TV01:

Absolutely!

In fact, a man properly positioned would not even take offence at her behaviour, just deal with it appropriately. Hence my use of the word "dispassionate" - no emotion.

And to be clear, not that you don't have feelings or express them - just don't let them cloud your judgement. He can even apologise to her. Seriously, for not applying "CAR" taking Charge, taking Action and taking Responsibility.

A man must be clear on where the relationship is going at all points and end it if it becomes untenable for any reason. He let this drag on longer than it should have - no "C" - did not act appropriately or promptly - no "A" - and now we are left with a steaming hot mess. He takes "R".


TV

^{**maybe we should start with CAR? Lets just dive in, and discuss free-form, no need to over-engineer it**}

I think I see your point.

Start with it nau. I've been thinking along those lines for a while now. I think it'll make a good start.

mos123:
I'm really confused and don't know how to start. I'm not emotionally stable now, pls moderator or people incharge can help me correct any grammatical blunder in my story.
I'm into long distance relationship and we've been dating going to 2 years now.But my fiancee was being unfaithful but after so much confrontation she changed drastically, though there's still some traces of unfaithfullness but what pained me most is that she aborted pregnancy without my consent. And as a matter of fact she has been taken me for granted all because it seems I love her more than the way she loves me.
But our wedding is in couples of months. I'm really thinking of postponing the wedding or even calling it quit but because of the advance stage we're. But I'm thinking of going for the wedding and pay her back in her own coins after the wedding. Because she makes me feel bad whenever I remember. And she has promised me to be faithful and change a new leaf if I can meet her parents and she meets mine which I granted her. I'm really confused. Pls any advice from mature mind is welcome.

Bros, this lady will end up giving you what is called High Blood Pressure if you end up marrying her.

You don't have the guts and wits to handle this type of lady. You are a square peg in her round hole.

The pregnancy isn't yours, the church excuse is only to keep you shut.

Call off the relationship completely. Let the two parties count their losses and gains and move on with life.

My advice, get a gut.

mos123:
I'm really confused and don't know how to start. I'm not emotionally stable now, pls moderator or people incharge can help me correct any grammatical blunder in my story.
I'm into long distance relationship and we've been dating going to 2 years now.But my fiancee was being unfaithful but after so much confrontation she changed drastically, though there's still some traces of unfaithfullness but what pained me most is that she aborted pregnancy without my consent. And as a matter of fact she has been taken me for granted all because it seems I love her more than the way she loves me.
But our wedding is in couples of months. I'm really thinking of postponing the wedding or even calling it quit but because of the advance stage we're. But I'm thinking of going for the wedding and pay her back in her own coins after the wedding. Because she makes me feel bad whenever I remember. And she has promised me to be faithful and change a new leaf if I can meet her parents and she meets mine which I granted her. I'm really confused. Pls any advice from mature mind is welcome.

This girl was cheating on you. That is hard but we do know that with the situation in Nigeria today, in fact it even happens in some European countries- students are forced into a form of prostitution to fend for themselves.
So I am very careful about outright condemning the girls.

If the soul is left in darkness, sins will be committed. The guilty one is not he who commits the sin, but the one who causes the darkness.
― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

So basically I blame the politicians and others that made Nigeria what it is today.
She aborted without telling you- that is her right as an unmarried woman. Pregnancy before marriage is hard on the girl and has long term consequences.

The most important thing is that you FORGAVE her and went on to plan marriage.
The sad thing is that you never really forgave her. You just never realized it that you do not have a big enough heart to forgive and forget.

Let me tell you allot of men even husbands of so called virgins are or were in the same position as you. They just did not come on the forum crying.
Be a man and stand to your bride. What counts is that she has changed drastically and she promised to change and you granted her that chance. So what is confusing you now?
I have seen allot of things in my life. So called virgins that turn out to be a nightmare in marriage. Then again women that have even once been in prostitution that turned out to be the most humble and loving wife`s.
Forgiving her and starting a life with her shows character and that you are a real man. Don`T mind some men here that have Ego issues.

chaircover:


In 2 words; Forget it!
You are only setting you both up for a short married life of pain and sadness.
The LDR may have not helped issues, but that not withstanding Love and Respect and Long term commitment are lacking
You are the one getting married, not your parents and they too wont have peace if you and your wife at each others throat everyday, so any bad descsion affects them too, so just go and see them and tell them that she is not the right person for you and put your foot down

You cant enter a marriage with so much unresolved hurt and anger

seconded, thirded, fourthed....n all d 'eds that follow.
in the words of Chris Rock, kick that bitch to the curb n move on.


p.s..the pregnancy wasn't yours..

mutter:


This girl was cheating on you. That is hard but we do know that with the situation in Nigeria today, in fact it even happens in some European countries- students are forced into a form of prostitution to fend for themselves.
So I am very careful about outright condemning the girls.

If the soul is left in darkness, sins will be committed. The guilty one is not he who commits the sin, but the one who causes the darkness.
― Victor Hugo, Les Misérables

So basically I blame the politicians and others that made Nigeria what it is today.
She aborted without telling you- that is her right as an unmarried woman. Pregnancy before marriage is hard on the girl and has long term consequences.

The most important thing is that you FORGAVE her and went on to plan marriage.
The sad thing is that you never really forgave her. You just never realized it that you do not have a big enough heart to forgive and forget.

Let me tell you allot of men even husbands of so called virgins are or were in the same position as you. They just did not come on the forum crying.
Be a man and stand to your bride. What counts is that she has changed drastically and she promised to change and you granted her that chance. So what is confusing you now?
I have seen allot of things in my life. So called virgins that turn out to be a nightmare in marriage. Then again women that have even once been in prostitution that turned out to be the most humble and loving wife`s.
Forgiving her and starting a life with her shows character and that you are a real man. Don`T mind some men here that have Ego issues.

O.k... nice advice.
















Dude, if u end up marrying that girl, I'll personally fly there,or with any other NLander that wants to come along, search u out, n whoop ur dumb ass till am personally satisfied/fatigued for being inexcusably stupid.

Haha!!!

mos123:
Thank you for your response but the problem is that the wedding preparation is at advance stage and if I'm to postpone it, our parents we want to know the reasons for that. Which she didn't want them to know.

You can't live by only what she wants, I mean someone who can cheat on you is not exactly looking out for your best interests, you better think this through very well. If you feel the need to take a pause or even leave her for good do it, marriage is not a place for revenge cheating.

Why go into something you already have the plan to make her pay for what she did to you? Is pointless marrying her
because you will always think of what she did to you and that will surely affect your love for thereby leading to a loveless
Marriage. If you want a relatively happy Marriage, then get married to someone you love genuinely and not someone you
have an unforgivable personal vendetta.

You don't even love her anymore. Why punish yourself getting married just because your wedding plans are advanced and you can't call it off.

So you're just getting married to save face?
You shouldn't even have let things get to that stage since you knew you had so much angst against her in your mind.

How do you know she agreed to marry you for love? Maybe you're a means to an end for her in certain ways. Is that what you want for yourself?

how do you intend to pay her back in her own coin? Cheating on her ?
Lol. Dude that's messed up as you would end up hurting yourself and not her.

You don't cut off the ear to spite the head.
If she's marrying you for her own selfish reason cheating on her as revenge for what she did to you in the past and what she will probably still do in the near present won't make a difference to her. Just your loss all round. Sorry it is true.

If you're sure she's sincere in her promise to change then good for you. If you're not sure about her sincerity, then pls pause and make sure you know what you're doing before you cuff yourself to her but don't enter the marriage with this mindset..

You are too unstable to get married. Are you even sure she knows you guys are getting married On a serious note, you need to get the hell of of dodge. You are already processing things in an unstable and unhealthy manner. Her behavior is abusive and you are definitely showing the symptoms of an abused person. This is your chance to make the right decision. Cut her off!!!!!