We were all seated on the
white chairs, facing the pulpit.
Something is different today.
Beautiful flowers adorned the
pulpit, ribbons were used to
decorate the whole chapel; red,
yellow, blue and most
definitely, white. Sometimes, I
wonder why I’ve never seen
them adorn the chapel in
black. Oh, I get it. Black is evil,
the devil is black, charcoal is
black and everything about
black isn’t right – black sheep,
blackmaria, black book, black
magic.
Bro Mike was standing at
the pulpit. He was going to say
the opening prayers first
before Sister Comfort took over
for praise and worship.
Secretly, I hoped Bro Mike
would make this quick. He is
notorious for spending endless
hours to say a prayer to God.
Instead of making intercession
for Nigeria as a single prayer
point, he would proceed to
pray for the president, the vice
president, the first lady, the
senators...then the women, the
men, the children, the
pregnant women...then the
black men, the tall women, the
fat traders......Chai! Usually at
the end of such prayers,
everyone would be exhausted.
But on this day, I guess a new
spirit overtook him; he spent a
couple of minutes thanking
God and praying that the
revival service would be a
success.
Sister Comfort took over.
Boy, I swear this girl has an
angelic voice. Na these kind
girls go sing better songs when
they reach heaven. She would
be adorned in white garment
with a gold crown on her head,
singing and clapping, day and
night. My type of person
would sing small and take
excuse; I’d tell the angels I
wanna find something to eat.
But on this day, she wasn’t
adorned in all white. Rather,
she wore a long brown gown
that made her resemble a 16th
century nun. Or worse, a
trader in the 70s. No single
flesh was seen as the cloth
covered up every available
space. She wore no jewelries.
Then her shoes...a pair of
black akpola you’d think she
just left an orthopedic hospital.
Lord, please have mercy on
me. Instead of focusing on the
worship session, I was busy
sampling the sister’s archaic
fashion.
Time passed and she was
done. I looked at my watch.
Na wa o. In two hours time,
Manchester United would play
Everton. I no fit miss that
match o. I’d have to give the
brethren an excuse to leave.
Just as I was about figuring out
the best excuse to come up
with, he mounted the stage.
Yes, the most revered preacher
– Bro Titus. He had an orange
pair of trousers on him, a black
shirt, red tie, and a brown
coat. His shoes were grey in
color and the tips pointed to
heaven. He was the minister
on this third day of the revival
service. He started off by
shouting: “someone would
have a new story to tell
today”. And the congregation
shouted AMEN. He repeated
the statement three more
times, each time changing his
style of saying it, while the
piano man played special notes
to fit into the whole style.
He told us the topic for
discussion: Attaining Holiness
by Resisting the Devil. That
was OK. I guess I liked the
topic. So I sat back and
relaxed, getting ready to know
the techniques for avoiding the
devil. He talked the more. He
was a good teacher, I must
confess. He knew the right
words to say to get the
audience hooked and attentive.
A sister at the far right side
was already shedding a tear.
He proceeded to mention the
vices we should avoid in order
to resist the devil: smoking,
drinking, lustful looking at
women, lying...Hold up, e be
like say this guy dey target me
o? How come he is just
mentioning all the vices I
engage in? He continued:
wearing evil clothes (which one
come be evil cloth?), gluttony,
listening to worldly music. And
then he stopped. He wanted to
stress on the last point. He
spoke at length on what he
meant by worldly music. He
talked about Beyonce, Nicki
Minaj, Reggae, Pop...and then
he said what got the blood in
my veins boiling. “All yea that
listen to Rock and Roll, get
ready for damnation. Rock and
Roll is the most evil of all these
worldly music. All yea listeners
have a place in hell. If you
rock and roll, then you lose
your soul”. O boi, this preacher
don touch the tail of a python
o. Which kind talk be dat one?
He continued saying that Rock
and Roll originated from the
devilish dances of the West
Indies. At this point, I’ve had
enough. I stood up abruptly
and headed for the exit door.
This is pure heresy! Sister
Uche blocked me. I made a
sign indicating I needed to
urinate. She allowed me to
leave and I headed straight to
the main road, flagged an
okada man down and went
home. I left behind my hymn
book and tracts. When I
reached home, the match had
already started and it was half
time. I took a bottle of chilled
Coke and proceeded to listen to
Californication by Red Hot Chili
Peppers, one of my all time
favorite rock bands. Phuck that
preacher and whatever he
says!
Rock and Roll (often written
as rock ‘n’ roll) is a genre of
popular music that originated
and evolved in the US during
the late 1940s and early 1950s,
primarily from a combination
of African-American genres
such as blues, boogie woogie,
jump blues, jazz and gospel
music, together with Western
swing and country. When have
any of these turned to devilish
dances of the West Indies?
There is the Rock ‘n’ Roll dance
which is an acrobatic dance
routine (Lindy Hop) involving
two people (a couple). I never
knew the devilish dances of
the West Indies involved only
two people. Over time, the
genre evolved around the
world to give rise to the more
encompassing international
style known as Rock Music.
The fact that there are crazy
rock stars that would gladly
pull their pants on stage,
smoke a blunt in front of the
crowd and speak profane
words about Jesus, doesn’t
mean every rock star is the
same. Neither does it give any
preacher any right to twist the
history of rock, just to achieve
the singular aim of
discouraging their followers
from listening to the genre of
music. I mean, for God’s sakes,
there are crazy musicians in
other genres of music too.
It is imperative for
preachers (or public speakers
in general) to do adequate
research before mounting
stages and podiums to speak to
an audience because in all
honesty, not every member of
the audience is easy to fool.
Eventually, Manchester
United won the match. I
celebrated the victory by
treating myself to a meal of
fish barbecue plus two bottles
of Star Lager Beer while
listening to In The End by
Linkin Park. And before I
went to bed that night, I also
listened to Toxicity by System
of a Down. If I’d have to lose
my soul by listening to rock ‘n’
roll, then I’ll gladly part ways
with my evil soul. Capisce!

published by: www.feelgoodinconline.com/blogs/