I’m delighted to have the first joint post on Naijanomics with my
twin brother, Chine! We had lamented on this a couple of times, so
I though we should put it in writing and see what others think.
Enjoy!
Upon moving back to Nigeria, I realized that a large number of
people carried two or more phones with them. At first, I thought it
was simply an ostentatious practice…until I used MTN for a
month. I got more dropped calls in a month than I did in four
years. It puzzled me for several reasons. First, MTN constantly
announces high profit margins, so I expected decent service.
Second, other networks exist, so I assumed the competition would
improve quality of service. Not only was I wrong on both counts, I
realized that the same phenomenon occurrEd in many other
industries and situations in Nigeria. Plan Bs seem to exist because
Plan As are consistently unreliable. Worse still, both options
become incredibly mediocre to the point that you end up ‘co-
using’ both rather than ‘choosing’ one option. Are you confused?
Perhaps this list will help.
Telecoms
If you don’t like MTN, you have Etisalat, Glo, and Airtel lines.
Unfortunately, they all suck, one way or the other. MTN has
consistently annoyed me so much that I have to comment on one
of their adverts. Like most adverts, that MTN Extratime ad with the
artist Tiwa Savage distances itself from reality. She’s stuck in the
middle of nowhere with no airtime, but is able to make a call
thanks to MTN Extratime. In reality, considering her location as
well as MTN’s notorious call quality, she’d sooner run out of
signal before she ran out of airtime. Moreover, in reality, she’d just
flip out her other phone with the Glo line and make her call.
Electricity
When the DISCOS(formerly NEPA) decide not to provide electricity
while simultaneously charging you, you have the option to spend
money fueling your generator, aka ‘I pass my neighbor’.
Banking
If you have only two figures in your bank account, you have the
choice of being disrespected by a cashier from Diamond Bank…or
GTB…or First Bank or every other Nigerian bank.
Education
If you wish to obtain an education in Nigeria, you have the choice
of either going to a public university where you’ll spend 6-7 years
or…going to a private university that’ll treat you like you’re back in
primary school.
Spiritual Protection
With so much randomness, you can’t be too careful about all
those enemies wishing to truncate your hustle. Ensure that you
have a village babalawo/native doctor, as well as your pastor or
imam – two bulletproofs are better than one.
Healthcare
Even some hospitals will boldly put ‘ We care, God heals’ as a
disclaimer. Translation for this: “In case we have no idea what
we’re doing, you better pray hard and hope God answers you.” So,
the alternative is prayers (from pastor/imam or babalawo or both).
Another very smart alternative is to simply not fall ill or get in an
accident – that way, you’ll be fine. Hopefully, you can manage to
pull this off in Nigeria.
Politics
Even politicians have their alternatives! When you’re done being a
Governor, you can join the Senate, and vice-versa. Or if you don’t
get a good deal in PDP, you can join APC, and vice-versa. You
see? even China with all their talk of economic development lacks
our level of political diversity!
Federal Procedure
You can either go through the arduous task of legitimately
obtaining a driver’s license/business permit/passport…or you can
get one in days when you make a generous donation to a
Government official.
Accents
You’ll also need two accents: your local Nigerian one and a
foreign accent aka ‘phonea’. It can be a concoction of American,
British and Chinese – as long as it doesn’t sound ‘local’. You’ll
need one accent when you’re bargaining in the local market and
the other when you’re applying for a radio station job. (More on
this in a future post) Right now, let’s get into the psychology and
economics of why mediocre alternatives suck.
The Psychological Side
The first implication of always having a plan B is that it induces a
term psychologically known as ‘biological preparedness’. This is
the idea that people and animals are inherently inclined to form
associations between certain stimuli and responses. Biological
preparedness simply means that certain experiences condition us
to react in certain ways…ways that have consequences.
The Economic Side
The psychology of the plan-B option leads to demand and supply
side consequences. In the case of the demand side, Nigerian
customers associate most forms of service in Nigeria with
inefficiency, thus we prepare ourselves accordingly. It’s why the
average Nigerian will have three bank accounts, two to three
phone lines, two mechanics and a generator. And in some cases,
we apply this mentality to the number of partners we
simultaneously keep .
On the supply side, having such stagnancy of performance from
every option changes the fundamental relationship between these
options. These options move from being healthily competitive to
unhealthily complimentary. In other words, Plan B begins to hold a
complimentary relationship with Plan A – one typically steeped in
mediocrity. Why’s this possible? Institutions, businesses and
services simply realize that there’s a level they can operate at that
won’t radically endanger their existence. As long as there’s still
money in the bank, why put effort and resources into training,
services or infrastructure? Why put extra effort into your service
when they’re assured their competitors feel the same way and are
really no different from them?
The intersection of both demand and supply side then end up in a
mediocrity equilibrium where the producers are comfortable with
giving mediocre service and the customers are comfortable with
accepting such services. We can also term this the ‘crayfish
equilibrium’ – short for ’Na condition wey make crayfish bend’.
Nigerians make this statement when adapting to a seemingly
ridged situation.
Also, there’s a class element to such an equilibrium. Given the
disparity in distribution of income between the rich and the poor,
the crayfish equilibrium negatively affects the poor more than the
rich. How? Well, the rich have the relatively minor inconvenience
of hopping between services. Also, money has a way of
stimulating the incentive to provide better service. Money can shift
the supply curve right, which results in less headache. (The bank
teller becomes suspiciously nicer when he/she sees millions in
your account.) If you’re poor, the story is rather different. What’s
the point of having multiple bank accounts and phones when
there’s not enough money to put in your bank account or enough
airtime for your phones? The poor end up with one mediocre
service, whilst the rich end up with several. Eventually, we’re all
stuck with a whole lot of mediocrity.
Solution?
Some might have heard the tale of Hernán Cortés’ conquest. When
he and his men arrived at the Yucatan Peninsula, he ordered that
they burn the boats. The act made his men realize that they were
faced with two choices: die, or ensure victory. And fight they did.
Likewise, we need to stop falling back to the second option
immediately the first doesn’t pan out. If you experience bad
service or governance, be vocal and demand for improvement…
until they call security to kick you out. The more people are vocal,
the more individuals, businesses, and government officials will be
forced to behave efficiently and professionally. Nigeria would be a
lot better if more people demanded accountability. So, stop letting
timidity pull us into mediocrity. Amidst the plethora of choices,
there’s an important one that must be made – you can choose to
instigate change or you can choose to remain a crayfish.

Taiw, so on point. Threads like these should make fp, but u know how it is. But the spiritual protectionish, errrrrrw. We all really need to speak up, or we will keep sinking. What of kehinde?

What a brilliant post! Nice one op.

egopersonified: Taiw, so on point. Threads like these should make fp, but u know how it is. But the spiritual protectionish, errrrrrw. We all really need to speak up, or we will keep sinking. What of kehinde?

Yh u are rite.it should make front page. She is fine. Thanks for asking