pls i need ur advice, i saw a text message sent by my hubby and i comfronted him and he deny it, he said he was just testing to see my reaction, i have been supecting him with his funny call but he keep denying till this very text, do i need to call those girls and let them know that he is married cos it is getting too much and am having sleepless night now, this one just happend few days ago

pls i need ur urgent contribution or suggestion

You shouldn't have check through his phone for text msgs . With that you'll give yourself hypertension, what if he does it outside and you don't get to see any of those text msg ? Since you have confronted him and he has claimed it's just a test thing,then let it go and please don't even attempt to call those girls, you could make matters worse.

ur husband know hw to test oo, but pls dont investigate further , a good woman will do all against od to keep her marriage in good stead.

I feel you sis but your hubby doesn't know how to lie at all
What an excuse!!

Try finding out where d prob started from so you can rectify it.
It'll be better if you don't call the girl(s).

And how is the woman supposed to fight to keep her marriage in good stead when the husband has little regard for it? Aren't both parties supposed to work at making the marriage a success? Or do you think cheating is par for the course and the man's right?
@ Chachag please don't gloss over this, except if this is how you want your marriage to continue. Believe me, it will get worse. You need to tell him how you feel about it and demand that he puts an end to it. If fidelity is important to you, as it should be, you should be up-front with him about it, instead of giving yourself sleepless nights. Why pretend because you wish to conform? If you keep silent, your resentment will only continue to simmer and you will keep dis-trusting him, even when he is innocent.
So be up-front with him and tell him how you feel and what you expect. It is your right as a wife. And then trust him that he will do the right thing and don't bring it up again.
Please don't fight with any girl. You're more than that. Keep it between you and your husband. It is important that he respects you and you need to respect yourself first.
Last words - avoid his phone like a plague! Don't pick his calls, don't read his messages. Easier said than done, I know, but give him his space and his privacy. If he is still cheating, you will know.

@poster,
if you confront the girls and they insult you, what would be your next line of action?

How long have you been married to the cheat of a husband and when did you start suspecting he is cheating?

Becareful, plan before you embark on any war!

How long have you been married?

Thanks for all ur contributions

Our marriage is just less than 2 years

do you think my hubby have any respect for me when he call his Ex in my present thinking i was sleeping so even if i don't gloss through his phone

There was a case of when one of those girls called and i took the phone to him left him there to come back and i over heard him telling the lady that (is that why u could not sleep won't woory i will see u with a funny tone and the conversation was real funny yet i did not say a word, cos i was pregnant and i did not want anything to affect me

another day i saw condom in his pocket and he said it fell out of his friend's pocket and he pick it

Like of of u said he doest not know how to lie

so what do u think i should do to keep my marriage

lmao @ testing you.

is he 10 yrs old?

chachag:

another day i saw condom in his pocket and he said it fell out of his friend's pocket and he pick it

Rofl. No offence but your husband is pathetic

Idupaul, BigFather and the other members of defending cheating husband association

What lame excuse do you have for this one? Abi is it now a "man thing" to pick up condoms from the floor?

he is five years older than me
abi o to the pick condom from ground now na men business now o

Do u thing walking out of the marriage is the best idea?

look at me here - poster -

Make you go city centre - cha - and chag men any how -

that will confirm your name chachag - if he chags around - you too chag your own - dont get mad - get even.

i'm sorry, girl. But what did you marry? you better sit him down and let him know you are not a fool. Let him know you are willing to forgive if he's ready to be the husband he should be. If he has any respect for you and your marriage, he'll consider your feelings. From all indications he doesn't make much attempt to conceal his infidelity from you nor to shield you from pain. Even when you were pregnant what kind of BS lies are those? It now rains condoms in naija? haba. Problem is, most girls see the signs when they are dating but go ahead and marry cheats. If he's this clumsy now, there must have been clearer signs three years ago when he was just your boyfriend. Don't lose hope though, stick it out and make it work.

thanks evert body
i will get back to u cos am going to talk to him tonite

thanks a lots

good luck

New face of cheating! What a husband!

I found that guy a player. He is eating his cake and having it.

@ idupaul and why cant a man do the same?? @ poster calling the girl would mean subjecting yourself to unnecessary insults and it wouldn't prevent him from doing it again go get tested and LEAVE HIM.

you call the girl she will insult you,and tell your husband you called her,one thing you should bear in mind is this 98% of married men cheat on their wives,why kill yourself because ur hubby is cheating on you,do your part as a wife and leave him to God,carry on with your life,don't fight him because you will end losing him to the other woman.

Missy B:

I feel you sis but your hubby doesn't know how to lie at all
What an excuse!!

Try finding out where d prob started from so you can rectify it.
It'll be better if you don't call the girl(s).

is it rectifiable missy?

the guy has started cheating so it may be too late!

he wont stop until his dic.k falls off!!

Brash!:

is it rectifiable missy?

the guy has started cheating so it may be too late!

he wont stop until his dic.k falls off!!

Not right to discourage her. She still loves him afterall. I say stick it out and do your best to make it work before doing anything drastic. and, oh yeah, do go for a test. All the best, girl.

carmelily:

Not right to discourage her. She still loves him afterall. I say stick it out and do your best to make it work before doing anything drastic. and, oh yeah, do go for a test. All the best, girl.

fair enough if that is your opinion!

chisomquee:

you call the girl she will insult you,and tell your husband you called her,one thing you should bear in mind is this 98% of married men cheat on their wives,why kill yourself because your hubby is cheating on you,do your part as a wife and leave him to God,carry on with your life,don't fight him because you will end losing him to the other woman.

98% lol. but you could be right. like i said on another thread, african society gives men the license to cheat. it's only wrong when it's a woman being unfaithful. However, i don't agree with you that she should accept it and do nothing. she is ENTITLED to love and respect from her HUSBAND. if she loses him to the other woman, good riddance.

Brash!:

fair enough if that is your opinion!

course. i'm not in the habit of voicing other people's opinions

Girl, don't want to be preaching about STD's and whatnot but protect yourself.

He even has the audacity to phone them whilst you are in the same room with him? Wow Players get level o

I would go with Arielle on this one, you would end up resenting him if this is not nipped in the bud.

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong in calling the other girls, as long as you do not reveal you are the wife. I repeat, do not tell them you are the wife.

Tell them you just met him a couple of months ago and have noticed their phone numbers regularly appears on his phone, and just want to know you are not dating someone else's man. They would warm to you due to the caring gesture and would start spilling in order to defend their territory. Trust me, you would be armed enough information and ammunition to nail your man or to exonerate him.

I am sorry to say this oh
I remember on one thread when someone asked " what is the right age to get married", although, there is no book or a right age, however, there is some age for a man when he is sure that he had done it all and now he truely wanna settle down.
A guy at the age of 27 is still sampling, the author of the thread got married at the age of 22, cos she is just 25 at present, making the man to be like 26, when most guys just finishing university and getting their first paycheck and wanna use that to explore when they never did, so getting married at such period is a risk and i am sorry, some risk are not worth taking.

A man should wait till he is sure that he has played all the games and ready to marry, and why would u wanna marry a 22 year old lady, cos she is still so much a baby, how much does she know, how will she take care of situation, how will she handle problems, and to make matter worse, most problems are not thought in class, so the best she cld do is talk to friends and most friends are not even happy for her.

Please note i am not supporting the man, however, they both need to sit and weigh what has happened, where they all went wrong and how they wanna fix it, if the man still wanna play, better to let him and u walk away, cos u have more to gain when u give respect to yourself, cos such man has none for me, man could cheat, but could respect enuf to hide it, it is rather unfortunate, no woman shd have to be subjected to such emotional torture and you losing sleep over this is not healthy for you nor for your baby(ies), yu need to take care of it, but pls, whatever you do, no need to fight, just talk like 2 adults.

Goood luck.

Busy_body:

Girl, don't want to be preaching about STD's and whatnot but protect yourself.

He even has the audacity to phone them whilst you are in the same room with him? Wow Players get level o

I would go with Arielle on this one, you would end up resenting him if this is not nipped in the bud.

Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong in calling the other girls, as long as you do not reveal you are the wife. I repeat, do not tell them you are the wife.

Tell them you just met him a couple of months ago and have noticed their phone numbers regularly appears on his phone, and just want to know you are not dating someone else's man. They would warm to you due to the caring gesture and would start spilling in order to defend their territory. Trust me, you would be armed enough information and ammunition to nail your man or to exonerate him.

calling the other girls is a very bad idea, cos she is human and have blood running in her veins, she has feelings and from her voice, i am sure the other ladies will know and that could destroy her home finally.
It is better for her to act the bigger one, and face the man and not the ladies, it is the man that problems and not the babes.
Na the man dey toast them now, and even if they did, he cld have said No, i am married.

There was a research conducted, concerning mobile phones and their effect on family life. It was found that they are a cause of many breakups. Everybody wants to snoop on the other, and this can be dangerous.

While it is accepted that there might be some cheating by some people, both wives and husbands, it was found that in most cases it is just some innocent message, maybe to a workmate or former schoolmate etc. You may even have received such messages yourself before you snooped on your husband.

You be the judge. All these others don't know your husband. You know him best. Just don't jump to conclusions. And please, stop snooping on your husband. Once mistrust gets into your marriage, you have no marriage. Do you want that?

i have seat him down to talk to him, waking him very early in the morning, mid night even cry and cry but nothing has been done about it, am stil going to talk to him cos i still love and wht will happend to my son if i walk away

what do i preach to him again?, STD, broking home, and all that
so pls wht do i tell him now

Thank everybody

Love u all

i dont interfer in family isssue but if your husband cheat on u act stupid know a juy has too have time for himself his head of the family babby

It's obvious he does not really care how you feel. Sounds like he is very arrogant about it too. Are you totally dependent on this guy? Personally I would divorce his sorry ass as quickly as you can say "Jack Robinson". Don't stress yourself over it, and things will fall in place with you and your child. I do not think the other girls did anything wrong. He is the one that made it possible for them to call him. He probably told them you can't do anything about it. Well, you should let him know that you can take action.

Bossman:

It's obvious he does not really care how you feel. Sounds like he is very arrogant about it too. Are you totally dependent on this guy? Personally I would divorce his sorry ass as quickly as you can say "Jack Robinson". Don't stress yourself over it, and things will fall in place with you and your child. I do not think the other girls did anything wrong. He is the one that made it possible for them to call him. H[b]e probably told them you can't do anything about it[/b]. Well, you should let him know that you can take action.

I have heard this very statement come out of several Nigerian mens mouths when you ask them what will your wife think of you running around.

Why is it that Nigerian men, some not all, think that it is acceptable to cheat on thier Nigerian wives and that the wives will not question them or do anything about it? Why do some, not all, Nigerian women put up with this mess? Why are the women, some not all, not taught that they should always come first and that their husbands should be true to only them?

I dont understand why I would want to work to save a marriage that has failed. He has stepped outside of our marriage in pursuit of his 20% instead of staying at home happy with his 80%. If he wants to be a playa then let him be, but playas are single.

In society like Nigeria's that allows polygamy, infidelity on the part of the men will not be considered a major issue like it would in a society that does not allow polygamy. So I think the acceptance of polygamy plays a major role in this issue. Again, this is just my opinion.

sistawoman:

I have heard this very statement come out of several Nigerian mens mouths when you ask them what will your wife think of you running around.

Why is it that Nigerian men, some not all, think that it is acceptable to cheat on their Nigerian wives and that the wives will not question them or do anything about it? Why do some, not all, Nigerian women put up with this mess? Why are the women, some not all, not taught that they should always come first and that their husbands should be true to only them?

I don't understand why I would want to work to save a marriage that has failed. He has stepped outside of our marriage in pursuit of his 20% instead of staying at home happy with his 80%. If he wants to be a playa then let him be, but playas are single.