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Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months - Family - Nairaland

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Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by officialmcfresh1(m): 12:12pm On May 12, 2016
In few months i'll be 29years but am yet to know who my biological father is. I'm a 400level student of university of port harcourt from omoku in rivers state atleast so I was told by my grand parents.

I was told my mum was dating my dad and she got pregnant then they both decided to abort the baby, they went to a native doctor who helped them with native drugs she took severely but the pregnancy could not be aborted. My mum almost died in this process, it was then her dad heard about it and took her to the hospital where she was taken care of.

Well. The baby was born (me). My grand dad called the family of my dad to come claim their child and take up their responsibility. Unfortunately the night to the day they were supposed to come see my grand day, my dad left to lagos and has never returned to this day.

My mum got married and has 4kids now and her family is doing very well. She left me with my grand parent who raised me. I didn't even know she was my mum till I was grown.

She never care about me from day one. I went through hell to go through primary and secondary school cause her dad is very old and wasn't working.

I did a lot of things just to survive cause somehow God was just blessing the works of my hands until I decided to go to the university. My mum and her family is well to do in every essence and we live in the same town almost the same street but not in the same house cause I still live at my grand parents house whenever I return from school.

Now my pain is. How do I find out who my dad is. All my mum knows about him is that his name is Mr Oputa Onita from Omoku community in rivers state. When I confronted her about it she told me he has an elder brother by name Mr Ikechukwu Onita and this man was fully aware of what happened but they don't reside her in omoku town and I can't even reach them.

Am living like a stronger in my town cause almost everyone knows about this story so much that I don't feel comfortable even with my younger ones anytime I go visiting.

I don't know how to go about this but I feel it's time I need to fine out who my real father is because I believe I have the right to know. I have never seen him before, not even a picture of what he looks like.

My mum doesn't care about this and she doesn't even care if I exist of not. Someone who can comfortably stay months without calling or hearing from me. Anytime she sees me it's like I make her angry cause she never smiles whenever she see me. Just that sometimes she pretends to smile but we both know we don't have that mother and son connection or relationship which I've in so many ways to bridge the gap but still to no positive output.

All this affects me emotionally but I jut pretend to be okey. This sometimes make me jealous of my younger ones even if I don't desire to be. My immediate younger brother who am older then with about 4years is done with school and is living in a two bedroom apartment, has a car which his dad bought for him while am still struggling to finish school and staying with my grand parent in my one room apartment. No matter how much I try not to feel it sometimes it just gets to me and make me feel bad. But I suck it up cus I can't complain.

Truth is I am not looking for my dad because of any financial benefits. Am almost done with school and the time I would've really needed him is past. I just want to know who my father is and at least call someone the name dad and stop me from having this emotional trauma.

Now she's been trying under pressure to see me through the university after I managed to get admission.

Please good people of Nairaland. I am confused and I need help on how to go about this, I just need to know who my dad is. He's still alive and living with his family in lagos but I don't even no where in lagos and no one would give me any concrete info about him.

Please anyone with any vital information on how I can reach him or how to go about this should pls contact me through this number 08032782297.

I have read threads on how people where able to find help in similar case like this here on nairaland and I believe I would do the same. This is the only reason am doing this.

Please mod help push this to front page so it can get to the right persons please.

Thank you very much and God bless you all.

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Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by thorpido(m): 12:26pm On May 12, 2016
Op,i pray you make a headway in your pursuit.One of the greatest things in life is to have the grace to accept some things we can't change.We may not be able to do anything about what is past,but we can definitely chart the course of the future positively.

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Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Karleb(m): 1:17pm On May 12, 2016
Just stay positive and you'll eventually find him.

But if I were you, I wouldn't bother. Of what good will do you to see a father who caredless about you for good 29yrs and your mom no even try at all, I'm sure you didn't ask to be born.


Anyways, I guess we are all wired differently.

25 Likes 3 Shares

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by doveda: 3:14pm On May 12, 2016
officialmcfresh1, try asking her peers before, during and after your pregnancy. Your grandparents should know a few of them

6 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Nobody: 3:34pm On May 12, 2016
Try and post your story in national dailies, it would help your situation immensely. Look for your uncle also, finding him might end the search because only he would know where his brother resides.

3 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by officialmcfresh1(m): 4:26pm On May 12, 2016
charix:
Try and post your story in national dailies, it would help your situation immensely. Look for your uncle also, finding him might end the search because only he would know where his brother resides.

How do I post it on national dailies
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Nobody: 4:28pm On May 12, 2016
officialmcfresh1:


How do I post it on national dailies
I have no idea but nairalanders would fill you in on details. What I know is it's the second quickest way to spread information in Nigeria after the use of radio stations.
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by dancuz(m): 5:03pm On May 12, 2016
try searching for him on Facebook best of lucks

9 Likes

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Kaira333: 7:15pm On May 12, 2016
Nawaoh ooo ur mumsi no try at all, how can a woman abandon his son just like dat? Op its well God will see u 2ru

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Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Nobody: 12:43am On May 13, 2016
Op i feel what you are going through . Its really sad , and so touching your mum didnt even play her role of a mother to you. Possibly your looks remind her of your dad undecided but its never your fault in whichever way u look.
In God's eyes u are created in his image and with God's love.
Then pertainin to your dad? How would u feel if your dad , after searching for him but refuses to acknowledge u as his son and worse off, refuse to allow his immediate family and wife know that he has a son somewhere, from a relationship in his past.
I say this because, i have an aunt shes the first child of my late mum elder sis. Way back during the civil war, so they said o.. My mum elder sis was in a short relationship with her a man, her dad. Immediately she got pregnant, he denied responsibility and dissappeared into thin air. She then gave birth to my aunt and transffered the child to granny , who took care of her . While my mum sis came to lagos, to start a new life
She got married to a different man, she had five kids for her new husband.. She left my aunt with granny for so many years. Until aunty became an adult, granny told her , her real mum is in lagos. She was heartbroken but she then came to lagos to meet my mum sis, her real mother.
My mum sis was not happy seeing come into her matrimonial home that she has been maintaining for years. But she had to choice than to answer her question. Which is who is my dad and where is he?
My mum sis gave her , after much confrontations, the dad's name and where he stays but warnes her , she may not like the reception she will receive there. She said no problem., as long as hes her dad, he wont be heartless like her .
She went to the address . The secuirity guards at her father's gate asked her who is she looking for? She called her dad's full name.. They asked her, is she on appointment cause he rarely sees strangers without appointments.. She said no appointment but its urgent and life threathening she sees him.
They told her to leave the gate and the premises.. In the midst of arguements, her dad came out, hes a rich old man.. He asked whats the problem, why the noise? She quickly rushed to meet and said shes the daughter of , she mentioned her mother's name and that shes his child way back then.
The way he dragged her to the gate roughly and he snapped at her .. Look i dont know yohr mum or whatever name u called.. So u want to ruin my home right? Thats how u girls without ambition go around looking for rich men to fleece. If u love yur life, i dont want to ever see u here again! What rubbish! Daughter indeed.. Secuirty pls take this lady out of here .. And i dont want to ever see her here again.. Orelse your jobs are over.. My aunt was so stunned as she dragged out of his compound, she cried till she came to.my mum's house to complain and share her pain.. We all felt for her cry but she has to move on.
Mother does not want her, likewise dad too.. She stayed with us for a while. Before she made up her and relocated to the north to start a new life, away from everyone.
So my dear op, its tough but why stress yourself much on searching for yur dad. If yur dad wants u ,he will search for u all these years.
Be closer to God, He will care for you more than what u can ever imagine.
Relocate from yur area after graduating. God will see u through.
Am an orphan but God is taking good care of me, so well.. That i lack nothing, except my parents love and guidiance when they were still alive.. God bless them.
AFter their deaths, i relocated .. A new life , a new begining... And new friends.
Do the same, hold onto God and see if your past will not be buried as one of those pasts.
Its well with your soul, amen.

242 Likes 20 Shares

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by southernbelle(f): 6:02am On May 13, 2016
^^^ that's exactly what I'm thinking, what if your father doesn't accept you or doesn't even want to have anything to do with you? But it seems your mind is made up so i'll advice you not to make a loud entrance into his life in such a way that his other family will be aware that you are the illegitimate son (like via dailies, radios, e.t.c.) even nairaland is a bit too much because you never know who's reading but since you are here already, it's fine. Search for him subtly please and never expect too much.
Goodluck

13 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by focus7: 7:42am On May 13, 2016
One can understand how you feel but my own advise for you is to be focused on completing your education and trust God to get you a good job thereafter you can now face the search for your father. If you find him now you may still appear to him as a distraction just as mum sees you but when you get a job of which I pray God will give you in time, he will value you when you two meets. You have survived the stigma for years you can still survive it for few more years just be focused and be prayerful, God will stand by you to vindicate you.

10 Likes

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by 4tunebest(f): 11:11am On May 13, 2016
Seek God's face for direction.
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by lushbae: 11:38am On May 13, 2016
I really feel your pain because i have been there. I know how hard i tried, yet when i met them, all my expectations were cut short. I'll advise you brace up and look towards the future. Believe and trust Jesus for a way forward because He alone can give you the peace you desire. I love you and Jesus loves you more. smiley

32 Likes

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Meringe(m): 1:54pm On May 13, 2016
Amelian:
Op i feel what you are going through . Its really sad , and so touching your mum didnt even play her role of a mother to you. Possibly your looks remind her of your dad undecided but its never your fault in whichever way u look.
In God's eyes u are created in his image and with God's love.
Then pertainin to your dad? How would u feel if your dad , after searching for him but refuses to acknowledge u as his son and worse off, refuse to allow his immediate family and wife know that he has a son somewhere, from a relationship in his past.
I say this because, i have an aunt shes the first child of my late mum elder sis. Way back during the civil war, so they said o.. My mum elder sis was in a short relationship with her a man, her dad. Immediately she got pregnant, he denied responsibility and dissappeared into thin air. She then gave birth to my aunt and transffered the child to granny , who took care of her . While my mum sis came to lagos, to start a new life
She got married to a different man, she had five kids for her new husband.. She left my aunt with granny for so many years. Until aunty became an adult, granny told her , her real mum is in lagos. She was heartbroken but she then came to lagos to meet my mum sis, her real mother.
My mum sis was not happy seeing come into her matrimonial home that she has been maintaining for years. But she had to choice than to answer her question. Which is who is my dad and where is he?
My mum sis gave her , after much confrontations, the dad's name and where he stays but warnes her , she may not like the reception she will receive there. She said no problem., as long as hes her dad, he wont be heartless like her .
She went to the address . The secuirity guards at her father's gate asked her who is she looking for? She called her dad's full name.. They asked her, is she on appointment cause he rarely sees strangers without appointments.. She said no appointment but its urgent and life threathening she sees him.
They told her to leave the gate and the premises.. In the midst of arguements, her dad came out, hes a rich old man.. He asked whats the problem, why the noise? She quickly rushed to meet and said shes the daughter of , she mentioned her mother's name and that shes his child way back then.
The way he dragged her to the gate roughly and he snapped at her .. Look i dont know yohr mum or whatever name u called.. So u want to ruin my home right? Thats how u girls without ambition go around looking for rich men to fleece. If u love yur life, i dont want to ever see u here again! What rubbish! Daughter indeed.. Secuirty pls take this lady out of here .. And i dont want to ever see her here again.. Orelse your jobs are over.. My aunt was so stunned as she dragged out of his compound, she cried till she came to.my mum's house to complain and share her pain.. We all felt for her cry but she has to move on.
Mother does not want her, likewise dad too.. She stayed with us for a while. Before she made up her and relocated to the north to start a new life, away from everyone.
So my dear op, its tough but why stress yourself much on searching for yur dad. If yur dad wants u ,he will search for u all these years.
Be closer to God, He will care for you more than what u can ever imagine.
Relocate from yur area after graduating. God will see u through.
Am an orphan but God is taking good care of me, so well.. That i lack nothing, except my parents love and guidiance when they were still alive.. God bless them.
AFter their deaths, i relocated .. A new life , a new begining... And new friends.
Do the same, hold onto God and see if your past will not be buried as one of those pasts.
Its well with your soul, amen.
People get hearts ooo. No matter what reason someone shouldn't deny his child. Your blood, yoir flesh. Hmmm. Na wa oo.

@op, try ur luck, if he accepts you, good, if he doesn't, move on. Work hard and pray hard, they will all look for you.

16 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Nobody: 2:10pm On May 13, 2016
Meringe:

People get hearts ooo. No matter what reason someone shouldn't deny his child. Your blood, yoir flesh. Hmmm. Na wa oo.

@op, try ur luck, if he accepts you, good, if he doesn't, move on. Work hard and pray hard, they will all look for you.


Very stoned hearts. I feel for her.. cry i pray she finds peace and acceptance wherever she has pitched her net.. Thats why i can never make a mistake of gettin pregnant by mistake. Its either i want the baby or We want to have a baby.
Its not easy to be rejected squarely on the face from someone, one feels he or she should naturaly love one back.. Its takes a strong heart and mind to face such and move on like nothing happened...




Op, uv gone through enough emotional trauma.. U dont need more at this stage.
Or possibly take a break to make yurself happy for a long while before embarking on the journey of looking for yur dad, so that yur heart can take whatever happens.. And u move on.

Best of.luck.

8 Likes 1 Share

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by jadelyn007(f): 2:11pm On May 13, 2016
You think if your dad wanted you, he wouldn't have come for you all these while? You think if you were some rich young guy your dad wouldn't come claiming you?
Better mind your business and better your life, don't go looking something that doesn't exist.
Better to assume that he is dead than deal with the agony of rejection when you eventually meet him

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Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Nobody: 2:23pm On May 13, 2016
jadelyn007:
You think if your dad wanted you, he wouldn't have come for you all these while? You think if you were some rich young guy your dad wouldn't come claiming you?
Better mind your business and better your life, don't go looking something that doesn't exist.
Better to assume that he is dead than deal with the agony of rejection when you eventually meet him


Word..#
Pure reality!

9 Likes

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by officialmcfresh1(m): 9:49pm On May 13, 2016
Thanks a lot guys for your advice

3 Likes

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by buoye1(m): 12:03am On May 15, 2016
jadelyn007:
You think if your dad wanted you, he wouldn't have come for you all these while? You think if you were some rich young guy your dad wouldn't come claiming you?
Better mind your business and better your life, don't go looking something that doesn't exist.
Better to assume that he is dead than deal with the agony of rejection when you eventually meet him
I don't have to type any thing again you just did all what was on my mind...

Mr... Get rich/sucessful and see the wonders of how both your mum and Dad will Search everywhere for you ....Good luck bro

17 Likes

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Nobody: 7:52am On May 15, 2016
officialmcfresh1:
Thanks a lot guys for your advice
Mr man, try and look for your dad, if u finally find him and he accepts u. fine, if not, its fine too. at least u tried. God bless you.

5 Likes

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Nobody: 11:25am On May 15, 2016
Awwww. I hope you find him.
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Firmjudge(m): 6:12pm On May 27, 2016
I am also pained because i am in your shoes but in my case my mum has been my pillar.
no one not even any relative is talking about him no matter how I try yet they know

anyway I wish you well and may God see us through.

14 Likes

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Olukokosir(m): 9:33pm On May 27, 2016
Sm er ..I dnt knw my mama buh I knw she go sabi me
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by Nobody: 9:33pm On May 27, 2016
Y
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by jerryunit48: 9:33pm On May 27, 2016
God help you
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by helphelp: 9:36pm On May 27, 2016
This one is strong oooo
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by lovat(m): 9:37pm On May 27, 2016
Obj doesn't know his father but he became President. Get on with Life biko

3 Likes

Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by blazetitov: 9:37pm On May 27, 2016
Plead with your mum. Na only she knw who got her pregnant. Continue begging her, at least she can drop a hint that you can work on. All d best.
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by BABANGBALI: 9:38pm On May 27, 2016
I don't know why lalasticlala's name keeps coming to my mind.





















Abi na him born you ni?
Re: Help! I Don't Know My Father. I Will Be 29 In Few Months by demo4ril97(m): 9:38pm On May 27, 2016
This is obviously tragic a story, well I hope he will definitely meet you someday perhaps coincidentally just be a good man don't give up on your vision (I mean knowing who your father is), pray to God and he will surely suprise you.

Shalat 2 mah NL'ers it really nice passing by.

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