This holiday season is a great time to reflect on our lives and particularly on our families. As a husband and also a father I am so thrilled with my family. They are my greatest blessing and my greatest joy.
I’ve wondered over the years what mistakes I have made in my role as a father. There are mistakes along the way; the important thing is to get back on track. I think one of the things I would differently as a parent is spending more time developing informal win-win agreements with each of my children. Doing this consistently and over time, covering the different phases of their lives would have been beneficial.
Because I traveled a lot I felt that I often indulged them and went for lose-win too often. Instead I would have liked to pay the price to take the time to build relationships through win-win agreements.
Think about your own relationships with your children. What can you do to create more win-win? Would you like to try creating win-win agreements with them to involve them more in decision-making, problem-solving and being accountable? Find a problem or issue you want to work on. Talk to your child about their needs or desires (their win). Explain what is a win for you. Then come up with ideas for meeting your child’s needs in a way that will also meet your needs. Set up specific expectations, to-dos and outcomes. You even can put this down on paper and you both will sign it so you can always go back to it in case of questions. This also creates accountability.
The more you create win-win with your children, the more trust you will build with them—and you’ll model and teach them one of the most important skills they need to have to thrive in their relationships not only in the family but in all their relationships, now and in the future.

;DOh so good

Please define what "win-win", "lose-win" mean.

smurfy: Please define what "win-win", "lose-win" mean.

Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing--that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. There is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me; it's not fair, and I'm going to make sure you don't get anymore. We all play the game, but how much fun is it really?
Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pie, and it tastes pretty darn good!

ogaofficer: Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing--that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. There is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me; it's not fair, and I'm going to make sure you don't get anymore. We all play the game, but how much fun is it really?
Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pie, and it tastes pretty darn good!

Thanks for this beautiful explanation.

ogaofficer: Most of us learn to base our self-worth on comparisons and competition. We think about succeeding in terms of someone else failing--that is, if I win, you lose; or if you win, I lose. Life becomes a zero-sum game. There is only so much pie to go around, and if you get a big piece, there is less for me; it's not fair, and I'm going to make sure you don't get anymore. We all play the game, but how much fun is it really?
Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. We both get to eat the pie, and it tastes pretty darn good!

Thanks for this wonderful explanation, but I still seem not to understand well, please can you provide a case study of Win-win and win-loose, and how it's applicable in ones relationship with children, thanks

orimahspence:

Thanks for this wonderful explanation, but I still seem not to understand well, please can you provide a case study of Win-win and win-loose, and how it's applicable in ones relationship with children, thanks

you can help your child to achieve that goal he has been dreaming of, in the sense that you both can dialogue on how to achieve the goal whereby your child will be comfortable with the ideas you both have agreed on to achieve that Goal . . . . . Both of you must be comfortable. . . . . For example the National conference between F.G and Nigeria is a win/win deal. This will help build a great savings into your child emotional Bank acct. I really wish you could understand me better.

No regrets so far!

Kanwulia: No regrets so far!

You got me right. . . . . Sir/Ma.

ogaofficer: you can help your child to achieve that goal he has been dreaming of, in the sense that you both can dialogue on how to achieve the goal whereby your child will be comfortable with the ideas you both have agreed on to achieve that Goal . . . . . Both of you must be comfortable. . . . . For example the National conference between F.G and Nigeria is a win/win deal. This will help build a great savings into your child emotional Bank acct. I really wish you could understand me better.

I got you right boss,thanks ,it's a good idea