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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / Poems For Review / Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread (8543 Views)
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Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by donifez(m): 12:21am On Nov 30, 2014 |
noble4d:[...] Those are ellipsis, Though i used it much, well not to worry,Thanks. |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by joseph1832(m): 12:53am On Nov 30, 2014 |
NOW WE ARE FREE . Darkness looms and despair creeps, The heaps of skin alike, Bound for ships ashore, A sail away we sail. Chains abound I cry, My tears and scream are loud; For wretchedness and hopelessness I see, and I wept for my darkness has begun. At last I am free Or so I thought, Suppression and repression he brings, Exploitation and stagnation he seeks, Whips and lashes he used, Now he use guns and cannons. Sorrow, tears and blood he sanctioned On any who defies his creed and law. Now we are free For free we are, In righteous rancor we applause, Only for him to laugh and merry, For he knows we are still his slaves. He imprisons us not with guns and cannons, But with ideas and economies of scale, He scales and manipulates what he most For the era of whips, guns and cannons are gone. Now the era of science and technology begins, Thus the era of neo-colonialism begins. 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by venivedivici(m): 12:55am On Nov 30, 2014 |
noble4d: If I decide to write for 'lay' readers, where would that leave the 'enlightened' ones, bruv? Also, I mainly employed run-on lines, which is what probably made the poem seem scattered, and the lines broken. Poetry isn't restrictive or prescriptive, man. |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by joseph1832(m): 1:01am On Nov 30, 2014 |
venivedivici:I suggest you write for both lay and enlighten readers. Basically anyone who reads your poem should be able to understand what you're saying. 1 Like |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by LORDI(m): 6:41am On Nov 30, 2014 |
texanomaly:skip?..I submitted my poem nah |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by LORDI(m): 6:43am On Nov 30, 2014 |
noble4d:am still new to poetry,thanks for the advice,I'll improve. |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 7:11am On Nov 30, 2014 |
[........ |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by ayozainy(f): 8:42am On Nov 30, 2014 |
noble4d:Thanks for the observations......I'll work on it |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by noble4d(m): 12:36pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
Pacesetter4lyf: Well structured poem with good choice of words. Check your stanza 2 line 3, it suppose to be wont not want.God bless you. |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by noble4d(m): 12:51pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
iyabodeh: Well written poem with simple language. There are places that coma is required e.g lines 5,7,11, 13 and 15. God bless you. 1 Like |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by noble4d(m): 12:58pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
Pdizzle: Beautifully written Bro. I like the way you organize the poem, two sestet and an octave. Thumbs up. |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by noble4d(m): 1:05pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
firestar: Why ellipses instead of coma or full stop? firestar: Why ellipses instead of coma or full stop? firestar: Why ellipsis instead of coma or full stop? Your language is simple. Organized in one octave, three quatrains, and two tercets. Take note of punctuations. God bless you. |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by timpaker(m): 1:25pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
ayozainy:Punctuations are very important in poems. (Note that I've helped you in doing that) I love your use of metaphor in verse 2 I also admire your style of writing. Keep it up. |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by venivedivici(m): 1:40pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
joseph1832: You mean you couldn't understand my poem? And no, no matter how simple a poem is, there are those who wouldn't still understand. Poetry's meaning is not in choice of words, but the meaning these words ultimately present. Personally, I don't think there are 'lay readers', or that poetry should be 'watered down' to suit a particular audience. Do you write for an audience, or for art? |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 1:43pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
venivedivici:Let's move the argument to the chatroom,to allow our patrons do the scoring. Thank you Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by joseph1832(m): 2:20pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
venivedivici:Don't get me wrong, I do understand your poem. Poetry I believe cut accross boundaries but if its not understood then of what significance is it?. It is just like we comparing Wole Soyinka's writing style to that of Chinua Achebe. Soyinka's words is laden with grammar each time I want to read Soyinka, I always have a dictionary by my side but if I want to read Achebe I really don't need the aid of a dictionary. Simple put, the lay man can read Achebe and understand but the lay man can not read Soyinka and understand. In a nutshell its just like you saying a school certificate holder should interpret Patrick Obahiagbon's grammar. To answer your question, I write for both art and audience. |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by noble4d(m): 2:24pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
Honestly, you all write beautiful poems. From significant contents to simple languages, Thumbs up. Some still need to improve in organization and appropriate usage of punctuations. I know some are new to poetry. Just keep on reading and writing them, you'll surely improve.you all write well but the best poem must be chosen. Some poems wasn't accessed because of late submission. The best written poem is! |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by ayozainy(f): 2:26pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
timpaker:Thanks for helping me correct it.....I really appreciate it. |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by noble4d(m): 2:42pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
..... |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 4:47pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
Good evening Nairaland Scores for everyone that submitted this week's assignment are to be announced now. The scores will be presented in this order. Scores for -Structure - Marks Attainable= 20 -Poetic Devices/Diction - MA =20 -Imagery - MA = 20 -Content - MA= 20 -Grammar- MA = 10 -Theme - MA = 10 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 4:56pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For Oahray: 18, 18, 18, 17, 9, 8, Total=88 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:02pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For Ayozainy: 17, 18, 18, 18, 8, 9 Total=88 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:06pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For LORDI: 18, 17, 18, 18, 7, 9 Total=87 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:08pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For Laykorn: 18, 17, 17, 18, 8, 7 Total=85 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:15pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For venivedivici :18, 19, 18, 18, 8, 10 Total=91 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:19pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For Niyisky: 17, 16, 16, 16, 8, 5 Total=78 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:23pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For Donifez:17 ,18 ,19 ,18 ,8 ,9 Total=89 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:25pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For Pacesetter4lyf:19, 18, 18, 18, 8, 9 Total=90 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:29pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For Iyabodeh:18, 17, 17, 18, 9, 9 Total=88 Ayamlaykorn 1 Like |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:39pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For Pdizzle:18, 18, 17, 17, 8, 8 Total=86 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:41pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For Firestar:18, 17, 18, 18, 9, 8 Total=88 Ayamlaykorn |
Re: Nairaland Poetry Club Assignments Comments Thread by Nobody: 5:44pm On Nov 30, 2014 |
For EverestDeBliu:19, 18, 18, 18, 9, 9 Total=91 Ayamlaykorn |
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