I have read a number of posts on NL that made me throw office decency to the dog. I mean laughing out loud.
I hereby present some of those comments I have read that made me burst into thunderous laughter in office

Abeg pipo wey dey ban make una take am izy ohhh make una kno go mistake ban Nairaland itself or Seun himself

, a comment on the topic TOSINADEDA IS BANNED

don't know this Seun personally so its kindda hard to judge him.  However, Seun picture in his profile looks fierce and mean.  Like he is about to jump through the computer and beat you up.

in response to the topic, IS SEUN DISRESPECTFUL?

pay that money into my bank account and i will give you a space in my house for you to deal with your new wife the way you like, i can even deceide to leave my house for you

in response to the topic HONEYMOON: N400,000 and JUST 2 WEEKS

I'll dig out others soon.

Aluta don die.

Besides aluta no dey for christian (covenant)university, issues are resolved by fire. Holy ghost fire that is.

in the thread https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-122515.0.html

Best line,

Guy- Hi baby

Babe- hi( any problem )

Guy- We once met somewher but can't recall.

Babe- I don't think so.

Guy- anyway, I love ur look?

Babe- Thanks(, smiling/boning)

Guy- Just recalled- U looked like our ex- house help that left with our half bag of rice.

Babe(she go vex)

Guy- Try calm her down because she wount want to go embarassed. From there u go Jasi.

4real!!

by iku in the thread https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria?topic=130036.msg2273402#msg2273402

nice job @poster

Definately this one by becomerich.


"no, i am honest, this people are pretending that they are omo ale. look one of them , a woman wrote me, that the yorubas should not join benin republic ,because one hausa man in the north is playing with her genital. So because hausa man or kanuri or igboman is playing with your genital so gbo gbo omo oduduwa gbodo di eru fun hausa.

Just because of one useless genital . we should not join republic of benin, and let war happen and millions killed."

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-246967.0.html

Another post on NL that threw me off my seat, thunderously laughing, was when somebody opened a thread to confess that he had being lying all this while that he was based in/posting from UK. The guy had been claiming for long time that he was in UK, but maybe he became 'born-again' and repented. It was very funny as the guy confessed that he was in Nigeria. It's a pity I don't have any key word to search for the thread.

Also this one. The thing is i don't think he knows how funny he(becomrich) is 


"
why would you want to meet me. If it is private email .com@hotmail.com

where do you live. And where can you travel to. do you hold a visa to travel. if not I do not give invitation letter. except it is important. So i am not your visa out of nigeria.


And if you are in nigeria, where can you travel to, which countries. ?? do you live in the USA. which state. if your in north america we meet inside the police headquarter. I can only meet you inside a police building. If that is ok by you. if that is not Ok by you what about the FBI building, I have dead Threat on my life. If you do not want to meet there, email me and state your name. And picture.


why do you want to meet me. it is important. I have had several emails of people saying they want to meet. So state or email me. "

The funniest thing about Becommrich is that he says all those things with utmost seriousness.

Jarus:

The funniest thing about Becommrich is that he says all those things with utmost seriousness.

Tell me about it.
He just goes on and on and on.
He also has the amazing ability to be able to correlate a map with any topic. Any!

Lol. nice topic here

@Jarus

that was Jayon, the Mushin guy

;d ;d

113 on: January 09, 2009, 10:27 AM » 9jaganja

"What is your problem girl? I'm sure you can't say all these in front of African Americans can you? You are one heck of a ignorant girl. Add idiota to that too. They built the country, so it's only right that they have opportunities there. Whites are given even more privileges compared to blacks. Whites created nothing for them, they had to fight like Africans to have opportunities to go to schools etc, Whites didn't give them shit okay? Black people are the ones paying for Negro funds. I'm sure whites gave you same opportunities if you don't believe blacks had to fight their way through it.

I checked your profile and I wished I never did. I'm sure whites gave you the opportunity to buy that 80% off rain boot from Walmart or Canadian tires right? yeah!! By the way Leopard skin clothes are played out and no more Acceptable as we are trying to save endangered species(That's if it's not some printed shit made for $7 and sold on ebay)
I'm also sure Whites gave you the opportunity to wear that wig you got on (talk about fake thing and self discriminative). Please call for some upgrade as ain't nothing NY about you. But soo much Mulika in sango ota.
Sheh you sabi bad mouth people, no be only you get mouth idiot!! Naija reject you!!! Amen!!

You should have thought Karma before saying trash about people. Ain't "karma" your user name? Black trash!!!"

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-195588.96.html

SEE INSULT!!!

Dr Kitaun:

@Jarus

that was Jayon, the Mushin guy

Is he still around on NL?

From oxone, wondered what jakumo ever did to him but i just couldnt stop laughing

i have carefully read all your post & have firmly reached the conclusion that you are a complete idiot who happens to have the advantage (disadvantage to me) of an internet connection & have not fully comprehended or understood the power of google (for research) . you shoot off your mouth at random, have made no sensible contribution whatsoever to the topic in question & have finally exposed your ignorance & lack of proper education to all & sundry in nairaland.
you are a classic example of what i call an Educated Illiterate whose only claim to education might be the certificate u have.
its not compulsory to comment on every topic & if you do not have a reasonable contribution, its best to keep your mouth shut so as to not to expose your ignorance & if your aim is to increase your number of post, i suggest you use only the emoticon ( ) i have outlined here as they also count. there are also other less stupid ways to seek attention
i'm very sure you'll start foaming at the mouth as you have done all day & start insulting me but i wont trade words with you (cos when you fight with a mad man, the difference will not be clear) & before u get carried away,
type in www.google.com & find out the price of adeboye's jet which is $28,000,000 (twenty eight million dollars in words-just incase you dont understand figure) & not 52,000,000 million dollars you erroneously posted here(googling it that wasnt so hard right?)
well ignorance they say is bliss
keep at it & before u know it u'll gain knowledge, contribute meaningfully to threads & also increase ur number of post at the same time (thru the use of emoticon i earlier posted) thereby effectively killing two birds with one stone (not rocket science).
my advice to you is to get a new user name & start all over cos you have effectively shown how retarded u are with this one (atleast you were smart enough not to have included your pix)
am not the enemy but your friend who cannot stand & watch you destroy yourself like this hence the advice above
proove me wrong & dont rant or insults me as you've done to others
gd luck, i wish you all the best

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-274656.160.html

vanitty:

Definately this one by becomerich.


"no, i am honest, this people are pretending that they are omo ale. look one of them , a woman wrote me, that the yorubas should not join benin republic ,because one hausa man in the north is playing with her genital. So because hausa man or kanuri or igboman is playing with your genital so gbo gbo omo oduduwa gbodo di eru fun hausa.

Just because of one useless genital . we should not join republic of benin, and let war happen and millions killed."

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-246967.0.html

I will unhesitatingly doff my hat for this one as one of the funniest post I have come across on NL. The first time I read it(esp the emboldened), I laffed so hard I thot I would faint. The BCR xter is clearly in a class of his own.

Lordy lord!
I just died and went 2 heaven!
Who is dat guy<becomerich>?

donjon:


Who is dat guy<becomerich>?

he's the politics section jester always loaded wiv weird maps

donjon:

Lordy lord!
I just died and went 2 heaven!
Who is dat guy<becomerich>?

Becomrich, formerly known as Nigeria1, is a veteran comedian on NL politics section. . . .and the funnier thing is that he doesn't know!

Am gonna be visiting this area more often than usual!

I laffed real hard when i read this lmao
This Moderator is one of the most funniest dude on NL (dani1luv)
esp the one emboldened

lolitto  ( i laff real hard when i read that)
How are we sure small_father didnt copy and paste it from the back page (coz that's where i saw it first)
You know what I copy jokes from the back page of this section (2 b sincere)
Am damn too sure that it took you an hr. to post those oyinbo's of yours. . sure you used a dictionary (lol)

coz to speak to a big boi like me. .takes talented peeps like romade, clemcy, sylve, studio, lysaa  , ben, lola to sfeak an undisputed, unmistaken grammatical erhm erhm erhm. . nyway sha  b4 i can easen up with them. . by the way God knows how you broda/sisters or hussie cope with you coz with this you lakadaisical attitude it cant take anywhere. . pat. . My Job here is to make pple be in peace and not to cause commotion but cause co-operation. . Now give me a kiss

One more thing. . what up wift those faze above. . or dem nor bab ya head well

Oh oh oh i can remember. . I locked your thread that's why you behaving like a kid  kpele oh

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-278137.32.html#msg3959213 

lol

what about funniest topic? lol. most topics in this "Nairaland" section are hilarious

i had to fish some "words of wisdom" from the politic section legend himself

Yar adua have to be man. We the yorubas would support him to cut of the yorubas, edo, delta and bayelsa into republic of benin . there would be no war. And he should know that with our population and the north , we are talking about 80% of nigeria population want.
This is the solution. jonathan already have position in benin republic on his first day.
I am saying it loud give the north 90% of the land and 70% of the oil , so that we all can have peace.I know what the north is capable of. make them majority, before they kill all of you.

More of the wierd one’s ramblings here

The gratuitous predilection of some members to utilize grandiloquent aphorisms as the exclusive means of dissipating their scholarly mehu-mehu, being unmindful of the wanton discombobulation such actions evokes on the diminutive comprehensive capabilities of an illiterate suya seller like me and possibly our OP, is rather unbecoming of them.

The likes of Dede and Jakumo pls desist from aggravating the em. . .

The quote above was from Mai Suya. I have not stopped laughing anytime I read that statement from a thread titled: ''Nigerians and Big Grammar?''

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-279182.32.html

One more thing. . what up wift those faze above. . or dem nor bab ya head well
           

Ogbonnaya: hippopotemus meat is a very good meat more especially when it goes with
cocoyam soup.

molumma: ewwwwwwwwww

Busta: KEWLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

Badman888: wow that would be nice to eat, i heared Tiger meat kinda bad hop HOPPO one is better

Oracle: Ogbonnaya, you mean you've eaten hippo meat.
I bet it has a lot of Fat
i wonder what it tastes like

drionelli: I've never eaten hippo meat.
What does it taste like? How can it best be prepared?

Ogbonnaya: let me tell you how the meat came.there was this hausa man that was leaving in the upper cross river. his name was mohammed. he was a hunta he dosnt miss target if he wants to shoot.he killed the hipo with a
poisoned arrow it took like 2 hrs b/4 the hipo died after struggling mightly with death.everyone that was there had a share in the meet.it can take one up to 30mins to finish a little bit of meet in your mouth b/c
it is elastic in nature but very sweet.

Oracle: 30 minutes?
for a little piece of meat?
elastic?
sweet?
i sure won't wanna miss the fun
ogbonnaya do you still have some left

Ogbonnaya: oracle dont worry anytime i come across it again i will call you for some

Todd Terry: it is very healthy if killed properly. if shot with poison arrow, DO NOT EAT! you can get poisoned and die!!!! anyway, hippo meat is very tangy and juicy. you will like it fried, boiled, or deep fried, but make sure to add a little cassava with it ooooo

SeanT21: That animal is 2 damn ugly to pass through my mouth.

oyinda.:

what about funniest topic? lol. most topics in this "Nairaland" section are hilarious

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-76618.0.html

ROTFLMFAO

Another masterclass from King Becommrich:

https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-281514.0.html

This one cracks me up:


bawomolo:

who told you there aren't gay animals?


Dede1:

Probably, you are one such qualified gay animal. You could be fooling yourself if you think I am slightly surprised.


bawomolo:

So what do armed robbers and pocket pickers have in common with homosexuals?


Dede1:

If you can not perceive what the deviants have in common then you are not qualified to engage in this argument. The armed robbers, petty robbers, pocket pickers and homosexuals are all human beings, born by woman and are social deviants.

In addition, armed robber, petty robber and pocket picker could add homosexuality as another life style as few homosexuals could add armed robber, petty thief and pocket picker as secondary life style.