I have a friend whose parent quarrel and fight almost on a daily basis the Man gets drunk often and when he does he goes straight to the house to turn it upside down, when it happen like that My guy will just leave the house in that if he witness what the father does to the mother he may be tempted to beat him up, ( I de Pity am) We know it's very wrong for a Child to raise his hand on the parent, I know there are many kids out there having a similar problem Please in situation like that what should one do ?

Tell us yer story plainly.......your pa n ma?

smartchoice: Tell us yer story plainly.......your pa n ma?

If you search through my post u I'll know it's not me, If u no fit contribute to the topic abeg delete ur post.

smartchoice: Tell us yer story plainly.......your pa n ma?

Oga Prophet!

Lacomus: If you search through my post u I'll know it's not me, If u no fit contribute to the topic abeg delete ur post.

Your use of the word daddy betrayed that you're trying to hide!

smartchoice:

Your use of the word daddy betrayed that you're trying to hide!

hehehe I wanted the topic to sound interesting, Oboy watin come be ur own.

smartchoice: Tell us yer story plainly.......your pa n ma?

you are slow, how old are you?

cirmuell: you are a slow, how old are you?

But faster than yer Pa....

smartchoice:
But faster than yer Pa....

yah, I saw it coming ...no brainer.

He shd try to be friends with him and in his sober time, talk to him how this attitude affects him and his mum. Ask someone he respects to talk to him too, sometimes, that dirty linen just has to be washed in public. Most importantly, he shd always console his mum when she needs it and try to make her happy in his own little way, she might just still be in the marriage just becos of him and his siblings.

The woman is an adult.
The child is a child.
If she can't up and liberate herself from that bondage of abuse,it's not the child's problem.

But if the child wants to help,he can go report papa to the family elders or the local family welfare union.

How old is your ' friend?'

My friend endured emotional and physical abuse of his mother for 18years. He didn't know how to address the situation, whether it was his duty to do so or not. Wanting to fight his father conflicted with the upbringing he had been raised with to 'honour his father and his mother.' He didn't know if he did anything and they seperated if it would be his fault. He felt like he had failed by not protecting his mom and he was afraid of what his father might do if he challenged him.

One day at the age of 21, he came home from the university and felt tension in the house. By evening his parents had started screaming at each other. As usual he tried to ignore it. But when the fighting began he made up his mind to do something. So he came out of his room, went to the parlour, pulled his dad off his mom, stared him straight in the eye and told him that if he touched his mom again he would regret it for the rest of his life. Then he sent both parents to their seperate rooms and locked them up for an hour. After that he called them together and insisted that as long as he was in the house they were going to talk through their problems. That if anybody hit anybody he would hit back and much harder. And then he told his younger siblings what he had done and to report to him if there were any more 'incidents'

The violence stopped after that.

smartchoice:
But faster than yer Pa....

You just insulted some one.

5minsmadness: How old is your ' friend?'

My friend endured emotional and physical abuse of his mother for 18years. He didn't know how to address the situation, whether it was his duty to do so or not. Wanting to fight his father conflicted with the upbringing he had been raised with to 'honour his father and his mother.' He didn't know if he did anything and they seperated if it would be his fault. He felt like he had failed by not protecting his mom and he was afraid of what his father might do if he challenged him.

One day at the age of 21, he came home from the university and felt tension in the house. By evening his parents had started screaming at each other. As usual he tried to ignore it. But when the fighting began he made up his mind to do something. So he came out of his room, went to the parlour, pulled his dad off his mom, stared him straight in the eye and told him that if he touched his mom again he would regret it for the rest of his life. Then he sent both parents to their seperate rooms and locked them up for an hour. After that he called them together and insisted that as long as he was in the house they were going to talk through their problems. That if anybody hit anybody he would hit back and much harder. And then he told his younger siblings what he had done and to report to him if there were any more 'incidents'

The violence stopped after that.

He told me he once tried to talk to his Dad but he didn't give him listening ears.

Lacomus: He told me he once tried to talk to his Dad but he didn't give him listening ears.

Nothing new. They don't listen till you get serious.
How old is he?

5minsmadness:
Nothing new. They don't listen till you get serious.
How old is he?

He will be 23 this year

smartchoice:

Your use of the word daddy betrayed that you're trying to hide!

why are you so childish?

does it matter who it is?

this is a serious issue,

make sense or gerrout

5minsmadness: How old is your ' friend?'

My friend endured emotional and physical abuse of his mother for 18years. He didn't know how to address the situation, whether it was his duty to do so or not. Wanting to fight his father conflicted with the upbringing he had been raised with to 'honour his father and his mother.' He didn't know if he did anything and they seperated if it would be his fault. He felt like he had failed by not protecting his mom and he was afraid of what his father might do if he challenged him.

One day at the age of 21, he came home from the university and felt tension in the house. By evening his parents had started screaming at each other. As usual he tried to ignore it. But when the fighting began he made up his mind to do something. So he came out of his room, went to the parlour, pulled his dad off his mom, stared him straight in the eye and told him that if he touched his mom again he would regret it for the rest of his life. Then he sent both parents to their seperate rooms and locked them up for an hour. After that he called them together and insisted that as long as he was in the house they were going to talk through their problems. That if anybody hit anybody he would hit back and much harder. And then he told his younger siblings what he had done and to report to him if there were any more 'incidents'

The violence stopped after that.

hmmm, good one

but this one is alchol induced,

the man needs to stop drinking first.

if not, no intervention wud work.

Lacomus: He will be 23 this year

It depends on his temperament.

If he is the quiet type he can report to elders e.g his father's brothers or maybe the church pastor depending on who he is close to. It might even be a neighbor. He shouldn't report to his mother's people, its not his duty to do so. Let someone older than them come and talk to them. If your father knows it is affecting you so much that you sought outside help he might have a rethink.

If he's the outspoken type he should call an in-house family meeting comprising of just the parents and his siblings. They should all air their views on how they don't like what is going on. They should tell their parents to respect themselves in the eyes of them the children. They should discourage their father from drinking and let him know he is embarrassing them when he comes home drunk and turns the place upside down.

If he is the em...physical type, he should call his father to order. Tell him that in as much as he respects him as a father but if he touches his mom again he will fight him. He should mean it too. It will serve as a deterrent . I know many people might not agree with this but hey, its just my opinion.

Many things don't work in Nigeria. You can't call social security/police and when you do they tend to botch things up. He should stand up and be the man of the house since his father seems to be relinquishing that position.

bebe2:

hmmm, good one

but this one is alchol induced,

the man needs to stop drinking first.

if not, no intervention wud work.

Oh, that one involved alcohol as well, though not all the time. The pops learnt to carry his drunken self quietly to his room after he was confronted.

But yeah its important for the father to realise that alcohol is destroying his home. Unfortunately I don't think we have AA in Nigeria.

bebe2:

why are you so childish?

does it matter who it is?

this is a serious issue,

make sense or gerrout

Sorry about your childhood but its not my responsibility.

Lacomus: hehehe I wanted the topic to sound interesting, Oboy watin come be ur own.

The man has a trigger help him find it and wow you'dbe ssurprised....

Lacomus: He told me he once tried to talk to his Dad but he didn't give him listening ears.

Because he's talking about the effects n not the trigger....root cause... Which is usually very deep....something in his life.

5minsmadness:
Nothing new. They don't listen till you get serious.
How old is he?

True.. Serious but not violent.

smartchoice:


Sorry about your childhood but its not my responsibility.

my childhood??

r u kidding??

one of the best times of my life.

i know i was abit harsh, but these are sensitive matters, pple are hurting.

just mind ur wat u say.

u dnt want to add to their pain, do you?

bebe2:

my childhood??

r u kidding??

one of the best times of my life.

i know i was abit harsh, but these are sensitive matters, pple are hurting.

just mind ur wat u say.

u dnt want to add to their pain, do you?

Hmmmmn OK.

In line with 5minsmadness,my father in law too was quite physically aggressive to his family whilst they were growing.He beat everyone in the house silly plenty times.
After his wife nearly broke his hand with a heavy stool one day,he stopped beating her.
he continued with the kids though especially my husband"s younger sister.he beat a lot of times for no just cause and really severely.
One day my hubby could take it no more(he was 18 or so).after one of those beatings,he dropped a strongly worded letter for his dad that the next time he ever hit his sister again,his fuc*k up would be treated by him.
The man no believe himself,he became like jelly.cAlled all the family members and a Neighbour to come see the letter his irreponsible son had written.that they should serve as witnesses incase any harm was to befall him suddenly.
My husband just stood there looking unruffled and defiant.
Let's just say he NEVER hit anyone again after that incident and calls my husband Mr ***** ever since then

aolatunde00: In line with 5minsmadness,my father in law too was quite physically aggressive to his family whilst they were growing.He beat everyone in the house silly plenty times.
After his wife nearly broke his hand with a heavy stool one day,he stopped beating her.
he continued with the kids though especially my husband"s younger sister.he beat a lot of times for no just cause and really severely.
One day my hubby could take it no more(he was 18 or so).after one of those beatings,he dropped a strongly worded letter for his dad that the next time he ever hit his sister again,his fuc*k up would be treated by him.
The man no believe himself,he became like jelly.cAlled all the family members and a Neighbour to come see the letter his irreponsible son had written.that they should serve as witnesses incase any harm was to befall him suddenly.
My husband just stood there looking unruffled and defiant.
Let's just say he NEVER hit anyone again after that incident and calls my husband Mr ***** ever since then

LOL but this one is a different case the man in question is still paying this boy's fees, he may change his mind if he tries it.

smartchoice:
Hmmmmn OK.

You eeerr make I no talk

He should sit the old man down and talk sense into his head NOTE don't ever hit ur old boy no matter wht.