Can you endure in Marriage you are not contented with ?

No.

No way

Why did you marry at all?
Until I'm sure I'm ready to endure anything . . . I'll not settle down.

Depends on what you are "enduring"

If there is MONEY involved then i will

It aint all about money shug. I am sure you wont stay with a man and become his punching bag all for money.

Missy B:

Where did you marry at all?
Until I'm sure I'm ready to endure anything . . . I'll not settle down.

God i Beg oh do you have any idea what you just said? just pray that God never lets you see wahala in marriage . If you marry a man who already knows you have this attitude you are finished.some men can frustrate a woman to the extent she will almost go crazy and vice versa. i don't care what it is , if i don't feel fulfilled in my marriage, i am leaving what is this life all about, That i have to stay sad, till the day i drop dead ,just for the fact that i said i do.One of the fundamental goals for the human race is to have some sort of happiness and your marriage definitely holds one of the keys to happiness and if the man shows me to the heaven everymorning and uses my head to sweep the floor , or mentally abuses me and disrespects me i should endure? Long hisssssssssssssssssssssssss some women just turn them selves to door mats .

My sister's pastor always says that you should enjoy your marriage and not endure it

well ,i will try my best but if my best is not enough i will walk out ,if there are kids involve its always very difficult to leave but no one wants to live unhappy for the rest of there life all for the sake of enduring in marriage.

Arlington:

God i Beg oh do you have any idea what you just said? just pray that God never lets you see wahala in marriage . If you marry a man who already knows you have this attitude you are finished.some men can frustrate a woman to the extent she will almost go crazy and vice versa. i don't care what it is , if i don't feel fulfilled in my marriage, i am leaving what is this life all about, That i have to stay sad, till the day i drop dead ,just for the fact that i said i do.One of the fundamental goals for the human race is to have some sort of happiness and your marriage definitely holds one of the keys to happiness and if the man shows me to the heaven everymorning and uses my head to sweep the floor , or mentally abuses me and disrespects me i should endure? Long hisssssssssssssssssssssssss some women just turn them selves to door mats .

Well said my sister. gone are those days when women surfer in their matrimonia home all because of children, i am not ready to live a slavering life with any man oooo, if u are enduring certain character like him not helping with the home keeping, it may be understood but not that punching bag, been nonchanlant about my needs, cheating on me and disrespect my rights. I will really prefare to be alone and be happy, than to be with a man and be sad for the rest of my life all in the name of endurance. A BIG HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Arlington:

God i Beg oh do you have any idea what you just said?  just pray that God never lets you see wahala in marriage . If you marry a man  who already knows you have this attitude you are finished.some men can frustrate a woman to the extent she will almost go crazy and vice versa. i don't care what it is , if i don't feel  fulfilled in my marriage, i am leaving what is this life all about, That i have to stay sad, till the day i drop dead ,just for the fact that i said i do.One of the fundamental goals for the human race is to have some sort of happiness and your marriage definitely holds one of the keys to happiness and if the man shows me to the  heaven everymorning and uses my head to sweep the floor , or mentally abuses me and disrespects me  i should endure? Long hisssssssssssssssssssssssss some women just turn them selves to door mats   .

It would do you alottta good to release those facial muscles.
And YES!! I said and repeat'' Until I'm sure I'm ready to endure . . . . I won't get married''.
For Pete's sake . . .It's one of my human rights to have my view on certain issues.
Now Listen . . . . Marriage is a long term bond and as such, it's advisable
to know your consort very well in other not to make yourself risible in ur own eyes.
You get married to Jack and after 2 years you shove off with ur kids
because he beats you.
Then over to Peter and pull out again with kids after 3 years because he smokes
and that will iterate itself  with Johnson, Kanu, Edward and Harry.
At the end of the day . . . . You're not only a disgrace to yourself but to ur kids,family and society.
It is better to remain single than go into a marriage with this mentality you have.

plappville:

gone are those days when women surfer in their matrimonia home all because of children,
. A BIG HISSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

From that part of your statment . . . It's evident that you're not
yet a mother. For your kids, you'll go extra miles.
No . . . those days aren't gone . . . there are still mothers who would
walk thru fire to ensure their kids happiness.
Plus . . . You'll keep hissing for as long as you refuse to study
ur man before saying ''I DO''

It depends what specific thing or things you are talking about when you say 'endure'

Hmm!

Missy B:

It would do you alottta good to release those facial muscles.
And YES!! I said and repeat'' Until I'm sure I'm ready to endure . . . . I won't get married''.
For Pete's sake . . .It's one of my human rights to have my view on certain issues.
Now Listen . . . . Marriage is a long term bond and as such, it's advisable
to know your consort very well in other not to make yourself risible in ur own eyes.
You get married to Jack and after 2 years you shove off with ur kids
because he beats you.
Then over to Peter and pull out again with kids after 3 years because he smokes
and that will iterate itself with Johnson, Kanu, Edward and Harry.
At the end of the day . . . . You're not only a disgrace to yourself but to ur kids,family and society.
It is better to remain single than go into a marriage with this mentality you have. From that part of your statment . . . It's evident that you're not
yet a mother. For your kids, you'll go extra miles.
No . . . those days aren't gone . . . there are still mothers who would
walk through fire to ensure their kids happiness.
Plus . . . You'll keep hissing for as long as you refuse to study
ur man before saying ''I DO''

Maybe you did not understand what i said of course it is your human right to express your views ,we all have opinions that is why we are here. and it is your God given right to invite beating upon your self at anytime also.
I think you are not married so you can run your mouth now when you are please come back here again and voice your opinion on this.
Who says i have to go to Kanu ,edward and harry? Who says i cant live alone with my kids?
For my kids i will take beatings you must be really be a funny person or belong to somewhere in yaba on the left hand side.(just assuming) cos i don't believe in 2008 a woman who can read and write English will say this.
And me staying with man who treats me badly helps my children in what way ?bring my boys up to be good men ?or turn my girls into door mats because they see there mother cant leave an abusive marriage .If you can tell me the good this will do to my children maybe i might be better enlightened.hiss again and not relaxing facial muscles.

So a woman who divorces a man because she is treated unjustly is a disgrace?
You must be a young girl, you can not study a person nobody can be studied. The human mind is very complex ,the only thing constant in life is change people change just because he was good to you for 5 years before marriage does not mean he will stay the same .Which society am i disgracing are they taking the beating or maltreatment for me. you just infuriate me with what you write . but again as you said it is your right to express your opinions and when you do get married try not to be a door mat and if you are married i wish you luck cos you will need it.
P.S
It is because of women like you that Leilah says Nigerian women will go through rubbish and i can see why.

I expected you to reply but not to bark.
You wrote too many things I consider blather but I'll only quote ma area of interest.

Arlington:

I think you are not married so you can run your mouth now when you are please come back here again and voice your opinion on this.
Who says i have to go to Kanu ,edward and harry? Who says i can't live alone with my kids?
For my kids i will take beatings you must be really be a funny person or  belong to somewhere in yaba on the left hand side.(just assuming) because i don't believe in 2008 a woman who can read and write English will say this

No I'm not married but I can induce some sense into
the heads of 'women' like you who are not ashamed to tell me they think marriage is a mall
where you walk in, buy kids what you want and walk out.
The poster didn't say '' Can you endure beating''? but he said ''Can you endure in marriage''?
and you raise your head up high to say No. What marriage is without flaw?
In one way or the other life must have been unfair to you [size=1pt]even if u try to deny it[/size]
why don't you walk out of life by strangling yourself becux u can't endure?

Arlington:

If you can tell me the good this will do to my children maybe  i might be better enlightened.hiss again and not relaxing facial muscles

You egress your marriage prolly taking ur kids
along and you ask me what effect that will have on ur kids?
Of course . . . It wouldn't give 'em joy to see you suffer but ur ability
to handle things like it's well in front of 'em will save 'em the stress they will go tru
if you had walked out.
Enlighten you on what?? Just keep waiting maybe by 3008 a good samaritan
will be doing that for me.You can hiss and glower . . . that's the most you can do.

Arlington:

P.S
It is because of women like you that Leilah says Nigerian women will go through  rubbish and i can see why.

Whatever led to her usage of that statment, I don't know and still don't care to.
The thing is for one reason or anutha, at one time or anutha
one must go through rubbish the earlier you reckon with that . . . the better.
PS:If it's your opinion to pack out of your husbands house
without giving the situation a trial becux he offends you then okay by me.
I'm not trynna force you to see things ma way . . . I didn't even notice you exist until
you quoted me and made a stupid comment which was backed up by angry smileys.
Seun please . . . I need slapping smiley.

But wetin i talk no reach to slap oh, missy b did i say something to hurt you? your only part of interest seems to look like my whole reply For block heads like you it is essential to bark at them because your head is blocked do you get the concept, and you answered my assumption you belong to yaba on the left. Again as i stated block head it is your choice ohhhhhhhhhhh stay if you can endure it all , I will not waste seuns bandwith with hopless banter with the likes of you so let us leave it at that. Endure all you can and take all the rubbish that will be given to you, have a nice life .

In addition to prayers , you will need to seek the advise of certified counselor .
Also you have to be a good manager at home to survive in Marrage

You want to tell me you will 'endure' hot beatings and slaps for the rest of your life all for the sake of 'saving the marriage'? Even if you do go for counselling, talk to him about it, etc, what if he refuses to change? You will continue on and 'endure' the moments of being treated like a boxing bag? What if the guy is not even satisfied with beating you only sha and wants a good tasting of your children or even an unborn child in your womb? You will carry on and 'endure' it? What if one day he beats you till you are black and blue, broken bones dangling in your fragile body, you are hanging on for dear life, literally and it was only by the grace of God that you are even still alive to see another day, you wan talk sey you will still 'endure' abi?

Well, I guess each to his own.

As for me, I no go take any crap like that, as in I go waka so far, the speed at which I commot will cause dust to be forming at my feet, blink and I'm gone. Fyam! Yeah, just like that baby.

When them wan tell you 'love with your heart', your head nko? That's if it is even able to function well after all the 'fun' games of floggity flog

Save the marriage indeed

Nonsense 

If Your guy can go to that extent, he is mental and should seek treatment. You should be able to know this and call for help on his behalf

ojforum:

If Your guy can go to that extent, he is mental and should seek treatment. You should be able to know this and call for help on his behalf

Ok? And what if that doesn't help? Please enlighten me, I'm just being realistic, as much as this so called 'help' can be useful, it does not always actually help, ironic huh

@ibkaye you are  a woman with her head screwed on correctly,Thank you jo.  I know the topic does not say beating but when you use the word Endurance nothing good comes with the word.

Arlington:

@ibkaye you are a woman with her head screwed on correctly,Thank you jo. I know the topic does not say beating but when you use the word Endurance nothing good comes with the word.

Abi o, when talking of endurance, you must look at everything, whether it be his 'untidyness', 'bad eating habits' etc, obviously I would not leave him for such things but when it comes to issues of beating, it is not to be taken lightly

When he eventually kills you from the beatings nko, will you be 'saving your marriage' in heaven?

Or is there something I don't know?

Arlington:

But wetin i talk no reach to slap oh, missy b did i say something to hurt you?   your only part of interest seems to look like my whole reply For block heads like you it is essential to bark at them because  your head is blocked do you get the concept, and you answered my assumption you belong to yaba on the left. Again as i stated block head it is your choice ohhhhhhhhhhh   stay  if you can endure it all , I will not waste seuns bandwith with hopless banter with the likes of you so let us leave it at that. Endure all you can and take all the rubbish that will be given to you, have a nice life .

Isn't it funny how you now use grin smileys
when you're actually hurting inside?
Some minutes ago . . . You were hissing and frowning.
Nairaland!!! Nufffin we won't put up with.
It's women like you who their boyfriend(not even hubby) beat and kick out yet they still kiss his toe
and worship the very ground he walks on.It's nairaland na . . . .
anything to boost your ego must be said.
You've got the right to make decisions and even the right to be stupid
and unreasonable . . . .na you sabi.

Haba, missy na, don't tell me you would endure the beatings!?

The poster wasn't specific and yes I'll not marry until I'm willing to endure anyfffin.

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah  
Ibkaye i know i can hold a conversation with you because you can reason  .I knew the prayer thing would come up, and women who just decide on leaving it in Gods will turn into slaves for these men i have seen so many cases that i told my self   i would never ever be like that come hell or high water.
My life is just like my statement underneath Life is like a movie you write your own endings and mine is not 6feet under with my eyes wide open .love is blind but mine wears Rayban and contacts

Missy B:

The poster wasn't specific and yes I'll not marry until I'm willing to endure anyfffin.

Hmm, but when they say endure, the word carries a whole load of things to consider

But anyways sha, everybody is different

If it rocks anybody's boat to jump from
husband's house to father's house . . . then fine and good.
Meanwhile . . . whatever character ma husband possess wouldn't
be different from what I'm used to already thus I can put up with it.

Missy B:

If it rocks anybody's boat to jump from
husband's house to father's house . . . then fine and good.
Meanwhile . . . whatever character ma husband possess wouldn't
be different from what I'm used to already thus I can put up with it.

What makes you think that a woman that leaves her house (not husbands house) as he does not own anything by himself and moves on has to go back to her parents. What makes you think that she will not move into a place of her own and set up a better life for her children. Your posts says alot. I do not even have to know you personally. It is obvious from your comments that you have set limits for yourself because you are a woman. To say that you stay in a bad marriage for your children is so outrageous I cannot even begin to explain. Let me give you a good example of a woman just like you. I really don't feel like typing this long story but here goes.




We used to have a neighbour when we lived in Nigeria. Very quiet woman and she was a christian (went to church of God mission) her husband though was a drunk who went to a white garment church. This man was the worst type of tyrant I had ever see in my life. He will beat ths his little wife and all his children when he felt like it. One night it was just too much. He got his gun out and was threatening. As with every other fight my mom started begging my dad to please go there and intervene before he kills the woman. My dad and my uncle went there and he threatened to shoot my dad. That night my dad had to bring the woman and her first son to our house to spend the night. Even as a child I would wonder why she did not leave. I am sure if you asked her she would say because of her four kids. Even with the marks on her body and the children she would just go on with life. I wish I could say that it ended happily but it did not. We moved away from that part of the estate but one day my mom came home from work (she is a nurse) and said that she left work early because she heard that our former neighbours daughter had tried to kill herself. My mom went to the private hospital where she was to see her. Basically this poor girl had gotten into a fight with her brother who simply teased her about the beatings she gets from their dad and she snapped. Ran into the kitchen threw the referigerator to block the door and poured kerosene on herself and set herself on fire. Her brother ran and called the neighbours and they helped him pull the door open and rushed her to the hospital. She died two weeks later in that hospital even though my mom begged the man to please move her to UBTH where she had a better chance. He simply refused. The story never finish o.


My mom has moved back to Nigeria now (she moved back earlier this year). She caught a bus one day (she had her vehicle shipped and it had not arrived then) and while she was sitting someone tapped her from behind and when she looked back a young man asked her if she was so and so's mother and she said yes who are you and he said I am so so and so. So my mom was how is your mother and he said that she is no longer with their dad. My mom said she almost fainted. Of course they could not talk on the bus so they exchanged numbers and she told him to come visit her with his younger ones whenever they can. I know that this is not an unusual story for nigerian families (the women refusing to leave because of the children or cultural reasons). Maybe if I had not had this experience as my parents were not fighting like tigers, I would have thought that every marriage is peaceful. The child she was trying to protect (her first child and only daughter) killed herself in such a horrible way only because her brother who was also getting the same abuse made a joke about it. Do you think that that her brother will ever forgive himself or that the woman who ended up leaving anyway will ever forgive herself. If I am counting right she is probably in her late 50s now. Her children will carry it forever and I am sure that that man has remarried. Even if they had struggled when they leave the man, she would have had the chance to heal and so will her children and maybe Seni will still be here with us today.

I know we have discussed this topic to death on this website but maybe someone who has not read any of the other posts might run into this one and realize that she does not have to endure shit. No man or woman is perfect but there are somethings that you should already know that you will not put up with.

MissyB is not married!

Thank you real women!