After a disappointing experience pre-ordering a trending smart phone selling at N20,900 (still vexing), a thought came to my mind as to what my specs would be if i could pre-order a wife online.
If a woman was an Android phone, my specs will be as follows;



2G Network GSM and 3G Network HSDPA: She’s receptive and learned.
4G Network: No o!! Oversabi wife na wahala. E.g Lawyers
SIM: Single SIM o. Dual SIM means she’ll be changing network (mood) anyhow.
Body Dimensions & Size: 3.5, 4.0, 5.0..anyone. As long as i can carry her, i’ll marry her.
Keyboard: Touchscreen; Easy to tickle and massage.
Display Type: capacitive touchscreen with corning Gorilla Glass 3. She won’t bruise too easily.
Color: I don’t like light skinned ladies. So, she’ll be dark.
Card slot: MicroSD, up to 32GB Means she has the capacity to learn, develop and adapt.
Internal: 8-16 GB Means she’s resilient and gidigbacious.
OS Android: Jelly Bean 4.3. KitKat4.4 means she’ll like make-up too much.
Processors: 2.0GHz octa-core. Means she can arrange breakfast (jollof rice) with the speed of light.
RAM: Atleast 2GB, so she won’t be falling sick anyhow due to little Lagos stress.
Audio Alert types: MP3 ringtones. She can SING!!!
Loudspeaker: No, that na shouting shouting bi that o!.
Connectivity: Wi-Fi, WIFI hotspot, Bluetooth Version: (4.0). Yes, she has a good heart, she connects to humans/creator well and loves to share.
GPS: A-GPS. She needs to be updating me about her location without asking. I don’t like to ask a woman; “where are you now?”
Camera: Primary 13MP & Secondary 5MP. Her eyes na torchlight. She’s conscious, focused, insightful and observant. Sniffing things – opportunities and challenges- from miles away.
Battery Capacity: 5000mAh Li-Ion battery. She’ll come back from work, arrange dinner, play with me and the Kids and still have enough energy for 22:59 tinz.

Oya, over to you, pre-order now!!!


p.s: I smell a counter thread

I dey feel you guyyyyy

As for me.. My wife go be special OS.. Cos nowadays everybody don get android finish