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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / TV/Movies / The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood (942 Views)
24 Things We've Learnt From Nollywood / Things We've Learn't From Nollywood / Things We've Learnt From Nollywood (2) (3) (4)
The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by henrydimo: 7:19pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
THINGS WE’VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD Every problem you have is spiritual. In every romance movie, someone must die. It is possible to hit a person without actually touching them. Anyone who gets hit by a car dies immediately Poisoned food always tastes better. The best way to make money is by visiting a ‘Babalawo’/joining a cult/sleeping with rich men. One of a pair of twins (identical or not) is born evil. There is never an end to your suffering, except death! With a pastor… all things are possible A movie can be titled anything --- such as: The boy is mine Face me, I face you Two rates Could this be love? Spanner Calculator I am in love Igudu Shigidi A movie has not been made it at least one actor/actress has not ‘shelled’, twisted his/her lips to speak wrong phonetics You are in love… you want to take your girl out, the best place you take her to is… Mr. Biggs/Tantalizers: where you’ll most probably see an ex while feeding each other. The beach: where it is imperative that you ride a donkey and carry her playfully. The garden: where you chase her around trees and flowers which ends with you catching her and both of you falling on the grass. Or the boutique: take her to buy some ugly new clothes. A gospel song can be played in a party where there is drinking, smoking, dirty dancing and drugs An Igbo movie has been made if … You visit a ‘Babalawo’. A fleet of cars is shown off at regular intervals for a total of half of the movie time. Kanayo O. Kanayo is in the movie. Pete Edochie is also there too. To get rich it is mandatory you join a cult. In a Yoruba movie: You always forget a covenant or oath you made, only to remember after a visit t to a shrine or white garment priest. Two powerful ‘Juju’ people would fight with their spells and incantations to know who is more powerful. In an Hausa move: The movie must include the long love songs that are evidently copied from Bollywood. If you want your movie banned by the Sharia law then allow your characters to show affection by kissing, cuddling, etc. Gun shots and knock-outs sound the same Sometimes the title has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and other times, once you read the title and see the poster you know it all. The soundtrack gives you a headache because it just narrated the whole story repeatedly – so much for suspense and intrigue. A love story had not been produced id it does not have: Jim Iyke – Rita Dominic Emeka Ike – Genevieve Nnaji/Stephanie Okereke R.M.D. – Stella Damasus Van Vicker – Nadia Buhari Majid Michel – Jackie Appaih For more entertaining stuff, visit chiefpriestblog. |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by mstik(f): 7:26pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
wow lwkm |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Nobody: 7:27pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
You missed some. They also thought us that native doctors fix brazilian hair, witches fix long fake nails. A princess always wear long gowns with beads all over and go about with maids everywhere. Na wa o. |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by mstik(f): 7:28pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
She also paints her lips black lol missberrypop5: A princess always wear long gowns with beads all over and go about with maids everywhere. Na wa o. |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Nobody: 7:31pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
mstik: She also paints her lips black lollol, no be small thing. And it's usually Chika Ike 1 Like |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Guykhena(m): 7:33pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
henrydimo: THINGS WE’VE LEARNT FROM NOLLYWOOD More proof nollywood is a joke.... |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by mstik(f): 7:33pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
why da beef na lol Guykhena: |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Guykhena(m): 7:40pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
mstik: why da beef na lol I don't know why,,I just hate the Nollywood industry... Am I weird |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Nobody: 7:43pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
Guykhena:no you're not weird. I even prefer watching cartoons |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by mstik(f): 7:46pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
nope nigerian movies make me laff but some good quality movies exist tho Guykhena: |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Guykhena(m): 7:58pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
missberrypop5: no you're not weird. I even prefer watching cartoons Exactly, I rather watch 'Dora The Explorer' than subject myself to an hour long Nollywood movie ........ mstik: nope Umm let me guess the bolded statement was made because of 'Half Of A Yellow Sun',,, Out of the Hundreds of movies Nollywood makes a year and you could just pick 1 good movie from it,,,seriously that's not an achievement... |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by mstik(f): 7:59pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
not half of a yellow sun that movie totally annoyed me, it was crap overhyped nonesense Guykhena: |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Guykhena(m): 8:14pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
mstik: not half of a yellow sun tho the storyline was wack,,but the movie was well directed..... LoL,what's your probs with the movie? . |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by mstik(f): 8:25pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
wat wat was not wrong with that movie if i start to mention wat i hated abt the movie, it will take many pages. wen i read the book a few years back, i was very intrigued by the story line, the plot, the characters, everything!!! i read the book like more than five times to the extent that i committed it to memeory. when i heard that a movie was being made about the book, i was soooo very excited. As i watched the movie, i was very angry... so angry that i stopped halfway and am still yet to finish it. i hated the casting!!! they only tried for odenigbo/chinwetel. i dont know why they had to import foreign actors that could not speak igbo properly as stated in the book. they also excluded many important events....(i'll be back to complete my ranting) Guykhena: |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Guykhena(m): 8:33pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
mstik: wat wat was not wrong with that movie if i start to mention wat i hated abt the movie, it will take many pages. ooo, you win,,, Maybe its bcus I haven't read the book.. But you have to give the movie some credits tho . |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by mstik(f): 8:38pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
yeah good directing, high quality Guykhena: |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Nobody: 8:39pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
Ghost dey luk left nd rite b4 crossing road Wicked people must die @ d end after confessing If something do u if no be ur mama, papa, sis or bro dey cause am den u no dey naija We can still go to sch(pry) @ old age(dumebi goes to sch, muma gee in sch, Mr Ibu in sch etc) For yoruba film, anything wey dey happen na for inside calabash dem go check b4 dey use one hour remember how e take happen. Hehehehe 2 Likes |
Re: The Things We've Actually Learned From Nollywood by Tymax(m): 11:24pm On Sep 05, 2014 |
rozzay: Ghost dey luk left nd rite b4 crossing road 1 Like |
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