Well, the truth of the matter is that I will say that some mothers/parents are guilty on this. In many cases I have seen kids doing things that really need cautioning, but you will see their mother/parents even protecting or siding them. For example sometimes when their kids fight with other kids, their mothers always come out in support of their kids without even bothering to know which of them is at fault.

So many other instances that are worst than that, that truly require cautioning or even spanking on the buttocks as African/Nigerian mother but rather they will always indulge their kids. We have also seen it in parents even going to the extents of going to question their kids teacher in school on why their kids failed, knowing quite well that their kids are dullard.

I also think that it is this type of pampering that makes some kids even when the grow up, they continue to do funny things in the presence of their parents. Like a for example a 20 or 22 year old boy bringing his girl friend to the house and having her sleep over in the same room even when their parents are around.

So many other forms of indulgence granted to kids by their parents that I can't even exhaust. These whole things have kept me wondering and I decided to present it today;

Now my question goes this way, pampering of kids in those ways, is actually true love for the kids by the parents or misconception of what true love for kids are?

The good book says "spare the rod and spoil the child".

As for defending your child outside, basic instinct would push me to defend my family anywhere but when we get to the house, you would have to bear the consequences of why you got yourself into that situation in the first place.

For a 22 bringing a girl to sleep over in the father's house. If he is the first son, I would hold myself against any action that would push him away from me or the family but my child would always respect me and the honour of the house.

Times have changed brother. Its something our generation have to deal with.

it is surely true love but wrong though

Teach a child the true ways of live and when he/she grows up, he/she will not depart from it...

Topic should have been More like "pampering kids, could this be love " ?

I doubt if that's love.pamper them when d need arises drill them if it calls to that.... This is what I call Love.because definitely he/she will appreciate that when they grow up!

It depends

Wanting the best for your children is love. One should be careful on how he/she goes about doing that. The accomlishment/error of that desire is in the "how".

Gross misconception of the word LOVE

Well, ah think sparinq d rod on α child after α wronq doinq is detrimental not only to the kid but also to the parent in the lonq run. Notwithstandinq, not all atrocity beinq committed by α child is meant for floqinq alone, some just need 'words' ah mean deep rooted one cos usinq cane on some children would only make dem qo haywire..

Thank God for my mum, quess her cane did d needful in my life back den thus makinq mε who i am 2day..

I was thinking more of contraceptive love

Parenting is very tough job, a full time job and many parents are not ready for it. Some Parents are confused, they have good intentions but don't see their actions as irresponsible. Some are like a friend to their kids, many working mothers or parents fall into this category. They, because they do not have time for their kids tend to compensate by giving them gifts and money unnecessarily to make up for the time they do not spend with them. Some are over possessive and protective and pamper their kids by giving all the luxuries at their disposal. Some will say "if s/he has been good and I can afford what s/he wants then why not get it for her?? Not knowing that by engaging in this behavior, they are depriving children of critical opportunities to develop into independent adults. Parenting is more about teaching than gifting. Feed them with word of God, teach them how to become responsible adults, teach them about love, kindness and giving, teach them how to manage what they have without complaining etc.

Tallesty1: Parenting is very tough job, a full time job and many parents are not ready for it. Some Parents are confused, they have good intentions but don't see their actions as irresponsible. Some are like a friend to their kids, many working mothers or parents fall into this category. They, because they do not have time for their kids tend to compensate by giving them gifts and money unnecessarily to make up for the time they do not spend with them. Some are over possessive and protective and pamper their kids by giving all the luxuries at their disposal. Some will say "if s/he has been good and I can afford what s/he wants then why not get it for her?? Not knowing that by engaging in this behavior, they are depriving children of critical opportunities to develop into independent adults. Parenting is more about teaching than gifting. Feed them with word of God, teach them how to become responsible adults, teach them about love, kindness and giving etc.

well said.

Pampering a child should be done with a lot of caution. When you ignore kids when they do certain things or see those things as funny, you will have to pay for those mistakes later. Especially women, they believe their kids are saints but when you see what those kids are performing in school or outside, you will ask yourself "who born this one?" Kids should know that they can't get away with all their actions or their lackadaisical attitudes towards things will land them somewhere bad someday. But some parents look the other way when their kids are doing bad things. Parents should also try to censor things they do in front of their kids. I went to pick my nephew last wednesday, can you imagine alittle boy in Nursery 1 kissing his classmate? I was surprised! The teacher had to beat the little boy and punish him. If a kid of that age can do that, how many things will you expose him to before he gets to 18! Disaster for the next generation of kids.

bongolistik: We have also seen it in parents even going to the extents of going to question their kids teacher in school on why their kids failed, knowing quite well that their kids are dullard.

I don't know about you. But if I bring out my hard-earned money to send my child to school, pay school fees, buy books and even pay for extra-coaching classes- and he still performs below expectation, I have to ask the teacher why my boy failed. Yes, I have to. Because when I get an explanation, I will address the problem from that angle.

Gone are the days when kids failed in school and carry all the blame. No chid likes to fail. Something must be wrong somewhere. And when kids spend almost all their day in school, who should be questioned??

Hmm... That's not true love.. Might look true to the care taker but it's not always right.. Remember that if you spare the rod, you're spoiling the child. So I see that as misconception ..

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Pampering of Kids....
Ajebo people see am as love, but kpako lik us, we see am as dulling

lomaxx:

I don't know about you. But if I bring out my hard-earned money to send my child to school, pay school fees, buy books and even pay for extra-coaching classes- and he still performs below expectation, I have to ask the teacher why my boy failed. Yes, I have to. Because when I get an explanation, I will address the problem from that angle.

Gone are the days when kids failed in school and carry all the blame. No chid likes to fail. Something must be wrong somewhere. And when kids spend almost all their day in school, who should be questioned??

how come some kids still pass in the same school? who says no child likes to fail ? some are not ready to learn. havent you heard of students that abscound from school ? you have got to study your kid properly to deal with the issue, not put the blame on someone. you can also try to teach him at ur leisure and see how it is teaching that particular kid of yours.

brb

Spare the rod,spoil the child. When its time to show love,express it. When its time to rebuke,do it. Never indulge any compromising act from kids.

@lomaxx most times the parents/parent could be why the reason why d child doesn't perform well despite all d books, fees, extra lessons etc. Parents should check themselves first before the teachers. My opinion tho

Afrocatalyst:
well said.

Thanks

lomaxx:

I don't know about you. But if I bring out my hard-earned money to send my child to school, pay school fees, buy books and even pay for extra-coaching classes- and he still performs below expectation, I have to ask the teacher why my boy failed. Yes, I have to. Because when I get an explanation, I will address the problem from that angle.

Gone are the days when kids failed in school and carry all the blame. No chid likes to fail. Something must be wrong somewhere. And when kids spend almost all their day in school, who should be questioned??

You should spend sometime with your kids too. It helps and motivates kids when their parents show interest in their education apart from spending huge sum of money on school fees and tutors.

Pamper your child/children but don’t go overboard. Teach them words like adjustments, compromise and giving in. Teach them that they are not right always.

majekdom2: how come some kids still pass in the same school? who says no child wants to fail ? some are not ready to learn. havent you heard of students that abscound from school ? you have got to study your kid properly to deal with the issue, not put the blame on someone. you can also try to teach him at ur leisure and see how it is teaching that particular kid of yours.

As long as you have your opinion of your child as a parent, the opinion of the teacher is still important. Asking questions on poor academic performance isn't equal to putting blames. If the cause of my child's failure in school is his truancy, as would be confirmed by the teacher, I know I have to step up the discipline.

I'm saying this because I had difficulty in passing exams in my junior secondary days. I always attended class, always read my notes, but the results will be different. My teachers will not hesitate to mention to my dad that I was a truant, not attentive in class and all the rubbish,- which was very false. I'm the one with the failure and whose father has "wasted" money, wetin I go talk?

My father then disciplined me in error, withdrawing all the care, love and all that. I was left in an island of my own. I had to pick up the pieces of my life and move on. I started studying majorly on my own, paid less attention to my teachers and more to teaching myself. I topped the class the next term. That was the secret. And I capitalized on it till I became the proverbial grass to grace student.

There is no where my dad would have spotted that when all he had is just a visiting day in a month to see his boy. When we have teachers that are with me 24-7. He sought the opinion of the teachers as to why his boy was doing badly in school. And whatever answer he got from that is responsible for where I am today.

Teachers should stop erroneously admitting that all children that fail exams are either dullards or truants. That's why they're teachers. They are trained to spot hidden abilities and deficits and not just to come and pour stuff on the board and go away.

Well. if my pikin fight, I go send go gym....who knows he might be the next Mike tyson

ITbomb: As for defending your child outside, basic instinct would push me to defend my family anywhere but when we get to the house, you would have to bear the consequences of why you got yourself into that situation in the first place.

For a 22 bringing a girl to sleep over in the father's house. If he is the first son, I would hold myself against any action that would push him away from me or the family but my child would always respect me and the honour of the house.

Its this attitude that is slowly unraveling the moral fabric of our society. This misguided sense of 'love' is really going to cost this generation big time. I grew up in the era where if you went to your friends house and misbehaved, they scolded you and punished you. Then when you went home and your parents found out what you did, they gave you your own punishment and probably sent you back to your friends house to apologize.

Now you have this twenty first century Nigerian parents who in there distorted view of love or parenting decide to support there kids as if that makes them good parents. Have you guys so quickly forgotten that "it takes a village to raise a child!"

If you think that defending your child in public even if they are wrong is good parenting, then you are very wrong. You are indirectly teaching him not to recognize any other authority in his life besides that of his parents which is a really bad and short sighted thing to do.

It is clear misconception of love. I guess it comes from the desire for each generation to want to overdo there parents or over compensate for something they didn't get from there parents while growing up.
Some even believe in the myth that they can create the perfect childhood for there children. How wrong they are.

It's a total misconception!
Last Bullet
In the mind of kids lies madness, foolishness.
It's through advice, caning, rebuking & other good forms of correction that their minds are cured

It's all about striking the balance between love and discipline. If you go about being Hitler on them always you'll end up creating monsters and if you go Gandhi on them always they'll end up as big brats and fuckups who think everything just need love to be ok. Caning truly works but when its done without no show of love, that's when you begin to fuckup their psych.

eph12:
You should spend sometime with your kids too. It helps and motivates kids when their parents show interest in their education apart from spending huge sum of money on school fees and tutors.

That's true. Sometimes there are drawbacks. Parent involvement is extremely important.

Off the topic, which would you take:
A high paying job that gives you little time with your kids OR

A relatively averagely paying job that gives you ample time with the kids