Every_LadY: marrying for every wrong reason is the bane of marriage in our society.I have a friend that has given himself a matrimonial ultimatum to be married in the next two months.Even though his relationship is very shaky presently,the need to get married out weighs his need to marry rightly.He is politically being pressured into this.I weep for those who will allow pressure of what ever magnitude/form or nature to push them into a life long heart aches/bitterness/pains....

kulyie: i refuse all pressures from anybody to rush me into getting married because yorubas say abani da ole bani debe.meaning the people that pressurize you into getting married will not live with you in the marriage neither will they help out when the chips are down.infact you wont see anybody apart from your parents and after some time sef,they will get tired and ask you to take care of your own problems yourself. when my aunt calls i know it is about marriage talk so i dont pick,my dads friend to will come and say his own,church members too will give unsolicited advice etc.in all this i refuse to rush because i dont want to make a decision that will make me regret.too many marital woes and bad tales are littered all over the pages of newspapers,television,daily occurences i see and even the family section of nairaland.too many animals in male bodies that one needs 1oo percent dicretion and wisdom.

Moreover when i did an empirical research on why nigerian females marry,i discovered its for social and economic reasons,to have kids,satisfy their sexual desires and have kids.if that is all what marriage has to offer me,girlfriend,globalization,education,exposure and scientific revolution has made the world an easier place,adoption and or surrogate mom all the way baby because i can have all that marriage has to offer me and still be single...issshhh

Gaggi:

Marriage is a beautiful thing. Stop feeling insecure about yourself. People who see fault in everyman or see only bad marriages have a problem and that problem is from them. Change ur mindset.
It's a different thing if u don't feel like marrying but when u keep hiding under bad men and marriages fail these days, then it shows u feel insecure about yourself.
I might be wrong but i will wager a months pay that i am right.

Gaggi: Forget all these theories, life doesn't work that way. We have seen people get desperate and date for only few mnths before marriage and it was successful. We have also seen long term courtship that resulted into marriage but wasn't successful.
We have seen successful marriages that crashed after a while because someone changed.
It's silly for people to be advising others on marriage. Every relationship is different and what may cause a break up in one may unite another couple.
I know a couple where the man clubs, drinks and smokes but the friendship between him and his wife is enviable. In other homes, clubbing and drinking will lead to divorce.
Bottom line is that ladies should mind their business and stop interfering in their friends relationships and marriage. If it works out fine if it doesn't it is none of ur business. u don't need to start saying i told u and narrating the story all over. Gosh, women are so petty.

kulyie: you are completely wrong.go to a thread here in this same nairaland where lawyers are complaining of high rate of divorce.check the percentage of marriages this days,a lot are in chaos.dont be decieved by the and co husband and wife wearing the same thing portraying peace and bliss in their homes outside when they know peace is far from their homes.

Meanwhile i am not saying all men are bad,there are still some reasonable men with empathy out there so there is nothing like insecurity issues

jennykadry: I don't think Emeka and Lola's story has anything to do with compatibility but finding that balance that will help them compliment each other. I talk a lot my hubby doesn't, I am Emeka when it comes to spending ( see my closet for reference) and my hubby is Lola financially. To be quite honest, if I had married a man who spends as much as I do, yawa would gas. Most times we need a complete opposite of us to keep us in check.

nikkykay:
Nobody is talking about comparison here.
The article is just talking about how to identify someone who is desperate in getting married.
There some singles that cultivate these attitudes but they dont know dat it is as a result of desperation.
So by reading this piece, they can always call themselves to order
Even if u have short term courtship, u shld be ready to tolerate so many things from each other since u aint patient to court for long.

Gaggi:

Let them get desperate if they want. Sometimes it works out for them. At least they know what they want. Even the one's not desperate also experience failed marriages. The beauty of being desperate is that at least the desperate person knows what he/she wants from the start.
Seriously, I've met friends whom didn't look compatible with their girlfriends and went ahead and married. the marriage has and is still flourishing. Sometimes the people we see as bad for others actually change and make perfect partners. To each his own.

Gaggi:

Life is full of ups and downs so why not marriage? U have issues at work, with ur friends and family, why not with ur spouse? The world is a mixture of pleasure and pain, why should marriage be all pleasure?
Let's be realistic, marriage must have it's highs and lows. Even the 'worst' forms of marriage has its moments. The problem is when the downside outweighs the good side.
I was once an anti-marriage advocate when i was younger because i loved myself and my me time but the beauty of marriage is when u know u are now responsible for others.
Let people make their mistakes and learn from them, it helps them become better persons. That's why i respect those who have gone into it and failed and still choose to go into it again. I'm hoping someday u too will understand.

barcanista: Over time, i have observed that MAJORITY of ladies who are always anti-marriage, anti-men, criticizin those who set marital age target for themselves etc frustrated with little or no hopes of re-marryin due to age and other reasons. Most of them have had one or two failed marriage or relationship in the past-which ofcourse they always BLAME the men-as usual scapegoat. Instead of them to search for the positives of marriages and try to make them work in their lives, they are busy TROLLING stories of failed marriages and start YELLING marriage isn't worth it(most times fictitious stories). Their ultimate aim is to discourage young and promising teenage girls and young adults who has always wanted and believed in sweetness of marriage. These are people that will encourage promiscuous lifestyles among young people and often get JEALOUS and ENVIOUS each time their younger sisters, siblings and nieces get married. Shame on them all. My advice to SENSIBLE people is that it's not BAD to put a timeline for marriage, if its for the right reasons. Always believe that your marital case will be worth it and refuse to hear negative news or think negatively.

nikkykay:
I understand that we need opposite of us to make a good marriage.
I think wot the example of Lola & Emeka is trying to point out is that it maybe that Emeka isnt responsible at home financially and this is not making Lola who is wise in spending very uncomfortable.
Emeka may not be saving towards the future due to his extravagant life style as well

nikkykay:
Even when the guy beats d lady and buys gifts for her after to apologise. She shld still go ahead and marriage d buy just becos she knows d guy is right, the is d cause of wot happened for him to beat her bla bla. Meanwhile d lady is approaching 35-40
Or when the lady cheats on him and she is caught. She crises & apologises but goes back to her vommit or when she is lazy and doesnt cook well and Bobo likes food a lot. He doesnt joke with food.
He shld still good ahead and marry her just becos he doesnt want to sleep ard again, have kids so dat he doesnt use his pension to takkia of his children
Or wot r u trying to say.
It may work for 5 % but it doesnt work for 95% dat i know

kulyie: true

barcanista: hi dear been following your posts, can we be friends? do you stay in lag?

kulyie: lmao na wa o nothing wey i no go see for nairaland

kulyie: i am not an anti marriage person,afterall marriage is by choice,i am only an anti desperate for marriage person.for example you are a lady now and your partner beats you,slaps you in public and private, does not have any iota of respect for you,is completly wayward,promiscous and irresponsible,drinks a lot and you still stay in the relatiship with the hope that he will change because of desperation of being mrs lagbaja.

Gaggi:

If a man beats a woman and maltreats her and she still wants to be with him then it is more of crazy love for him than desperation. Even if a woman foolishly wants to marry an abusive man because she is desperate then that is her choice. Your only concern should be when she is a minor or mentally unstable.
We shouldn't always drink panadol for another man especially when they are grown,sane adults. It's their life.

Gaggi:

(if a woman is ready to receive such humiliation and abuse just to achieve a purpose then it is worth it for her). Maybe not for u but certainly for her. People have priorities and that may include marriage.
Whaaattttt with this statement alone,i see that there is no point engaging in further discussions with you.so this is the kind of advice you will give your sister.haaaa,otieti dabe.am through with this issue with you

Gaggi:

If a man beats a woman and maltreats her and she still wants to be with him then it is more of crazy love for him than desperation. Even if a woman foolishly wants to marry an abusive man because she is desperate then that is her choice. Your only concern should be when she is a minor or mentally unstable.
We shouldn't always drink panadol for another man especially when they are grown,sane adults. It's their life.

kulyie: lmao na wa o nothing wey i no go see for nairaland

barcanista: abi i talk bad thing again? anyway sha can we be friends?

kulyie: Whaaatttttshockedshockedshockedshocked with this statement alone,i see that there is no point engaging in further discussions with you.so this is the kind of advice you will give your sister.haaaa,otieti dabe.am through with this issue with you

kulyie: lolllll you no talk bad thing but we are friends already.hope you are female sha.if you are female,you could pm me,butif you are male dont bother.God forbid i entertain friendship with strange men on nairaland with the kinds of thigs i read here on nl that some men type 8-)

barcanista: No vex o. But i be guy and no need for stereotype na, i be sure guy, no allow one man misbehaviour take de read all guys. Anyway, i'm glad to know your type and to be candid with you, i'm a simple, free sure guy.