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Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. - Literature - Nairaland

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The Secret Life Of A Housegirl / The Man And The Prophet (a Short Story)_ohibenemma / Fake Prophet, Madam Boy’s Quarters, Iyobosa And Other Nigerians (2) (3) (4)

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Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. by BENBELLAh: 5:50pm On Aug 24, 2014
I troway salute to all the gentle, humble and patrotic members of this sagacious forum....I hope all una plans dey roll according to program. if so, make we sing doxological song to Almighty papa wey dey throne of the kingdom of heaven.
Well my dear readers, I go like to dedicate this story(drama) to one very great motivator wey we all sabi for this site...Im name na SammyHoe a.k.a SammyGee.....


...so wait make i begin to dey yarn you the tory...
Re: Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. by BENBELLAh: 5:55pm On Aug 24, 2014
(the curtain draws and Mama kemi and her friend show face for stage)
Mama Kemi: I still haven't got a househelp till now..
Her friend: Why not place an advert in the newspaper?
Mama Kemi: Oh! I think you are right.
(curtain falls back)

(A week later...)
Mama kemi: Darling, see! that my advert is out(pointing to a small well-written 'Housegirl wanted' on a newspaper
Baba kemi: which advert?
Mama kemi: haha, but
I told you i placed an advert for a housegal in the papers na
Baba kemi: Ohh, now i remember.
mama kemi: i pray to be lucky this time, we need a h0usegal badly to take care of shola.
(just then, a knock was heard on their door)KOKOKO!
Mama kemi: Yes, come in.
(A stranger entered with a small gal..)
Stranger: Good evening Ma'am.
Mama kemi: Yes, good evening, pls who do you seek?
Stranger: we see one advert for paper ni..
Mama kemi: Oh!! you mean the advert for a househelp?
stranger: yes madam
Mama kemi: oh! good, sit down.
stranger: I see the advert for inside paper dis morning, so i come brimg my sister.
Mama kemi: very good, what do u want for her salary?
Stranger: Madam, na Fifty thousand.
Mama Kemi: 50 what? kobo or naira?
Stranger: Naira madam
Mama Kemi: hahahahaha, don't be funny.
stranger: wetin you wan pay?
mama kemi: let me inspect her before i tell u what i'll pay..come here, my dear(stretchn forward her hand).......(after all the inspection) Well she's alright, i'll pay her forty thousand per m0nth.
Stranger: madam, dah one small o! make am 45k and we go manage am. Mama kemi: ok, i wil pay her that. when will she start work?
stranger: shey she fit start today?
mama kemi: she can start na..
Everything is settled and mama kemi now has a housegal...
(the stranger stood up and went home..)
Mama kemi: What's your name, my young gal?
Amar: my name be Amar.
mama kemi: Ok, make u be nice gal o, we go take care of you.
Amar: Yes Ma.
(curtain d0n fall)
(Meanwhile Amar's brother as got back home...)
Umar: (umar is amar's broda's frnd)Aboki, how the place wey yu carry Rosa go?
Amar's broda: Better tinz boku for the place gan...Them get big big cars, televisi0n, generators, sound system and al0t of tinz wey i no fit yarn u cus i no sabi them name..
Umar: yes! yes! i dey hear u, c0nt to the yarn me.
Amar's broda: in short, the place full...you think say i go gree make Rosa stay if better tinx no dey thr?
Umar: i trust u, which name you tell am make she call herself?
Amar's broda: I say make she tell dem say im name be Amar.
Umar: Fantabulousity!the name set die.
Amar's broda: i beg di madam make she dey allow am make she dey come visit me for m0nth end
Umar: she gree?
Amar's broda: sure! she gree, she say she go dey give Rosa off for last sunday of every month.
Umar: in da case, make we dey expect am in 2weeks time, ba?
Amar's broda: yes o, mah numba1 padie.
Umar: i hope she no go disapp0int us. Amar's broda: she neva disapp0int us la. dis na her sixth operation since she d0n join us.
Umar: na true u talk....
(curtain d0n fall)..
Re: Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. by BENBELLAh: 5:59pm On Aug 24, 2014
A week later, mama kemi meets her friend...
mama kemi: 0re mi, i placed an advert in the newspaper just like u advised me to.
Her friend: did it work out well?
mama kemi: sure! i n0w have a h0usegal.
her frnd: oh, i tld yu it will work.
Mama kemi: surely, thats the best way to get a h0usegal.
her friend: yes, it is.
mama kemi: alright, my regards to your family...
(Two weeks later)
Mama kemi:Amar, yu cn go and visit you broda 2day
Amar:thank u ma.
Mama kemi:but you must return before 5pm, ok?
Amar: yes ma.
(Mama kemi kept to HER word by allowing Amar to go visit her brother)
meanwhile na all dis th0uqhts dey nack for Rosa's head "Foolish madam, she dey happy say she don get housegal, she go soon see d stunt i wan pull"

kokoko! (Rosa knocks on his bro's door)
Umar: who be that?
Rosa:Na me rosa, abeg con open door jur.
Umar: ah! rosa, we don dey wait you since.
Amar's broda: Na ya eye be dis? u bring better package so?
Rosa: yu no trust me? I don take the m0ney you gve me do duplicate of the keys wey dey for the madam h0use, na dem be dis(stretched out her hand)
Amar's broda:Rosa! Rosa!
Umar: (Umar cuts in..) Any other info wey go fit hell-ep us?
Rosa: yes, wen una wan come rob di h0use, make una c0me for sunday evening around 8 o'clock..
Umar:why dat time?
Rosa: all of dem go dey church by dat time.
Umar: I cee.
Amar's broda: Wonderful Rosa, your brain been dey work like clock since 400BC...bifor we come rob di house, i go make sure say you d0n c0mot dere, so dat dem no go suspect u.
Rosa: who go suspect me?
Umar: na p0lice people go suspect yu..after di r0bbery, dem go begin interr0qate pple, wen dem come ask u question wey u no fit answer pr0per, dem go suspect u...so c0moting u from d house is d best way to av0id da kain tr0uble...

(A week later...Amar's bro went to Where rosa works..)
Amar's broda: Madam, na Amar i come take o. i wan take am go home.
Mama kemi: what! why so early? she startd work here n0t quite a month now.
Amar's broda: i knw madam but na her mama die for home.
Mama kemi: yeee! how did it happen?
Amar's broda: na one foolish bike man hit ram for leg pha..
Mama kemi: sorry my dear...(light fades and shows on Rosa/Amar and her bro on the way home)
scene 6
Amar's broda: foolish woman, she no even suspect anything
Rosa: no mind am, shi even give me money and cloth..
Re: Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. by BENBELLAh: 6:03pm On Aug 24, 2014
(Two weeks later, the robbers did what they are best at..)
Umar: mehn, no be small thing dey for dis house o.
Amar's broda: i no tell you..(they were conversing while packing all the packable items into their waiting vehicle....)
Umar: Na dis b di biqqest business wey Rosa bring for us..
Amar's broda: yes, di gal dy try well well, she get briqht future for thz busines
(..and dey zoom off, in the vehicle)..

(Baba kemi and him wife just got h0me whem hm wif sh0utd)
Mama kemi: Papa kemi, see! 0ur house has been burgled!
Baba kemi: good God! the whole place is empty, i'l cal d p0lice at once.
Mama kemi: i'l go back to d church and tell d prophet..(and she exited d stage wit immediate effect)
scene 9
(mama kemi rushed to meet the prophet)
Mama kemi: prophet, pls hlp m. our house has been burgled, hlp m, i must knw the culprits. i must!(kneeling d0wn)
Prophet Manuel: take it easy woman, God will expose them..ELI JAH JAH JAH, ELI...stop crying, stand up and tel me how it happend. (mama kemi tld prophet manuel how they met the door)
Prophet Manuel: so the locks of the doors were not tampered with?
Mama kemi: yes, they were opened neatly and carefuli l0ckd back
Prophet Manuel: in that case, at least one of d burglars must be someone very close to your family, this has happened to a friend of mine before, lizzie by name..She later find out it was done by her boyfriend's friend ..
Mama kemi: I agree with you, Holy Prophet.
Prophet Manuel: now give me the names of those you suspect. i'll go into a trance and call holy spirit to pick out the culprits name, JAH ELI JAH, MAA JE BREEDI, MAA MUU MILKI..Hmmmm, write down their names here(he gave ha one A4 sheet and a pen)
Mama kemi: here it is, sire.
Prophet Manuel: hmmmm, There is a nick name among the names, i will pick on that, i d0nt trust ppl with nick names(all these was going on in his head)...(he knelt d0wn in front of 15coloured candles ) JAH! ELI! JAH! MIKELI MIM0! OH! JAH!...Send down ya holy spirit baba..down! down!...(after some funny drama he said) BE...BE...BEN...BELLA...BENBELLA..BEN
Mama kemi: so its him! that bastard!
Prophet Manuel: He...he..oh micheal. hmmm....he came in d company of three others to burgle yur house(and he collapse immediately)
Mama kemi: Prophet, pls stand up
Prophet Manuel: oh! i am exhausted fr0m the trance, did i by chance mention any name when i was in d trance?
Mama kemi: yes, u menti0ned BENBELLA..
Prophet Manuel: who is this person callEd BENBELLA?
Mama kemi: he is a bachelor. neiqhbour of ours. it was only last week that he came to our flat and was admiring our video set...thank u prophet, i must go now, bye..
Prophet Manuel: alriqht(thouqhtto hmself "mehn, dis woman is pretty from behind, fiqure 8, i wil get her one day..i wont hurry ab0ut it, shes stil f0olishly faithful to her man bt i'l find a way to get her.)

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Re: Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. by BENBELLAh: 6:05pm On Aug 24, 2014
(Meanwhile at the robber's hide awt)
Amar's broda: rosa, you be good gal. if you dey do your work well well like this, na better things we go dey buy for you.
Rosa: alright, i go work well. you see, when i still dey with my mum, she go dey beat me say make i no thief.
Umar: no mind m0thers. na so dem dey take dem bad mouth spoil dem pikin talent.
Rosa: But na thief work dey give me good good things today so.
Amar's broda: Na true.
Umar: na b'cause you be clever gal, thats why you run comot quick, if to say you no run, na spoil she for spoil this your fine talent.
Amar's broda: anyway, we dey look for paper whether we go find another house girl work for you.
Umar: hahahahahahahahahahahaha, good idea!..
scene 10
(back to the burgled house..the police are apprending the supposed thieves i.e, benbella and his pals)
mama kemi: there is no need for any investigati0n! i already know who is behind the burglary.
Baba kemi: who?
Mama kemi: its this bastard..(she charged towards benbella and gave him a thunderous deafening slap 'TWAI' )
Policeman: madam, stop this please don't take the law into your hands.
mama kemi: leave me joseph, let me deal with this man..(benbella was arrested but was later released when the real robbers got arrested while trying to pull a fast one on a big man in the same area with the KEMIs..)
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The End...
Hope say una learn something?

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Re: Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. by Iolite(f): 10:34pm On Aug 24, 2014
Na wao! I like the play, but how e take end?
Re: Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. by BENBELLAh: 10:40pm On Aug 24, 2014
Iolite: Na wao! I like the play, but how e take end?

it ended where umar nd hs ppl were arrestd
Re: Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. by Iolite(f): 10:23am On Aug 25, 2014
BENBELLAh:

it ended where umar nd hs ppl were arrestd

What am saying is that u don't end a play like that. It lives ur audience dissatisfied. What I want to know is how were they caught? Yes I know during one of their robberies. But they've been doing these before, so what went wrong? Please I want to see a strong ending and becos I seriously love ur story line.
Re: Your Housegirl And Your Prophet.. by BENBELLAh: 5:22pm On Aug 25, 2014
Iolite:

What am saying is that u don't end a play like that. It lives ur audience dissatisfied. What I want to know is how were they caught? Yes I know during one of their robberies. But they've been doing these before, so what went wrong? Please I want to see a strong ending and becos I seriously love ur story line.

i will get back to you then

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