“For I hate divorce, says the Lord” —Malachi 2:
16
The most trending news in Nigeria at present,
apart from that of Ebola and terrorist attacks,
is that of the impending divorce of charismatic
Pastor Chris Oyakhilome of the Believers’
LoveWorld, better known as Christ Embassy
which The Cable broke last Friday, August 29,
2014. Gossips are having a field day. Tongues
are wagging. How are the mighty fallen and
the weapons of war destroyed? It is not the
first time a reverend, pastor, bishop,
evangelist or any cleric for that matter will
divorce.
Unless you’re not on top of the news. It is
happening daily. The list is growing both locally
and internationally. Incidentally, a neighbour
to Pastor Chris at Oregun in the Ikeja area of
Lagos and his namesake, Rev. Chris Okotie, has
even broken a record by divorcing twice, the
last one being in June 2012. Internationally,
there was the case of the revered tele-
evangelist, Pastor Benny Hinn, who earlier
divorced his wife, Suzanne, and later
remarried the same wife.
It needs be said that there are several other
pastors and clergy out there whose marriages
are in the shambles. They are living with their
spouses like familiar strangers. Many have not
divorced out of sheer fright of scandal. Others
are papering over the cracks in their marriages
in deference to God’s injunction in Malachi 2
verse 16 cited above while praying and hoping
for restoration.
First and foremost, it needs be understood
that pastors are human beings…
They are mere mortals like you and me. They
are only privileged vessels chosen by God to
do His work on earth and communicate His
mind to us, the laity. Pastors have
psychological and physiological needs like the
rest of us. They want to be loved, respected
and ministered to. I pity those who make God
of their spiritual leaders. Who thought they
are infallible and are superhuman? Those are
the people who are utterly disappointed when
a supposed “man or woman of God” falls.
In an article in The Diaspora Star (online
edition), Ekerete Udoh while commenting on
why pastors are afflicted with divorce has this
to say: “Even though they are the very
representatives of God on earth, listening to
His command and transmitting the same to us,
they too can be overwhelmed by the glittering
spectacle of the environment, spectacles that
daily befuddle our thoughts and confuse our
capacity to think clearly and do the things that
are edifying; they too can take a pass on the
messages they have transmitted to the flock
and read from a different script. Even though
they daily counsel couples on the way to live
with their spouses, to love, cherish and obey
their loved ones, they too are not immune
from the fissures and complexities that afflict
the institution of marriage.” True talk!
Ekerete went further, “Put simply, the
institution of marriage as it affects the men
and women of God is under assault.
Infidelities, divorces and outright emotional
cruelties have been reported about cherished
men and women of God. Stories of
uncontrollable sexual dalliances, of severe
addiction to pornography, to adultery abound,
leaving the flock to wonder if they indeed are
true men and women of God or are spiritual
pretenders. In most cases, mega churches
built over years of hard work and dedication
have collapsed when the congregation couldn’t
reconcile the double-ways of the lives of their
pastors when the dark sides of their lives came
out.” Well said!
I am of the opinion that Pentecostalism is
partly responsible for this increasing rate of
divorce among pastors. How do I mean?
African Traditional Religion and Islam do not
frown on polygamy. If you’re an adherent of
these two religions, you’re free to marry more
than a wife. Also, in many of the orthodox
churches, polygamy is not a mortal sin. I know
many of the white garment churches like
Celestial Church of Christ and Cherubim and
Seraphim churches are not against their
members or pastors marrying more than a
wife. Their main argument is that Bible
patriarchs like Abraham, Jacob, David, and
Solomon, to mention a few, had more than
one wife. In fact, Solomon, the acclaimed
wisest man of his time, had 700 wives and 300
concubines. It is the latter day Pentecostal
churches that criminalise polygamy and
punishe those who marry more than a wife
with excommunication. The Pentecostals are
quick to quote scriptures like Genesis 1:27 and
2:24, and 1 Corinthians 7:2 to support their
stance.
What has polygamy to do with soaring divorce
rate? It is my considered opinion that since the
cause of many of the divorce cases is hinged
on adultery; peradventure, if the Pentecostals
were to allow polygamy, this will reduce cases
of adultery and concomitantly, stem cases of
divorce. However, a holistic picture of reasons
for divorce will show that apart from sex,
there is also the element of poverty; that is, a
man’s inability to cater to the needs of his
family. Many of the common arguments
women who sue for divorce cite are adultery,
lack of welfare, neglect, molestation, assault
and battery or simply put, violence. Though in
the case of men of God, the issues often
centre on adultery, neglect and psychological
violence.
In the earlier cited article by Udoh, he
advanced a couple of reasons for the divorces
of men of God. This includes tempter ladies
who use feminine tricks to sexually
compromise men of God. The other factor
cited is ego. According to him, a number of
marriage counsellors spoken to say the case of
the men of God and their marriages present a
unique set of challenges: “There are some
members within the congregation who are
motivated by the need to test the depth of
spiritual and moral foundations of these men
of God. They will dress provocatively and
tempt these pastors with their feminine wiles
and looks. Some have been found to have
fallen for those temptations and subsequently
sacrificed their marriage in the process…”
On the issue of ego, the writer has this to say:
“Another issue that has led to the dissolution
of most marriages of men of God is ego. Most
of these men are used to having people obey
every word they utter; they have a severe
sense of entitlement and most times do not
expect contrary opinions. Unfortunately, they
often bring this tendency home to their wives
and loved ones, creating in the process
alienation, resentment and a deep emotional
gulf between them. On the surface, they may
cut the picture of happy couples, but inwardly,
those outward appearances are facades.”
What is the way out for the clergy? I think they
need to watch and pray. They need to come to
terms with their weaknesses and try to seek
help on time before they are destroyed by
their foibles. I like pastors who have taken
preemptive measures of not going on
visitation without their wives and who counsel people in the open and if in private, in the company of their wives, particularly when counselling ladies. I also appreciate churches that encourage congregants to dress modestly and decently. Beyond these, the congregations need to pray for their pastors. Indeed, we are what we are by God’s divine grace.

More updates at:http://candiiville.com

Its not okay for a pastor to divorce their spouse-God hates divorce!!! But the ministry is full of temptations! Its not easy to pastor a church full of hot ladies and guys; unless a pastor is always spirit filled and disciplined he or she will fall into adultery. Pastor chris has enjoyed so much success in ministry, I think this success has spelt failure for his marriage due to neglect and I hope things mend between him and anita. Was pastor chris in any adultery saga Don't know, but I won't doubt it if it really occured.