Funny Sergeant Apkos
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A conversation between Sergeant Akpos and his superior Commanding Officer:
Commanding Officer: Sergeant Akpos!
Akpos: Yes Saah!
Commanding Officer: Are you ready to fight for your country?
Akpos: Yes saaah!!
Commanding Officer: Are you ready to die for you country?
Akpos: Yes Saaaaaaah!!!
Commanding Officer : We are transferring you from Lagos to Borno State to tackle Boko Haram.
Akpos: I retire sah!
See More: http://ngreports.com/funny-sergeant-apkos/

Apkos And The Three Envelopes
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Akpos had just been hired as the new managing director of a large high tech London-based corporation. The Managing Director who was stepping down, met with him privately and presented him with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” he said.
Things went along pretty smoothly, but six months later, sales took a downturn and Akpos was really catching a lot of heat. After he had done everything he could and still was still not improving, he remembered the envelopes.
He went to his drawer and took out the first envelope. The message read, “Blame your predecessor.” Akpos called a press conference and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous MD. Satisfied with his comments, the press – and The City responded positively, sales began to pick up and the problem was soon behind him.
About a year later, the company was again experiencing a slight dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. Having learned from his previous experience, Akpos quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Reorganise.” This he did, and the company quickly rebounded.
After several consecutive profitable quarters, the company again fell on difficult times.
Akpos went to his office, closed the door and opened the third envelope. The message said: “Prepare three envelopes.”
Source: http://ngreports.com/apkos-and-the-three-envelopes/

Lol...that means he should resign

jokes: Nigerian Churches in 2030

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Below is how Nigerian Churches will become in 2030:
PASTOR: Praise the Lord.
CONGREGATION: Halleluyah!
PASTOR: Can we please turn our iPads and Kindle
Bibles to Exodus 20:1. When you’re done, kindly
switch on your Bluetooth to receive the sermon…
Please have your debit cards ready as we shall now
collect tithes and offering. You can connect to the
church WIFI using password Lord99087 and as for
the renovation donations, you’re welcome to
contribute via EFT or mobile banking. The holy
atmosphere is truly electric as the iPads beep and
flicker.
CHURCH SECRETARY: This week’s meetings will be
held on the various Whatsapp groups so please don’t
miss out! Wednesday Bible teachings will be held live
on Skype @1900hrsGMT. By the way, you may follow
the Pastor on Twitter for counseling and don’t forget
our weekly prayers on YouTube. God bless You All.
Congregation: Amen
http://ngreports.com/jokes-nigerian-churches-in-2030/

Funny Apkos Jokes: Our Problem

Mr. Akpos comes back from work. As he enters the sitting
room, his wife asked:
Wife: Darling! Why are you looking so sad?
Akpos: Sweetheart, I have a problem at my office.
Wife: Don’t say you have a problem. You should say
we have a problem because we are now married.
Your problem is also my problem.
Akpos: OK, we have a problem in our office.
Wife: And what is the problem, darling?
Akpos: Our secretary is pregnant for us.
Wife: Whaaat!!! The wife fainted!

Share!!! And Comment!!!
See More Funny naija jokes : http://ngreports.com/funny-akpos-jokes-our-problem/

http://ngreports.com/funny-sergeant-apkos/

http://ngreports.com/jokes-the-wise-man/

http://ngreports.com/dont-click-here-if-you-dont-want-to-laugh/

Joke:- Little Boy’s Prayer
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At dinner, a little boy offered to lead in prayer.
“Dear Lord,” he started, “Forgive our neighbor’s son, who removed my sisters clothes and wrestled with her on her bed and made her cry.”
“This coming winter,” he continued, ignorant of all the stares he was receiving,”Please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my dad’s blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom’s room when daddy is at work”
…AMEN!…. and there was silence.

Naija Joke:- Little Boy’s Prayer
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At dinner, a little boy offered to lead in prayer.
“Dear Lord,” he started, “Forgive our neighbor’s son, who removed my sisters clothes and wrestled with her on her bed and made her cry.”
“This coming winter,” he continued, ignorant of all the stares he was receiving,”Please send clothes to all those poor naked ladies on my dad’s blackberry and provide shelter for the homeless men who use mom’s room when daddy is at work”
…AMEN!…. and there was silence.
See more jokes @ http://ngreports.com/joke-little-boys-prayer/

Naija Jokes:- IBU and His two Drunk Friends
IBU and his two friends attended a party and got themselfs drunk……On there way home they chatted a cab(taxi).When they entered, they told the driver there destination..The driver noticing that they were drunk started his car and turned it off..He turned and told them that have arrived at their destination……they paid the taxi driver his money,, and he was happy that his plan worked… to his greatest suprise while IBU was coming down he gave him a sound slap….the driver thought that IBU knew what he did but decided to ask IBU why the slap and Akpos answerd “YOU ALMOST KILLED US““

http://ngreports.com/naija-jokes-ibu-and-his-two-drunk-friends/

Pilot and The Mad Man

Lol!! Pilot and The Mad Man
A pilot was transporting a bunch of madmen from Lagos to a psychiatric facility in Johannesburg, South Africa. The madmen were making noise and suddenly, one of them entered the Pilot’s Cabin;
MADMAN: Teach me how to fly a plane!
PILOT: I would, but under one condition.
MADMAN: What?
PILOT: If you can get your colleagues to keep quiet.
(5 minutes later, the plane was eerily quiet!)
PILOT: Wow! How did you get them to keep quiet?
More jokes: http://ngreports.com/jokes-pilot-and-the-mad-man-3/

MADMAN: I opened the door and asked them to go and play outside!

I and The Aboki In The Bus

I was on my way to visit a
friend in Maiduguri, Borno
state. As we were waiting for
the bus to load, i
noticed one Aboki sitting
behind the driver holding a
bag and sweating. The guy
was so uneasy, shifting from
side to side on his seat, wiping
sweat from his
face. Hmmm, at this point I no
know wetin I go think, could
this be....., well no need to jump
into conclusions yet.
Now he started to look around,
as if he was trying to access
his environments, he would
look around and look at his
watch,
look again and check his
watch, and then all of a sudden
he placed the bag under his
seat, jumped down and started
walking very fast away from
the bus.
Omo, na that time I realise say
no be only me they look this
man, as he jumped down,
everybody scattered, me sef
jump down go far place. Every
single passenger abandoned
the bus.
Five mins later, we saw the
aboki coming back to the bus
with tissue paper in his hands
wondering where everybody
went....
Na dat time I come realise say
na shit dey worry the aboki
man.
What is in your mind?

See more Jokes at: http://ngreports.com/funny-nigerian-jokes-collection/

Wizkid davido Make up Photo

[Funny Akpos Jokes] : Akpos Caught By His Principal
Akpors was caught red handed by his principal writing “MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL”
PRINCIPAL: What nonsense are you writing? [about to Slap Akpors].
AKPORS: Sir, I have not finished writing it.
PRINCIPAL: [angry] What do you mean. You are insulting me and you are telling me that you have not finished?
AKPORS: This is not what I want to write.
PRINCIPAL: So what did you want to write?
AKPORS: I wanted to write “MAY GOD PUNISH MY PRINCIPAL’S ENEMIES”
http://ngreports.com/funny-akpos-jokes-akpos-caught-by-his-principal/

Maheeda exposes her body in this new pix see more photos here http://ngreports.com/omg-maheeda-godess-of-x-release-chrismas-nde-photos/

Laugh Till MaMa Call

my dog is dead. Could there be a service for the poor creature?” Pastor replied, “No, we cannot have service for an animal in the church. But there is a new church down the road, maybe they will do it.” The man said, “Do you think they will accept a donation of U.S $250,000 for the burial service?” Pastor exclaimed, “Sweet Jesus! Why didn’t u tell me the dog was a Christian?”
*A famousprostitute died. People were confused as to what should be written on her grave. Finally, on the advice of a wise man, they wrote: “AT LAST SHE SLEPT ALONE!!!”
*A guytakes a girl on a date. She orders costly champagne, oysters, lobsters, the most expensive food on the menu. The guy asks: “Do you eat like this at your mom’s place?” The girl replies, “No, my mother doesn’t plan to sleep with me after the meal.’
*An American,an English man, and a Nigerian were on a ship. Suddenly the Devil appeared and said, “Drop anything in the sea, if I find it I will eat u, If I can’t, I will be your slave!” The American dropped a pin, the Devil found it and ate him. The English man dropped a coin, the Devil found it and ate him too. The Nigerian opened a bottle of water, poured it in the sea and said, “Na today be today, go find am!”.
*A Nigerianman fainted outside Mr. Biggs (an eatery). Soon a crowd gathered around him and someone suggested, “Give him some water, it will help.” Hearing this, the man opened one eye and said, “Commot from here, if na water I wan drink, I for go faint for water board…” (Translation: “Get lost! If I needed water, I would faint in front of a water facility)
*A mansits on the balcony having drinks with his wife, and he says, “I love you!” She asks, “Is that you or the beer talking?” He replies, “It’s me… talking to the beer.”
*A husbandcomes home from Church, greets his wife, lifts her up and carries her around the house. The wife is so surprised and excited! She asked with smiles, “Did the Pastor preach on being romantic?” Out of breath the husband replies, “No, he said we must carry our burdens…”
If you want any of your joke to be published by NG Reports contact admin
http://ngreports.com/nigerian-jokes-laugh-till-mama-call/

Joke: Why are Nigerian Girls So Greedy

Ihave been sending chat msgs to this
gal as in
“hi”, “hey”, “xup” …since 2009 but
she has
neva replied me! Today i sent,
“232252536421162” to her and after 3mins
she replied “xup handsome, pls which
network
airtime is dis?” And i replied, “its a
NOKIA
torch light serial number” …. and she blocked
me immediately. Pls have I said
anything bad?
More jokes: http://ngreports.com/joke-why-are-nigerian-girls-so-greedy/

Abuja based runz girls always coming up with several ways to hook up with Sugar daddies or Aristos. you wont believe the stress and time they put in to get a good maga.
Below… are some of the Tricks used;
LOL!!
1. They become members of high class gyms in hopes of meeting big men there
2. They attend big churches they know rich men attend
3. They attend weddings of really rich people hoping to meet really rich men there
4. They hustle to find money to travel business class so they can meet men at the business lounge and inside the plane
5. They look for money to join rich men leisure clubs
What others tricks do you think these BIG girls use to Catch rich men??

http://ngreports.com/exposed-see-latest-tricks-abuja-big-girls-use-to-catch-rich-men/

Interviewer: Where were you born?
Akpos: Lagos
Interviewer: Which part?
Akpos: What do you mean which part? The whole
body was born in Lagos.
See Full Jokes:
http://ngreports.com/funny-apkos-jokes-the-missing-part/

Akpos and Father at Graduation Ceremony
Akpors and Father at Graduation Ceremony
Akpors’ father accompanied
him to his school end-of-year
awards party.
As they sat watching amidst
loud ovations, the
beneficiaries were called to the podium for
their awards.
The following conversation
ensued:
Announcer: Best student in
sciences, the winner is Inem.
Father: (Applauds and eyes Akpors scornfully)
See correct
children!
Announcer: Best student in
commercial studies; the
winner is Ajoke.
Father: (Hisses and eyes Akpors) See correct
children.
Announcer: Best student in
Arts and the winner is Helen.
Father: (fuming with anger)
See correct children!!.
And so, all the awards were presented
without any going
to Akpors.
At the end of the event, they
left and went to the car park
but as his dad got ready to
start the car, the engine refused to respond.
He opened the bonnet and
touched a few things but his
efforts did not yield any
response so they resorted to
pushing it. Just as they got to the exitof the
school, the
rickety car sparked up.
Exhausted and profusely
sweating, Akpors rested on
the gate just as his mates were
driving off with their parents in
Hummer, Jeep, Sequia,
Infinity, Escalade, Bentley,
Lincoln Navigator, Range
Rover and other exotic cars.
All of a sudden, Akpors burst into laughter.
His puzzled father
asked,’what’s so funny?’
Amidst teary eyes, Akpors
responded, ‘SEE CORRECT
FATHERS!’.
Always share comment!! Its important…
http://ngreports.com/funny-akpos-jokes-akpos-and-father-at-graduation-ceremony/

Coooooooool jokez dude! ;DCoooooooool jokez dude!

[Funny Video]: Still dont know how to to dance “Shoki” Learn from this Fat Woman..
http://ngreports.com/funny-video-still-dont-know-how-to-to-dance-shoki-learn-from-this-fat-woman/

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.