I am presently in a relationship that is a little less than a year old. My boyfriend introduced me to his mum a few months back. She seems to like me and i call her often on the phone. My boyfriend and I both work with different oil servicing firms, so we earn good salary. My first visit to his mum, i gave her expensive fabrics and simple jewellery as gifts. This i did out of courtesy because my boyfriend lavishes money and gifts on me, so i felt that i could as well show a little love to his mother. She really appreciated them.

Without the knowledge of my boyfriend, i send recharge cards often to his mum. Minimum i text is 5,000 naira worth. Sometimes, i text more. However, she never calls back to thank me. She sends just a text or sometimes i will call her to confirm if she has gotten it after not hearing back from her.

Things took a frightening dimension some few months back. I called to say hello to her only for her to tell me that she needs money and i should send money to her. I was shocked because i know my boyfriend takes good care of her. What got to me what that she insisted on a particular amount and told me that she ''will pay me back'' when my boyfriend gives her monthly upkeep money. Of course, i told her not to worry. She then made me promise not to tell her son because if he hears, he would be really upset with her. I told her that i will keep sealed lips.

She has done made the same money request for different sums about three times after this.

The annoying part again is that she still expects me to send credit to her. It is so bad that she sends me texts requesting for recharge cards.

Two days ago, she did this again and i was so upset and i sent her just 1,000 naira worth and i explained to her that i just got back from a vacation abroad and i was a little low on cash and besides i told her i would pay her a visit at her place before the end of the year (i intend taking along with me as gifts to her bags of rice, things i got for her from my trip abroad, money, etc). She did not call or text to confirm she got the credit. When i called her, she said she had gotten it but she did not say a single ''thank you''.

This really hurt me because i have my own expenses and i also have a mother and i cannot imagine my own mum doing what she is doing.

I am really sick and tired of her extorting attitude and i am at a total loss on how to put a stop to it.

For goodness sake, her son is yet to formally propose marriage to me.

How do i put her in check?

Thanks.

1. you did too much too soon.

2. Time to tell her son, if he finds out on his own he wont be pleased with you.

Ah girl major mistake, just like Davidlyn said, that was way too much too soon. If you are just dating and she is already demanding, what more she will do when you get married to her son.

Stop digging your self a major hole, I wouls advice you not take the bag of rice to her and cut back on some of the things you got her abroad as well. Stop sending recharge cards too. Girl please this woman is already taking you as a slave, it will seem as though you are the one trying to marry her son by all means by getting on her good side.

1 more thing, you need to call your boyfriend and tell him everything at one, it will be worse if he hears this elsewhere. You are just his girlfriend not his wife.

Hmmmm, na wa oooo, dont u know u looked for wahala , u r just meeting her 4 the 1st time and u hv started buying her expensive fabrics nd simple jewellery, na u show urself now and as for the mother atimes i dont just get the way pple behave, the only way out is to inform her son and it can result into 2 things becos when he propose that will determine ur fate wiv his mother, 1. If the mother is the type that will listen to her son then u might not have problems but then second point she will show u pepper when u marry his son becos u hv already spoilt her wiv gifts,
May God help u oooo

davidylan:

1. you did too much too soon.

2. Time to tell her son, if he finds out on his own he wont be pleased with you.

True but I'm not sure her son needs to know. I'd say simply cut back on your gifts; make a stand now, otherwise if you end up marrying her son, she had a hold on you.

Meant to type " , she has a hold on you"

davidylan:

1. you did too much too soon.

2. Time to tell her son, if he finds out on his own he wont be pleased with you.

I agree.

Gosh if she's doing this now, how will it be when/if he proposes? Will you then be expected to buy her a car?

Thing is if you do tell the son and he goes to his mom and argues with her, the mom can make life miserable for you for telling him.

I do know that you had better stop telling her stuff aboiut aboard and what not

Better start pretending to be a pauper. Start visiting her in rags

KarmaMod:

I agree.

Gosh if she's doing this now, how will it be when/if he proposes? Will you then be expected to buy her a car?

Thing is if you do tell the son and he goes to his mom and argues with her, the mom can make life miserable for you for telling him.

who cares?he is nt d only fish in d river,infact i dont want that kind of mother inlaw sef

Anyone seen the pattern? Girlfriends whining about their partner's parents. How many times have you seen a man open up a thread to complain about his girl's parents?

The common thread is that of whiny girlfriends complaining about everything on the planet. N5000 worth of recharge cards? You would think we are talking of phone bills of N50,000 . .  . bloody whiny women.

Ilelobola:

True but I'm not sure her son needs to know. I'd say simply cut back on your gifts; make a stand now, otherwise if you end up marrying her son, she had a hold on you.

if he doesnt know now he will know later . . . if eventually they get married. The guy will be very upset if he finds out from someone else.

4 Play:

Girlfriends whining about their partner's parents. How many times have you seen a man open up a thread to complain about his girl's parents?  

why would they when they can easily bitch about it at beer parlors?

4 Play:


The common thread is that of whiny girlfriends complaining about everything on the planet. N5000 worth of recharge cards? You would think we are talking of phone bills of N50,000 . .  . bloody whiny women.  

even if its 5 naira,its sthg,I'm not against her spending for d woman,but the woman is not doing it right,i have a mother,and my mother will be putting d whole family to shame if she had done it wt my brothers wife,the girl is supposed to give to u,and not her asking for it

this girl in qstion has a family,and I'm sure siblings to take care off,so d woman should respect her self abeg

KarmaMod:

why would they when they can easily bitch about it at beer parlors?  

As if women don't have other avenues to do their own bitching?

Let's face it, it's either parents are more irritating when their sons are involved, as opposed to their daughter, or women are more likely to whine about parents. I think it's the latter.

busybein:

even if its 5 naira,its sthg,I'm not against her spending for d woman,but the woman is not doing it right,i have a mother,and my mother will be putting d whole family to shame if she had done it wt my brothers wife,the girl is supposed to give to u,and not her asking for it

this girl in qstion has a family,and I'm sure siblings to take care off,so d woman should respect her self abeg

I'm not as interested in the details per se as I am in the sheer volume of whining by women about their partner's parents. It's quite clear women take the lead in this.

In this case, I haven't seen much for her to whine about. Of course, this is probably another fictional story but the idea that she is miffed because she has a demanding ''mother-in-law'' is laughable. The sums mentioned are arguably small and a firm no will resolve this problem. Instead, what we have is yet another whiny woman.

4 Play:

In this case, I haven't seen much for her to whine about. Of course, this is probably another fictional story but the idea that she is miffed because she has a demanding ''mother-in-law'' is laughable. The sums mentioned are arguably small and a firm no will resolve this problem. Instead, what we have is yet another whiny woman. 

yet another joke

put yourself in this position 4play,how will u feel if ur mum starts extorting or rather asking ur girlfriend for money all d time,not fiancee or wife ,even if shes a wife?

let go of this women and their probs stuffs and bashing of hubbys parents and face reality

busybein:

even if its 5 naira,its sthg,I'm not against her spending for d woman,but the woman is not doing it right,i have a mother,and my mother will be putting d whole family to shame if she had done it wt my brothers wife,the girl is supposed to give to u,and not her asking for it

this girl in qstion has a family,and I'm sure siblings to take care off,so d woman should respect her self abeg

Thanks for your contribution.

Thats the point. My boyfriend dares not know about it because he will think that she has embarrassed him and he will be very very very very upset with her.

I know he is crazy about me and i know the level of our relationship. If he hears that she ever asked me for a dime or gave me her bank details, it is going to result in a serious strain in their relationship. i do not want that to happen at all.  

You shot yourself in the foot darling.

If her son takes such good care of her why the need for you to do so much?  Are you trying to buy her?

Nothing wrong in buying her gifts and things with your boyfriends knowledge not that you have to flash it in his face like look what Im doing for your mother!  

But everything should be above board and honest.

I suggest you stop giving her money now and pray your relationship is not finished

busybein:

yet another joke
put yourself in this position 4play,how will u feel if ur mum starts extorting or rather asking ur girlfriend for money all d time,not fiancee or wife ,even if shes a wife?

let go of this women and their probs stuffs and bashing of hubbys parents and face reality

Like I said earlier, a firm no will solve this problem. Either that or continue whining. If she wasn't whining over this, it will be something else.

Also, cut this crap about ''extortion''. The trademark of termagants is to use hyperbole in referring to people they have issues with. Extortion indeed.

the boy's mother is smart, she knows that with his job he is a prime catch for a lot of women . . . you then goofed by doing way too much too soon and she's capitalising big time.
Why do you expect her to say thank you? As far as she's concerned her son is doing you a favour so you shld be the one grateful.

LadyT:

You shot yourself in the foot darling.

If her son takes such good care of her why the need for you to do so much?  Are you trying to buy her?

Nothing wrong in buying her gifts and things with your boyfriends knowledge not that you have to flash it in his face like look what I'm doing for your mother!  

But everything should be above board and honest.

I suggest you stop giving her money now and pray your relationship is not finished

my dear,even if she bought her a car,i have no prob with it,as long as it is done from the heart and not out of "notice me to look good",and if shes going to marry her son,then she has to be buying things for d mother

to me i think buying it wt her lovers knowledge is like showing off,most of d things i do for my hubbys family,my hubby does not know about it,smtimes i don't even tell himthey end up telling him wt their own mouth

what a good mother inlaw would have done is call her sons attention to it immediately he buys sthg for her,more like "thank ur girlfriend" for me,but she wouldnt because she knows that if d son finds out it will be a big problem, infact her conscience is quite clear on her that what shes doing is wrong,hence d silence

davidylan:

if he doesnt know now he will know later . . . if eventually they get married. The guy will be very upset if he finds out from someone else.

At the risk of been labelled the typical woman against the in-law; men tend to take sides with their families (just as women do too). ok perhaps his mom's overdone it this time but what do you guys think he'll do to his mom anyway? Chances are his mom will not mention it to him and she (poster) probably shouldn't either.

@ poster
Reduce your gift and it remains between you and her; let her know you will not take it from her anymore; it doesn't have to be said but make it obvious. If she has an decency, she'll understand and stop bugging you. I'm not suggesting you be rude to her though.

KarmaMod:

I do know that you had better stop telling her stuff aboiut aboard and what not

Better start pretending to be a pauper. Start visiting her in rags

Thanks for your contribution.

I did not tell her that i was travelling abroad.
The last time i gave her money, i was actually on my way to the airport and i only decided to say hello to her since i had no plans of calling her throughout from overseas only for her to tell me that she needed money to take care of a bill that just came up. I had to quickly change a few foreign currency i had with me to naira and then i paid it into her account before leaving for the airport.


I am a modest young lady. Like i stated earlier, my boyfriend has been so good to me and occassionally gets things for my siblings. My siblings never demand anything from him. Infact, they dont even have his mobile number. The normally show their appreciation for anything he gives them via me. I only felt that i should show the same love to his mother. I never in my wildest dreams imagine she could interpret it to mean anything and also become an extortionist  

Ilelobola:

At the risk of been labelled the typical woman against the in-law; men tend to take sides with their families (just as women do too). ok perhaps his mom's overdone it this time but what do you guys think he'll do to his mom anyway? Chances are his mom will not mention it to him and she (poster) probably shouldn't either.

not always true. I take sides with the woman more often than not and i know an uncle who was even worse.

I still insist she tells the guy, there are certain things you dont hide and this is one of them.

@sunshinemi

Abeg, carry this your cock and bull story to a publisher or something.

@ Topic
Rotflmao! Iya Oko Bournvita.

Seriously, though no one can fault you for being nice in the beginning. . . you just didn't know you were dealing with a longer throat. Next times she asks for something, give her a fraction of it and just go pitifully pathetic on her "Ah mommy I am so sorry, I want to give me but by the time I did this and that, this is what remained. As a matter of fact, I am still trying to find a way to ask [insert boyfriend's name] to borrow me some money to do this and that but I am so shy because I don't want him to think I spend money anyhow"

And if that doesn't work, tell her to bugger off. . . Lmao! I am just kidding ooh. Respect your mother in law, after your husband she is your next god.

@daviddylan

thanks for your contribution

I was coming all the way from Port Harcourt with my boyfriend to meet her in the Western part of Nigeria.

I did not want it to seem like i was coming ''empty handed'' from a ''long journey''.

There was no other gift idea that sprung up to my head. I was flying down, so its not possible for me to bring her yam tubers, etc. Milk, cornflakes, etc would have seem childish. So i felt the fabrics and jewellery were just approriate.

I was just trying to be courteous and not going all out to impress her.  

LadyT:

You shot yourself in the foot darling.

If her son takes such good care of her why the need for you to do so much?  Are you trying to buy her?

Nothing wrong in buying her gifts and things with your boyfriends knowledge not that you have to flash it in his face like look what I'm doing for your mother!  

But everything should be above board and honest.

I suggest you stop giving her money now and pray your relationship is not finished

I was not trying to buy her. I was just being nice. Thank God i have a good job so i saw no harm in texting her recharge cards once a while.

Her son takes very good care of her and i am veryyyyyy sure of this.

I have never flaunted anything i got for his mum in his prescence. Infact, i am sure that he is not aware of all the things i have given his mother because he has never thanked me or mentioned it. Which means she has never told him '' thank your girlfriend for me , she did so and so for me''

He was aware of the fabrics and jewellery. I showed them to him. As a matter of fact, i was even shy to present it and he had to give her on his behalf. He did something really smart. He didnt give her until i was about leaving after spending about three days with both him and his mother. i guess he did not want her reaction to me to be influenced by the gifts. Like i said earlier, she was really nice to me.

After my boyfriend gave her the gifts, in the prescence of my boyfriend and i, she just thanked me casually and she expressed surprise ( she didnt act impressed at all, as a matter of fact, at that point, i felt maybe the gift was a bad idea and maybe she felt it was too soon since we were just meeting for the first time).

However, about a week later, she called me expressing profound appreciation and praying ''correct'' yoruba prayers for me over the phone. Let me admit, the praise and prayers she showered on me made my day   , hence, i sent recharge card numbers to her few weeks later.

4Play, be quiet jeez. I really don't see what's so unbelivable about this story. I know what my mom went through with her inlaws. her mother in law was an angel, brother and sister in laws however, Hmm anyway sha

[b]what a good mother inlaw would have done is call her sons attention to it immediately he buys sthg for her,more like "thank ur girlfriend" for me,[/b]but she wouldnt because she knows that if d son finds out it will be a big problem, infact her conscience is quite clear on her that what shes doing is wrong,hence d silence

Exactly. That's how sane mothers do.

Personally I'd change my number. Luckily that's easy for you guys in Naija

She said she had been trying to call me for weeks and she told me clearly that ''she hopes i bought things for her''.

I'd expect this from a kid

a week later, she called me expressing profound appreciation and praying ''correct'' yoruba prayers for me over the phone. Let me admit, the praise and prayers she showered on me made my day Grin Grin, hence, i sent recharge card numbers to her few weeks later.

Rofl. That's how they trap you!

Man, if my friend's grandmother prays for you eh, you'd end up building her a house. sugarcoated tongue women.

Dont fall for it anymore o!

4 Play:

@sunshinemi

Abeg, carry this your cock and bull story to a publisher or something.

@4play

You actually think i am making this all up.
You think i dont have better things to do with my time at few minutes to midnight than to cook up stories

This is an issue that is giving me serious headache.
If you have nothing serious to contribute on it, please shut up and move to another thread.

davidylan:

not always true. I take sides with the woman more often than not and i know an uncle who was even worse.

I still insist she tells the guy, there are certain things you don't hide and this is one of them.

Daviddylan

If i tell him and he confronts his mum, what becomes my fate
I could just as well as break up with him
Because i will never ever be confortable going to see his mother again