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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Religion / Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years (3117 Views)
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Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 2:57pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Source: www.theonion.com/articles/budget-woes-force-heaven-to-reduce-eternal-life-to,36012/ 4 Likes |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 2:59pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
See wetin these Pentecostal-private-jet-buying pastors, and non-tithers Don cause. Pagan9JA, you're also to blame. How can you suggest the government tax God's money? 2 Likes |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 3:11pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
should we believe this? |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Elijah78: 3:11pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Hilarious |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 3:16pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
If you don't pay your tithes, you'll only have 500billion years instead of the whole eternity to spend in heaven. Price of real estate is rising, and god said in the Bible that as it is on earth so it shall be in heaven (Matthew 18;18) so prices are increasing in heaven too. That is why Jesus hasn't Come back yet, the cost is too much. [size=72]PAY YOUR TITHE[/size] |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 3:18pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apatheist: If you don't pay your tithes, you'll only have 500billion years instead of the whole eternity to spend in heaven. Does that mean salvation is no pay as you go? |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 3:20pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
ifeness:Yes, brother-in-the-lord. The more tithe you pay, the longer your time in heaven. Our God is a fair and just God!!!! |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 3:21pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apatheist: I can only afford human scarifies. Does that count? |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 3:26pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
ifeness:Yes, brother. Jesus body parts are almost finished, courtesy of the Catholics. And he's anaemic, because of the "blood of Jesus " the Pentecostals shout all the time. The blood Don finish. |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Judas2013: 3:41pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apatheist: I know Yahweh will surely accept human scarifies,He likes stuff like that. Anything that has to do with blood. Can we donate people who are already in heaven? |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 3:44pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Judas2013:Only to those in hell. You should set water on fire like you're grilling it then god in his infinite mercy will give it to those in hell. |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 3:50pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apatheist: I can give the evil vampire what he wants as long as I will get a receipt . That is what church goers fail to ask when they pay tithes. |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 3:56pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
ifeness:Evil vampire? !! Blasphemy! !! Now you must pay 5* tithe. Don't forget to collect your receipt. |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 4:03pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apatheist: No problem I will pay, but first where is the location of this heaven? I like to see what I'm paying for.
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Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 4:08pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
ifeness:Have faith, brother. Many have gone there and come back |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Omexonomy: 4:15pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apatheist: If you don't pay your tithes, you'll only have 500billion years instead of the whole eternity to spend in heaven.stop smoking dry pig sh.it and stop drinking monkey tail better still go for pyshciatric evalution at yaba left i promise to foot the bill |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 4:18pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Omexonomy: stop smoking dry pig sh.it and stop drinking monkey tail better still go for pyshciatric evalution at yaba left i promise to foot the billBlasphemy! !! "Touch not my anointed and do my prophet no harm" I'll have you know that I'm a certified prophet, I paid good money for prophet-ship and an eternal stay in heaven. |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Omexonomy: 4:36pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apatheist:that is why i suggest you should stop taking those things |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 4:49pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apatheist: Ok faith lol. Faith will probably pay the tithe for me in that case. |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 4:51pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
ifeness:"Faith without work is dead", brother. God is broke. |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 4:56pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Apatheist: How about God getting a job. Does that mean Oyedepo and Adeboye keeps his money to themselves? Can any man rob God? Surely those pastors are robbing God. |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 5:08pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
ifeness:Yes, which is why god is broke and has to reduce the time of eternity. |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by kevoh(m): 5:30pm On Jul 14, 2014 |
Re: Budget Woes Force Heaven To Reduce Eternal Life To 500 Billion Years by Nobody: 5:02am On Jul 15, 2014 |
it is because you think God does not exist that is why you are talking like this because if you knew the truth and you r stl talkin like this. |
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