by Lucas TOGAN


Standing on the second floor of my school building that hot afternoon, I saw my dad walking to the principal's office. Now, I was one of those students that stayed out of trouble for the most part; so you can imagine my shock as he had given me no prior notice of visiting. Surely, a few minutes later, I was summoned. Guess what? He had come to school with a new jamb form so I could change my course from Architecture to Computer Engineering.

"Huh, seriously?", I thought.

Being a civil engineering contractor he explained that he'd seen too many an architect reduced to rubbles just to get a design job on site.

"Lai lai, my son will not do that", he thought. (Emphasis on "my son" - not me)

What did I know at the time? Fear of pop coupled with the fact that I believed there was no course I could not pursue convinced me to shift from what I naturally liked to what I thought I could do. How wrong I was!

Fast forward 8yrs - I graduate as a computer engineer from one of the most challenging university environments known to man - LASU!

What did I know? - Nada!

What could I do? - a whole lot other than anything I was forced to load up to stack up grades in school.

I used to hate LASU for my apparent discontent with life but that was misplaced. Then I hated pop for the same reason but that was also misplaced. The man did what he thought was best for his son at the time. Not me O - his son. But not his fault, he belongs to a generation that took most of their decisions based on a myriad of prejudices and insecurities. Above all they manipulated us mostly so we become like the societal figures they most admired.

Fast forward another 3 years, my son arrives. Before birthing the kid, wifey and I agree not to put any pressure on the lad in terms of class position - he can come any position but last. We also agree not to manipulate or influence his career choice but instead to identify his talent/strengths and invest heavily there in. This is the "best" that we want to give the boy. He is our son, but first he is an individual with his own race to run. The best legacy we can give him is to equip him well enough for this life race; not the rat race.

When parents say I want to give my child the best education - what do they really mean? More often than not, they mean I will send my child to the most expensive school I can possibly afford. However, what should they mean? A parent should give a child - not their child - the best education in line with the child's natural ability. Parents need to first shed the toga of selfishness and see the child as an individual with unique abilities and characteristics. In this light, it will be easier to invest in what that individual can do.

The biggest challenge facing my generation as we become parents is to have a paradigm shift from our folks (the generation before ours). I can bet I was schooled because kasali, who is a mechanic down the road, did not go to school. So my folks figured he failed because he lacked formal education. What they fail to realise is that in a different place; and different time, kasali - albeit lacking formal education - could have become the very best mechanic he could be.

What am I saying in essence, I have agreed with wifey that our son must finish secondary education at the very least but afterwards we will only support whatever he chooses to become - concert pianist, chef, biker etc. We do not want to contribute to the rat race the way everyone seem to be doing. We want a child who will be happy making money from his natural God-given abilities. We owe him this much. You owe yours this much. They should not die with their talent/potentials the way we seem to be dying with ours.


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Wao been long I read an educative post like this last.

Seun abeg kick am go front page or what happen in 1865 will repeat itself.


Thank You

When dad comes in and says '...you must study Petroleum Engineering'.

Way back it was either medicine or nothing

My children will learn vocations/skills to mastery before heading to university. That's the way of the future.

my worst regret "forced" or "cajoled" to study a course(chemical engineering) I would naturally not take to science laboratory technology although I made a good grade throughout school studying Chen engr. still am not yet fulfilled.
wouldn't try it on my child, or advised anybody it a burden wish someone understand my plight

Well Children still need the advice of their parents.

I felt the same way about my kid`s.
all I owe them is till they finish school but when the time came, you find yourself taking a different direction.
My second daughter got the best A level result in her school and then she applied for something in the direction of bio chemistry in Eastern Germany.
She also applied for Pharmacy, which is a different procedure, in an Elite University.
She got both Uni`s and actually wanted to go to the east of Germany.
I had to sit her down and advice her that to leave a professional course in an Elite Uni to go for that course in East Germany was madness. Anyone else would jump at that opportunity. I pleaded with her to re-think it!

She took my advice and never regretted it. Is doing very well.

MY second son I supported all the years with his music. Even paid for extra classes but when the time came, he wanted to study music I had to intervene again.
-Please my son show me one musician that studied music!" Please study something else and continue with your music on the side.
He felt bad about it but I pray I gave him the right advice.

The problem I see with most of us as parents today is that we are competing with our fellow parents for vain glory instead assisting them to discover their potentials and fufill purpose.

I watched a beautiful movie recently 'Like Stars on Earth'. I think every parent should watch it. Parental guidance is very important but it should be done the right way. Every child is special and different.

Op must know that some fields of study or vocations are not viable in Nigeria. How will a biker survive in Nigeria? Any you think that it is easy for cheffs?

Imagine the op talking of concert pianist. O dikwa egwu. Is it in Nigeria?

Op even archeology as good as it sounds is not viable in Nigeria full stop.

I agree with you. Our 1st all on his own told us he wanted to be a chemical engineer when he was to select his subjects. We supported him though with reservations because we felt he was more arts inclined(he wrote beautiful literary work) and both of us parents are in the humanities. Well we put him through 5 years of expensive private university education, he graduates as a chemical engineer and he isnt interested in pursuing a profession as an engineer! turns out he has groomed himself to be a business analyst guru., developing business systems. Sigh! it isnt easy being a modern day parent I tell you. In our day, our parents would insist you practise what you trained for end of story!

Took me a while to understand what you meant by...."My/his son-not me o" "a child-not their child"....lol

Nice write up @op. If we can avoid this we would have more people who enjoy studying and doing their work when they become employed. And probably many more happy faces,bosses and employees lol.

jusRadical:
Op must know that some fields of study or vocations are not viable in Nigeria. How will a biker survive in Nigeria? Any you think that it is easy for cheffs?

Imagine the op talking of concert pianist. O dikwa egwu. Is it in Nigeria?

Op even archeology as good as it sounds is not viable in Nigeria full stop.

We have accountants,engineers,lawyers,nurses,doctors and many other profession you can think of that barely survive in Nigeria so it is general and not restricted to particular profession. But one thing is for sure if he/she enjoys and is very good at whatever they do then surviving would be least of their worries.

If s/he wants to be a biker and s/he is great with bikes,then by all means s/he should go ahead and be one. S/He could decide to offer rides to people who wants a feel of what it is like to ride on a bike(am assuming its a power bike) at a given price or driving lessons. Most times its all about packaging and the way you present what you do. Afterall a marketer can also be called a clients and service personnel.

And besides Nigeria is not the only place one can ride a bike as a profession or where these other things you mentioned are being practiced.

I think part of what the Op is trying to pass on is if we can try work/act along these lines with our kids, it would save a lot of people many years of cluelessness and hopelessness or ending up at a job they dread waking up to go to everyday. Just allow children to become who/what they want(at least for those who know) as long as it won't harm or hurt others. Your role as a parent is to advice.

If s/he is happy with it and is not harming anyone,then they(parents) are happy so will others around them. If possible even make them live longer,all things being equal.