Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

In trying to decide whether The Nigerian Police, The Ghanaian Police, or the South African Police is the most effective at apprehending criminals. The issue is to be decided with this test - a rabbit is put in a forest and each organization has to find it. The South African Police goes in first, They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation, they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The Ghanaian Police goes in. After two weeks with no leads, they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The Nigerian Police goes in. Trust Naija police, they came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!