i'm leonard509 a newbie to story writing.This is actually my first story,i hope you guys'll enjoy it. N.BPlease correct me if i'm wrong in anyway.








WHAT TH FVCK ? GET DOWN!!!


It was too late, mike is Dead, just like josh, shot in the head.
Who is this guy, what does he want?

3 blocks away.


The bullet is 12 blocks away. Elevator door opens, a lady walks out with her suitcase.

Sexy! Is'nt she? Tunde asked George. When are you going to finally settle down?? Stop flirting dawg., hey George I'm looking for the right one. The right one indeed! Said george.


MUM I'm home, deji whatsup where's mum? She's asleep, said deji. How was work today? As usual ,temi answered on entering her room. She walks to her bathroom, inputs the code to her secret safe, brings out her dairy,in it was a sheet of paper, she then draws two parallel lines on the name "mike adebayo". Two down ..... Her phone rings, she puts her stuffs in place and heads for her for her cell phone.

abeg, super moderators help me move this my topic go literature writing section abeg

Am in dude. Dis story go make sense. But first things first.
1. Avoid approximation
2.Make ur updates longer pls to hold readers attention
3.Space your work and work on your punctuations, eg. ("" Should be used when someone makes a statement. (? , . all those in bracket are very important, use them well.
4. Don't rush an update, settle down, think wella, project ur storyline, focus. U obviously choked up that your first update, I could barely get anything sensible there except the last part.
5. Your spellings also, u can use auto correction tool on your phone
6. Be ur self bro, in any thing u do, do it well. The sky is ur starting point.

[quote
author=Therock5555]Am in dude. Dis story go make sense. But first
things first.
1. Avoid approximation
2.Make ur updates longer pls to hold readers attention
3.Space your work and work on your punctuations, eg. ("" Should be used
when someone makes a statement. (? , . all those in bracket are very
important, use them well.
4. Don't rush an update, settle down, think wella, project ur storyline,
focus. U obviously choked up that your first update, I could barely get
anything sensible there except the last part.
5. Your spellings also, u can use auto correction tool on your phone
6. Be ur self bro, in any thing u do, do it well. The sky is ur starting
point.[/quote] thanks bro.

leonard509: thanks bro.

u are welcomed

leonard509: i'm leonard509 a newbie to story writing.This is actually my first story,i hope you guys'll enjoy it. N.BPlease correct me if i'm wrong in anyway.








WHAT TH FVCK ? (As a new writer, try not to use crude obscenities yet: 'What the hell?' is appropriate) GET DOWN!!!


It was too late, mike is (Mike was) Dead, just like josh, shot in the head.

Who is this guy, what does he want?

3 (Three) blocks away.


The bullet is 12 (came from twelve) blocks away. Elevator door opens (opened), a lady walks (walked) out with her suitcase.

Sexy! Is'nt she? (Remember your quotation marks: "Sexy, isn't she?")Tunde asked George.

When are you going to finally settle down?? Stop flirting dawg. (Insert the quotation marks. You should know that each conversation carries a paragraph)

Hey George I'm looking for the right one.

The right one indeed! Said george. ("The right one indeed." Replied George.


MUM I'm home, deji whatsup where's mum? She's asleep, said deji. How was work today? As usual ,temi answered on entering her room. She walks to her bathroom, inputs the code to her secret safe, brings out her dairy,in it was a sheet of paper, she then draws two parallel lines on the name "mike adebayo". Two down ..... Her phone rings, she puts her stuffs in place and heads for her for her cell phone. (I'm sure you can do better than this)

Rough review.

LarrySun:

Rough review.

thank you sir, correction taken.

People have made corrections concerning your syntax,so i won't do that.

I may however share some advice.

1. I can tell that your first update is like a flash back of different scenes in the same time phase, I suggest that you make it more visible to others, e.g the scene where mike was shot seemed rushed, give more flesh to it. Answer questions like who was talking? Is it a war zone or a secret mission? Who was involved?

The sexy part also lacked flesh as well. Which scene was it? Is it the same with the 1st or is it completely different? What environment is it in? Deal with such questions.

Improve on the plot, am sure you have an interesting story to tell,so don't pressure yourself to update.

please guys don't be vexed. .i don't have a phone for now. .i'll re-arrange my first post when next i login. .i've got the magic storyline in my head now

Okay, patiently build on it, if possible try and start writing it on a notebook.