preciousberry:
I really do appreciate all your contributions.the thing is that i started having kids right after my NYSC so it kinda slowed my career but i got a banking job when my first child was 6months.fast forward a year later i quit the job because l nearly lost my child in the hands of his nanny so i transferred to teaching with peanut pays,wasn't happy about that and now am into business which i don't see myself doing in the next 5yrs because am not into it,just to keep busy.Those asking if i can't do it in Nigeria,i studied engineering and graduated with 2.2 but has not done anything related to it cause i can't find one.
Any move i make today,i will always put my kids first.i don't even know how to stay one week apart from them but sacrifices has to be made.am not sidelining my hubby in this but am only looking for points to prove to him we can do it,at the end its his decision will be final.so thanks to you all for your advices cause i know so many women are in this dilemma today but afraid to speak out.

A little digression from the purpose of the thread.
May I know the problem you encountered with your nanny.
Will like to learn from you.

NairaMode:


Baba no need for the enlightenment. Thanks though.
You already know what I mean by stay-home women.
Women who ain't doing nothing.

Okay o

JOB related

All I see is the average $25,000 course fee, accommodation allowance, etc one would gross in the first year of study and the average $35,000 adding the children would gross following year! And these figures are on a scrimping and counting every kobo and penny levels too! N4M - N6M/annum. Osanobua

I am not one to knock anyone's hustle if one is not business-minded inclined...If studying abroad is no longer guaranteed to get a better job abroad, take your children along with you from day one...at least for the better life abroad always purportedly offer...

Acidosis:
1. You haven't gotten any decent job since 2008. It doesn't necessarily mean you haven't gotten any job at all. What is your definition of a decent job?

2. You don't have to pursue another career in Canada. You have to be sincere here, what's your final cummulative grade? I think it's easier, better and more reasonable to continue your search (job) in Canada (further studies, (postgraduate) will aid the available).

3. I noticed you're already preparing for unforseen contigencies between you and your hubby (nice move). My advice here can only be directed at your hubby.

4. Lastly, your kids aren't the number 1 priority; your husband is... Is your husband "okay" with your plan? Aside the "what people will say", is he in agreement with your plans?
You're going into another country with a wedding ring which can be thrown away at the slightest temptation (and ofcourse provocation). You should be concerned about your FAMILY at this point in time.

After you have children they become your number one priority not your husband. She is right to think of her kids because if anything they will be affected more. The husband travels anyway so I don't see how it will affect him. His problem is what people are saying which isn't his concern.

U studied engineering and now wants to abandon it for a nursing career abroad
I give up
I wish you well in your canadian Dream

I think i have said enough because no matter what,people will always find a way to oppose what you do or not

kandiikane:


After you have children they become your number one priority not your husband. She is right to think of her kids because if anything they will be affected more. The husband travels anyway so I don't see how it will affect him. His problem is what people are saying which isn't his concern.

Children are blessings from God.
What should be the priority of a couple without Children?

Acidosis:

Children are blessings from God.
What should be the priority of a couple without Children?

You obviously did not understand the post you quoted. Maybe you should read her first line again.

jennykadry:


You obviously did not understand the post you quoted. Maybe you should read her first line again.

Children should never be no.1 priority in any marriage (they're gifts from God; not everyone get these gifts). I clearly understand her first line; and I understand most married women always divert their attention from hubby immediately after child birth.

Atimes I feel women get married in order to get pregnant & raise cute kids (selfishness), that's the reason some men do not appreciate these marriage stuff.

Acidosis:


Children should never be no.1 priority in any marriage (they're gifts from God; not everyone get these gifts). I clearly understand her first line; and I understand most married women always divert their attention from hubby immediately after child birth.

Atimes I feel women get married in order to get pregnant & raise cute kids (selfishness), that's the reason some men do not appreciate these marriage stuff.

This is where you speak for yourself. You can only suggest but can't tell anyone how to prioritize. For some women the children come first and for others hubby. They both play different roles in ones life.

jennykadry:


This is where you speak for yourself. You can only suggest but can't tell anyone how to prioritize. For some women the children come first and for others hubby. They both play different roles in ones life.

hmmn... #speechless

@jennykadry

10. Putting your children before your spouse
Kids matter. They are very important people in your life, but not more important than your spouse. If you knock your spouse off the top of your priority list you are not showing total fidelity to him or her. Your mate must come first. Not only does it cement your marriage and make it stronger, it gives your children the best security blanket they will ever have.


https://www.nairaland.com/1958293/10-ways-being-unfaithful-spouse#27302256

Life is about SACRIFICES!
Personal sacrifices.
You do not need any form of validation from ANY one.

Acidosis:
@jennykadry

10. Putting your children before your spouse
Kids matter. They are very important people in your life, but not more important than your spouse. If you knock your spouse off the top of your priority list you are not showing total fidelity to him or her. Your mate must come first. Not only does it cement your marriage and make it stronger, it gives your children the best security blanket they will ever have.


https://www.nairaland.com/1958293/10-ways-being-unfaithful-spouse#27302256

You don't get it. That article was written by who? Someone of the same opinion as you. It does not make it right or wrong and it still leads me to the same point I made earlier...we are not in the best position to tell a woman who should be top in her priority list and who shouldn't.

Women can go through hell and back for their children and so also men For their children.

I can imagine a woman married to a man who sleeps with anything with hole in the lower frontal part of her body...don't expect such a woman to put hubby first.

Hubby is an adult...kids are little. They require guidance from both parties to excel in life and the guidance does not stop even after they are out of the home and caring for themselves...if a woman for this reason decides her children come first while also giving her husband the attention he needs...what exactly is the problem there?

Children and fathers/mothers have different roles to play in a relationship and it is left for a parent to decide where her priorities lie. It doesn't mean the husband isnt a priority but he just isn't on the tip of the list.The bond a mother shares with her child is unfortunately one thing that a man cannot compete with. It doesn't mean they are neglected it just means that she shared her life with someone else inside of her until that someone was ready to Pop out.

i think its always best to go with the plan that will keep u guys safe in case anything happens to the sole provider.
Unless u can stay home and start a little something of your own, just to make sure u are always covered, in case there is a sudden unexpected change of events

jennykadry:
I

You don't get it. That article was written by who? Someone of the same opinion as you. It does not make it right or wrong and it still leads me to the same point I made earlier...we are not in the best position to tell a woman who should be top in her priority list and who shouldn't.

Women can go through hell and back for their children and so also men For their children.

I can imagine a woman married to a man who sleeps with anything with hole in the lower frontal part of her body...don't expect such a woman to put hubby first.

Hubby is an adult...kids are little. They require guidance from both parties to excel in life and the guidance does not stop even after they are out of the home and caring for themselves...if a woman for this reason decides her children come first while also giving her husband the attention he needs...what exactly is the problem there?

Children and fathers/mothers have different roles to play in a relationship and it is left for a parent to decide where her priorities lie. It doesn't mean the husband is a priority but he just isn't on the tip of the list.The bond a mother shares with her child is unfortunately one thing that s man cannot compete with. It doesn't mean they are neglected it just means that she shared her life with someone else inside of her until that someone was ready to Pop out.

You don't get it. We are talking about an ideal marriage.

It will be fine, i know a nurse widowed after just 6yrs of marriage with 3 children. after strugglin to make ends meet for about 2 yrs she left the children with a friends family, went to canada, by then the eldest child was 8 and could communicate by calls with her.She has come to carry all them now.she was away for about 2 1/2 yrs.

it will be fine, thank God its your mum.The only thing keep reminding mum not to over pamper, and to. watch out for paedophile things. The world is a terrible place.

it will be fine

Acidosis:


You don't get it. We are talking about an ideal marriage.

I do get it. You however don't get it. You can't sit behind your computer and tell people how to prioritize just because someone who shares same opinion as you wrote an article.

That article you quoted tell me, is it a peer review article? Is it best practice? In relationships what works for A might not work for B

A hard price to pay. But i have seem many such cases. When you get there remain focused and try to get them over as soon as possible. Some women start having kid`s abroad and just leave the others in Nigeria and that would be bad. I wosh you all the best. As long as they are withyour mum they are in good hands.