P astor Chris Okotie, divorcee par
excellence, vocabulary
confusionist, Casanova-in-the-
Lord, Nigeria’s imaginary
president, and debonair to the
core. Whoever told Christians that
they cannot marry more than one
wife intentionally wanted to make
the PIMPINGstry--sorry ministry--
difficult for Pastor Okotie. One
busy-body said that divorce is to
Okotie what strike is to ASUU;
some people with their foul
mouth, they won’t mind their
business.
The other day, I had this dream
how I was on Frank Edoho’s hot
seat of MTN’s "Who Wants To Be
A Millionair"e TV show. In the
dream, Frank Edoho asked this
Son of David right here:
“Which of these mammals is
Okotie likely to be if he was a
four legged creature?”
A- Baboon
B- Dog
C- Both a and b
D- All of the above
Ignorant me, I did not know the
answer, so I went for the “ask-
the-audience”, lifeline. Before I
could read the audience’s
answers, my alarm clock woke
me up. I wanted to go back and
continue the dream, but as I
closed my eyes, I had a dream
that I was saved a divorced note.
That is how I woke-up and sleep
left me for one week. But thank
goodness that as I was watching
the First Lady deliver a speech on
TV, sleep suddenly tore our
divorce papers. Dia ris miracle!
Chris Okotie
When I lived in Benin City, my
neighbor Mama Osas one day was
boiling hot at her son, Osas. Trust
Benin woman with her vex: “Your
Papa no play geetar (the Benin
accent of guitar). Me your Mama,
Efe no play geeta, why you wan
disgrace me turn geeta boy on
top all the money wey I don
spend for your matter for
school?”
“Mama na music me I wan do. It
is my passion!” Osas defended.
“If music finish leave you”,
continued Mama Osas “wetin you
go come do nkor?”
It was there I interfered to
appease Mama Osas’ fears: “Mama
Osas, no worry, if music finish
leave am him go resign go do
pastor work”.
Mama Osas, stubbornly pressed:
“If preaching finish nkor?” “Mama
preaching no dey finish o."
I argued, “you fit preach anything.
But if preaching finish, you fit go
contest for President talk say na
God tell you say you go turn
President. That wan no hard na,
shooo!”
The dissatisfied Mama Osas,
pressed further: “If as pastor you
talk say God say him go make you
President then you come loose
nkor?”
“Mama Osas, hmmm”, I paused.
“If you be pastor were contest for
President come loose. Na him e
be say your party na Fresh
Democratic Party (FDP). Even God
wey tell you say you go win go
turn around vote PDP put for
power.”
Na just story I dey talk o before
dem “Babatards” carry my matter
like divorce matter.
Study has shown that a medical
student would most likely finish
his/her 7 year medical course,
get a job and marry but Okotie
will remain single. It went ahead
to submit that the medical
student will have a child who may
grow up to meet Okotie single. I
don’t even know who conducted
this kind of amebo study and
even had the nerve to tag it “the
PromiscuOkotie report”. Is
marriage by force? Doesn’t the
bible say that each one is given
his gift- to some the gift of
marrying multiple times and then
to others the gift of divorcing. We
are not all the same, to each
man his grace. I don’ know what
it is with these people with
marriage, after all Paul in the
bible was an unmarried man.
However, some researchers took
the submission of this study very
seriously that the subject was
brought before T.B Joshua for
counseling and deliverance and
this is what transpired:
T. B Joshua: Explain yourself! You
the spirit tormenting this vessel,
show yourself! What kind of spirit
are you?
[Doing what spirits normally do in
the Synagogue cinema]
Okotie: I am a strong man.
T. B: What kind of strong man are
you? Speak up! What did you do
to him?
Okotie: I am the spirit of
singlehood, divorce and anti-
marriage. I destroyed his
marriage.
T.B: Don’t waste my time! How
did you destroy his marriage?
Okotie: I made him to be
speaking big, big grammar to his
wife. His wife does not
understand him; even in the
room. You can also call me spirit
of big grammar.
T. B: Give us an example, fast!
Okotie: Like one time, he took
his wife to the room and said:
“honey, I am experiencing some
biological function which has led
to an erection, and in order for
me to satisfy this compulsion of
the male humanoid extraction, I
will have spread thee into a
situation of fashionable dissection
in order to make the budgetary
allocation for my intended
penetration. If you get me
clearly, can I hear you say
awhahaha?
T. B: What else have you done to
him?
Okotie: I made him not to open
his church branches in other
places except Lagos.
T. B: Why is this so?
Okotie: haba! He is not even
done with the women in Lagos, if
I allow him to open a branch in a
place like Calabar or Port-
Harcourt, do you want him to
die? T.B you sef, try think am
now; if they kill him for me, who
will I possess?
Another thing I do wonder about
Okotie's church is whether it is a
church service or a potential site
for assassination. I mean what
the heck are those mean
bodyguards and policemen doing
around the altar? Is somebody
planning to assassinate our dear
preacher? That was how I
attended the service sometime
ago and out of fear of looking
into the eyes of the mean
guards, I dropped my wallet into
the offering box and could not
put my back in there to retrieve
it out of fear of being mistaken as
a security threat. "No be me dem
go use learn work!" So I passed.
What happened to the protection
from angels? I do not understand
how men who claim they that are
spokesmen of a being of
omnipotent credential will rely on
the fortresses and arms of men.
Perhaps the angels are on strike
and cannot protect him. I thought
people who say they have a
better place in heaven should be
happy to welcome any situation
that will arrange their transition
to their celestial mansions.
Probably they do not want meet
their father heaven out of their
plenty misdeeds or they do not
even believe in the heaven they
profess. Men who claim their
kingdom is not of this world but
have no intention of transcending
to the kingdom they profess is
theirs.
I’m just speechless
Imoh "Son of David" is a
Nigerian atheist, author,
publisher, and businessman. He
writes from South Africa. Follow
him on Twitter and share your
thoughts @ImohDavid.
SOURCE:
IMOH DAVID