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Ghetto Jokes - Jokes Etc - Nairaland

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Ghetto Jokes by Kadeejah(f): 3:44am On Jul 02, 2006
10 Things Black People Won't Admit
10. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
9. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car.
8. RED is not a kool-aid flavor (it's a color).
7. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
6. Breaks are usually only 15 minutes.
5. Teeth should not be decorated.
4. O.J. did it.
3. Having a ring on every finger is too much.
2. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
1. Tupac is dead.


10 Things White People Won't Admit
10. Rap music is here to stay.
9. Kissing your pet is not cute.
8. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
7. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
6. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
5. A 5-year-old child is too big for a stroller.
4. Skinny does not equal sexy.
3. Time out does not work on your kids.
2. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.
1. Elvis is dead.


Ghetto Funeral
1. One of the songs is "Po' Out A Lil' Liquor".
2. The mother or aunt of the deceased tries to climb in the casket.
3. At the repast they have complimentary bottles of O.E.
4. Someone yells, "Lawd Jesus take me not him/her!!!"
5. The family arrives in matching outfits.
6. The funeral is catered by Harold's Chicken.
7. The preacher has a pager and answers a page in the middle of the eulogy.
8. The corpse has on a Kangol hat.
9. The funeral has a D.J.
10. If it is a gang member, one of his boys walks by and puts a bullet in his jacket.

11. The chapel soloist sings, "I Wonder If Heaven Got A Ghetto".
12. The soloist is selling her demo CD in the back of the church.
13. The casket was airbrushed with the name and face of the deceased.
14. Someone is selling bootlegged Tommy Hilfiger T-Shirts.
15. The preacher has fingerwaves with glitter in them .
16. At a gang member's funeral, the mortician poses with the corpse with his gang sign.
17. A fight breaks out between the mother and the baby's mother.
18. The corpse is decked out head to toe in FUBU.
19. The hearse has a gansta lean and bumps Master P in the funeral procession.
20. Instead of throwing roses into the grave site they "po out a lil liquor".

21. Somebody's smoking weed at the funeral.
22. Thuglife is engraved on the headstone.
23. Do or Die raps at the funeral.
24. There's a drive-by at the funeral.
25. There are flyers instead of obituaries.
26. The mother spent the insurance money to pay her car note.
27. Someone swears they saw 2Pac at the funeral.
29. There's a basketball game at the repast.



Ghetto Hair Salon
1. Your stylist accepts a 3pc from Popeye's as her tip.
2. All the stylists walk around with house slippers on.
3. When your stylist take a cigarette break, it's weed she smokes.
4. Your stylist is still there doing your hair even though she's supposed to be on bed rest.
5. Four people are booked for the same 1:00 appt.(I can't count the # of times, )
6. Your stylist calls YOU at the salon talkin' bout"I overslept but I'm on my way".
7. Every hairstyle, no matter what you're getting, requires that nasty brown gel.
8. There's always that one stylist in the back that you can't tell whether it's a girl or a guy.
9. The stylist's head looks a mess.
10. The Asian man from the carryout across the street comes in and personally takes food orders.

11. There's a hustler's car show outside of the shop every Saturday afternoon.
12. Some crackhead is always coming into the shop every five minutes to sell some deodorant or batteries.
13. Everybody's trying to rush their clients out of the chair so they can get ready for their "hair show" that night.
14. You get to the salon and your stylist isn't there, so you gotta page her.
15. When she calls back, you gotta go pick her and her baby up.
16. Your ears are ringing because 'back that azz up' is playing on your stylist's  radio and she is singing along.
17. Somebody is making a chicken run and is taking orders from the stylists AND the clients.
18. They got strawberry, orange, AND grape in the coke machine, but no coke.
19. Your stylist stops doing your hair to go outside and talk to her baby's daddy.
20. Your stylist got 10 Polaroid pictures from the club stuck around the mirror.

21. Your stylist holds a 15-minute phone conversation with somebody while she styles your hair.
23. The stylists all talk about each other. (hmmm, what else is new?)
24. Someone always come in begging for a free hairdo. (girl, just hook me up!!)
25. When they send Boo-Boo's baby girl to the 99-cent store to buy your $10 "deep conditioner".
26. When for a finishing touch your stylist insists on sprinkling a little bit of glitter in your hair. 


How To Make A Woman Happy
It's not difficult. To make a woman happy, a man only needs to be:

a friend
a companion
a lover
a brother
a father
a master
a chef
an electrician
a carpenter
a plumber
a mechanic
a decorator
a stylist
a sexologist
a gynecologist
a psychologist
a pest exterminator
a psychiatrist
a healer
a good listener
an organizer
a good father
very clean
sympathetic
athletic
warm
attentive
gallant
intelligent
funny
creative
tender
strong
understanding
tolerant
prudent
ambitious
capable
courageous
determined
true
dependable
passionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

give her compliments regularly
love shopping
be honest
be very rich
not stress her out
not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
give her lots of time, especially time for herself
give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO NEVER FORGET:

birthdays
anniversaries
arrangements she makes


How To Make A Man Happy

  1. Feed him.
2. Sex him.
3. Shut up.
Re: Ghetto Jokes by diddy4(m): 4:57am On Jul 02, 2006
no wonder men never satisfy women. this is so silly and funny. grin grin
Re: Ghetto Jokes by lukkie(m): 12:44pm On Jul 02, 2006
good one there.
Re: Ghetto Jokes by omogenaija(f): 9:09pm On Jul 02, 2006
LMAO cheesy cheesy cheesy very funny
Re: Ghetto Jokes by eveseh(f): 9:15pm On Jul 02, 2006
dis is funny,LOL
Re: Ghetto Jokes by micklplus(m): 7:00pm On Jul 03, 2006
Good stuffs up there ! i give it to you !
:Dcheers
Re: Ghetto Jokes by Oracle(m): 8:10pm On Jul 11, 2006
The man would be dead before he gives her total satisfaction
Anyway Nice post

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