I am in my early 30's, married with two kids. Living with my MIL and two of my husband's nephews... (btw, I am a stay-at-home mum at the insistence of my husband..

My husband and I have always had issues but the basis of my story isn't the constant battery, emotional and psychological assault.

On thursday night, I had a minor misunderstanding with one of my husband's nephews and it resulted into a fight where the two boys pounced on me and beat me up. Hubby was not at home at the time so I called him but the phone went off after I mentioned what happened ..I called him severally but he refused to answer so I called my folks who advised that I should wait for him to come back.

That night, he didn't come baick but from the telephone conversations I heard, he was calling and speaking with MIL and his nephews.

On friday, I called him and spoke with him briefly. I was already fed up with the marriage and had decided that if he makes it back home that friday night that i'd tell him that since he was clearly unhappy in the marriage and constantly reminded me that he made a mistake marrying me that we should separate for sometime. He didn't come back that night and also didn't take my calls.

So on saturday, I packed my things and left with my kids for my parent's house.

On sunday, I did a test and found out that I was pregnant. I haven't called him and he hasn't called us either because he always made it clear that he didn't care about me or the kids.

I want to send him an sms and tell him about the pregnancy. What do I do?

Do NOTHING another baby wont make him "change".
Cry, move on and start rebuilding your life. You owe yourself some love and respect, not his brothers but NEPHEWs beat you up yet you stil dont get the memo that he doest want you anymore.
Please grow a spine, he is DONE, life is tough move on

Btw, the house is my MIL'S house and I have lived with her for almost three years now.

We don't have financial troubles because hubby is rich. Severally, I asked him to get my kids and I a home but he said he had a plan. What plan?? He didn't disclose to me.

Say nothing, let him come and see your family only then do you let him know about the baby even then expect NOTHING, I say count your losses and move on.

My dear I feel your pain but you have to move on with your life. You might be beaten to death one day in that house and nothing will happen. Think for something to do to sustain you and your kids.

Glitterdust: Btw, the house is my MIL'S house and I have lived with her for almost three years now.
We don't have financial troubles because hubby is rich. Severally, I asked him to get my kids and I a home but he said he had a plan. What plan?? He didn't disclose to me.

Why did you marry him?
How was it when you were dating?
Were you forced on him? Did you get pregnant and so he had to marry you?
A real marriage is a partnership from start to end, it seems you are not a part of that marriage just a tool. Like I said rebuild your life and move on, stop acting as if your life would stop without him.

Take charge of your own life.

I hope you didn't marry him because you saw financial security.
You marriage doesn't seem to have a firm foundation.

Good thing you have moved out.You are having another baby with the two you have.You have to be strong but you've got work ahead of you.
Text him and let him know just for the record that you are pregnant.

Start to pick up your life from here.I don't think your hubby will change.

aisha2:

Why did you marry him?
How was it when you were dating?
Were you forced on him? Did you get pregnant and so he had to marry you?
A real marriage is a partnership from start to end, it seems you are not a part of that marriage just a tool. Like I said rebuild your life and move on, stop acting as if your life would stop without him.

Take charge of your own life.

I loved him.
We dated for two years and it was one issue after another. He wooed me for a long time o. I wasn't pregnant before getting married.

The last part that shocked me was when he threatened his account officer never to tell me his acct details that I'm a bad wife who intends to kill him and take away his wealth.

Hian!

Pls let him know about the pregnancy.

Glitterdust:
I loved him.
We dated for two years and it was one issue after another. He wooed me for a long time o. I wasn't pregnant before getting married.
The last part that shocked me was when he threatened his account officer never to tell me his acct details that I'm a bad wife who intends to kill him and take away his wealth.
Hian!

Okay, Good thing you left, (however, I know you will run back for more). Dating is the time to know who you intend to live with, forget "I am getting old", "People will laugh if I break up again" if it doesnt work dont marry.
Sadly you did marry him regardless of the issues, he has no regards for you neither do his family. So if you were my sister my focus for you now would be "It has happened, Move ON, Pick your life lessons and move on".
Everyone goes through thier own challenges, including me, but you pick up what the aim of the challenge was and grow from it, Flog a dead horse all you want except you dismount you will stay stagnant.

Why did he say you are a "bad" wife?
What caused the problem with his Nephews?
What reason did he give for not caring about the kids?
Why are you talking so much about his worth and finances?

aisha2:


Why are you talking so much about his worth and finances?

Perhaps,it was why the marriage took place.

Do you have a source of income

Are you legally married to your husband

What has your husband said since you left the house

What is the advice from your parents

teeo: My advice to women, don't ever marry a man living with his mother no matter how comfortable he is. You would always be treated as an outsider. Ask him to rent an apartment or no marriage but I forgot all these ladies are so desperate for marriage they see the signs but they fall to ignore them.
Op, all I can say Is Pele.

He wasn't living with his mum when we met. He had just relocated from u.k. but he kept saying he hadn't decided if he wanted to stay in the east
Or Abuja. When he eventually decided to stay in the east, we moved to his home in the village. We stayed there for almost 2 yrs before MIL rented an apartment in town and he asked me to stay with her. All the while we were there, he kept claiminf that he had paid for a house and was furnishing it. Each time I asked him to show me the house, he would either pretend to be busy and come home late or pick a fight.

Glitterdust:
He wasn't living with his mum when we met. He had just relocated from u.k. but he kept saying he hadn't decided if he wanted to stay in the east
Or Abuja. When he eventually decided to stay in the east, we moved to his home in the village. We stayed there for almost 2 yrs before MIL rented an apartment in town and he asked me to stay with her. All the while we were there, he kept claiminf that he had paid for a house and was furnishing it. Each time I asked him to show me the house, he would either pretend to be busy and come home late or pick a fight.

Na wa oh, so what exactly is the issue again? You want to go back or you want tips on making him "come back to you?" if he was the way you have been describing then you should be happy moving on

aisha2:

Okay, Good thing you left, (however, I know you will run back for more)

Why did he say you are a "bad" wife?
What caused the problem with his Nephews?
What reason did he give for not caring about the kids?
Why are you talking so much about his worth and finances?

Me! Run back.for what?

1. It shocked me to hear he said that because he has severally told me that he boasts to his friends that he married a good woman. That he is blessed. So I was.shocked when I heard what he said. He comes back home from 12am-3am and I don't nag. I serve him fresh food and even massage his feet just so that he would be happy.

2. The boys are naturally wild but whenever their uncle comes back from work, the pretence starts. I just corrected one of them on leaving the living room door open and that was it. He raised his voice at me asking what I'd do and that was it.

3. I don't know.

4.I just want to make understand that I dont know why he refused to get us our own house cos money clearly isnt his problem.

If I were you I would go for an abortion asap
With this kind of depressing life you are living,you still want to add another baby?
That man doesn't give a damn about you.what kind of a husband doesn't return home for the day?
The siblings sef have no single respect for you,because of the way their brother has finished you in the presence

Hmmm! This is not marriage. This is one of several cases where marriage is not for better for worse. smh

pickabeau1: Do you have a source of income

Are you legally married to your husband

What has your husband said since you left the house

What is the advice from your parents

No

Yes

Nothing

They are supportive.

rolled: If I were you I would go for an abortion asap
With this kind of depressing life you are living,you still want to add another baby?
That man doesn't give a damn about you.what kind of a husband doesn't return home for the day?
The siblings sef have no single respect for you,because of the way their brother has finished you in the presence

I'm sure he put them up to it and that was why he didnt come home to address it.I expected that he would at least come home and reprimand the kids.

Glitterdust:

No

Yes

Nothing

They are supportive.

If i were to read between the lines, i will hazard a guess that your hubby is physically abusive
Now it has been extended to your inlaws who now have the liberty to pounce on you.. you are onshaky ground

Your hubby may even have encouraged them to do it

To your post: What do I do

Luckily you have supportive parents
You will need to seperate to really know how seious your husband is
On the new pregnancy..inform him and hear what he has to say but on no accord should you go back until he has shown remorse and made certain changes

if he does not after a while (depending on you),prepare for divorce

aisha2:

Na wa oh, so what exactly is the issue again? You want to go back or you want tips on making him "come back to you?" if he was the way you have been describing then you should be happy moving on

I'm only concerned about this pregnancy. I hate abortion...

I am happier now than I've ever been in the past 3 yrs. And for me to have taken the step of leaving that house, I am not going back!!!

pickabeau1:

If i were to read between the lines, i will hazard a guess that your hubby is physically abusive
Now it has been extended to your inlaws who now have the liberty to pounce on you.. you are onshaky ground

Your hubby may even have encouraged them to do it

To your post: What do I do

Luckily you have supportive parents
You will need to seperate to really know how seious your husband is
On the new pregnancy..inform him and hear what he has to say but on no accord should you go back until he has shown remorse and made certain changes

if he does not after a while (depending on you),prepare for divorce

Going back to him is out of the question.

thorpido: Perhaps,it was why the marriage took place.

No, it wasn't.

Glitterdust:

Going back to him is out of the question.

What if he makes changes

- Apologises to you and your parents and undertakes never to do such?

- Starts Marriage counselling

- Gets a place for you and the kids

No abortion PLEASSSSSEEEEE.
Stay with your parents stay calm. Think of what you want to do, enroll in some online classes, learn a skill keep busy.
Let him make the moves. Dont contact him. He will just believe you want him to "pity" you hence you are making up the baby story. If he comes to your people they will tell him

pickabeau1:

What if he makes changes

- Apologises to you and your parents and undertakes never to do such?

- Starts Marriage counselling

- Gets a place for you and the kids

Who??!!

His middle name is EGO.

He would do none of the above. When I was moving my things, MIL called him and he said she should allow me to go!

Who does that??

Sad...

You may need to start preparing for life without him

Glitterdust:

Who??!!

His middle name is EGO.

He would do none of the above. When I was moving my things, MIL called him and he said she should allow me to go!

Who does that??

aisha2: No abortion PLEASSSSSEEEEE.
Stay with your parents stay calm. Think of what you want to do, enroll in some online classes, learn a skill keep busy.
Let him make the moves. Dont contact him. He will just believe you want him to "pity" you hence you are making up the baby story. If he comes to your people they will tell him

Toh...

But he won't contact my folks. I know him. A friend of mine said I should send him an sms to tell him just for the records. Not that i'm expecting anything from him.

pickabeau1: Sad...

You may need to start preparing for life without him

I have o...hmmm.

He has empowered those nephews to do that. My dear, this guy has always told you he did not give a damn about you. It is time for you to start giving a damn about yourself and your kids. dont worry, even if all is not well in your time, all will be well with your kids and their future. At least you have the comfort of your parents home. Just focus on your next move for now, and watch your kids closely.

Take it easy. Am sure after all the battery and years of abuse, you have come to a place where you are indifferent about him anyway. So this is not a fresh or one time occurrence. Your bitterness may be because of all the years you spent with such a man. You knew you should have left a long time ago, but he helped/forced you with that decision. Accept the decision, and start planning your future. Dont even waste one more minute on him. Your unborn child will be a blessing to you. I suggest you tell him you are pregnant. Not because you want to get back into the house, but so that the child will not be called a bastard in future

baby124: He has empowered those nephews to do that. My dear, this guy has always told you he did not give a damn about you. It is time for you to start giving a damn about yourself and your kids. dont worry, even if all is not well in your time, all will be well with your kids and their future. At least you have the comfort of your parents home. Just focus on your next move for now, and watch your kids closely.

Take it easy. Am sure after all the battery and years of abuse, you have come to a place where you are indifferent about him anyway. So this is not a fresh or one time occurrence. Your bitterness may be because of all the years you spent with such a man. You knew you should have left a long time ago, but he helped/forced you with that decision. Accept the decision, and start planning your future. Dont even waste one more minute on him. Your unborn child will be a blessing to you. I suggest you tell him you are pregnant. Not because you want to get back into the house, but so that the child will not be called a bastard in future

God bless you for your kind words...

Thank u.