Marriage, as most know it is regarded as the end goal of a relationship between (usually) a man and woman, and it normally has some sort of religious component. Marriage is regarded as "sacred". Weddings are planned that few really want to attend; pointless dresses are worn never to be seen again; awkward family photos are taken.

Being married supposedly conveys respectability. We regard it as "settling down", indicative of stability. For some reason we even congratulate people who are already in a relationship for, basically, signing papers (or just changing Facebook statuses) and calling it an engagement. Indeed, well-known people have already done so: Oprah Winfrey unashamedly remains unmarried to her life partner of 20 years; powerful Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina have children, adopted and biological, but remain unmarried. (Don't tell me shebi dem be westerners).
Thus, why get married at all?

MARRIAGE MYTH 1: It's tradition
One response usually involves tradition, religion, family and/or culture. None of these is sufficient, however, for marriage – or any activity. To act solely according to what families want would be not only archaic but immoral:
Love shouldn't be completely unconditional, but it also shouldn't be a gun to the throat. It is our lives, and compromises can usually – but not always – be reached.
Getting married for the sake of your religion also seems problematic: aside from those who are not religious, actions aren't right just because a religion demands them.

MARRIAGE MYTH 2: It's a public declaration of love
The second argument you often hear is that marriage is a declaration of love. It's about "showing" we're settled, our partners are "off the market", and we're in a position to build a family. Most of this, however, is a display for others. Plenty of monogamous couples maintain stable, healthy relationships without rings or certificates to "prove" loyalty.

Indeed, who are we trying to prove our love to? Our proof should be our treatment of each other: anything else is addition, not basis. There is more to be worried about if we need to "secure" someone, like a raging animal, with a ring or certificate or other public stamp.

Furthermore, as high divorce rates show, being tied to one person doesn't work out for many, especially for the rest of our lives. Compromises can be made. Couples now SWING/CHEAT, maintain open marriages, and so on. But this should only make us question why we're still devoted to the "one true love" ideal in the first place.

MARRIAGE MYTH 3: Married couples make better parents
Of course, there's evidence to support the idea that married couples make better parents and families than, say, single parents. Some of this is because there hasn't been much research into alternative family structures, although that will likely change since trends are changing.

All that said, it's not marriage alone that gives couples magical parent powers: it's the stability of a home, a good relationship, a great support basis. Certificates and rings don't do that: mature, honest, good people do – for themselves and each other. And, further, the assumption that every adult or couple wants children is false.

MARRIAGE MYTH 4: You get better legal and financial benefits
There's no denying this as perhaps the best of the terrible reasons for marriage. Married couples get certain legal and economic benefits we otherwise can't get.
Any marriage solely for tax benefits needs help. It doesn't tell us anything about the relationship itself, save that the couple want benefits from the state. It's not that much different from the infamous "green card" scenarios, where citizenship is obtained or a visa extended due to marrying a local. But this, too, undermines what many think marriage is – or should be.
You could argue that the state needs some way to recognise stability. If marriage is the only way, then perhaps the state and I can nod and wink as we pass each other our papers for our mutual benefit. Similarly, this assumes the state should be involved in marriage at all, which itself requires serious consideration. If as adults we can decide how to spend the rest our lives, we can, on a case-by-case basis, say, draw up legal documents.

NOTE: My point isn't eradication of marriage, but rethinking marriage's importance and assumptions. Keep marriage, if you so want, but it shouldn't hamper or restrict others from benefits or equal treatment, especially when there appears so little reason for having it.

Disclaimer: To my cute ladies, am not sorely responsible 4 watsoevr u may think on this write-up.... HaPPY VAL in advance..

I Never Marry... I'll stay here, read comments and learn

PromiseAndre:

MARRIAGE MYTH 2: It's a public declaration of love
The second argument you often hear is that marriage is a declaration of love. It's about "showing" we're settled, our partners are "off the market", and we're in a position to build a family. Most of this, however, is a display for others. Plenty of monogamous couples maintain stable, healthy relationships without rings or certificates to "prove" loyalty.

Indeed, who are we trying to prove our love to? Our proof should be our treatment of each other: anything else is addition, not basis. There is more to be worried about if we need to "secure" someone, like a raging animal, with a ring or certificate or other public stamp.

Furthermore, as high divorce rates show, being tied to one person doesn't work out for many, especially for the rest of our lives. Compromises can be made. Couples now SWING/CHEAT, maintain open marriages, and so on. But this should only make us question why we're still devoted to the "one true love" ideal in the first place.

Rubbish! So Buhari comes tomorrow and says he is the president because he is a better administrator than Jonathan and we should just take his word for it right? The processes for establishing legitimacy are not merely formality but a way to protect society from anarchy. Yes granted legitimacy is not always equal to a good person(s) but it's better we have streamlined processes so we can weed out some craziness. Bad marriages do not mean that the declaration is faulty that is a failing of the people involved just like bad teachers doesn't mean formal education is a "myth".

The Op has got some points though. but i disagree with Myth No 2.

PromiseAndre:
NOTE: My point isn't eradication of marriage, but rethinking marriage's importance and assumptions. Keep marriage, if you so want, but it shouldn't hamper or restrict others from benefits or equal treatment, especially when there appears so little reason for having it.

I'll start with your conclusion - why does marriage require re-thinking, be that in terms of it's assumptions or importance? What is inherently wrong with the institution, that leads you to even question it - making no valid assertions and providing no concrete evidence? And you voiced the word eradication, denying it as your intent, only to claim "there appears little reason for having it"? Please prove or demonstrate your assertions!

PromiseAndre:
Marriage, as most know it is regarded as the end goal of a relationship between (usually) a man and woman, and it normally has some sort of religious component. Marriage is regarded as "sacred". Weddings are planned that few really want to attend; pointless dresses are worn never to be seen again; awkward family photos are taken.

- Not every r/ship between a man and a woman demands marriage. Indeed, marriage is not demanded or forced, it should be mutually sought.
- Be it religious or civil, marriage is as defined - it's purpose is unchanged.
- And why are you speaking of marriage in a perjorative sense ?

PromiseAndre:
Being married supposedly conveys respectability. We regard it as "settling down", indicative of stability. For some reason we even congratulate people who are already in a relationship for, basically, signing papers (or just changing Facebook statuses) and calling it an engagement. Indeed, well-known people have already done so: Oprah Winfrey unashamedly remains unmarried to her life partner of 20 years; powerful Hollywood couple Brad Pitt and Angelina have children, adopted and biological, but remain unmarried. (Don't tell me shebi dem be westerners).

- Yes it does, and it should - the respectability that comes from making a lifelong commitment to your spouse and any children you may have
- If you think marriage is as simple as changing your facebook status or merely a matter of "siging papers", you are totally adrift
- "Unmarried to her life partner". How illogical. Brad and Angelina are married

PromiseAndre:
MARRIAGE MYTH 1: It's tradition
One response usually involves tradition, religion, family and/or culture. None of these is sufficient, however, for marriage – or any activity. To act solely according to what families want would be not only archaic but immoral:

Good religious or cultural norms are indeed sufficient. The emphasis should be on individuals understanding why and choosing to follow them. Especially where such norms are beneficial to individual and societal flourishing. Not archaic, tried and tested, proven. Not immoral, both moral and beneficial

PromiseAndre:
Love shouldn't be completely unconditional, but it also shouldn't be a gun to the throat. It is our lives, and compromises can usually – but not always – be reached.

If it's conditional, it's not love (you will know women !). But love has never been demanded before marriage. Love is evidence of your commitment to your marriage. Get it right.

PromiseAndre:
Getting married for the sake of your religion also seems problematic: aside from those who are not religious, actions aren't right just because a religion demands them.

Answered previously - but are they wrong because a religion demands them? And which religion demands or forces marriage?

PromiseAndre:
MARRIAGE MYTH 2: It's a public declaration of love
The second argument you often hear is that marriage is a declaration of love. It's about "showing" we're settled, our partners are "off the market", and we're in a position to build a family. Most of this, however, is a display for others. Plenty of monogamous couples maintain stable, healthy relationships without rings or certificates to "prove" loyalty.

Hush! It's not a "mere display". It's a public declaration of your marriage and it's intent, reciprocated by the community who acknowledge your commitment to each other and your part in ensuring the continuation and flourishing of that same community. You'd be well served to get some culture in you and understand the reason for cherished traditions.

PromiseAndre:
Indeed, who are we trying to prove our love to? Our proof should be our treatment of each other: anything else is addition, not basis. There is more to be worried about if we need to "secure" someone, like a raging animal, with a ring or certificate or other public stamp.

Answered

PromiseAndre:
Furthermore, as high divorce rates show, being tied to one person doesn't work out for many, especially for the rest of our lives. Compromises can be made. Couples now SWING/CHEAT, maintain open marriages, and so on. But this should only make us question why we're still devoted to the "one true love" ideal in the first place.

You "question" without exploring or fully understanding - and the fact remains, you can have any relationship you choose, why trouble yourself about marriage?

PromiseAndre:
MARRIAGE MYTH 3: Married couples make better parents
Of course, there's evidence to support the idea that married couples make better parents and families than, say, single parents. Some of this is because there hasn't been much research into alternative family structures, although that will likely change since trends are changing.

What are these alternate family structures - and what about them - in lieu of any research - suggests they may be even as good as traditional marriage? Are you suggesting we experiment with childrens lives and wellbeing to demonstrate the suitability of these alternate family structures?

PromiseAndre:
All that said, it's not marriage alone that gives couples magical parent powers: it's the stability of a home, a good relationship, a great support basis. Certificates and rings don't do that: mature, honest, good people do – for themselves and each other. And, further, the assumption that every adult or couple wants children is false.

You are utterly confused. You both assert and rebut yourself in succeeding sentences and then go off at a total tangent

PromiseAndre:
MARRIAGE MYTH 4: You get better legal and financial benefits
There's no denying this as perhaps the best of the terrible reasons for marriage. Married couples get certain legal and economic benefits we otherwise can't get.
Any marriage solely for tax benefits needs help. It doesn't tell us anything about the relationship itself, save that the couple want benefits from the state. It's not that much different from the infamous "green card" scenarios, where citizenship is obtained or a visa extended due to marrying a local. But this, too, undermines what many think marriage is – or should be.
You could argue that the state needs some way to recognise stability. If marriage is the only way, then perhaps the state and I can nod and wink as we pass each other our papers for our mutual benefit. Similarly, this assumes the state should be involved in marriage at all, which itself requires serious consideration. If as adults we can decide how to spend the rest our lives, we can, on a case-by-case basis, say, draw up legal documents.

Silence already. Apart forn the fact that some countries do not grant married couples any benefits - and some are even starting to penalise them - this is not the "best of the terrible" reasons" for marriage. The state should rightly support what the community endorses - marriage - in it's own long term best interest. And any state that doesn't do this is remiss

PromiseAndre:
Disclaimer: To my cute ladies, am not sorely responsible 4 watsoevr u may think on this write-up.... HaPPY VAL in advance..

Learner and confusionist


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