^Its never being easy moving on after such, but the earlier you face the reality the better. I wish you the best.

Cheers!

@op i know right now its seems as if your world has ended. That u just cant face tomorrow. The thought of life without him makes your heart sink. You are hurting, you will cry, n cry again n then cry some more. But guess what... U'll get over him. Just give it a little time. Pls dont beg a man to marry u. There are no relationships dat are devoid of misunderstandings, u have made the mistake of threatening him, u have apologised but if he stills insists on not going ahead then let him be. Just like smone here said, meeting your mother acutually made everytin real to him and he is just not ready for that commitment. Let him be. In a short time u'll be thankful. Just like i am now. It is well. Tkia

i just saw where u said u'll keep on communicating with him till u are emotionally stable. To me that would be prolonging d inevitable. A clean break is way better and before u know it you have moved on. But if u keep on communicating with him each day u'll see or hear smtin dat would always hurt u. Maybe the way he sounded, what he said, etc. It is well

Oh my God
Can't you see he is notstable yet for marriage
You are still 26
And when next you start a rship put age as a big factor
He has moved on oh

kingchi32:
I m an independent lady with good job, residing in another state different from my fiancé own.

We met during our NYSC program 3yrs ago & started a relationship. He concluded service before me after he got a job that doesn't pay much.

Opportunity came and i got a nice paying job. I have been saving & i know i have enough.

We have been talking about taking the relationship to the next level,everybody in his family knows me and i have been visiting him when opportunity presents itself.

Fortunately the Sallah break provided opportunity for me to travel so that we go and see my mum. On Saturday we did that and my mum accepted him.

Prior to our visit, we have discussed that we will perform some of the marriage rites that he can afford and leave the rest later, but during the visit my mum suggested we should try and conclude all the traditional marriage rites because we are not from the same tribe, so we don't stress ourselves calling and coming down home again and cooking again for people.

When we got back, my bf did not bring up the topic again so we discuss and know what to do, on Sunday night, i have to bring up the issue as i will b travelling on Monday morning.

He said he doesn't have the cash and doesn't need my help, that he wants to do everything on his own, so he is not sure when the marriage will hold.

I told him i cant be in a relationship that i m not sure, I threatened to quit which he accepted without committing himself.
The quarrel has gotten to the extent that we r planning what to tell our parents as cause of separation.

He said he will tell them our genotype did not match, whereas i said i will tell them that i was impatient and have to move on.

I love him and never wish to leave him but i cant just sit and wait as i believe he is still young (27yrs) and may later change his mind if i don't get him to do the needful now.

Please i need your advice......

With advice i got on this forum.... i called and apologized, he said he has forgiven me but it will take him time to forget.

I asked him what next... he said he felt bad that he will loose someone like me but felt relieved he doesn't have to rush again.
That I should wait till April... I said OK.

I felt so emotionally down with the way he talked to me.. he totally changed overnight....that I kept wondering if i m dreaming because this is the Ist time we had issues and it turned out this bad.

I felt i was the one that gave him opportunity to say or do what has been one his mind because this is an issue we can easily talk over.

All my efforts to make things straight went bad as he will tell me that i have quit the relationship already even after apologizing yesterday.

After accepting to wait, he now came up with another one....that he wants to go back to one stuff he was running before because his salary is not OK for him...this i stopped him from doing 3 years ago when i met him.

I begged him not to, he said his mind is made up, i cant say whether its another strategy to force me out as he knows that I wont be part of that.

Please you guys should not crucify me.....but analyzing things...
The money is already there as i can say i m a rich girl with humble beginnings, i suffered with him & i m not flaunting the money in his face.

When we did our genotype test..he is AS while i m AA.
I accepted him when he was a bad guy and changed him..or so i thought i did..

I m still in shock as i have gone through a lot...

Don't know whether this is bad as i planned to b communicating with him until i feel emotionally stable & leave him.

Please you guys should advice me.....

U want to tie a 27yrs old man down by force nawa listen marriage is nt n shldnt b his priority nw. He ll get more serious @ 30yrs plus. U can let go if u ve back up plans . D communication gap btw u two is quite wide, by d way hw old r u bc ur desperation ll even scare a lion to death

kingchi32:
@ shizzle11 thanks very much... i have already programmed my mind to a life without.... though it hurts but i think that's the best

It's well sis, I understand what you're going through. .. you have to move on, there are still alot of good guys out there, maybe he isn't meant for you. .. I also guess he isn't ready for marriage hence feels so rushed.. Stop pushing him into it


Also, rem everything to put everything in prayers shaa

shizzle11:

...
You completely lack objectivity with no iota of rationality or logic, you will make a very terrible judge.

^^^^So uncalled for.

theLORDreigns:


^^^^So uncalled for.

ok, sorry if my comment got to you.

shizzle11:
ok, sorry if my comment got to you.

Apology accepted.

kingchi32:


With advice i got on this forum.... i called and apologized, he said he has forgiven me but it will take him time to forget.


I asked him what next... he said he felt bad that he will loose someone like me but felt relieved he doesn't have to rush again.
That I should wait till April... I said OK.

He's lying to you, otherwise, he would have accepted you back...

I felt so emotionally down with the way he talked to me.. he totally changed overnight....that I kept wondering if i m dreaming because this is the Ist time we had issues and it turned out this bad.

Nobody 'changes overnight'. He always knew he wasn't going to marry you...

I felt i was the one that gave him opportunity to say or do what has been on his mind because this is an issue we can easily talk over.

I'm glad you figured this one out on your own. These thoughts were always there...in his mind.

All my efforts to make things straight went bad as he will tell me that i have quit the relationship already even after apologizing yesterday.

After accepting to wait, he now came up with another one....that he wants to go back to one stuff he was running before because his salary is not OK for him...this i stopped him from doing 3 years ago when i met him.

Excuses, excuses!

I begged him not to, he said his mind is made up, i cant say whether its another strategy to force me out as he knows that I wont be part of that.

Its time to let him go...

Please you guys should not crucify me.....but analyzing things...
The money is already there as i can say i m a rich girl with humble beginnings, i suffered with him & i m not flaunting the money in his face.

When we did our genotype test..he is AS while i m AA.
I accepted him when he was a bad guy and changed him..or so i thought i did..

I m still in shock as i have gone through a lot...

If only you knew that there was NOTHING you could have done to prevent this. It was bound to happen someday...men can be mean like that. Wise up!

Don't know whether this is bad as i planned to b communicating with him until i feel emotionally stable & leave him.

Please you guys should advice me.....

The more spontaneously its done, the less pain you feel. Get over him fast!

Thanks very much at shizzle11

kingchi32:
Thanks very much at shizzle11

You are welcome; my pleasure.

The guy has shown his hand. Even if he had plans of marrying you, the money ish scattered everything. The way he is going now, its as if he has given up on you and was just waiting for you to be the one to do the breaking up, happens all the time.

What you should do now is to leave him alone. Break off all communication and start your life afresh. The more you hang on to him, the more he will treat you like dirt cos it will seem like you are desperate. That is my advice.

kingchi32:
yes i accept it was truly a mistake on my part to threaten him....

He is 27 while I m 26 yrs old and I believe he has a longer time to stay in the market while it will be hard for me to start afresh if things didn't go fine.

I believe that if he knows that he wont be ready after 3yrs, why keep me....with promises that he will marry me....

Twenty-six years of age is not the end of the road girl.

Marriage isn't about how soon, but how well. Getting married is the easy bit. Staying married despite your individual differences and the challenges that life will eventually throw your way, is the hard bit.

Yes, it is painful - as it may seem like wasted effort after giving the relationship your best shot over the years, but it's way, way, better to discover any "incompatibility issues" now (pre-marriage) than later (post marriage).

Take as much time as you need to grieve over the breakup of your relationship. Don't rush the healing process. Use the time to discover yourself and please, please, please, don't jump into another relationship on the rebound. That's a classical recipe for disaster.

You're young and you've got your whole life and future ahead of you. He just wasn't the one for you. You will find your missing half.

All the best.

Move on he is not into you.
I understand the 26 year itch, you have crossed 25 and suddenly feel the need to marry as soon as you can, well stop, slow down, calm down. 26 will pass, 27 will come there is not telling when the right man will show but it is a million times better to marry the right man at the right time than marry any man at 26.
I am talking because i almost made the same mistake, ibwas ready to endure all the things he kept pushing on me, all the rudeness, the girls calling me etc because i figured i was 26 we had been together a long time and he would change, afterall it was me he would marry. He kept getting worse i kept assuring myself we would get married. Then one day i woke up. I walked, 26 passed i didnt die, 27 passed i didnt die, 28 passed i still wasnt married and still very alive,29, 30 but when the right man came it was magic, still is, the only thing i endure is constant switching of tv channels without " excuse me" no cheating, no rudeness no abuse.
Calm down dear, you cant force love