Anything To Make Marriage Work

Seems that, after all these years, the romance and love just wasn’t what it used to be for John and Jane. In an attempt to salvage their thirty years of marriage, Jane convinces her husband to see a marriage councilor with her.

The counselor asks first asks Jane what she feels the problem is, and before he can even finish his sentece she goes into a tirade listing every single problem the couple has ever had - even before things went south. She goes on and on for nearly an hour, and finishes in tears.

Finally, the counselor gets up from his couch, walks over to Jane, embraces her and begins to kiss her passionately. The woman quiets down, immediately, and sits there in a daze.

The counselor then turns to the John and says, “Your wife needs this at least three times a week. For the sake of your marriage, can you can do this?” The husband ponders this question for a moment, and confidentially replies, “I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays… but on Fridays, I play golf.”

The Ambitious Young Judge’s Clerk

An ambitious, young clerk’s responsibilities included bringing the judge a hot cup of coffee every morning. And, every morning, the judge became infuriated when the coffee cup was brought to him just 2/3 full.

With his back to the corner, the young clerk explained that he had to rush to get the coffee delivered while it was still hot, which caused him to spill much of it along the way. After weeks of yelling and insults, nothing the judge said to the young clerk produced a full cup of coffee - until he threatened to cut the clerk’s pay by 1/3 if he continued to produce 1/3 less than the judge wanted.

The following morning, the judge was greeted with a cup of coffee that was full to the brim, and the next morning and the morning after that. The judge couldn’t resist gloating over his success and smugly complimented the clerk on his new technique.

“Oh, there’s not much to it,” admitted the clerk happily, “I take some coffee in my mouth right outside the coffee room, and spit it back in when I get outside your office.”

Worthy of Heaven

A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates. “Have you ever done anything of particular merit?” St. Peter asks.

“Well, I can think of one thing,” the man offers. “Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman.

I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn’t listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker.

I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him,

‘Leave her alone now or you’ll answer to me.’”

St. Peter was impressed.

“When did this happen?”

“Just a few minutes ago.”

British Ingenuity

During WW II a British fighter pilot was shot down over Germany and he was captured by the Nazis. He was hurt pretty bad, so the German doctor amputated his left arm. He requested that they drop his arm over his base in England. So the Germans did.

The next week they amputated his other arm and he asked the same thing. The Germans complied.

The next week they amputated one of his legs, and he again asked for them to drop it over his base in England. The German doctor replied, “Sorry, we do dis no more!”

The pilot asked why not, and the German answered, “we think you trying to escape!”

good one. Keep it up girl

awww gurl. . . dos are pretty ones
if onli i read dem. . but i promise to

heheheh! same . me too

haha lloll. . but u say "good up, keep it up gurl"
awww. . i fear fear u ooO

[size=20pt]uhm. . . hheheh! Am just trying to motivate her nne [/size]

ehn ehn. . gud job jare

[size=20pt]HeeHee. See? I go tell you guys to follow my good example[/size]

ehm. . no be all ur examples dey good oO

[size=20pt]Like what is not good?[/size]

heyy sweetie, your jokes are superb
keep up da good job

gabrywyl:

[size=20pt]HeeHee. See? I go tell you guys to follow my good example[/size]

thanx anywayz,

and, those teeth of urs are really cute

Meet Marvin, Men’s Answer To Maxine


Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.

Q: When will women will be equal to men?
A: When they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Drunken Reincarnation

James, as usual, came home really late one Saturday night after being at the bar all night drinking. Not only was he drunk, he was sloppy drunk. He carefully crept into bed next his wife, who fell sleep angry hours earlier, and gave her a goodnight kiss on the check in hopes that she wouldn’t wake up.

He awoke in the middle of the night to a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. “Who the hell are you,” demanded James, “and what are you doing in my bedroom?” The mysterious man answered “This is not your bedroom, and my name is St. Peter”.

James didn’t take the news so well… “You mean I’m dead! That can’t be, I have so much to live for, I haven’t even said goodbye to my family… you’ve got to send me back right away!”

St. Peter replied “You cannot go back as you were, you have passed away James. However, you can be reincarnated - but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen.” James was devastated, but knowing that there was a farm just down the road from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen.

A flash of light later, he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking at corn on the ground. “This ain’t so bad,” he thought until he felt a strange feeling churning inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said “So you’re the new hen, huh? How are you enjoying your first day here?” “It’s not so bad” replies James, “but I have this strange feeling inside like I’m about to explode”. “You’re ovulating” explained the rooster, “haven’t you ever laid an egg before?”

“Never” replies James.

“Well just relax and let it happen.”

And so he did, and just a few uncomfortable seconds later an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him - emotions got the better of him as he experienced the joy motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him… ever!

The joy of motherhood continued to build and, just as he was just about to lay his third egg, he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shout “James, wake up you drunken bas*ard, you’re sh*tting the bed!”

No More Floppy Lips

A sexually active woman told her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment, she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret, and the surgeon agreed.

Awakening from the anesthesia after the surgery, she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she calls in the doctor. ‘I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!’

The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality, and that the first rose was from him. ‘I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself. The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago.’

‘And what about the third rose?’ she asked. ‘That’s from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears.’

@ poster
Love your jokes 'specially the one about the sloppy drunk

@ gabry and Ray-sima
For heaven's sake,if u're not reading the joke,then don't post a komment.Its very rude and 'condescending'.
No offense

i wonda who sima is . . .

@haz
ye paripa. . all dos junk in d trunk 4 mi?? n' d blomblom 4 chest
awwww. . gurl, dats so gaby not sima

lol @d picture, i guess thats gabrywyl

I look damn fine aint it? O ya. Even Johnny Depp got soo turn on just lookin at me. Mmm Mmm Mmm!     

naaaaah, gabrywyl is surely prettier and she's got it all.

she recently slimmed down a little, she so fine that she is even contesting for miss world.

see her make-up artiste working on her,

God of mercy

Hazureal, where did you get this from?