Titilayo Adetayo and her two children became destitute overnight. They went from being comfortable occupants of a semi-detached duplex in Lekki, Lagos to squatters at a makeshift shanty in Ibeju-Lekki area of the nation’s commercial capital.

Her fate and that of her kids took a bitter turn because she became bankrupt. Adetayo became a squatter, three days after her husband died of heart attack, because her in-laws threw her out of her home with her two teenage sons.

Adetayo, who relates her ordeal to our correspondent in the apartment she shares with her childhood friend in Ibeju-Lekki, says she has suffered an ordeal which she wishes no other woman experience.

She says,“It was in December 2012. A few days before Christmas, my husband had complained of chest pain before he went to bed. He started gasping for breath around midnight. My brother-in-law and I drove him to the hospital. An hour later, the doctor called him aside and told him that my husband had given up the ghost.

“I collapsed due to shock. So, my sister came to stay with me at the hospital that night. It was around 10am the next day, when my neigbours who had gone to my house to sympathise with me told me they were prevented from entering.

“My sister left to check on the kids in the house. She came back with my children. It was at this point I knew something was wrong. I was told that my brother-in-law, who was living with us then, was searching the house for some documents.”

Instead of empathy or sympathy from her husband’s relatives, Adetayo was served an eviction notice on getting back home.
She adds, “I thought I would meet them in tears. As I came in, I heard my husband’s aunt shouting that I should not be allowed to enter. She said I killed her nephew, their only hope. They said I murdered him in his sleep.

“I tried to fight back, but my brother-in-law held onto my clothes and demanded the keys to the house and the car I drove to the hospital. My sister said I could not give them the keys. Then, his aunt told me that they would not bury my husband, if I did not release the keys to the house and the cars.”
Embracing the reality of the stance of her in-laws, Adetayo, a full-time housewife whose late husband was into real estate, adds, she had to give them the keys, which ultimately led to her eviction from the house.

She says instead of support, what she gets from her husband’s relations, who still believe she has access to some of her husband’s properties, are threats on her life and those of her kids.

But Adetayo’s problem seems to be rooted in the fact that her husband did not leave a Will behind. Although she is the next of kin, she does not have access to necessary documents.
She explains, “My husband did not write any Will. He was young and his death was sudden. We never thought he was going to die at 41.The only property he had was the house we were living in and he would have left it for us, if he knew his relations were going to snatch it from us.”

Adetayo has suffered a typical fate that many widows experience. Based on pressures that usually arise after the husband’s death, many believe that there are too few shoulders for a widow to lean on in Nigeria. According to experts, the challenge of survival, stigmatisation, disinheritance, traditional and social abuse lie ahead of a woman who has lost her loved one in most cultural settings in the country.
Many have been beaten, battered, turned into outlaws and called murderers, just because they lost their pillar of support-their husbands.

The cruelty a woman who has lost her husband passes through in many traditional settings in Nigeria knows no bounds. In some cultures, while the bereaved is still grieving, she is made to perform horrendous rites that would ‘clear’ or ‘establish’ the cause of her husband’s death.

Our correspondent’s interaction with some widows reveals that tradition, and not the law, still rules when it comes to sharing of inheritances in most families in Nigeria. Here are the moving stories of young widows and how they have been coping many years after their husbands died.

‘NEXT OF KIN WORKS JUST ON PAPER’

A next of kin is the person or persons mostly closely related by blood to an individual. It is the relative or relation entitled to share in the personal property of one who dies in intestate.
One of them, Chairperson, Lagos Branch, International Federation of Women Lawyers, Mrs. Ifenyinwa Awagu says these properties may include financial entitlements from the deceased’s place of work, investments and other documented assets.

Unknown to many, a woman is her husband’s next of kin by law. Automatically. Even when the husband states otherwise in some other documents, lawyers say there are provisions under the law that allows her access to his properties and entitlements – once they are legally married.

They note that the constitution ordinarily recognises the fact that a woman and her children should be the husband’s next of kin even when the deceased states otherwise and when there is no Will in place.

However, even in cases where the women were made their husbands’ next of kin, experience still shows that a lot of things still work against widows.
Indeed, widows who spoke to our correspondent say that though they were their husbands’ next of kins, it did not change their circumstances.

According to them, sharp practices by relations force employers to grant entitlements wrong people while bureaucracy at the work place also causes delay.
It was the case for 36-year old Glory Akpan, whose husband, Godwin, an engineer, died after a brief illness in 2009, leaving her with two teenage boys and a girl.
Though she was her husband’s next of kin, she was still denied the total entitlements accrued to her late husband.
According to her, she was accused of killing the man, an offence which, they felt, should naturally disqualified her from accessing his properties.

Akpan says,” My husband was an engineer. He worked with a company in Lagos for more than six years. I was his next-of-kin and his relations knew that because they made inquiries after he died.

“He did not have a Will as he felt there was no need for such yet. He only had a house in the village. We did not think he was going to die even though he was sick for some months before he died.

“After my husband was buried in Ikot Akpan-Itam, Akwa-Ibom State, his relatives told my kids and I not to come and look for them. They took everything, including the house which, I heard, was recently sold by his brothers and demolished by the new buyer. They left us nothing. And they have not asked after us till today.”

Not only was the house taken from her, according to Akpan, further inquiries revealed that her in-laws had gone to her husband’s workplace to get his entitlements.
Akpan says,”I was given N27.492.21 at his place of work. I thought it was too small and started making inquiries. It was later that I found out that my-in-laws who had never come to check on us had gone to his office to get part of his entitlement.

“But my husband appeared to me in a dream and pleaded that I should not take it up with them, since they also did not get the full entitlement as they were not the next of kin too.”
Akpan, who our correspondent encountered at a political meeting in Oshodi, Lagos, where she had come to perform, says she ran an entertainment outfit with her husband before his death and adds that she now sings with her band at events to cater for herself and her three children.

“I have a cultural dance group and we perform at social events. That is what I did with my husband’s support when he was alive and still what I am doing to cater for my kids. Though my children’s education suffered some setbacks, they are still going to school.

“My first child is now seeking admission to tertiary institutions. My second child is in secondary school while the last kid is still in an elementary school. I give glory to God. If not from support from my church, some NGOs and my work it would have been impossible of them to go to school.” she adds.
The fact that 40-year old Abolanle Kasumu is her late husband’s next of kin, has not made it easy for her to get his benefits from his place of work.

Kasumu, a civil servant, explains that her husband, who died at the age of 40, was also working with the Lagos State Government and the process of getting the documents needed to get his entitlement has been tedious.

“My husband did not leave a Will because as a young couple we did not really have much. We were just starting up, but I am his next-of -kin.

“I haven’t collected any entitlement because of the stress of ‘Bring this and that’ by the people in charge and it is taking a long process, but I have handed everything over to God. I believe that at the right time the entitlement will come because I am his next-of-kin.”

On how she has been coping since her husband’s demise, Kasumu, who operates a catering outfit on days off work, says the support from her church, in-laws, family, friends and co-workers has been overwhelming.

She notes, “The issue is that death is what nobody prays for but when it happens you must rise to it. A woman must work. Have a job or vocation to generate income and support the family left behind before people start coming to your aid.
“If not, when a widow starts running around for help, people will see her vulnerability and want to advantage of her. And this also is applicable to every single mother.”

‘SHE KILLED OUR DON FOR MONEY’

Thirty- seven-year-old Abosede Ige was denied her late husband’s inheritance based on allegations that she, among others, killed him. Even though her husband had a booming transport business before his death, things have since gone awry for her.

Not only has the business collapsed, the deceased’s landed properties have been snatched from her family. Unfortunately, the man did not have a Will.

Ige says, “I remember that day vividly. He had asked me to prepare beans and plantain before he went out. Two hours later, his friend called that he had been admitted in the hospital. He was on a wheelchair and he could not talk when I got there. Doctors tried all they could but he died the following day.

“His death was a shock to us. He did not write any Will, but he left some money in the bank .I was able to collect the money as his next of kin, and that was what we had to manage. But the lands were taken from us. My mother-in-law took over everything and almost arrested me for killing her son. It was a lawyer that intervened.

“I was selling food stuffs, but after a year of his death I could not continue because of the upkeep of the home. Things got so bad that we had to pack out of the three-bedroom flat we were living in to a one-room apartment because I could not afford to pay anymore.

“I withdrew three of my kids from private schools to public schools. It was too much for me to bear,” Ige laments.

"DISINHERITANCE AFTER DEATH'

Writing of a Will is still an unpopular practice especially among adults in Nigeria. In fact, the act of having this legal document, which will invariably secure one’s spouses and children’s future should the inevitable happen is seen as prophecy of doom.

Some myths surround creating Wills, as they are at times seen as an open invitation to death while, to some, having a Will is a reserved luxury and privilege for the rich and those with choice properties and assets that could become contentious after their demise.

Stakeholders say that legal battles that ensue after the death of a loved one arise because their spouses had failed to put their house in order. Awagu, says that creating a Will is one of the most critical things married couples can do for their loved ones.

According to her, the contents of a Will is not only binding in court, they are also binding on other legal arms of the society.
She notes that creating a will should not be seen as acknowledging one’s demise but an intelligent move to ensure that one’s possessions end in the right hands.

Awagu states that because of peculiar traditional practices in Nigeria, it is important for adults to actively prepare it.
“Putting your wishes on paper helps your heirs to avoid unnecessary hassles, and you gain the peace of mind knowing that a life’s worth of possessions will end up in the right hands.

“A Will is what your heirs can use to contest or claim property rights in court and otherwise. Many people are even ignorant of this and many more do not have it. Not just men, even women with property do not do it. Even when it’s in place, women in this clime shy away from legal battles.

“I say, ‘Be bold to go to court! There will be no decision to make if you do not go. Even it will take five years, go to court. There are lawyers out there who offer pro bono services to widows. Get a lawyer that is ready to defend you. Let them know it is your constitutional right to take prayers to court. They must listen to you.”

MEN SHOULD PROTECT THEIR SOPUSES – PAT UTOMI

To stop unnecessary harassment and hardship that widows face after the death of their husbands, the founder, Centre for Values in Leadership, Widows Support Centre, Prof. Pat Utomi, says that men must make legal, social and financial preparation that would secure their wives and children’s future.

Utomi notes that the majority of the injustice that women who have lost their husbands experience should be blamed on their husbands.

Utomi says,“We need to talk some sense into men in this country. They need to be educated that their action is what will secure the lives of their children and their wives after they are gone. Men must protect their women. They should be prepared to prevent situations where their wives are battered or dehumanised after they are gone.

“I have had to legally intervene in cases where a man died and his wife and children were locked up over issues of inheritance. We live in an unjust society that continuously hurts women, who form half of the population.

“Marriage is supposed to be between two people who love each other. However, in Nigeria, marriage is between the spouses and their relations and so it is in death too. A man must do what is necessary for his wife. The society, government and the women must champion a strong advocacy to make men prepare for their future and that of their kids. By doing so, we are all securing our future. We have had great men who were trained by widows.”

Copyright PUNCH

Wow wicked world....Firstly,Every Family and Marriage must bulid their foundation on Jesus Christ...Secondly,most of this women husbands were killed by their their families...Thirdly,Most of their husband Families are illiterate....Fourthly,Only a confused woman would be easily kicked out of her husband house..why do we have judiciary system and also what are the military barracks..10 soldiers is too much to beat and kick them out,let them go and do their family meeting at another venue not ur husband house...I thank Almighty God for the Family i have

very unprofessional company to pay entitlements to family members when records will show he was legally married

Sad that this still occurs in this day and time

Widows should know that they have rights. You can't be legally married and allow such injustice. I have a first hand experience of what widows may go through at their most vulnerable moments. But no, no one was able to take a pin from me. You can't even gain access to my street not to talk of our home without my consent. These were people who abandoned us in the hospital when my husband, also a nairalander, had a cardiac arrest.

Our 2 young children(all under 5yrs)must have their education uninterrupted. I have a good job so I won't be running around looking for financial assistance.

Women in Africa should start learning to be independent. Education is the KEY. My 2cents.

Na wa o.
Short of words.

Coldgate . Kudos.
You're the woman.

coldgate: Widows should know that they have rights. You can't be legally married and allow such injustice. I have a first hand experience of what widows may go through at their most vulnerable moments. But no, no one was able to take a pin from me. You can't even gain access to my street not to talk of our home without my consent. These were people who abandoned us in the hospital when my husband, also a nairalander, had a cardiac arrest.

Our 2 young children(all under 5yrs)must have their education uninterrupted. I have a good job so I won't be running around looking for financial assistance.

Women in Africa should start learning to be independent. Education is the KEY. My 2cents.

Endorsed! It takes a very confident, strong willed woman to take charge. Women should take charge of their lives and stop being dependent. They should know their rights and stick to it.

Sad stories...unfortunately, this is the sad reality for most widows in our dear country.

If I do say this myself, here is what the feminists and equality activists need to be focusing on by creating forums and organizations to address this issue, instead of trying to get husbands to cook and change baby napkins..
Misplaced priorities I tell you.

At least, the Akwa-Ibom state government has made giant strides regarding this issue of victimizing widows by criminalizing it and deeming it inhumane.

Two things
Full time house wife and dying intestate , huge no no. Get sometin doing and please write a damn will, protect ur kids for God sakes!

fijiano202: Wow wicked world....Firstly,Every Family and Marriage must bulid their foundation on Jesus Christ...Secondly,most of this women husbands were killed by their their families...Thirdly,Most of their husband Families are illiterate....Fourthly,Only a confused woman would be easily kicked out of her husband house..why do we have judiciary system and also what are the military barracks..10 soldiers is too much to beat and kick them out,let them go and do their family meeting at another venue not ur husband house...I thank Almighty God for the Family i have

"Most of them decide to go with it for the sake of the children"......... so i heard

Strict laws should be put into place protecting these widows. The wickedness that is meted unto them by the family of the deceased is horrible.

coldgate: Widows should know that they have rights. You can't be legally married and allow such injustice. I have a first hand experience of what widows may go through at their most vulnerable moments. But no, no one was able to take a pin from me. You can't even gain access to my street not to talk of our home without my consent. These were people who abandoned us in the hospital when my husband, also a nairalander, had a cardiac arrest.
Our 2 young children(all under 5yrs)must have their education uninterrupted. I have a good job so I won't be running around looking for financial assistance.
Women in Africa should start learning to be independent. Education is the KEY. My 2cents.

Wow, didnt know you were a widow oh. I am so sorry for your loss and admire your strength and courage.

baybiemee: Strict laws should be put into place protecting these widows. The wickedness that is meted unto them by the family of the deceased is horrible.

Its not about putting in strict laws, laws already exist but are we the people ready to do the right thing?

1. Have a legal marriage: Yes its the cheapest and less flamboyant but you hear the ignorant excuses even from women when you advice them while planning thier million dollar talk of the town wedding to simply go and register their marriage LEGALLY in court, if from the begining you dont come under the law then the law is handicapped in protecting you.

2. Writing a Will: when I started working at 23 and even had nothing I had a will and I am a woman. Nigerians are so ignorant about wills, they say it means you are planning to die and so "reject it" with several screams of "Back to sender" I have always loved being organized and luckily so is Hubby. Its better that you dont leave a mess for anyone when you are gone. Death is a reality we all should prepare for Male or Female.

3. The women themselves like the one claiming her husband appeared in a dream and adviced her against fighting back.
How will the law protect you if you dont seek Her protection?
Nigerians generally are very docile, give them any trash and their response is: "God will fight for me" why then did God give Moses the 10 commandments and give the Israelites Judges when he would supposedly come down and do everything by himself?
Justice may take time but do your own part and then God steps in.
Our sisters have to quit being so silly and unenlightened its not virtous its stupid. The Virtous woman was smart, inteligent and hard working not some dumb blonde who was ready to spend, N10, 000,000 on a destination wedding and not N50,000 on the real legal deal. If your husband is scared you will divorce him and run oFf with his money then tell him you are ready to get a prenup, dont in your foolish love risk the future of the innocent children who will bare the consequencies of a stupidity they didint particpate in

Huh