Hello everyone!
Am 26 years of age,final year student....am sort off fed up with my parents trying to control me.
Anytime I go out to see a friend,they think am keeping cultists as friends.have spent 14 years in benin and have never been involved in any fight,police have never come looking for me....have never had anything to do with violence.
I prefer going to school every sunday night or twice a week to read with my friends,despite my good performance in my academics,they still think I don't go to school for night reading.
Whenever I try to keep fit by working out with my dumb bells,my dad keeps telling me he is going to throw it away cos lifting weights are for fighters.
Am tired of all this,at the age of 26 I should be able to take some decisions on my own.
Need advice please?

If you had not given your parents any reason to be suspicious,they wouldn't think you might be involved in something bad.It might not be you but the friends you keep.

Since you say you are in your final year,why don't you endure whatever it is and be of the best behaviour till you graduate.Once you go for NYSC,you can enjoy your freedom.

thorpido:
If you had not given your parents any reason to be suspicious,they wouldn't think you might be involved in something bad.It might not be you but the friends you keep.

Since you say you are in your final year,why don't you endure whatever it is and be of the best behaviour till you graduate.Once you go for NYSC,you can enjoy your freedom.

Tanks for the reply,I hardly keep friends.am always in my room when am at home either reading or playing video games.

judoskybj:



Tanks for the reply,I hardly keep friends.am always in my room when am at home either reading or playing video games.

okay,your parents may just be apprehensive.I'll say you just endure it till you graduate and get your independence.
Do you go to school from home?

No smoke without fire!

Be cool. They mean well for you,but obviously not going about it ideally!

@ 26, you should be totally responsible for your life! Abi are u irresponsible

Perhaps (he believes) you've picked up (or picking up) an old (unhealthy) habit of his (ur father).
You should have a heart to heart talk with your dad!

Are you the only son or only child ? Cus I am experiencing some of the things you list here not all. I don't think they are over controlling I call it over protective it is a situation when your parents will like to know your movements, friends you keep and they do it in a way that looks like over controlling. I have to keep reassuring my mum that I have spent three years living alone in school without any trouble why now will I join any stupid cult group. The solution is to make money and rent your own house you will see how the controlling will end.

GreenBobo:
No smoke without fire!

Be cool. They mean well for you,but obviously not going about it ideally!

@ 26, you should be totally responsible for your life! Abi are u irresponsible

Perhaps (he believes) you've picked up (or picking up) an old (unhealthy) habit of his (ur father).
You should have a heart to heart talk with your dad!

Tanks for your reply.
Am a quiet guy,my dad has this pride about him as he feels he is never wrong.

Ucheosefoh:
Are you the only son or only child ? Cus I am experiencing some of the things you list here not all. I don't think they are over controlling I call it over protective it is a situation when your parents will like to know your movements, friends you keep and they do it in a way that looks like over controlling. I have to keep reassuring my mum that I have spent three years living alone in school without any trouble why now will I join any stupid cult group. The solution is to make money and rent your own house you will see how the controlling will end.

My thoughts exactly,at 26 one should have a little bit of freedom.

wow 26 is a big age. I think you should talk to your parents respectfully how their excessive control makes you feel and make them see more clearly, why they shouldnt be scared. But have at the beck of ur mind that so long as you are still under them, they still have a bit of say over you.

thorpido:
okay,your parents may just be apprehensive.I'll say you just endure it till you graduate and get your independence.
Do you go to school from home?

I go to school from home,am a part time student.
At the age of 26,I don't deserve to be shouted at all the time.
The best my parents should do for me is to advise and guide me.

destante:
wow 26 is a big age. I think you should talk to your parents respectfully how their excessive control makes you feel and make them see more clearly, why they shouldnt be scared. But have at the beck of ur mind that so long as you are still under them, they still have a bit of say over you.

Thanks for your reply.
I agree with you,just think they still see me the way they saw me when I was younger.

judoskybj:


Thanks for your reply.
I agree with you,just think they still see me the way they saw me when I was younger.

Lol that is very normal. that's why you should talk to them.

destante:
Lol that is very normal. that's why you should talk to them.

I will do that.thanks for your time.

judoskybj:

I go to school from home,am a part time student.
At the age of 26,I don't deserve to be shouted at all the time.
The best my parents should do for me is to advise and guide me.

You're right that they shouldn't shout at you.Unfortunately,this is Africa where parents believe they have total control over children under them.
Try and talk respectfully with them each time and reassure them that they have nothing to worry about.
You have endured it all these while and you will soon be free of them.
Just be patient.

thorpido:
You're right that they shouldn't shout at you.Unfortunately,this is Africa where parents believe they have total control over children under them.
Try and talk respectfully with them each time and reassure them that they have nothing to worry about.
You have endured it all these while and you will soon be free of them.
Just be patient.

God bless for that response.

thorpido:
You're right that they shouldn't shout at you.Unfortunately,this is Africa where parents believe they have total control over children under them.
Try and talk respectfully with them each time and reassure them that they have nothing to worry about.
You have endured it all these while and you will soon be free of them.
Just be patient.

God bless you for that response.

Your parents are controlling like most African parents. At 26 you should be a man of your own but sadly u will still have to endure anything thrown at u by your parents because u are still under their roof.
The best thing u can do for yourself is to ensure u have no extra yr so u can gain independence as soon as possible.

My brother I am the same age with you and passed through the same issh with my folks when I stayed with them even as a working class just to serve them. The best solution leave the house and get your freedom. As long as you are under their roof you are on your own.

@Op, if all what you've said is true especially about yourself, then you have to continue being at your best behaviour. I understand your situation perfectly and guess what- your parents will not change. Benin is a difficult place to raise kids and guide young adults. That's why your parents are being over protective. When you start serving and get a job after then, that's when you'll have the freedom you want. I'll advise you start making good friends and going out more so your parents will start getting used to the fact that you can't be indoor all the time.

To be honest with you, your parents means well for you, they really love you only that they don't really know how to express the love in a cool and calm way.

What can you do? Tell them there's something you want to discuss with them, when they give you the attention, first thank them for their love and care, let them know you also love and care for them, and that for now, the only way you can show the love is to be well-behaved as you have always being doing, but it pains you when you're not believed in which makes them to continually shout on you and the effect of the screaming is that it might push you away, which you wouldn't want happen. Another effect is that it may kill your morale and be left wilh low self esteem.
After your discussion with them, thank them for their love and understanding. And you too, always behave well o.
It is well.