I live abroad and I'm planing on having a traditional wedding without travelling home to Nigeria because my husband is  extremely very busy with work  and can't travel to Nigeria for a longtime ,he is a foreigner white and is not safe for him going to Rivers State Port-harcout.

so i was thinking if it is possible for us to still do our traditional wedding without both of us being present,i know the igbo, benin and some other tribes do this by having someone to represent them.this has never been done in my state, well,  known that i have heard off and i don't even know if my parents will accept it.

i mean i will still do everything anyone marrying traditionally in Nigeria will do and i want one of the best traditional wedding just we wont be present at the ceremony,we can use webcam to participate in the ceremony ,videos and photos will be taken and send to us just like other people abroad who have done it this way .i mean there will be always a first person to do something different in life and if I'm the first in my state its not too bad as long as my parents and family back home welcome´s it and accept the situation.

i just want to know if it must  be a white man to represent my husband since he is white( this can be arrange if it is neccesary )  or  can we also use a black man ?,I don't KNOW ,on my side one of my sisters can represent me if my parents accept it .

i just need any tips or advice on how to go with this to make it work and how to convince my parents to accept it,its not something we want  to do in a years time but in 2 years time as traditional wedding is very expensive in Nigeria plus since my husband is white they might double the bride price,so we are only preparing for it and how we can go about it,we are legally married now but i still want my traditional wedding so i can be recognised as a married woman in my family according to costume or tradition.your advice will be appreciated.

Why go thru all this trouble if you are not happy or sure ur family will accept him bicos he is white ?

if u love this "oyibo''man then so be it go ahead and marry him it is your life not that of your famillies.

mean i will still do everything anyone marrying traditionally in Nigeria will do and[b] i want one of the best traditional wedding[/b] just we wont be present at the ceremony,we can use webcam to participate in the ceremony ,videos and photos will be taken and send to us just like other people abroad who have done it this way

please forgive me

_{LMBAOOOOOOOOO!!!!!}

oh shizzle i didnt read this part
so please forgive me again!!!

i just want to know if it must  be a white man to represent my husband since he is white( this can be arrange if it is neccesary )  or  can we also use a black man ?,I don't KNOW Undecided,on my side one of my sisters can represent me if my parents accept it .

arranged??
LMAOOOO
_{i love this site!!!!!}

[size=13pt]You can do your traditional wedding abroad, but it won't be the same like Naija. [/size]

must u do trad wedding?

if you want to eat a frog, eat the one that has eggs inside it!!!

if you are going to have a traditional wedding then you might as well go to naija!

1. must you have a trad wedding?

2. No matter how busy a man is, it is no excuse to refuse to grant your wife the one day of her life she would cherish forever.

why cant you do the traditional wedding in Spain?

Dis Guy:

oh shizzle i didnt read this part
so please forgive me again!!!
arranged??
LMAOOOO
_{i love this site!!!!!}

what is so funny?

KarmaMod:

why can't you do the traditional wedding in Spain?

They dont have kolanut and orogbo in Spain!

Unless she wants to do it with Madeira Cake and Paella

KarmaMod:

what is so funny?

the whole thing is funny!!! traditional wedding via webcam, pictures?
she wants 'one of the best' traditional wedding but she is not going to be present
she can arrange for a white man to represent her husband??
why must they even have traditional wedding?
arent they igbo/niger delta people in Spain who can represent your parents?


you still have 2 years to go, if cross river is still dangerous why not move it to Enugu,Benin or even Lagos or Abuja!

Dis Guy:

the whole thing is funny!!! traditional wedding via webcam, pictures?

Are you aware that this is rampant in Naija nowadays?

hello, you can do ur traditional wedding without actually being present, but what i don't understand is you said is not safe for him to go to your state, does it means your parents must travel over there before seeing your husband? even if u send them pictures, it will mean nothing,they actually have to see the man in person and vise versa.

sorry u didnt read my post very well,my parents don't care about his race so they are ok that his white and we are now legally married abroad its only the traditional one that isnt done yet.

jacq:

Why go through all this trouble if you are not happy or sure ur family will accept him bicos he is white ?

if u love this "oyibo''man then so be it go ahead and marry him it is your life not that of your famillies.

honestly speaking i never wanted a traditional wedding where they will riff us off our hard earn money but my father is insisting we must have a traditionally wedding .so we are only trying to please him and get done with it ones and for all so we are looking for other ways we can do it without going home.

DavidDylan:

1. must you have a trad wedding?

2. No matter how busy a man is, it is no excuse to refuse to grant your wife the one day of her life she would cherish forever.

dellynash:

hello, you can do ur traditional wedding without actually being present, but what i don't understand is you said is not safe for him to go to your state, does it means your parents must travel over there before seeing your husband? even if u send them pictures, it will mean nothing,they actually have to see the man in person and vise versa.

thanks alot ,some people here thinks its funny but its not to me ,i don't mind them travelling down here but my husband can't go to nigeria at present.

KarmaMod:

why can't you do the traditional wedding in Spain?

i don't know if thats possible but i will ask questions and confirm it,if we can get it don't here why not.

MrCrackles:

if you want to eat a frog, eat the one that has eggs inside it!!!

if you are going to have a traditional wedding then you might as well go to naija!

i never wanted to eat that kind of traditional frog since popsy want it by force because he wants to keep his status ,then i will give them what they want but in different way.

this Guy:


arent they igbo/niger delta people in Spain who can represent your parents?

yes there are but it never crossed my mind.I'm new to this so i have no idea how to go about it but i sure know alot of people do it over here and other countries abroad.

this Guy:
you still have 2 years to go, if cross river is still dangerous why not move it to Enugu,Benin or even Lagos or Abuja!

i don't think my parents will want that and the only place my hubby can go is lagos and abuja and we don't know anyone there.

give the money to the poor children in the world one wedding is OK ,
help the helpless feed the poor care for the sick you will be blessed forever
i got married in Spain to a germany guy i told him i want a simple marriage,
why waste money on traditional wedding if you are not in Nigerian ?
live like the Romans when in Rome.

i also had a simple wedding myself and i prefered it that way cos i dont have my families here so it was cool and i never wanted a traditional wedding but since my father is insisting on it,we are very confused and we dont have money to waste so maybe we will just tell him that since Nigeria is not safe right now for my hubby ,we will wait until its safe enough to go home for the traditional wedding maybe that will ease his mind and then eventually it wont be an issue for him anymore and maybe he we realise that traditional wedding isnt that important as long as we are legally married .

benincitys:

give the money to the poor children in the world one wedding is OK ,
help the helpless feed the poor care for the sick you will be blessed forever
i got married in Spain to a germany guy i told him i want a simple marriage,
why waste money on traditional wedding if you are not in Nigerian ?
live like the Romans when in Rome.

I wonder what you meant by Nigeria not being safe for your hubby, are there no white people in nigeria or is there anything so so special about him that will make him a target?You guys should stop painting such picture about our dear country.

im from rivers state,port-harcourt and u know how unsafe the place is now.when u listen to news abroad they always mention NIGERIA without outlining the safe states so people here think nigeria itself is unsafe no matter how u try to convince them they wont believe u so thats why.

janykute:

I wonder what you meant by Nigeria not being safe for your hubby, are there no white people in nigeria or is there anything so so special about him that will make him a target?You guys should stop painting such picture about our dear country.

Why cant you have your trado wedding abroad?

im thinking of that or i will just keep them posted until we are sure port-harcourt is safe enough,thanks for the advice

Ndipe:

Why can't you have your trado wedding abroad?

Angolobaba I quite understand how u feel and i am happy u know that ur hubby security is very important.

don't mind what some people say here, u are the one involve just becareful and mind the kind of advice u take here.

Who will say he or she is not aware of the ytee kidnapping in the niger delta?? in as long as he is white, they will take him if they are chanced, they wont mind if he works in an oil company or not.

@EVERYBODY: She is right to ve said that Nigeria is not safe, apart from the fact that ur hubby is a white man, even u going to nigeria for a big traditional wedding, my dear u ve to be careful and don't go and do a big party as u ve said here oooo, you can go to nigeria with hubby and do a traditional wedding in a cool way that people around will not even notice, how(1) don't inform all family and friends ur arrival and hotel where u will loge,(2) u can rent a hall in the hoteland celebrate ur thing, make sure it's a secured hotel and tell ur dad while u would want the thing to be done in the hotel where u and hubby loged abi na by force to dom 4 village? what is important is that ur family will witnessed it as that is how they want it.

Thia is how i want to do my own when the time comes, I no fancy that someone representing u and hubby stuff.

plappville:

Angolobaba I quite understand how u feel and i am happy u know that ur hubby security is very important.

don't mind what some people say here, u are the one involve just becareful and mind the kind of advice u take here.

Who will say he or she is not aware of the ytee kidnapping in the niger delta?? in as long as he is white, they will take him if they are chanced, they wont mind if he works in an oil company or not.

@EVERYBODY: She is right to ve said that Nigeria is not safe, apart from the fact that ur hubby is a white man, even u going to nigeria for a big traditional wedding, my dear u ve to be careful and don't go and do a big party as u ve said here oooo, you can go to nigeria with hubby and do a traditional wedding in a cool way that people around will not even notice, how(1) don't inform all family and friends ur arrival and hotel where u will loge,(2) u can rent a hall in the hoteland celebrate ur thing, make sure it's a secured hotel and tell ur dad while u would want the thing to be done in the hotel where u and hubby loged abi na by force to dom 4 village? what is important is that ur family will witnessed it as that is how they want it.

Thia is how i want to do my own when the time comes, I no fancy that someone representing u and hubby stuff.

thanks alot for ur advice ,my hubbys safety comes first but people here don't see that of course,i never thought about doing it in a safe hotel in nigeria thats a very good idea  lagos or abuja will do just fine,i personally don't fancy the idea of doing it in the village and i never wanted a traditional wedding in the first place all  this stress is just to please my popsy,i do understand him they want to witness the ceremony since they werent here when i got married.

we have cancelled the representing idea after asking some people that have done it here ,it doesnt sound cool after all the details they gave to me on how it works etc

there in Spain, imo, invite africans you know around you. let them dress in Aso ebi or traditional wears. also get tradi wear for your hubby to be and yourself.
get some african DJ to play west african music or dance able african music. invite your mum and dad if you can afford it. if not, no problem.
cook african food
get the oyinbo friends of urs to wear the tradi wear too and enjoy yourself.

after that, do the white wedding. have fun, it is your life and live it the way you want.

also, send money to them as dowry

then send money for them to organize a moderate party with their friends and family there in naija. have you and your husband pic sent to them (both of you in traditional wear.

it isnt the real thing if you have not done party and paint the town red in naija

Angolobabe, thank you for posting this topic. I am also from Rivers State, but I am legally married to a man from Delta State. My half brothers are also adamant about me having a traditional marriage. Of course, I know that my deadbeat half brothers want my husband's money. My husband and I discussed about it and came to a unanimous decision to send my parents-in law with delegates and the bride price. This might work for you too. Send elderly delegates from your village with kolanuts and other traditional delicacies along with the bride price. If you father cares about you, he will understand the financial ramifications that go along with travelling to Nigeria. I hope this helps.

just send them the money that is all they want

Biabeke:

Angolobabe, thank you for posting this topic. I am also from Rivers State, but I am legally married to a man from Delta State. My half brothers are also adamant about me having a traditional marriage. Of course, I know that my deadbeat half brothers want my husband's money. My husband and I discussed about it and came to a unanimous decision to send my parents-in law with delegates and the bride price. This might work for you too. Send elderly delegates from your village with kolanuts and other traditional delicacies along with the bride price. If you father cares about you, he will understand the financial ramifications that go along with travelling to Nigeria. I hope this helps.

My husband and I discussed about it and came to a unanimous decision to send my parents-in law with delegates and the bride price. This might work for you too
Send elderly delegates from your village with kolanuts and other traditional delicacies along with the bride price.

Na oyinocha inlaws wen go as delegates abi u no understand say her hubby na ytee

Biabeke:

Angolobabe, thank you for posting this topic. I am also from Rivers State, but I am legally married to a man from Delta State. My half brothers are also adamant about me having a traditional marriage. Of course, I know that my deadbeat half brothers want my husband's money. My husband and I discussed about it and came to a unanimous decision to send my parents-in law with delegates and the bride price. This might work for you too. Send elderly delegates from your village with kolanuts and other traditional delicacies along with the bride price. If you father cares about you, he will understand the financial ramifications that go along with travelling to Nigeria. I hope this helps.

thanks for your advice ,another Rivers State lady married to a foreigner here told me she did just what you mention by sending her dowry to her parents ,some family members and elders in her village and they did a small party there and she says its the easiest way and less complicated and later on she did a small ceremony here in spain with some of her Nigerian friends plus her husbands friends and his family members,i saw her traditional wedding video it was exciting almost like doing it in Nigeria,she and her husband wore african atires same with nigerians invited,they made nigerian and european food ,even pam wine etc

so yes it can also be done this way in spain but i have time and i havent decided yet.i have to see which will be best for me.

Dear,

I am also an "oyibo" and married a women from PH 3 years ago. I did my traditional wedding in the "village" of her father who died years ago. On that time it was more safe in the Delta than now, someone have understand that well because for the moment the Delta is not safe for "oyibo" even not for Naija women who are married with "whites" Because its not only MEND who come for there rights, but a lot of bad people who have nothing to do with MEND kidnapping whites because of the randsom the ask for it. Even MEND is not happy with it. It is nice to hear you take care for your white husband and because you are in Europe you know he have to work very hard for his women, even here in Europe money don't grow on trees, its not the land of milk and honey as mush people think.
Try to educate your father, brothers and sisters, as for me my Nigerian family is wonderfull, whole my traditional wedding was arrange by my wife mother, she don't even tell the village that I was an "oyibo"! The village (elders) see it when the brougt me out for the ceremony. So I don't pay any kobo more than a Nigerian man will do.
I can tell you it was a great thing and expirence for me and all the participants.
Its 3 years ago that I was last time in PH, sometimes my wife come over here or we take a vacation in Benin Republic or Ghana and enjoy every moment together. Yes I want to go back to PH and hope the situation will be peacefull some day so that I can go out there enjoy the good moments I have in D-Plaza between all the Naija people and not lock me up in the house for my own safety and that of my wife and family.
The only advice I can give you is that you must enjoy every piece of life, enjoy your marriage and time will bring solution.
Try to convince your father and family of the situation right now, when the love you the will understand.