brothers will be my best friends because when am having trouble with him I can easily relate with them.

And because someone suggested that except he is schizophrenic, you immediately capitalised on that and start to claim he has mental Illness just to gain sympathy right?

We ladies most times are always looking for trouble where there is non.
Imagine you also complaining about the father in law coming around once a while too.
Will the story be different if the visitors were ur family?

If he doesn't encroach into ur bedroom or steal things from you, then let him be.
Your husband must surely have a good reason for letting him stay.

Please be wise and stop looking for trouble where there is non. And am sure your points are baseless hence reason why hubby refuses to act on it and reason why u are here.

Please grow up.

hav sisters inlaw n we get along very well, n they visit me n we hv fun,I dnt hv a prblm with my in laws visiting, I jst dnt feel comfortable being left alone with my "MALE IN-LAW" wile my husband is at work at night, and they should limit their visiting, they cnt visit for 3-4 moths without going home,since u brought my family side up, they dnt get a chance to come n visit coz we r already occupied n or they sometimes want to come bt we end up canceling coz most of my inlaws the dnt call us when they r coming to our house, they jst appear n yes we tried to talk to them.

Ronnie65: I don't understand why lots of women want to live the life of "me and my husband alone" after marriage. Your hubby surely didn't drop from the sky so why are u suddenly uncomfortable with his people.
I tell my friends that my bf brothers will be my best friends because when am having trouble with him I can easily relate with them.

And because someone suggested that except he is schizophrenic, you immediately capitalised on that and start to claim he has mental Illness just to gain sympathy right?

We ladies most times are always looking for trouble where there is non.
Imagine you also complaining about the father in law coming around once a while too.
Will the story be different if the visitors were ur family?

If he doesn't encroach into ur bedroom or steal things from you, then let him be.
Your husband must surely have a good reason for letting him stay.

Please be wise and stop looking for trouble where there is non. And am sure your points are baseless hence reason why hubby refuses to act on it and reason why u are here.

Please grow up.

What in Gods name is this nonsense u call advice? Until you are married you can NEVER understand what she's saying. Is it too difficult to comprehend? She's not comfotable with sleeping alone with d male in laws, u're asking her to grow up... If you don't have anything sensible thing to say just pass

krystal101:




What in Gods name is this nonsense u call advice? Until you are married you can NEVER understand what she's saying. Is it too difficult to comprehend? She's not comfotable with sleeping alone with d male in laws, u're asking her to grow up... If you don't have anything sensible thing to say just pass

Thank you so much, finally some1 understand, 1 thing I learned in life is not to judge if ur not or never been in a situation, she clearly doesn't understand.

Ronnie65: I don't understand why lots of women want to live the life of "me and my husband alone" after marriage. Your hubby surely didn't drop from the sky so why are u suddenly uncomfortable with his people.
I tell my friends that my bf brothers will be my best friends because when am having trouble with him I can easily relate with them.

And because someone suggested that except he is schizophrenic, you immediately capitalised on that and start to claim he has mental Illness just to gain sympathy right?

We ladies most times are always looking for trouble where there is non.
Imagine you also complaining about the father in law coming around once a while too.
Will the story be different if the visitors were ur family?

If he doesn't encroach into ur bedroom or steal things from you, then let him be.
Your husband must surely have a good reason for letting him stay.

Please be wise and stop looking for trouble where there is non. And am sure your points are baseless hence reason why hubby refuses to act on it and reason why u are here.

Please grow up.

Its clear that you r not married, how do you become bff with ur brother inlaws, totally wrong n how do you think ur hubby will feel n do you think he'll trust you n ur bil alone in the same room? Want some advise? Don't judge the situation that u r not or never been in.

@poster I know how u feel. I've been there. Trust me. My situation is different but not quite. My suggestion is ti discuss ur concerns with your husband when he is relaxed. Express your fears to him as cautiously as possible. Don't raise your voice. Afterwards, rest ur case and start praying any other attempt at a Discussion will be tagged hatred for his family.
This too shall pass my sister!

chayooh: @poster I know how u feel. I've been there. Trust me. My situation is different but not quite. My suggestion is ti discuss ur concerns with your husband when he is relaxed. Express your fears to him as cautiously as possible. Don't raise your voice. Afterwards, rest ur case and start praying any other attempt at a Discussion will be tagged hatred for his family.
This too shall pass my sister!

Thank you, I'll pray abt it b4 talking to hubby, so we can understand each other in a calm n lovely way.

@op i understand you perfectly well because that's where i am. My take is simple if you have a seperate bed room always lock urself in there. It's doesn't mean you will abandon him completely "no" check on him once in a while and retire back to ur room and pls stop complaining to ur husband he's aware of what he's doing let him suite himself okay.

yetundeadio@yah:
@op i understand you perfectly well because that's where i am. My take is simple if you have a seperate bed room always lock urself in there. It's doesn't mean you will abandon him completely "no" check on him once in a while and retire back to ur room and pls stop complaining to ur husband he's aware of what he's doing let him suite himself okay.

Jeeeeeez! I don't believe what I just read. How old are you? The woman of the house should always lock herslf in the room? Haba! B4 giving advice, do you stop to put yourself in them shoes? If you don't, then u can't say anything, just read and learn.

Some in-laws don't borrow themselves brain, if not I see no reason why they should invade someones home.
This is really not fair. If the OP should talk now, they won't remember all the while she's been managing their discomfort.

@OP, you and hubby should really discuss, but make a gentle 1, really gentle and afterwrds don't bring up AGAIN
The Lord is your strength

Jeeeeeez! I don't believe what I just read. How old are you? The woman of the house should always lock herslf in the room? Haba! B4 giving advice, do you stop to put yourself in them shoes? If you don't, then u can't say anything, just read and learn.

Some in-laws don't borrow themselves brain, if not I see no reason why they should invade someones home.
This is really not fair. If the OP should talk now, they won't remember all the while she's been managing their discomfort.

@OP, you and hubby should really discuss, but make a gentle 1, really gentle and afterwrds don't bring up AGAIN
The Lord is your strength[/quote]

Thnk you, I think ppl dnt understand, I dnt hv a prblm with my inlaws visiting, bt they should know when limit themselves, they must not thnk of themselves only.

OP,I think you are just being paranoid.It seems you grew up not having men around you.
This is Africa.In-laws will always visit and sometimes stay for even indefinite periods of time.If they are from eastern Nigeria,it's even a norm.
From what you wrote,I guess your apartment isn't really spacious.How exactly is your accommodation?Do you have to come out of your room with a towel and go across the apartment to get to the bathroom?If this is the situation,it might make you uncomfortable but I'm afraid until you get a bigger apartment,you will just have to make do with what you have.
Your husband's male family members are sensible enough not to harm you or assault you in any way.However,if there are genuine concerns about anyone's behaviour,that should be addressed.
I'm afraid you discussing with your husband won't change anything.He can't drive them away(it'll bounce on u if he does).
If there are genuine concerns that anyone could hurt you,then address that.If not,just manage what you have.

thorpido: OP,I think you are just being paranoid.It seems you grew up not having men around you.
This is Africa.In-laws will always visit and sometimes stay for even indefinite periods of time.If they are from eastern Nigeria,it's even a norm.
From what you wrote,I guess your apartment isn't really spacious.How exactly is your accommodation?Do you have to come out of your room with a towel and go across the apartment to get to the bathroom?If this is the situation,it might make you uncomfortable but I'm afraid until you get a bigger apartment,you will just have to make do with what you have.
You husband's male family members are sensible enough not to harm you or assault you in any way.However,if there are genuine concerns about anyone's behaviour,that should be addressed.
I'm afraid you discussing with your husband won't change anything.He can't drive them away(it'll bounce on u if he does).
If there are genuine concerns that anyone could hurt you,then address that.If not,just manage what you have.

Blv u me when I say there is totally no space in our house, I dnt even hv to put a town I actually hv to dress in there, no space at all, our kitchen is so small when he pass, I hv to shift a bit, I feel like I'm in a cage, yah myb if we had a bigger house it wouldn't b the same, wen we hv sex we hubby, we definitely hv to b silent coz our bedrooms r just 3 foot steps away frm each other.

Are you afraid that he may rapee you
Are you developing feelings for him or afraid you might.....just asking.
Do you have brothers while growing up....what sort of relationship do you have with them.
I was in your shoe once with three grown up bil..it wasn't easy but I try to set boundaries....whossai ......I prayed that they should be settled to leave my house...Ofcourse they later did after one year..peacefully. it has the good and bad side...all men are the same whether your brothers or the bil. I noticed this when my brothers started visiting too. Gush......you can't scream loudly while doing ......you know cos some assrhole might be eavesdropping.....I must tell you this is the one I hate most.
Pray and talk to your hubby amicably and always understand that situations changes and what if you're the one visiting for the three months with your host having these feelings about your visits. Try your possible best now cos your good will pay back soon......I know these because it happened to me.

dicz:

Blv u me when I say there is totally no space in our house, I dnt even hv to put a town I actually hv to dress in there, no space at all, our kitchen is so small when he pass, I hv to shift a bit, I feel like I'm in a cage, yah myb if we had a bigger house it wouldn't b the same, wen we hv sex we hubby, we definitely hv to b silent coz our bedrooms r just 3 foot steps away frm each other.

Now i understand.It's a tight situation.I will expect your in-laws to be considerate and give you some space.What exactly is your BIL doing?Does he go to work or school from your house?
Discuss with your husband and let him know how discomforting it is with the in-laws around.
It's a moral dilemma.If they don't see a reason to stay away at least for now,you will just keep praying to God to give you resources for a bigger apartment.