Few persons have had their fantasy come through just the way they
thought; When that ‘perfect moment’ is ruined by sad news its totally
unforgettable. I’m not an authority in counselling but I’m going to
share my story of how I escaped from the terrible hands of ‘ grief ’
and I know someone out there needs this. Yes, I can share my
experience because I have experienced ‘the cure’* winks*.

My mother wasn’t exactly my favourite because she was too strict but I
owe my strong faith, core values, sense of humour, hospitality and
many more good qualities I possess to her. The last time we spoke she
wanted me to come home from school and I declined, two days later, she
died *sad face*. When I got the news, my first impulse was to use the
ladies *laughs*. I cried so bad the bags under my eyes wouldn’t let me
see; It wasn’t easy loosing her, especially because I’m the eldest
child and people kept saying you’ve got to be strong for your dad and
siblings. Then came the ‘family drama’ with my relatives ( trust me
you don’t need tears to survive that, doesn’t work) and finally the
funeral; gosh! it was over but I knew it was just the beginning.

A year after her death I still couldn’t believe it was real, it seemed
too weird to be true. Then I went on a guilt trip for all the times I
refused to run errands for her, argued with her, didn’t say I love
her; Every little time I refused to show appreciation came slamming on
my face, then I wondered why it had to be me, wasn’t I too young to be
without a mother? (yea, I know what you are thinking now). I engaged
in what the psychologist termed ‘searching. behaviour’; I would search
for her face in the market, around the house, and on my way back from
church I’d wish she was sitting outside the house waiting for my
arrival or she was busy in the kitchen. Finally, I had to accept she
was gone and I moved on.

Still, one basic truth remains, I couldn’t have pulled through without
the help of my friends. It was a time when life changed, I was changed
by the experience. I had to forge a new relationship with her, a
relationship that transcended time. Today, when I look back I know
that period was when I took a step towards healing.

The experience taught me that there would be
disappointments, broken relationships, illnesses , loss of
opportunities, deaths, natural disasters and.  betrayals of trust;
However, if we accept that these situations are meant to make us
stronger and better, coping becomes easier.

Right after a loss, it can be hard to accept what has happened.
Naturally, bad situations inspire profound sadness. The best thing is
to grieve in your own way, as we all react to occurrences differently.
Think about the wonderful times you spent together ( you can’t erase
memories), know that it will get better (be positive, it sure will)
and find something that will give you comfort ( for me, it was my bible and music). Remember,
just because you are trying to overcome grief does not mean you have
to forget the person.

Finally, I believe so much in Occam’s razor which says the simplest
explanation is always correct. The best consolation I got from a
friend is this “… allow the holy spirit comfort you” and I held onto
it. Yes, it worked and it still works.

Today, I dare you to smile.

Culled : naijasinglegirl