Hello all! I'm creating this this as part of the independence celebrations.

Nigeria! Don't you just love even the sound of the name? God bless Lord Lugard's babe/wife without her, we wouldn't have coined the swaggerful Naija slogan. I so love that word (Naija)

Ehn o jare, we have Nigerians and we have Naijas.

Nigerians are Nigerians by virtue of parental roots or by naturalization. Hakeem Olajuwon, Derrick Obasohan, Victor Ukpolo, Teju Cole, etc and some other people in Nigeria are Nigerians quite alright but they would get lost in a crowd of other Americans or even Africans. Nothing to make them stand out.

Then we have Naijas. Naijas are Nigerians, whether rich or poor who have Naija genes running through their DNAs. This is why I shake my head at people who say that Nigeria should part because Nigerians have nothing in common or that Northern Nigerians are too different from southern Nigerians. Common sharrraap dia! Whether you are from Borno,Cross River, Lagos, Imo, or Sokoto you be Naija proper if you have the following traits;


10. Spraying Money At Parties; If you have never sprayed money money before it must be because you are poor, if you don't enjoy people spraying you money (even if you are Dangote's child) search yourself well, you no be Naija. Sorry.

9. Garbage In Garbage Out; Ha! How dare you just walk up to me and start insult me or my child? Ko ni da fun e! Even if I no wan abuse you there and then, I go save am for my mind in Microsoft word.

8. It's A Taboo To Say Or Ask For A Person's Real Age; A typical British girl will be like "hey I'm Samantha Barrimore, I'm 34 years old and I'm a HR officer in London" A Nigerian girl will be like "Hi I'm Nike Bamidele, I'm a Customer Care Rep and I live in Lagos" Only God knows why you will look at someone murderously for asking your age o! Both male and female. Why are we so scared of your ages? Why is it reserved for only family members? Only a few of us are comfortable enough to say our correct ages. Just about 10%.

7. Titles; Yes you! You call your sister that is just 3 years your senior "aunty" you like your younger siblings calling you "uncle" you cannot differentiate between cousin and niece/nephew. you will call your aunty's son your nephew simply because you are 5 years older. Na wetin all these "aunty" and "uncle" wan do for una life? You see yasefs? Small time pesin go go school earn small degree, na "Dr Mrs" go dey your documents now o. Small chieftancy title like that wey Igwe dash you, we no go hear word again, Na now "Chief Dr, Barrister" wetin be "very/most reverend" again nau? Those ones small sef, what of all ones wey dey put MSC, FCS, CON, CFR, OFR,? Oya come add WAEC, UME join nau? smh.
Kai! Our politicians and their aides ooooooooo wetin be "Driver to the cook to the PA to the special assistant to the Adviser to the President of the Federal Republic Of Nigeria"? Habatically!

6. You don't Make Use Of Table Knives and Teaspoons In Your Cutlery Set; Most especially the knife. Don't mind nollywood o! Imagine a man coming home from work after a hard day at work to sit at the dining table with fork and knife to eat rice? Say wetin happen na? We eat with either spoon or fork while seated on the floor or on the sofa. Simple! Except when entertaining formal guests, dinning tables are more or less provision stands. Highest na to use tray or a side stool. Abi no be so?

5. Superstitions; Even the "Chief Dr Mrs" and the "Chief Prof. Dr" have one kain superstitious belief or the other. My own superstition is that I dey fear pesin wey dey sleep with one or two eyes half open dey look me. Abasi mbok! Please o! I no wan follow you go ya meeting. Thanks!

4. Love For Naija Food; A Naija proper will always have that satisfied smile when coming out of a restaurant that offers Naija food in Naija style. Wives, you will agree with me that the way your hubby looks at you when he just finished eating his favourite soup with swallow while picking his teeth is different from when you serve him spaghetti. Most people have swallow for lunch especially when at home or after a hard days work at the office. Biko wives, if you like serve your mother-in-law rice or pasta when they just came from their home town. Pray Amadioha did not follow them from there sha o.

3. Love For Naija Music; If you are at a party and you dance better when Beyonce or Usher, or Chris Brown music is on better than you dance to Wizkid, Iyanya, Davido, Flavour, Psquare music, YOU ARE NOT NAIJA. Sorry.

2. Aso Ebi Even if you are like me that will not do aso ebi for white wedding, at least you must do for your trad. Even if you don't even do at all, at least your mum or your mum-in-law's committee of friends, family (or whatever they like to call themselves at owanbes) did not make aso ebi for your wedding or big celebration, lai, lai, you no fit be Naija. At all at all

1. Pidgin English/Unique Naija words and phrases; No matter who you are or what you do, from the highest North to the deepest south, to the farthest east or west, a Naija must understand Nigerian pidgin English and also our unique words and phrases. If Dangote speak pidgin for you ehn! Forget all the wanna-be accents in their songs but when dem Psquare and all those TV presenters are with their people, if you hear them ehn! So you wan tell me say you no dey hear pidgin? If I hear! Anyway, if you really do not understand Naija English, then sorry but YOU NEVER EVEN HEAR THE WORD "NAIJA"


#9ja4lyf

Make i add this one for you, if no lick plate and finger after meal you are no naijas.

real naijas dey finish all their before them go chop meat.

azeeza: Make i add this one for you, if no lick plate and finger after meal you are no naijas.

real naijas dey finish all their before them go chop meat.

Lol!

Rich peeps don't lick plate na. We talking about things all Naijas do. Whether rich or poor.

I don't do any of those crappy stuff.

Well that might be because I was born and broght up in the states.

englishmart: I don't do any of those crappy stuff.

Well that might be because I was born and broght up in the states.

You no be Naija nau. Sorry.

guess I'm only Nigerian ...

Stop forming, i saw you doing it today.

ShirelleBaby: huh?chick are u for real?

Say what! They do it behind close door!!

Sweetlemon:

Lol!

Rich peeps don't lick plate na.

I've got only five of the afore-mentioned traits. Now what does that make me? You've got it, a Hybrid! I'm a Naija-Nigerian. Smooth.

englishmart:
I don't do any of those crappy stuff.

Well that might be because I was born and broght up in the states.

Crappy stuff huh? Camaaaan go suck soldering iron. Emekpa.

Fantastic write-up. Hundred shades of awesome. This deserves to be on d FP most definitely. Sweetlemon I just dey trip for ur writing style and sense of humor. What's ur twitter handle if u don't mind?

I must not be naija then.