As i write you this piece, my heart is heavy and full of confusion. I decided to share it, perhaps i might get a breakthrough advice.
Few years ago, the woman i just married last November (2014) bore a daughter she told me i was the father. Young, naive and stupid, i refused to accept responsibility. Two years later (after the baby was born), i went to tender a wholesome apology and pleaded with her to give me another chance to make things right. By then, i had become a bit matured and in the elementary years of my University Education. She did forgave and accepted me back after i pleaded guilty and i did my best to ensure i made things right as promised. Through my advocacy, she returned back to school and the baby was then given to her younger sister (who had gotten married by then) to take care of. Things actually went smooth and today she's done with schooling and we just wedded about 2 months ago. The girl has grown now and i am thinking of bringing us all together as one family and taking care of the later's education from here. But to my surprise, my wife flared up. At first she said it was too early, and later when i contacted her people, they told me it was impossible to claim her. My wife never denied i was the father. I remembered when we were at level one of our marriage course, we were told it's time to share our secretes with our intendeds. When we came back that faithful day, i asked her again and she yielded in positive not ever minding i threatened to go for DNA test with the little girl. My problem now is, how do i convince my wife i do not want my baby raised by another person as an adult or her people that all i wanted is one big happy family for all of us? How would posterity judge me looking at my little girl take on her maiden name almost getting to senior secondary now? I wanted to discuss with my brother in-law just this afternoon to give me hints on the things i should be looking out to pay to the family for them to allow the girl to at least visit us during her next holiday, but he accused me of being ingrate. He frankly told me i should not have even asked for her. My people, where has this even happened? The mother is my incumbent wife and not some kind of a stranger. Those with similar experience, please come to my rescue before i 'd approach this the wrong way. Thanks

I feel your pain.
My aunty had her child when she was in secondary school and some relatives helped take care of the child then. although she is through with schooling and financially stable now, these relatives won't let her see her child.

For good 8years now she and the father of her child have been begging oh.now I had she is threatning to involve neccessary authorities.

I seriouly don't understand how these relatives think.
Op u have to get your child back.she will grow wondering why she is hated and not welcomed like the rest of the family.

@guyinpain,the lord is your strength

Thank you Zeb, at least your words and citation are encouraging. My frustration is that my wife's no even with me in this like your sister was with her husband. Aw o o h!

You should have sorted this before finalising your marriage.

I would advise you plead with them and make them see reason.If this fails,you will have to use the law and the justice system.

Yea Thorpido, you are right. I made a mistake to think marrying the mother (my long time date) would seal it all. I have seen in families were another man who marries the mother would either be given a condition to tag the baby along, or forget the marriage. I also know of other situations where it is the man intending to marry the woman that either conditions the baby comes along or should never be a part of his new family. Should i say in my case, my wife would rather they refer to my kid as bastard?

I think i will seat my wife down once again and discuss this matter with her. She still has the key to the outcome of this whole thing. I cannot initiate legal actions now because i don't yet have DNA test confirming my paternity. However, i should all the same seek legal opinion as per the position of the law in such scenarios. But before then, i should seek counsel also from the parish priest. God help me!

As far as I know that child is legitimized through your subsequent marriage.
They have absolutely no right to withhold the child from you.
You need to ask yourself what kind of woman you married.

Any mother would want her child to grow up with her. Her sister that was married is could not have the same feeling or love for the child.

I smell a big rat here. You need to be very firm and consequent.
Tell her not to come back home without the child and the DNA test.
When you love your child, you fight for it and you move mountains. You don`t just sit there asking what is to be done.

Wow.

I'm speechless.

I'm sorry OP.

Thanks Mutter. You just hit the nail on the head. I am a very private person, not wanting people to know what's going on in my marriage. But i can assure you i will be up for this without any strains on ma marriage. Ladies please keep your suggestions coming

Why will a woman allow her child being raised by someone else?and to think that the man she married is the biological father which makes it easy,is astonishing....

Something just doesn't seem right....

guyinpain:
Yea Thorpido, you are right. I made a mistake to think marrying the mother (my long time date) would seal it all. I have seen in families were another man who marries the mother would either be given a condition to tag the baby along, or forget the marriage. I also know of other situations where it is the man intending to marry the woman that either conditions the baby comes along or should never be a part of his new family. Should i say in my case, my wife would rather they refer to my kid as bastard?

Do you love her or you just married her because she bore a child for you?
I think your wife's family are doing this because they have grown attached to the child or there's something they know that you don't.Your wife is the key to the solution to this.

Of course i love my wife. In fact, in the absence of any baby, i still would have married her. But now that we have one, isn't it a good thing to be together? My marriage is still brand new, and with God, we are capable of making new babies. However, this does not challenge the fact that i feel a part of us is missing. Perhaps my in-laws know something i do not know like you pointed out

Sorry bro, but I feel that kid is not yours. You were scammed into the marriage and only your wife holds the key to all of this.

Threaten them with legal action and DNA. Be firm about it and watch the truth come out. Good luck

Considering that She didnt raise d child herself, she might not feel emotionally connected with the child, and might be apprehensive about starting it now.
.
Talk to Ur wife, and know her feelings towards the child.
U cant fight for the child unless Ur wife is fighting alongside U.

Op, so sorry for your predicament. ..

If you're igbo, the girl cannot bear your surname or be regarded as your daughter because you didn't come to claim/ pay your wife's brideprice before the baby was born. That's the culture, no court can help you...She can be brought over to stay at your house with your wife's influence though. ..

Hmmm, why will a woman refuse bringing her own flesh and blood to stay with her? Please talk to your wife, she may be hiding something. ...All the best. .

when people come on here seeking for advice on how to go about a particular situation they are facing, do you know what annoys me from comments i read "I feel your pain", "I share your pain" and my question to those posters is which pain are you sharing or feeling? are you the person in question? you're probably cooling off enjoying a nice meal or something and you are sharing someone's pain??

@op, there is a very high possibility that you might not be the father of the kid. I mean which sane mother will keep her child away from her biological father? which sane inlaws will do such? the best way to do this is to threaten divorce and get your lawyers to serve your wife with court papers. Do not put the heat on your inlaws rather put the heat on your wife, she in turn will put the heat on her people if and only if the child is yours. By the way, what part of Nigeria are these type of people from?

Thanks bennyrazz, we are all from the Eastern part of the Country. I have asked myself these questions of yours again and again with no possible answers showing up. Even though science has the final say, my wife made me believe i was the father barely three months before our wedding. When she was blaming me for raising the issue up too early according to her, she said her people sacrificed a lot to stake out the little girl and would need all the time they can get before starting discussion on the issues. Tell me if you were to be me, would you think it is out of place to even mention her coming to spend the holiday with you (and the mother) two months after your wedding? Anyway, i don't pray she becomes mine, but if that ever is true, then that will be a ground for my divorce applications to be accepted by the catholic church (marriage based on deceit of one partner by the other). I love my wife and cherished my marriage, but that would be where we 'd draw the curtains. I pray this never be true!

At the end of the day the child might bee yours and your wife is just being grateful to them for taaking care of the child. She may want you guys to give it more time like you said and she probably has this concept that you guys should enjoy your marriage first.

What my problem is with all this is your inability to make decisions and stand by it in your own home considering that you have appealed to your wife as a gentle man. You sound like a weakling. I will personally not bring this kinda topic here.

Another thing I am against is your wifes brother calling you an ingrate. What rubbish... Call me an ingrate? Thats so disrespectful man. Please man up.
I will appreciate him explaining in a civil manner why I should chill or why the family may not be releasing her soon. Thats civil and respectful.

At the end of the day, my advice is be firm with your wife and ask her to let the child come on holidays. Dont be patient... If you want your child go for it but the court may not give you if you go the hard way because you didnt take care of her. Only your daughter may decide that she wants to stay with you.

Please relax and don't let impatience make you take rash decisions.

The baby might truly be yours, maybe they want to punish you for a little while because you not only abandoned her but you also denied the baby when she needed you most(during the pregnancy).

You are on a journey to self redemption, take it in its stride while you find a way to get into the family's good book. If she's actually your daughter and they've been taking care of her despite the fact that you absconded, I don't see why you are panicking all of a sudden.

This should serve as a lesson to other guys who will want to deny a pregnancy when they know they were actually screwing the girl without protection. Next time the girl you've been screwing tells you she's pregnant for you, do not deny outrightly rather wait till the baby is born then go for a dna test.
Simple

@guyinpain, I wonder why people from the southeast are still practicing this type of tradition. It is very backward. So your wife's siblings are claiming ownership of your daughter all because you weren't financially stable when the deed happened? truth be told, they tried and you should be grateful to them, but since you have now married their daughter, they should release your child to you or better still, if you are financially buoyant, ask them how much they have spent in raising the child and pay them off. Involve your family, involve your Reverend fathers, involve your traditional leaders. If all this does not work, trace her school and get a DNA sample. If it is yours, keep on putting pressure everyday. But really, your wife's family are up to something.

MarvellousGod:
Op, so sorry for your predicament. ..

If you're igbo, the girl cannot bear your surname or be regarded as your daughter because you didn't come to claim/ pay your wife's brideprice before the baby was born. That's the culture, no court can help you...She can be brought over to stay at your house with your wife's influence though. ..
. .

I think this is what is happening.
Op, the key is your wife. Find out her reasons. You may need to involve your priest. I find it odd though that your wife isn't excited to have her family united and together at least to make up for lost years. It's well, may God help you.